Zombie 4: After Death

“I just don’t know if I have enough pockets to stop them all, but I’ll try!”

Oh Italian zombie film makers how I loath thee. Zombie 4 “Oletre la morte” which I believe is Italian for “warning this movie may cause you to poke your eyeballs out” or “I put too much garlic in this meat sauce” is your typical Italian horror zombie film. Loads of gore and absolutely no resemblance of a plot broken up by moments of poorly dubbed dialog. It’s a sort of Madlibs of movie making. “(name) please don’t touch the zombie. It will turn your (body part) (favorite color)”

From what I could tell a group of scientists that believe there’s a cure for death setup camp on a Caribbean island (where all the anti-death people go for vacation.) A local witch doctor’s daughter dies from some unnamed cancer and so he opens the door to hell for vengeance on the scientists. Usually Hell is only open weekends and fridays. Then his wife who has a strong resemblance to an early 80’s Whitney Houston has some sort of epileptic dancing seizure and turns a major PMSing she-demon with bad dental work. She wipes out the whole island, a lot of whom are packin’ heat but have slower reflexes than a senior citizens at a dodge ball game. Most of them getting easily wiped out except for a little blonde girl, Jenny, who somehow escapes just as her parents get munched on. Those toddler survival classes really did pay off. Then we leap forward 20 years and she’s all grown up and heading back to the same island on a speed boat with her own A-team wanna-be mercenaries! uh…why? who knows.

Cut yet to another scene (head spinning yet?) and a whole other group of scientist lead by some corporate adventurer extremist are cave exploring and stumble upon a book of the dead. Like most typical guys reading appliance instructions he reads them out loud and doesn’t really pay attention to what it says unwittingly unleashing the walking dead. Just a warning out to all us guys If you find a book of the dead on an abandoned island in a evil cave…don’t read it out loud or your stomach might end up as a snack pack.

The mercenary group holds up in a poorly constructed hospital as zombified islanders start to surround them. You know as soon as you see a zombie it might be a good idea to just get back on the boat and go home, but this brain trust decides the ramshackled hospital with it’s open windows and doors would make a much more fortified last stand. At least the hospital had the standard issue emergency kit and crates of machine guns and hand grenades. Now that’s a way to unionize a nursing staff.

Well I thought I had seen the worse of the worse and this definitely ranks up towards the top. The dialog reminded me a bit of “Demons” …another Italian horror film I reviewed a while back. The difference is that was a fun campy horror film and this is more along the lines of waterboard interrogation. So watch with caution and only tell them your rank and serial number.

Keep an eye out for…

– a lady with her eye out
– G.I. Joe zombies
– gratuitous use of candles
– face gouging
– shoulder chomping
– stomach ripping
– demon dental work
– zombie islander skeet shooting
– beam balancing
– ill-timed romantic moments
– leisure boating

The Mario Brothers movie was scarier than this, and by far more Italian.

rated 3.1 out of 10 for the movie

Check out this well acted scene from Zombie 4