if one goes out they all go out!

Black Christmas (1974) is a cute movie. How scary can a movie be whose only psycho is Margot Kidder, and her mental health bender wasn’t until 22 years later.

Yawn.

The plot is, well, the same as the original, plot-o-tron-3K-tastic. A group of college girls are being killed by a psycho killer, who enjoys taunting them with obscene calls. Perfect for Blood, Breasts and Beasts!

This is how the real Black Christmas (2006), scores in the 3 B’s …

Blood:

It delivers in a 5 gal. bucket. Car windows are completely spray splattered. There’s enough spilled to allow the characters to slip ‘n slide around in it. And just for plan old fun gore, there’s several blood goo covered eyeballs that are removed, and ate.

Mmmmm, mmmmm! Just like Donna Bleed makes, ‘cept in a better movie than the original.

Breasts:

Two Perfect Pert Perkies™, and a SUH-weet shower butt shot! Tugger, Little Toot Tugboat’s big brother, says, “They’re Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbeautiful!”

The wonderfully talented Crystal Lowe, aka Hot Party Girl #3 in 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, gave of herself so that we might enjoy this movie. God bless you, Crystal. God bless you.

Beasts:

Two, ACTUAL, psycho freaks in this one. First is Billy Lenz (as played by “Yellow Bastard” Roark Jr. before Hartigan took him out) and his Daughter-Sister™ Agnes. That’s right, daughter-sister, as in, this here movie has got some mother/son love going on.

Only 100% Grade-A, psychos here.

Rating (on it’s own merits): 3 Cheese Wedges

Rating (versus the original): 5 Cheese Wedges

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