Comments Off on Terrorvision: A guest review by Justin Farrell
Justin “Yes, My Middle Name is Will” Farrell worked for Roger Corman in the early 90’s did stand up comedy, sky dived and used to write for Joe Bob Briggs. Currently he works full time for a major railroad and has been a soldier for nearly 25 years .His first review is going to be 1986’s “Terrorvision”. Justin can be found on Twitter at, thejoker308.
Full disclosure here, I rented Terrorvision from my local 7-11 in Reno, Nev around the time I was 16 and I remember it having thousands of breasts and wall-to-wall gore. In my mind it was so scary you had to wear adult diapers just to watch it and in those days their were no diapers, the horror, the horror. Now at the age of 44 I got my hands on a copy of Terrorvision and want to know what the hell my perverted 16 year old self was thinking.
Terror starts off with the name Charles Band in the opening credits, Chuck puts the “K” in quality and he also puts the “P.U” in Puppet Master, all 642 versions of that movie. Anyway this is about Terrorvision, not the doll movies. In the opening scene we have some alien guy talking and along with what we find out later is an outer space junkyard. Pay close attention to the junkyard and see if you can find the upside down Starship Enterprise.
Back on earth dad, “Stanley” is installing one of those new satellite antennas, it’s pretty tiny by 80’s standards, but kids don’t be fooled in those days they were the size of a panel van. I should know, I would have to go out in snow storms and rotate the damn thing for my dad when the reception was fuzzy, but that is a story for another day.
As the movie goes along it is revealed that Stanley and Raquel are Swingers and need to have Grandpa watch the kids so they can have another couple over. Suzy and Sherman do not need to know what mom and dad are doing behind closed doors. So Suzy has her boyfriend come over and he is quite the beefcake, WASP shirt and all. If you pay close attention you might notice this guy is Jon Gries the uncle from “Napoleon Dynamite” another movie that really creeped me out and forced me to ask myself a lot, “What in the HELL?”
Suzy and OD depart leaving Grandpa to teach his Sherman how to grow up to be a man, and one of those ways is teaching him about a self sustaining meat source, yes lizard tails. They grow back and are pure protein, all I can think is I am pretty sure that’s what in a can of SPAM. It’s during this point our not so friendly alien arrives from the outer space junkyard and starts to reek havoc.
Grandpa is the first to go, killed with an alien hand that is two fingers and oozes this weird goo. All I could think is that hand would be perfect to hold a roll-your- own-cigarette if you know what I mean. Sherman ends up calling the cops, no go, then calls the local version of Elvira, Medusa. At one point the camera is going to zoom in on Medusa’s cleavage, take it in, because this is the closest you will get to seeing any breasts in this movie. Granted their are some breast paintings, and a topless statue, after all they are Swingers. Just for the record I have met real Swingers and all I could think is they are the reason hand sanitizer was invented.
The Alien ends up eating Mom, Dad, and the couple who were their “Guests”. The loveable Alien ends up using their heads as sort of a finger puppet type thing, and at one point has all five adults are in bed (Grandpa included) in a scene I am sure that sparked my imagination as to how dirty this movie really was.
The tone of this movie is very tongue in cheek, mixing comedy with a little bit of “horror” and by horror I mean so kid friendly I had to check to see what the rating on it was, with no blood and not even one real boob, I thought it might have be PG after all their aren’t even any swear words. Turns out to be R but the kills in the movie are nothing worse then I have seen on some kids’ TV, and I am guessing that this was before we were blessed with PG-13. The look of the movie is so 80’s sitcom that I almost expected a laugh track. But with all that said I did think it was a lot of fun and just not in the way my 16 year old self enjoyed it years ago.
Watch the trailer to “Terrorvision”