Lady Terminator

It's a 5 gun salute of b-movie cheese.

The queen of the ocean has been snagging and bagging guys back in her indonesian castle. Of course, no man can satisfy her so she kills them all mid-act by chomping off their twig and berries. Her years on the thigh master finally paying off. A former scandnavian weight trainer shows up to try to satisfy her but after a long night of ardvarking he removes a snake from between her legs that turns into a dagger thus vanquishing her to the ocean for 100 years. I think that’s same sex ed video they showed in catholic school. She vows she’ll return for revenge on his great granddaughter but only if she’s a Sheena Easton wanna-be in leg warmers. As luck would have it, a 100 years later it’s the 80’s and a self proclaimed anthropologist Tania (Barabara Ann Constalbe) is researching ocean queenology. Sadly it’s her college major and she has a paper due. She finds a books from a creepy old Mr. Miyagee that tells her the location of the dagger is just off the coast so they set out for scuba diving and some boatside swimsuit modeling. The boat is wiped out by a surprised tidal wave and she is held captive in a secret underwater cave by a frisky Craftmatic mattress until she posseseed by a snake eel. The worse first date ever.

She emerges nude from the ocean as the newly crowned queen demon but now with built in eye lazers and a hunger for blood. She bags a few beach bums and tasers them just before trading her thigh master in for some leather pants and a machine gun. Tani-terminator goes on a murderous killing spree wiping out just about everybody. Erica (Claudia Angelique Rademaker) is the bad pop singer she’s been trying to kill that’s been wearing her magic amulet. Fortunately for Erica the ocean queen has bad aim and walks pretty slow due to restrictive hot pants. A dimwitted cop tries to protect her from her  spandex driv-e bys but ends up getting most of the police force and some mall walkers wiped out instead.

Plenty of 3B’s and yup even nudity  in this one, which is surprising for a movie out of indonesia. Guys there are more likely to get excited seeing exposed ankles. Roadside Attractions:  Multiple shagging deaths, electric eyeball tasers, car crash and burns, helicopter explosion, road rage, eye popping, cop tossing, death by shopping, burnt bimbo netting. Retroman says hunt down a copy and don’t forget to wear your hot pants.

“Jack and I have seen more dead bodies then you have hot dogs so shut up and eat!”

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