Remember when a killer soundtrack could actually save a horrible movie from extinction? Something that you could rock out to even if the movie didn’t make a lick of sense. Movies like Flashdance, The Sound of Music or that evil orphan movie with little red headed asian girl, Annie. Yes, there’s a handful if not dozens of such films and Rocktober Blood is one of them. It’s pure metalsploitation where a soundtrack will melt your face off,┬ábut only long enough to distract you from just what a piece of horse pucky you’re actually watching.

Tray Loren plays Billy “Eye” Harper, a local rocker whose been laying down some “killer” tracks at the recording studio with his back up singer/girlfriend Lynn. Billy isn’t very happy with the record producers, so he starts killing them off while Lynn takes an incredibly long time to undress for the hot tub upstairs. After impaling one of them on coat hook, Billy in his Top Gun sunglasses, forces Lynn to sing at knife point until a security guard breaks up the karaoke. Billy is later arrested, tried, and executed for killing at least 25 people. They obviously didn’t know to rock.

rocktober blood2 years later, Lynn takes over the band and starts her own tour of heavy metal with a blood and guts stage show. She’s obviously working through some relationship issues. Unfortunately she’s starting to see Billy’s face pop-up around town and running into him at parties, which is always awkward. Nobody in her band believes her, especially her manager who suspiciously resembles a beaten Fabio and insists that her friends take her on vacation. They fly her up to a secluded cabin where they all can relax and aerobicise in the wild, but Billy shows up again just to taunt her with his annoying laugh and rummages through her underwear drawer. Lynn insists Billy is alive despite nobody else seeing him and heads back to dig up his grave to prove it. Unfortunately she finds his decayed corpse still wearing a rockin’ bandanna instead. Shyamalan plot twist – Billy is really dead!

Convinced she is going nuts, Lynn decides the best therapy is to get back to her concert tour, but just before the show she is drugged backstage by Billy’s evil twin John who killed everyone years ago and has been following Lynn ever since. “Sorry Billy about that whole conviction and execution thing. My bad.”

Tom handcuffs Lynn to his wrist and performs in front of a live studio audience as Billy. His band is un-phased by it all and continues to rock on. Fabio sneaks up with an electric guitar and mashes him on the head just as Tom finishes out his solo. But haven’t we’ve seen all this before on American Idol?

Rocktober Blood has very little to do with Oktober or Rock and contains very little blood. Playing Guitar Hero has better character development but at least it all ends on a high note. Barry Goodall gives it 2 guitar riffs out of 5 mostly for the gratuitous areobicizing.

roadside attractions

  • Gratuitous backup singing
  • Wall coat peg impalement
  • Neck slashin’
  • “lactose intolerant” Fabio
  • Breakdancing werewolf
  • Jacuzzi dunking
  • Death by steam cleaning
  • Heart ripping with optional decapitation
  • Death by rock!
totals

8

blood

BLOOD

A few good splatters and neck slicing though most of it happens on a rock stage with corn syrup.

8

blood

BREASTS

Does it count if it’s the same hot tub scene shown twice? Yes, yes it does.

1

beast

BEASTS

Billy who is strangely reminiscent of a screaming cub bear lost in the woods.

3.5 OVERALL
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Watch the full movie of “Rocktober Blood”

trailers

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