Starring a lot of nobodys doing a whole lotta nothing, Grim pretty much lives up to it’s title from start to finish. It starts off with a boring dinner party where some yuppies breakout their ouija board and accidentally unleash a satanic underground monster who grabs a dinner guest as a trophy wife. A pretty successful party otherwise. The hosts, Steve and Katie have some major guilt about Wendy’s kidnapping so they hire some amateur spelunkers to go exploring some nearby caverns explaining to them it’s for a “scientific study.” Never mind that people are being snatched from their living room by a cross dimensional half monkey/half lion beast, we’ve got some stalactites to photo!

After what might be actual vacation video of people endlessly walking in caves they discovers a living room recliner in the middle of a cavern covered in blood surround by skeletons (death by lazyboy.) Steve gets possessed by the monster and ties up Katie for a sacrifice while he bangs on a brass pot…and bangs…and keeps banging. Seems nothing can stop this big beasts with Koolaid vision from crushing skulls and chomping on faces. It’s probably just trying to stop that incessant banging noise. Katie is rescued but everyone totally ditches Wendy whom they find chained to the wall because she’s gone all batty. Yes I said batty…sorry it’s a cave pun.

Lacking proper Goonies skills they all start getting picked off one by one until someone decides to shine their flashlight directly in the creature’s eyes. The magic pennant they brought with them is pretty much useless now. Thanks for nothing Sky Mall.  They eventually lure the monster into a open well where it gets a healthy dose of sunshine turning it into a big hunk of rock that’s full of vitamin D. The dinner party couple escapes, but leaves their friend Wendy still chained up in the creature’s lair wondering what she did to make them hate her so much. I wondered the same thing about the director. Did I date his sister? Was he riding the bicycle I hit on the way to work? Paul Matthews why do you hate me?!! Barry Goodall says to check it out only if you enjoy Guantanamo Bay style waterboarding and endless cave exploring footage.

roadside attractions

  • Face chomping
  • animated bat attack
  • mind reading monkey beast
  • skull crushings
  • koolaid monstervision
  • continuous gong chimes
  • wall chain of soccer moms
  • magic pet rock
totals

5

blood

BLOOD

sure it’s a head crushing but really not as gooey as it could be!

0

blood

BREASTS

There’s too much cave exploration going on to get naked.

9

beast

BEASTS

A pretty nasty monkey/lion hell beast than can teleport through walls and possess people. Beat that Donald Trump!

1.2 OVERALL
dripper

Watch the trailer to “Grim”

trailers

dripper