Tagline: Gobble, Gobble, Motherf****r!

Year: 2012 Runtime: 99 min

Director: Jordan Downey

Writer: Jordan Downey, Mike Will Downey, Kevin Stewart

Starring: Daniel Usaj, Joe Hartzler, Preston Altree

Thankskilling is a no-holds-barred commentary on current state of narrative in filmmaking. Nah, not really. In actuality it’s just a bunch of pre-teen pee-pee and poo-poo jokes, expressed with a master crudity no child could muster. It would not surprise me to learn it was based on the rantings of a drunken sailor who, after a black-out night, had been awoken with a fire hose only to find himself way up a tree in downtown Bangkok, naked. Oh, and suffering from a fresh, oozing STD.

I’m pretty sure there’s a story,  but it’s hidden under many levels of absurdist stuffing. Imagine [adult swim] high on kerosene fumes mixed with Meet the Feebles. Oh, and a throbbing STD.

The cast of characters: Turkie, space worms (one with a John Waters ‘stache), Muff the robot, Yomi the naked puppet girl thing, Yomi’s mind, Old Nasty Grandma Rapper, the turkey plucker 3000, undead turkeys and a couple of Pilgrim enthusiasts. Oh, and fart jokes which leave a greasy, burning discharge.

Who would want to see this? Troubled ten to fifteen year old boys, Tommy Wiseau restrained Clockwork Orange style and on LSD, or people on death row after exhausting all appeals (they would welcome death).

In it’s defense, I gave Thankskilling 3 two wedges of cheese because it was beautifully shot, and the special effects were impressive considering everything else on the screen. And on this holiday where one gives thanks for the many blessings he/she has, I am thankful for the DP, the equipment, and the special effects editor. Oh, and that I survived. Only just. I’ll be on dialysis for the rest of my life.

So, from all of us here on The Lost Highway, to all of you out there, we wish you a happy and disease-free Thanksgiving.

Roadside Attractions:

  • See Turkie’s chainsaw enhancement (think Alexander’s four-legged robot in Robot Jox)!
  • Be Amazed by the 1993 style video game fight between Wise Turkey and Turkie!
  • Hear lots of dub step music!
  • Loose I.Q. points and vocabulary thanks to the gratuitous potty language.
  • Cry Yourself to Sleep only to suffer horrific nightmares about the horny old nasty rapping Grandma.

Check out the trailer for “Thankskilling 3”

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