Season’s Grievings from your friends here at The Lost Highway. 2016 has been a difficult year. We lost Professor Snape, Admiral Ackbar, and even Alf. We watched as the United States of Earth was divided down the middle in a vicious election which still threatens to end in a nasty divorce. There were devastating natural disasters and Russians hacking. It’s been a real bummer.

And now to compound things it’s the holiday season, the worst wonderful time of the year. “While everybody else is opening up their presents, (others are) opening up their wrists” because “the suicide rate is always the highest around the holidays.” (Kate Beringer, Gremlins). In light of this year’s events, and the weight of the holiday season, what’s a mutant to do?

This Xmas we decided to put together a little gift to answer that question, a list of advice gleaned from the reel world of b-movies. We watched twelve Xmas themed movies and learned twelve valuable lessons to help navigate life.

The Lost Highway proudly presents: The Twelve Slays of Xmas.

The Third Slay of Xmas: Feeders 2: Slay Bells

One Xmas you might get a video camera from Santa. Maybe you hate the world and everyone in it. Maybe you’re tempted to make a movie, a sequel to your first flop film. Don’t do it. Please. For the love of Christ, don’t do it. The Hammond organ you use for the soundtrack will drown out everything else in the movie. The video effects your Atari 1040STE is capable of creating are only slightly better than crayon drawings by a person suffering a Grand Mal seizure. Most damning, the alien invaders will be attacking Wellsboro, Pennsylvania and no one cares about Wellsboro, Pennsylvania.

Get some shots of the family. Perhaps make a sex tape. Mostly just let it collect dust in the closet. The world will thank you for keeping it to yourself.

Be sure to come back tomorrow for The Fourth Slay of Xmas: Elves

Watch the trailer for “Feeders 2: Slay Bells”