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“Dang that’s one ugly cat!”
I just celebrated my 34th birthday this past week. Hard to believe it but I don’t feel a day over 25. That was the age my car insurance rates went down so after that last milestone I kinda lost track. We celebrated with a ice cream cake and some heart-burn inducing pizza with my kids. My wife’s present to me was an official Goonies t-shirt and a promise she’d watch Deathproof with me after the kids went to sleep. A huge sacrifice on her part as she can’t stand most of the b-movies I hold so dear (The Warriors bored her to sleep.) Surprisingly she liked Tarantino’s take on the 70’s grindhouse genre, so there’s still a remote chance I’ll be able to get her to watch Troll 2. “Yeah honey it’s just like Deathproof except with Goblins!” So all in all I’m a happy 34 years young most of which I spent watching these wonderfully horrible movies that I’ll probably still be writing reviews for when I’m 100. Of course my brain will be cryogenically frozen at that time and we’ll be living in a baron wasteland full of zombie mutants but that’s how dedicated I am.
In the movie Demons 2 Sally doesn’t have such a great birthday experience. In fact her birthday would be ranked as the end all worse birthdays ever. She can’t find the perfect big shoulder padded dress to wear and her punk rocker ex-boyfriend is supposedly about to crash the party sending her into hysterics. Oh and to top it off, her television spits out a demon with a striking resemblance to Jerry Seinfield who possesses her so she can spread the demon virus to all her fellow big 80’s haired party goers. That generally puts a damper on anyone’s birthday celebration.
Trapped in a high security apartment hi-rise, the demons run a muck after Sally sinks her teeth and claws into the assortment of bad actors and bad singers. To hear them drone on and on with the birthday song, it’s no wonder she went all evil demon on them just to shut them up. Meanwhile on another floor a little boy apparently abandoned by his parents is left alone to fend for himself in his apartment. Eesh is this kid living on saltines and tap water? Usually kids make it out of these type of films but little Tommy gets almost immediately turned into one mean midget hell spawn and takes off after a nearby pregnant resident, Hannah, played by Nancy Brilli. Hannah must have learned some killer self defense maneuvers from her lemas class as she fights the little demon runt with everything she can throw at him including some convenient jars of acids. Who keeps jars of acid in their apartment? She should have thrown one of those tacky 80 neon signs she has hanging up all over her apartment therby riding the world of 2 evils. The midget demon turns into a even more space saver friendly ghoulie monster who is about as scary as animal from the Muppets thus ending up squashed and filleted by the hormonal soon to be mom. Don’t mess with a woman who craves pickles and ice cream at 3 in the morning.
Hannah’s fiance, George is trapped in an elevator with a middle aged hooker when this demon outbreak occurs (and really who hasn’t had this happen?) George goes all Bruce Willis on them and escapes through the elevator shaft using his cunning survival business school training skills to climb out and search for his pregnant wife.
While also this going on upstairs, beef headed workout addicts in the lower levels get in their last reps just before the demons come in to help spot them and rip them a new six pack. Hank “McLarge Huge” the building’s gym instructor, rounds up his workout survivors and through a barrage of constant yelling leads his spandex and speed-o wearing survivors into a last stand in the basement’s parking lot. That just goes to show you that the guy that’s yelling the loudest might not be the smartest one to follow.
I forgot to mention the odd side story of these teenage punks driving around town who crash their car in a minor fender bender. Not sure how it’s related to the demon tenants other than the one guy driving is the jerk ex-boyfriend who never shows up to the party anyways, but it certainly add …well…uh…at least another 10 minutes to the film.
While not quite the enjoyment level of Demons 1, this movie was still a good b-movie experience and of course has the hilarious dubbing and odd monster grunting voice overs like Demons 1 which is always a plus. So grab your friends by the arm and go rent Demons 2. Just don’t forget the DVD and get it accidentally switched with your kids copy of Thomas the Tank Engine. Oh wait that never happened to me before.
Keep an eye out for…
– midget demons kids
– canine companions from the underworld
– extreme building rappelling
– death by gym equipment
– rabid muppets
– death by tanning
– overly interactive TV
– lots of demon goo
– spontaneous demon generation
– gratuitous singing of the birthday song
Joe: [to his friends, upon finding a hideous, lethal supernatural creature lying dormant in a dark spooky alley] “There’s no danger!”
rated 7.8 out of 10 for the movie
Check out the trailer for Demons 2