You thought you were so edgy, in your black makeup and hair dye.  Listening to the Sisters of Mercy and The Cure, clutching your Sandman comics.  You watched “The Hunger” over and over, repeating that first scene when Bauhaus plays the club where David Bowie and Catherine Deneuve go to seduce their next yuppie bloodfeast.  You thought it was the hottest, sexiest vampire movie ever.  Then you got old, put that black makeup away, traded in Gaiman for “Twilight,” and collected like 600 cats.

Well, put down that copy of “Fifty Shades of Grey,” bro, because I have a movie that will get that blood boiling again, for drinking.  Forget “The Hunger,” Daughters of Darkness is the greatest lesbian vampire movie ever.  I defy you to find a more erotic and pretentious vamp flick.

And no, “Vampire in Brooklyn” does not count as erotic no matter how strongly you feel about Eddie Murphy’s mullet.

Newlyweds honeymoon in a depressing and ominous concrete hotel in Belgium.  They are deeply in lust, but the groom (John Karlen of “Dark Shadows” and “Surf Ninjas”) has some seriously complex mother issues and refuses to let the bride meet his “family”.  They meet the simmering Countess Bathory (played with a magnetism rivaling Marlene Dietrich by legendary French actress Delphine Seyrig).  Strangely, the hotel manager swears he met the Countess as a child and that she looked the same then as she does today.  The Countess drives around in a hotrod and is accompanied by a sexy lady-Renfield sporting a pageboy and an ominous red ribbon around her neck.  The Countess becomes obsessed with the young couple, for food, probably, but also maybe for sex?

An odd mix between Euro art house pretension, with the obligatory Freudian shots of ocean waves banging against seawalls, and the grindhouse mandate for boobs, DoD is like “Twilight,” if it had been directed by a sexually depraved and heavily inebriated Stanley Kubrick with Dario Argento as his cinematographer.  The movie looks ravishing, saturated in unsettling browns and reds.   The MILFy Countess is mesmerizing.  Despite a muddled and bizarre story structure (seriously, though, there are boobs and lesbian vampires so why are you even following the plot), this is a hidden 70’s trash gem.  Check it out, and you will compelled to pull out that old “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” 7’ and reapply the black nail polish.

The Lessons from “Daughter of Darkness”:

-Never trust anyone in a neckerchief.

-So you think your neighbor at the resort might be a thousand year old vampire who feeds on the young to attain eternal life and she wants to seduce you?  Just go with it.

roadside attractions

  • Lesbian Vampires, obviously
  • Long shots of oceans representing lust (or maybe fascism?)
  • The color red
  • Absolute lack of sparklepires
  • Soviet brutalist architecture
totals

5

blood

BLOOD

Not particularly gory, unfortunately. But everyone wears a lot of red.

9

blood

BREASTS

How is it that nubile blondes in 70’s exploitation flicks can shower without getting their hair wet? PS – Lesbian vampires, duh.

7

beast

BEASTS

While the film is ambiguous when it comes to the whole “is she actually a vampire?” business, Lady Baths is probably one of the best aristocratic-style bloodsuckers I’ve seen.

8.9 OVERALL
dripper

Check out the trailer for “Daughters of Darkness”

trailers

dripper