Oct02

APE (Attacking Primate Monster)

posted by doktor | October 2, 2011 | 70's movies, B-movie Reviews, B-movies, Review by Doktor, foreign

Tagline: Ten Tons of Animal Fury Leaps from the Screen

Year: 1976 Runtime: 87 min

Writer: Paul Leder & Reuben Leder

Starring: Rod Arrants, Joanna Kerns, Alex Nicol

Let me start off by saying I don’t know how A*P*E is an acronym for Attacking Primate Monster. That was what IMDb listed as the title in Asia. Considering this movie, that acronym is perfect.

Anyhow, I just wanted to say that. Now to the review proper.

Not to be outdone in the Kaiju proliferation race, A*P*E is Korea’s version of King Kong, henceforth in this review to be called Korean King Kong. Korean King Kong is exactly like American King Kong, but different. Mostly, Korean King Kong’s filmmakers didn’t have the budget for special effects, mostly. This translates as some poor schmuck in a gorilla suit, forced perspective and G-scale models.

So, add this to the list of films made because someone knew someone who owned a gorilla suit.

Korean King Kong also has a special super power, Maggie Seavers Fever. The symptom, I mean ability, of his super power allows Korean King Kong to home in on the precise location of Maggie Seavers no matter where she is—so long as she’s Seoul, South Korea, of course.

Oh, yeah, by the way, Maggie Seavers is the blonde love interest for Korean King Kong.

Speaking of South Korea, how does anyone live there? That question is not a slam against the people, or the land or anything like that. My question comes from my genuine concern about the explosive nature of everything in South Korea: concrete and steel buildings, cashier checks, rock, pot noodles, lambs, everything. Even the water explodes.

No wonder Kim Jong Il is so pissed off. I would be too.

I don’t want to sound like I’m solely picking on the Koreans in this film. There are far greater defuses, namely the US army. Specifically, why in the hell would helicopters buzz Korean King Kong? Did the army forget that they can hover well out of reach? Well, uhm, duh. The answer is obviously yes, since they buzzed Korean King Kong instead of hovering safely out of reach. Idiots.

Finally, to return to our ingenue, whereas I loved Maggie Seavers in Growing Pains, her acting strength is not as a Scream Queen. Every time she goes into her frantic shrieking, I wanted to claw my ears out. As I’m on blood thinners, I decided it would be better to just mute the TV.