We hope everyone has a great Memorial Day Weekend. We’ve compiled a list of safety tips in order to ensure your day at beach, cabin or camping trip is a safe and relaxing one.

beach trip memorial day

Beach Safety Tips

1. Avoid getting cuts. The blood in the water attracts sharks and genetically enhanced piranha.

2. Never travel out to the deeper water by yourself….especially if you’re naked and it’s late at night.

3. Avoid beaches near radioactive toxic waste dumps. You’ll have mutants (ants, fish, crabs, etc)

4. Never go sailing. Sharks are notoriously attracted to sailboats full of laughing teenagers.

5. If an eerie glowing fog suddenly appears..then leave. It’s full of vengful ghosts or cross dimenional monsters.

camping memorial day

Cabin Rules

1. If you discover an ancient book bound in human flesh don’t read from it outloud.

2. The cabin may contain a flesh eating virus so bring handi-wipes.

3. Bring an axe, shotgun, and a chainsaw for those pesky demons, also garbage bags for easy clean up.

4. Don’t investigate the cellar if you hear noises or send down the friend you like least.

5. Avoid the woods. They’re likely possessed or are full of redneck cannibal mutants.

Memorial day Crystal Lake

Camping Safety Tips

1. Pay close attention to stories told around the campfire about  a little boy who drowned in the lake. It’s probably true and he’s back for his revenge.

2. Avoid having sex or playing hard rock music. You’ll likely be killed by a masked psycho faster than you can say “I’ll be right back”

3. Don’t stand outside the cabin watching your friends fool around. Remember that peeping toms get the hatchet first.

4. Don’t hide in the tool shed. This is a buffet of killing.

5. Ladies don’t wear high heels. You’ll be chased in the woods a lot and likely tripping for no reason. Pack some good sneakers instead.