Archive for the '80’s b-movies' Category

Nov

Comments Off on Class of Nuke Em’ High

Class of Nuke Em' High

Listen, I’m all for alternate energy sources….wind, solar, hydro, trapped souls, heck even moon shine will run my lawn mower, but let’s just take nuclear off the table ok? IT’S NUCLEAR. It’s a little atomic bomb that never stops exploding and if there’s one thing b-movies taught us is that nuclear and nature don’t mix. We’ve already seen swarms of radioactive ants and giant spiders attacking teenagers making out in convertibles. All this just because they took a little roll in some radioactive goop, and what about that so called “Amazing Colossal Man?” Yup, nuclear blast made him grow 60ft., lose all his hair and now he has to wear a giant diaper! Oh the humiliation, and let’s not forgot Godzilla, the first nuclear powered pet lizard. I say keep nuclear where it’s safe, in flying Deloreans and missile defense systems.

class of nuke em highSpeaking of going ballistic. We’re heading back to school with  “”Class of Nuke Em’ High.” It’s the heart warming tale of what happens when nuclear power meets teenage love and what to do with mutant sewer babies. Tromaville High School sits conveniently next to a nuclear power plant where the class motto is reading, writing and radiation but after a minor plant accident some atomic stew seeps into the water supply and makes the students go nuts-o. A rabid geek starts spewing green goo and tosses himself through a window to end up a puddle on the sidewalk while the school is being over run by former honor students who call themselves “the Cretins.” They’re a bunch of Mad Max rejects who sport gymnastic size nose rings and sell radioactive marijuana to maintain their hair gel supply. Warner the class putz, and his dizzy girlfriend Chrissy try some of the weed at a indoor pool party and  proceed to do the horizontal mamba without a safety net. In the after glow, Warner fantasizes he has an 8 ft. tent pole in his pants. The kind they warn about in those viagra ads and Chrissy dreams that her belly is blowing up like jiffy pop but it turns out she really is pregnant with a baby tadpole that she spits out in the toilet. Why didn’t they show these types of films in those abstinence classes?

class of nuke em highThe mutant tadpole travels through the basement pipes and lands in a barrel full of radioactive waste where it grows into a giant gooey porcupine. Warren whose been thinking a lot about baseball is hormone raging and is sporting some bad acne. He takes out some of his frustration by throat punching a few Cretins who just smacked down a grandma crossing the street. Meanwhile, some shmucks in devo-radiation suits show up with gigercounters to get their arms gnawed off by the basement mutant. Chrissy is taken hostage by the surviving Cretins back at the school where Warren fights them on motorcycles. The monster decapitates a few just for the kicks (extreme hallway safety monitoring!) Warren rescues Chrissy from it’s tentacles and shoots it in the eye with it with a makeshift laser gun resulting in a psychedelic laser light meltdown. Pink Floyd music not included. Most of the faculty are dead but at least the students will get a nice extended summer vacation while the radioactivity hangs around for the next 200 years or so.

Barry Goodall says go enroll for Class of Nuke Em’ High. It may end up killing you on the inside but you’ll glow on the outside.

roadside attractions

  • Geek melting
  • Crotch smashing
  • Atomic weed
  • Heads roll
  • Upchucking mutant tadpoles
  • 25 gallons of green goo
  • Punk Hitler on motorcycle
  • Mutant porcupine impalement
  • Urinal-fu
  • Tentacle-palooza
totals

10

blood

BLOOD

More green goo than blood but we’ll count it.

9

blood

BREASTS

It’s Troma. It’s required.

9

beast

BEASTS

mutant tadpoles, porcupines, raging radioactive teens and honor students.

9.1 OVERALL
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Check out this trailer from “Class of Nuke Em’ High”

trailers

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Nov

posted by admin | November 1, 2012 | 80's b-movies, Action, Cult Film, Horror movies, Review by Tiger Sixon, Sci-Fi

Comments Off on Galaxy of Terror

galaxy of terror

Before Aliens, you had Alien. But, after Alien and still before Aliens, you had Galaxy of Terror, a doozy of an early 1980s sci-fi b-movie. If this Roger Corman produced space screamer looks like Aliens test footage, there is a good reason: Aliens director James Cameron worked on production design early in his career.

Yep. Mr. Titanic himself helped give Galaxy of Terror its signature look, and had no problem usin’ some of the same tricks on Aliens. And it is the production design and special effects what make Galaxy of Terror look fancier than it really is, like when I wear a shirt with sleeves.

galaxy of terror.

Even the plot is very similar to Aliens. Galaxy of Terror is basically Aliens before Aliens was Aliens: A hot shot rescue team travel to a far away planet to look for survivors. And like in Aliens, hilarity ensues. By which I mean terrible, gruesome deaths at the hands of slimy creatures.

The cast is noteworthy too, as it stars pre-Nightmare on Elm Street Freddy Kruger, Joanie from Joanie Loves Chachi, Laura Palmer’s Mom from Twin Peaks, Zalman “Red Shoes” King, Mr. Hand from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and last but not least, Sid Haig.

The intrepid team succumbs to beasts/things/whatevers generated by their deepest fears (which Freddy Kruger fans should enjoy). Sometimes it is a slimy monster pulling someone to their doom, other times it is Sid Haig cutting his own arm off (always a plus in any b-movie). And other times, it is Taaffe O’Connell being stripped and humped to death by a giant worm.

Yep, the WTF Factor is pretty dang high in this one.

Like any great b-movie, Galaxy of terror has a little bit of everything: zombies, exploding heads, chest lasers, severed limbs, even Scooby-Doo sound effects. You name it, it is probably here.galaxy of terror.

The beauty of Galaxy of Terror is, you never know what it is going to throw at ya next, kinda like when my third wife would get into my stash of bathtub gin. Galaxy of Terror is a well-made b-movie, which is a rarity, and is worth tracking down. Tiger says, give this one a watch and enjoy the crazy ride.


Tiger Sixon is forced to watch B-movies from the comfort of a secret government base in Death Valley. He looks nothing at all like Daniel J. Hogan (@danieljhogan) who draws comics and writes humor for Clattertron.

roadside attractions

  • Lots of Switches
  • Space Zombies
  • Brains
  • Severed Limbs
  • Exploding Heads
  • Chest Lasers
  • Glowing Faces
  • Giant Worms
  • Spaceships
  • Legs as Seat Belts
totals

10

blood

BLOOD

This movie is a blood bath. People die in all kinds of crazy ways.

9

blood

BREASTS

It takes awhile, but when they show up, they don’t stop.

10

beast

BEASTS

Many different, strange creatures go after our heroes. It is like an alien zoo!

9.7 OVERALL
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Oct

Comments Off on The Dorm That Dripped Blood

If the title doesn’t capture your attention, then something is wrong with your neural net processor (that’s brain for you laymen). Presented totally uncut, The Dorm That Dripped Blood (a play on the title The Room That Dripped Blood, perhaps?) at the surface appears as a copycat slasher, mostly emulating Friday the 13th and Halloween, but it has more substance than that. The relationship between the characters is well developed, the atmosphere is dark and moody like a fall evening, the score sounds like a small orchestra (which sounds overplayed and you kinda wish they went for a simple keyboard/synthesizer score to play the scenes for subtly) and the special effects are great and gory!

Believe it or not, this movie is set during the Christmas season, although you could easily miss that since there is no snow or holiday music, two things that are associated with that time of year. You may think that is irrelevant to the plot, but what better way to clear out a college campus, all but a few students that are staying to clear out a dorm before demolition, a very unfortunate situation… and they haven’t even realized they are being stalked by a killer!

Dorms that dripped bloodThe movie opens right up with someone being chased and murdered, which is a way to catch your attention, but then we jump into a party with Joanne, who is growing distant from her boyfriend Tim. Our heroine Joanne is joined by her friends, all playing a somewhat stereotyped role to the slasher genre. You have young, naïve Debbie who is played Daphne Zuniga (who would later go on to be in Spaceballs as the Princess), Bryan the possible love interest, Craig the wise guy and Patty the frightened one. I know in any other movie, you would be able to guess their roles and what order they die or who lives, but The Dorm That Drips Blood does something a little different with them.

The caretaker Bill is also present, but doesn’t really interact with the group of kids. Only to inform them that one of his drills is missing… hmm… Also stalking around the campus is local weirdo John Hemmit who looks like he should be searching the dumpsters for a comb instead of garbage. Speaking of garbage, Joanne befriends Bobby Lee Tremble, a local salesman buying tables from the college and also hitting on Joanne. It doesn’t matter that Bobby Lee is tied to another woman, another woman that we only see in a scene later on just so we can get the obligatory breast shot, he is all about seeing Joanne again.

The film paces its kills a good pace. Not too early, not too late. Almost like we are be treated to a three course meal. Rather than wait until the end of the film to cross off its characters, The Dorm That Dripped Blood not only starts with a tame kill, but shortly after the beginning, one of our characters parents are brutally murdered by a nail bat and strangulation and then proceeds to run over their child’s head! And yes, you will see the aftermath of it. Lesson learned, never help out your friends at a college when everyone else has gone home. The goriest and best looking kill by far is when one of the characters gets a power drill (Oh hey, that’s where that went!) to the back of their head. You see the drill crack and rip apart the back of their skull and spray blood all over the room. Another one of the cast is boiled alive and another is hacked to pieces. It’s a movie that goes for intense, brutal kills that are played out rather than quick cuts shying away from the violence, like most slashers at the time.

The Dorm that dripped bloodThe film will also plays with the ‘who done it’ aspect, but does it subtly, so you keep guessing, but you aren’t overwhelmed by the mystery. I honestly kept guessing and changing my guess. Was it Tim? He’s seems angry enough. Maybe it’s Bryan. He has the hots for Joanne, but that would be too obvious, so maybe it’s that weird guy? He’s so bizarre, but that’s what they want me to think. By the time you find out who the killer is, it doesn’t really make sense, but when they give you the reason, it doesn’t really pay off. Because the killer loves her? It’s perhaps the most typical thing about this movie and it feels like such a copout, but the dark and unexpected ending makes up for it and leaves one reminiscing about the ending to Bob Clark’s Black Christmas.

Synapse released the Blu-Ray/DVD combo, which is the uncensored Director’s cut called Death Dorm. From a technical standpoint, at times, the blacks look washed out with blues or yellows, but it’s not overwhelming. Edges look sharp, objects pop out and a lot of the noise and grain is cleaned up. They left enough of grain and blacks in the film, so it still feels dark and alarming. The only audio mix, however, is 2.0 mono (I personally prefer this for older horror films rather than remixing it in 5.1) so it has that very radio sound and feel to it. You can even listen to the score isolated! It does have some special features, such as audio commentary with Directors Jeffrey Obrow and Stephen Carpenter, a few interviews with crew members, trailers and in traditional Synapse form, a reversible cover (the original US artwork entitled Pranks).

This is film is surprisingly overlooked and I would put it up with the greats like Twitch of the Death Nerve and Black Christmas. There are few dull moments, something is always happening and you believe the relationship between these kids. The dark, twisted ending was a nice surprise and I urge everyone to see this.

roadside attractions

  • Batter up!
  • Road Rage
  • Driller Killerer
  • Simon or Garfunkle?
  • Bobby Lee, the Man of Men
  • Human Stew
  • Black Christmas Syndrome
totals

8

blood

BLOOD

Smothers it on think, like if there was some kind of butter gravy.

6

blood

BREASTS

Just one, but it is initializing and glorious.

7

beast

BEASTS

The killer isn’t the only creepy dude on campus, bro.

8.5 OVERALL
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Check out the trailer for “The Dorm That Dripped Blood”

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Oct

posted by Barry Goodall | October 9, 2012 | 80's b-movies, 80's movies, B-movies, Podcast

Comments Off on Lost Highway Podcast 002 – Pieces (1982)

Join the Lost Highway mutant gang (Barry Goodall, The Doktor, and Giallo Goon) as they discuss the 1982 slasher classic, Pieces. Listen with the player below, or use the Download link to save a copy of the MP3 to your computer.

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Aug

Comments Off on Rawhead Rex

rawhead rex

I sit before you with a migraine, angry, writing this piece. Ahem. I remember checking out some graphic novels at a local Hastings store when I was a kid. One by Clive Barker in particular caught my. It was called Rawhead Rex and at the time, it was one of the most violent and shocking graphic novels I had seen. I was young and comics to me meant something like X-Men and Batman, but this… this was a whole other beast. Gore and foul language filled each page as Rex devoured villagers and children. I remember being stunned that he was totally nude and reminded me of the Alien from… well, Alien. Shortly thereafter, my brother and I saw the VHS at the same store. We were totally shocked this was made into a movie. How could the censors allow such a thing? We had to see it so we rented it immediately.

rawhead rexRemember that one Christmas as a kid where you asked for Top Gun on Nintendo, but instead you got the Top Gun Tiger Electronics Game?

Yeah, so there is this guy Howard Hallenbeck who is on holiday with his wife and two kids in Ireland to research some religious doo-dads for a book he’s writing. What a convenient set up for him. So where does Rex come in? A couple of farmers are trying to remove a phallic like structure (wouldn’t be a Clive Barker movie without one) and eventually it gets struck by lightning and BOOM! Instant demon!

Now here’s where it gets disappointing as I previously mentioned. It didn’t take the movie too long to get to this point.

Rex is… nothing like he looks like in the book. In the book, he was described as a nine foot tall phallus with teeth (…yup). And how does he look in the movie? He looks like Kane Hodder in a goofy Halloween mask with those blinking red LED lights and an S & M suit. And just like I did when I saw this as a kid, my face froze in a state of shock. I didn’t know if I should laugh or be angry. So I did both.

With Rex’s arrival, an alter at the local church becomes hot like a stove and a priest or deacon or whatever religious status he has by the name of Declan O’Brien touches it and sees visions of Rex and all his chaos. This blows his mind and he goes bonkers. Although I think it was unintentional, this guy becomes something of the comic relief character.

rawhead rexNot much to comment on anymore. Rex runs around eating people, one being Howard’s son, which was graphic in the comic, but here it’s only implied through edits. Sigh. Rex lazily slashes at people as what looks like ketchup is slapped on as special effects and people fall down and die. So by now, you’re just waiting for the movie to be over, but luckily O’Brien offers some of the funniest dialogue, with odd combinations of swearing at the top of his lungs and cackling like a madman. Best part of the film is when Rex ‘baptizes’ him by peeing all over O’Brien and he laughs like an idiot the entire time. I think I rewound this part like eight or nine times.

Finally your wish comes true and the movie draws to a close. Howard finds some relic that can kill Rex, but *choke* *gasp* it doesn’t work! Then his wife comes from out of nowhere and apparently, it had to be the power of a female to kill Rex. This could have worked… if they didn’t set this plot device up in the final ten seconds! Seriously, you could have built up to it. I know, they probably wanted to give the female character something to do instead of just being in the background, but that’s all she was up until this point! So they kill him, some kid puts flowers on a grave and Rex’s emerges from the ground and roars, as if this movie merited a sequel.

Come to think of it, in the graphic novel, I believe the villagers got together and pillaged him. That would have been way better. I also heard rumors of a remake a few years back, but nothing since. Clive Barker was wise to discredit this movie. Boo.

roadside attractions

  • Giant hamburgers
  • Raw-ha-ha-head Rex
  • Peed on Preacher
  • Children-O’s
  • Ireland
totals

5

blood

BLOOD

About as mild as the Hot Sauce at Taco Bell. Whatever that means

3

blood

BREASTS

I think one instant on pregnant woman? Ew.

4

beast

BEASTS

FEAR RAWHEAD REX! If you don’t die from laughter first

6.0 OVERALL
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Check out the trailer for “Rawhead Rex”

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