Archive for the '80's b-movies' Category

May

posted by Barry Goodall | May 23, 2013 | 80's b-movies, 80's movies, Action, B-movie Reviews, B-movies, Review by Barry Goodall

brainstorm

What if you could record all your brain activity on tape for anyone in the world to experience? The same smells, tastes, even emotions just as you felt them. Sure you could experience things like skydiving without ever having to leave your couch. Or scale the Himalayans while riding the bus. But then there’s that stench filled cab ride you had last week where your friend threw up on your docker pants. Now a total stranger can enjoy that too. You could even eat a glazed donut burger and still technically be Vegan thus keeping your hipster street creed… because much like your hipster street cred, it’s all in your mind.

brainstorm In 1983’s Brainstorm, Christopher Walken plays Dr. Michael Brace an eccentric scientist who hangs out with his Chain smoking lab partner Lillian (Louise Fletcher.) Most of their day is spent poking monkeys and wearing wired up space helmets while playing with robots. Normally this is where government grants go to die but one day they discover they can actually record a persons memories on laser tape. It’s the Facebook of the future.They decide to take the invention on the road and record everything they can find with a lab tech wearing a recording helmet. There’s racing cars, going down a waterside, having sex, trying out some equestrian (not necessarily in that order.) Things you could have never experienced yourself without the aide of “TECHONOLOGY!” Their boss loves the demo tape but then boots from the project so it can be packaged up and sold as a home console and to military contractors.

Michael with some free time on his hands uses the new invention for some couples therapy. His wife Karen, played by Natalie Woods is just about to sign the divorce papers until he makes a memory tape for her showing all the good times from their marriage. Scrapbookers eat your heart out. Meanwhile Lillian has a heart attack back at the lab but records her death for scientific study and likely some smut sections at a Thailandese video store. The tape is put under lock and key while the government also takes over the technology to use it for “peaceful military purpose.” Peaceful in that they’ll peacefully torture and brainwash any suspecting commies they can hook it up to. Michael’s son accidentally tries one of these brainwash tapes making him wacko so Michael goes on a crusade to destroy the project once and for all. His robot war knowledge comes in handy as he hacks into the lab computer causing the robots to go on a rampage smashing the brainstorm assembly line. He then gets access to his lab partners death tape so that he can experience some extreme chest pains and the ending to 2001: A space odyssey. While plugged into the death tape at a pay phone, his wife shows up, they hug and he mumbles something about the stars, the Wright Brothers and needing more cowbell. Wow, the hippies were out in full force on this one folks. Barry Goodall says get plugged in with Brainstorm so that you too can experience a couple hours of brainwashing torture.  Let’s just hope that Apple or Google doesn’t make one of these things anytime soon.

roadside attractions

  • DOS Intrigue
  • interactive all you can eat buffets
  • giant brain helmets
  • virtual ardvarking
  • interactive chimpanzees
  • multiple heart attacks
  • Lost IMAX footage
  • chainsmoking lab technicians
totals

2

blood

BLOOD

just a nose bleed

5

blood

BREASTS

Virtual nookie stuck on loop

2

beast

BEASTS

Just a chimpanzee

2.7 OVERALL
dripper

Check out this trailer for “Brainstorm”

trailers

dripper
Apr

posted by Barry Goodall | April 9, 2013 | 80's b-movies, 80's movies, Cult Film, Cult films, Podcast

Join the Lost Highway mutant gang ( Giallo Goon,Barry Goodall, The Doktor, and Tiger Sixon) and our guest reviewer Sarah Erwin as they discuss the 1981 horror classic Evil Dead. Listen with the player below, or use the Download link to save a copy of the MP3 to your computer.

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Available in iTunes Soon

Feb

Experiment 42

He was born 3 days after the introduction of the IBM PC, the offspring of an alien and a maniac. He runs on DOS. Raised on the isle of Zaxxon on a steady diet of Mail Order Monsters. Has 20 imaginary friends all named Vic, a secret girlfriend called Lisa, and even an imaginary pet platypus he calls “The Commodore”. Nocturnal by nature, must wear prescription eyewear to prevent blindness. Has an eye for Adventure, no stranger to Combat, (even the occasional Joust). Built a teleporter at age 11. Spent most of his teens and twenties watching and collecting movies in order to better assimilate human culture. Lost Highway now proudly brings Experiment 42’s review of Freaked. Time to get your freak on!

freaked

So, you are visiting a third world country, happen to be on the back roads and see misspelled signs for a freak show. Of course you would need to go visit it right? Well, that is what 3 dupes do. Upon seeing that it is run by Randy Quaid, they decide, sure, it’s safe to go into the secret warehouse. That’s when it all goes wrong for our … ‘heroes’? With the help of a Commodore 64, and some kind of radioactive fertilizer they are turned into hideous freaks to be displayed for the paying public of “Santa Flan”.

Ricky Coogan (Alex Winter from Bill and Ted) a sleazy, former child actor, and Ernie (Michael Stoyanov of Blossom) his lackey friend, fly Pan Am to Santa Flan [named for the patron saint of creamy desserts] to help promote the use of banned chemical fertilizer Zygrot 24. There they are met by a swarm of protesters let by Julie (Megan Ward of Trancers II/III) who they convince to ride with her to pelt Coogan with Insults and Cow crap.

On their journey Ricky eventually blows his cover and argues with Julie until a string of signs leads them to Elijah C. Skuggs Freek Land, a local freakshow. Skuggs [Randy Quaid] tricks all three into visiting his secret warehouse. After being transformed by something that looks like a green slime akin to Nickelodeon’s Double Dare, Ricky, Ernie and Julie meet all of the freaks created by Skuggs.

freakedA man with a giant nose, a crescent wrench turned into a hammer, a bearded lady (played by Mr. T), a frog man, the Eternal Flame (A Man with constant flaming flatulence), a man whose head has been turned into a sock puppet, a cow cowboy, a human worm, and Ortiz the dog boy (played by the uncredited Keanu Reeves). They come up with a plan to escape Skuggs’s machinations. First dodging Mr. Toad, and two Rastafarian machine gun toting eyball robots. Then the additional transformation of Ricky into a super freak. I was still waiting to hear Skuggs utter “Shi***** full”.

Honestly, you need to watch it to know whether you will enjoy it or not, but it is the quintesscential B-Movie. C-List actors, lots of foam rubber, puns, and cameos.

roadside attractions

  • Rabid Dog Boy Knife Fight
  • MACHINE GUN RASTAFARIAN EYEBALL ROBOTS
  • Petting and Heavy Petting Zoo
  • The world’s loudest styrofoam cup
  • President of the United States Larry Bud Melman
  • Outhouse built like a TARDIS
totals

7

blood

BLOOD

Head Spiked like a football after being removed with one’s bare hands.
Man Impaled with I Like Ike Placard
Bob Vila hit in the head with a hammer.
Brooke Shields riddled with bullets. Twice.
College Professor Crushed in a Riot. Twice.

0

blood

BREASTS

The closest we come to seeing any skin is just post transformation of JulieErnie, and just prior the miming of extra chest-al equipment.

5

beast

BEASTS

All of the Freaks
A Really Big Shoe
Two Headed Chicken

7.0 OVERALL
dripper

Check out this trailer for “Freaked”

trailers

dripper
Feb

posted by Barry Goodall | February 17, 2013 | 80's b-movies, 80's movies, B-movie Reviews, B-movies, Horror movies

Night Life

The question you got to ask yourself in any good zombie movie is how do you kill the zombies? A bullet to the head usually does the trick, but it really lacks any pizzaz. If you have the upper body strength, you could try decapitation but that can get a little messy. Total body dismemberment? Sure, but who has the time? Then a movie like 1989’s “Night Life” comes along and throws the whole kitchen sink at them. They get burned, hit with a train, ran through a wood chipper, air drilled to the face, blown up, and have their noggin split with an axe. It’s a cornucopia of zombie killin’. Plus, you get a couple zombies shagging on a box spring mattress and you sure won’t see that in any Romero flick.

Archie (Scott Grimes) is your typical ginger headed geek. Cursed by his red hair, he’s been forced to work at the mortuary in hopes his uncle Vern (John Astin) will pay for his college. Unfortunately, his Uncle treats him like Chinese Slave labor and when he isn’t working he’s being tormented by a gang of bullies at school. The only hope for a normal life is his wrench monkey pseudo-girlfriend Charlie (Cheryl Pollak) but she just bailed on him to work on a Nascar pit crew down south. It’s really every young girl’s dream. Things are looking up when a prom queen wanna-bee tries to seduce Archie on his way back to the mortuary, but het gets distracted with his tight whities just long enough for her to sneak her trouble making friends in the back door. They play hide the corpse and Archie has to piggy back the body back downstairs where his uncle immediately fires him.

Later that night, Archie gets a frantic phone call from uncle Vern whose been up to his neck in stiffs. As luck would have it, all those trouble making kids were killed in a car accident with a chemical truck and there’s zumbas and leg warmers everywhere. Archie and Vern prep the bodies and store them in a deep freezer for later but a bolt of lightening brings then back as killer zombies. They attack a plumber but it’s not quite clear if they actually want to kill Archie or just stuff him in a locker. Archie heads back to the gas station to call the cops where he runs into Charlie who just got dumped by her pitcrew agent. Turns out the guy didn’t work for NASCAR despite driving a wicked 85 Camaro and drinking heavily.

The zombies show up and give Uncle Vern the full Jiffy Lube special inflating him way past his recommended tire pressure and Charlie and Archie escape to a nearby warehouse where they filet a couple in a easy bake giant oven. Pursued by the zombies in a patrol car, they narrowly escape a train collision and battle the remaining zombies in a graveyard with a woodchopper and a can of gasoline. No lost of irony on that one folks. Heads roll, zombies ‘plode but it’s basically just a teenage love story….and a valuable lesson in the importance of saving for college. Barry Goodall says dig up a copy and remember to always properly foil wrap your fresh corpses to avoid freezer burn.

roadside attractions

  • Corpse lugging
  • Neck rotating
  • Lightening charging undead
  • Zombie shagging
  • Drill to the eye
  • Oil inflaton
  • Punch to the gut
  • Axe to the head
  • Zombie cops
  • Train crash and burn
  • Woodchipper zombie mulching
totals

6

blood

BLOOD

A dead plumber, exploding morticians and lots of crazy zombie dismemberment.

3

blood

BREASTS

A prom queen in her underwear , girls flashing mortuary staff members, humping zombies. it’s like mardigras all over again but without any actual nudity.

5

beast

BEASTS

A clan of zombies who may or may not be able to still graduate high school.

8.5 OVERALL
dripper

Check out this trailer for “Night Life”

trailers

dripper
Feb

posted by The Goon | February 11, 2013 | 80's b-movies, 80's movies, B-movie Reviews, B-movies, Reviews by the Goon

death valley

Remember that kid Ralphie from A Christmas Story? Of course you do. You watch it every freaking holiday season. Anyway before actor Peter Billingsley did that, he was in this thriller/horror film about vacationing in Death Valley called… Death Valley. And remember Andy’s mom from Child’s Play, Catherine Hicks? Yup, she’s in this one too playing a mother. Only connection from Child’s Play to this movie that I can make is Peter Billingsley has this evil doll like stare. Oh and Wilford Brimley even shows up in a few scenes to play sheriff. Just long enough to get a check. That diabeetus medication isn’t cheap, son.

death valleyWell the fine ghouls over at Scream! Factory ported over a solid transfer of both video and audio and present this surprisingly suspense film on Blu-ray. Although not crammed with special features, we do get audio commentary from the director Dick Richards and Edwin Samuelson of The Cinephiles for a pretty informative commentary. Outside of that, a few trailers and a TV spot.

So what’s the movie about? Well, this kid wants a Red Ryder BB gun… sorry, wrong film. Death Valley focuses on young Billy (Peter Billingsley) who we see having a rather pleasant day with his father in the Big Apple. That’s New York City or NYC for the laymen. They discuss Billy leaving the city to go to Death Valley with his mother for a small vacation in a rather touching discussion they have and you learn about his parent’s divorce. Billy’s mother, Sally (Catherine Hicks) kinda tosses Billy into her new relationship and wants him to get along with herself and Mike, her new boyfriend. In his defense, he actually does try by talking to Billy and giving him a cap gun pistol as a present, exclaiming it was the same model that Billy the Kid used (Billy has a cowboy fascination), but Billy (the kid Billy, not Billy the Kid. Confused?) schools him on the actual model. Suck it, Mike!

While wandering around COMPLETELY UNSUPERVISED in Death Valley, which by the way, Sally gave him permission to do. I’m not really feeling this mom character. Billy stumbles across an RV, which moments before had served the purpose of a crime scene where three travelers were killed. They don’t find the bodies, but Billy steals a medallion he finds on board. This RV has a beautiful ‘Macaroni and Cheese’ colored shag carpet with wood paneling, proving that the 70’s had no sense of decency. Mike comes and finds him and they go about their day. Billy recognizes the same medallion on a man at a diner they are eating at, instantly feeling a strange suspicion of the man. They also see that the same RV they saw in Death Valley is being pulled from the bottom of a cliff and they tell Sheriff Diabeetus (cause it’s Wilford Brimley. Get it?) that they had seen it earlier and Billy hands over the medallion he found. The Sheriff knows who it belongs to and sets off to ask the person of interest about it, but doesn’t come back from the questioning. Here’s your check, Mr. Brimley! Thanks for passing by the set and playing Sheriff!

death valleyNow that the killer has the medallion back in his possession, you learn that there could possibly be two killers. The sheriff, unknowingly that he was talking to the killer(s), revealed who found the pendant and where which hotel they were staying at. Wow, Sheriff. Ever heard of a thing called confidentiality, especially when you are questioning someone you suspect to be involved in the murder? So now, the killer begins tracking and stalking Billy, killing anyone who gets in the way. This is all going on while Mike tries to have a relationship with Billy and reach out to him while Sally just does typical mom stuff.

The film does a great job of drawing out suspense as they play their cat and mouse game and you wonder if there actually are two killers, which is finally revealed in a hair raising ‘lights out’ scene. Peter Billingsley easily steals the show. As a child actor, you completely buy all of his emotions, especially his resistance and then acceptance of Mike. Also, the fear in his eyes when he is alone in a hotel room being hunted down by the killer. His performance is amazing. This kid out acts all these hacks (Channing Tatum, Mark Wahlberg or anyone else I have beef with at the moment.

You can find this movie reasonably priced at any video store or you can order it from Scream! Factory directly and you should. It’s frightening and tense film and the restoration makes this film look real good. Like a cheese cake on one of those spinny plates at the bakery. You know you want it. Not just a slice. The whole thing.

On a final note, this film’s director, Dick Richards, was considered to direct Jaws, but was dropped from the project because he couldn’t distinguish the shark from a whale… if only, Dick. If only. Your career could have been something else.

roadside attractions

  • Take a shot every time you could say “You’re gonna shoot your eye out!”?
  • Throat slashing and gashing.
  • Rednecks?
  • Take another shot every time you feel uncomfortable between Mike and Billy
  • Tap dancing, hoot-a-nanny!
totals

6

blood

BLOOD

Couple of slashes, couple of bullets. Nothing too gory, but enough.

3

blood

BREASTS

Ya’ll only get one set o’ hooters, but they sure is pretty!?

9

beast

BEASTS

Crazy twins, rednecks and diabeetus. Game over, man.

7.6 OVERALL
dripper

Check out this trailer from “Arcade”

trailers

dripper
Meat Spider
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About the Highway

Lost Highway is your satirical detour down the twisted back roads of b-movies and cult films reviews. learn more >>