Comments Off on “Let’s Scare Jessica to Death” rest stop review edition
What is it about isolated houses on creepy islands that draw evil like flies to potato salad. It’s a wonder anyone moves out of the city at all with all these free range demons and masked psychos roaming the hills. Some blame urban sprawl but it’s probably just to keep up ridiculously high townhouse prices.
“Let’s Scare Jessica to Death” just furthers this notion that country living ain’t safe for city folks. Jessica (Zhora Lampert) has just been released from a mental institute and her husband thinks driving her out to a fruit orchard in a hearse might do her some good.
They take a ferry out to an island that has a town filled with geriatric mall walkers that don’t take kindly to strangers. Jessica and her husband, Tim, also bring along their hippy 3rd wheeler (Kevin o ‘Conner) mostly so he can napalm their apple orchard with more chemicals than were dropped on Vietnam.
They discover the house is already home to a pale skinned squatter (Maricelliol Costello) who looks a bit like a young Reba Mcentire. She even plays guitar, so that means no TV, plenty of apple pies and sing alongs around the kitchen table. That is at least until the peppermint Schnapps wears off.
Soon Jessica starts to hear voices in her head while she’s frolicing out in a lake infested with floatie dead girls. (I caught one of them on a spinner lure once.) Later on, their undead house guest puts the moves on Tim. He’s a balding unemployed cello player so you can see the obvious attraction. Tim thinks Jessica has already slipped back into wackoville so he makes the sign of the two headed wombat with the creepy skinny vampire on the living room floor. It’s like making love to a red headed pipe cleaner. Pretty soon everyone is doubting Jessica’s sanity including Jessica. She starts seeing dead antique dealer just washed up onshore (a hutch appraisal gone horribly wrong) and shows off her new pet rat that just got mysteriously slaughtered in a pickle jar. Everyone start getting vampire hickies and Jessica is left alone to fight the neck sucking ghost while fending off groping old men in fishing vests. Creepy atmosphere tied together with hippy folk singin’ makes this movie ground chuck full of weird. Roadside Attractions: casket cello cases, marco polo water sports, vampire hickies, chemical spray frolicing, hippie hating townfolks, geriatric flash mobs, rowboat workouts. It’s Carnival of Souls meets Woodstock without the laced brownies. Barry Goodall says to check it out and be sure to wash your apples before eating.