Long Weekend

An Australian couple parks their old car at a campsite and go tromping through the wilderness while getting the smack down from mother nature in 1978’s “Long weekend.” Marcia (Briony Behets) is the whiny self absorbed wife, while John Hargreaves plays Peter, a surfer dude whose more worried about his dog than their relationship. They’ve been bickerin’ ever since Marcie had an affair which ended with an abortion and Peter hopes a trip to a secluded beach might help smooth things over. Long WeekendNobody in town had ever heard of their secret vacation spot so they end up running over a kangaroo and listening to their mandatory Men at Work cassettes instead. After sleeping the night in the jeep they discover that the beach was right next to them to whole time. Apparently, nobody noticed that big blue ocean thing that whole time.

Most of their camping days are spent choppin’ down trees, spraying insecticide and leaving garbage everywhere. Marcie smashes some eagle eggs, shoots a sea cow and Peter gets in a quick round of target practices with a flock of seagulls. Not a couple you’ll likely see at a PETA rally. Fortunately Mother nature fights back and Peter gets dive bombed by a bald eagle (…Heck YEAH AMERICA!!!) and then gets sucker punched by a fruit hoarding possum.

At night they hear ghostly cries of the dead sea cow and Marcia starts going completely bonkers taking off with the jeep leaving Peter alone with just a harpoon and his overwhelming body funk to defend himself. The sea cow carcass shows up again for the solo-beach party but even closer to camp than before and Peter has to torch it like a deep fried turkey. Meanwhile, Marcia who senses danger about as well as a bowl of oatmeal, gets stuck in a heap of spider webs only to be harpooned by Peter who mistakes her for a land roving sea cow. Consider the divorce final.

Long WeekendPeter in his grief wanders back through the woods, gets attacked by some woodchucks and ends up getting side swiped by a semi-truck on the highway. Thus putting an end to the worse ever honeymoon and the longest anti- littering campaign in film history. I’d hoped they’d get gnawed to death by a rare red-back sloth, or maybe smothered by rabid Koalas instead. There’s just so many other painful ways to die in Australia (#25 on the rejected Australia tourism slogan list.)

Barry Goodall says talk a walkabout and check out “Long Weekend.” You’ll be thankful your relationship isn’t as bad as these two drongos and remember to  always keep the harpoon safety on during domestic disputes.

roadside attractions

  • Surfer skeet shooting
  • Bald eagle attack
  • Possum mugging
  • Sea cow stalking
  • Harpoon to the throat
  • Littering
  • kangaroo hit n’ run
totals

6

blood

BLOOD

A few good gushers but most of it’s from a wounded sea cow.

7

blood

BREASTS

Australian topless sunbathing, it’s mandatory.

9

beast

BEASTS

Snakes, sea cows, eagles, spiders, ants, birds, kangaroos, and a possum. It’s like a prison break at the Zoo.

8.00 OVERALL
dripper

Check out the trailer for “Long Weekend”

trailers

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