Tagline: Survival the ultimate test…

Year: 1987 Runtime: 120 min

Director: Y.K. Kim & Woo-Sang Park

Writer: Y.K. Kim

Starring: Y.K. Kim, Vincent Hirsch and Joseph Diamand

Are old enough to remember the 80’s? If so, welcome to generation existential. Oh, and you can skip the next paragraph unless you just want to walk down memory lane. If not, let me set the scene for you that is the back drop to Miami Connection.

Florida in Movies/TV circa1980s

Playing for the bad guys there’s Cuban refugee Tony Montana running llello (that’s cocaine to you and me) in Scarface. On the good guy side there’s Sunny Crockett, Ricardo Tubbs, Martin Castillo and the rest of the united colors of the Miami Vice taking out the trash. Burger King was still leading the world in Whopper sales. Walt Disney started programming the robot Mickey Mouse death squads on the much less expensive, yet far more user friendly Commodore 64.

As accurate as these depictions of Florida are, they are sadly lacking in the darkest secret of Florida during the 80s. To this day it is still only mentioned in hushed tones, but that whisper is a lion’s roar compared to the previous silence surrounding this plague. The plague of the Ninja.

For a millennia Florida was the mecca for the Ninja. Not just any old run-of-the-mill ninja. These are extraordinary ninjas, specialized like their brethren the Tree Ninja, Cave Ninja, Beach Ninja, Teams that form Giant Ninja, Topless Female Ninja, etc. These are the Miami Motorcycle Ninja (MMN) otherwise known as Llello Ninja. They power was so great, their vengeance so swift and frightening, that it took master martial artist Y.K. Kim to bring their evil into the public consciousness.

It took Angelo Janotti, master guitarist, to bring the fight against the Ninja onto the charts and into the hottest discotheques. But don’t take my word for it. Download the tracks, “Against the Ninja” and “Friends,” for free here.

The story follows a band of friends, Mark (Y.K. Kim), John (Vincent Hirsch), Jack (Joseph Diamand), Jim (Maurice Smith), Tom (Angelo Janotti) and Jane (Kathy Collier). By day they’re mild mannered college students, by night synth rock gods, Dragon Force. Both diurnally and nocturnally (as needed) guardians of peace with black belts in Tae Kwon Do. As you can easily guess, Florida (and possibly the world) is not big enough for Dragon Force and Llello Ninja.

Much ass is kicked.

Before you write this off as just another mindless action film, know this: it’s not! A subplot involves Jim, who has been looking for his father. It is more heart wrenching than Oliver Twist, Little Orphan Annie and Quick, Burn Them Alive: The Nelson Brothers Story combined. If you’re not moved by Jim’s story you’re some sort of heartless monster. Or a Llello Ninja.

I can say no more. Words will only fail to capture the majesty of this film and I shan’t be responsible for ruining it for you.

roadside attractions

  • Coca Cola shirts
  • Half shirts & short shorts (on dudes)
  • Mullets
  • Headbands
  • Synth rock band singing about Ninjas
  • Programming in basic
totals

10

blood

BLOOD

One word: Ninjas.

5

blood

BREASTS

Actually, there’s no breasts. But, for some reason, Jim can’t seem to button his pants when he’s at home. So, I’m giving it a five because this movie has a little something for the ladies.

10

beast

BEASTS

Technically, there are no beasts. But there are Llello Ninja, and they are twice as bad as any beast.

8.0 OVERALL
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Check out the trailer for “Dead City” aka “Legion of the Night”

trailers

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