It’s October, and you know what that means!  Lots of black and orange decorations, scary movies, pumpkin carving, going out for parties, and trick-or-treating!  I’ll be here to provide some tips to keep you safe and help you enjoy the season.

Today’s tip:  Movie Party Politeness

Halloween is a wonderful time for friends and family to enjoy each others company.  You know, my friends love coming over to the trailer-house, but some of them don’t like horror movies.  I find this a shame!  If I even take a step towards the television, then it’s all of a sudden, “Oh, Donna, sorry, but we need to go, we have to do laundry!” regardless of when they arrived.  After I’ve gone through all the trouble to make a meal that compliments the film and decorated the entire trailer…I mean, do you know how much effort it takes to create a Texas Chainsaw Massacre themed table-scape?  Do you?  I didn’t think so!  I had to go to seventeen different veterinary clinics and three graveyards to get enough bones to make a mock-up of the bone chair for the centerpiece!  Makes my blood positively boil, I tell you what.

How to turn a Party Pooper into a Party Pleaser:

Have some light music on in the background (The Carrie soundtrack is highly deceptive), and invite them to go ahead and fix a plate.

The last party I hosted, I was serving Mrs. Voorhees’ Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes.  They were a little put off by the baby portobello hockey masks I had carved for garnishes, and Nancy said she lost her appetite when she realized the meatloaf was person-shaped, but they dug in soon enough.

If they ask why you’re not eating, tell them you’re too excited to eat right now.  Give it about 15-20 minutes, and they’ll be sleeping like babies.  Make sure that when the drugs wear off, you have them firmly strapped to the couch or chairs with duck tape, and start playing the movie.  Try to keep the tape from having contact with too much skin, as you don’t want to cause any damage.  You may not get to pay much attention to the plot, though, having to deal with them struggling, and still being a good host/hostess and offering them movie snacks.

That night, Nancy just wouldn’t hush; I had to shush her over and over.  And it’s not like I didn’t let them blink or anything; they just weren’t going to leave until the movie was over.  It’s not my fault it was Triple Feature Thursday.  I still haven’t gotten a thank you card from either one of them, either, and I even made breakfast when the sun came up.

Tips for Guests:

If you don’t want to watch horror movies at a Halloween, you’re better off suggesting party games or seances than trying to ditch early.  Have your Ouija board ready, or start playing charades.  Above all, be considerate to your host/hostess.  Perhaps try suggesting another movie, or just humor your host. After all, they have put in a lot of work for you to have a good time.

My own husband can’t stand horror movies, but he does a lot of night fishing, so I get to watch whenever I want.  I’ll call my cousin, and we’ll watch together while on the phone.  I’m hoping she comes out soon, I’d love for her to see the neighborhood.  I’ve even invited the postman to come for lunch and a movie, but he’s always so busy what with delivering mail and all.

Tips for hosts:

If you know some of your guests don’t enjoy horror, guide them in easily with a few oldies but goodies that don’t present themselves as horror until it’s too late to turn it off, they’re already involved in the plot!  A few titles to get you started:  The Devil’s Hand, The Gorilla, The Last Man on Earth, The Omen, Bless the Child, The Ninth Gate, or Shock.

Of course, distract them when the title sequences are playing, or the jig is up.  Should they protest once the horror portion of the plot becomes apparent, a meat tenderizer to the back of the head should silence them long enough for the rest of the guests to finish enjoying the movie.

Once everyone else leaves, bring the party pooper back around with some strong coffee and smelling salts. Tell them they fainted when there was blood on the screen.  If they complain of a headache, give them an asprin, and send them on their way!  The wonderful thing about traumatic head injuries is that they sometimes cause extreme personality changes, and the pooper might turn into a pleaser who absolutely loves horror movies, almost as much as you do!