Archive for the '80's movies' Category

Nov

posted by retroman | November 27, 2010 | 80's movies, Action, Review by Barry Goodall, Sci-Fi, foreign

Lady Terminator

It's a 5 gun salute of b-movie cheese.

The queen of the ocean has been snagging and bagging guys back in her indonesian castle. Of course, no man can satisfy her so she kills them all mid-act by chomping off their twig and berries. Her years on the thigh master finally paying off. A former scandnavian weight trainer shows up to try to satisfy her but after a long night of ardvarking he removes a snake from between her legs that turns into a dagger thus vanquishing her to the ocean for 100 years. I think that’s same sex ed video they showed in catholic school. She vows she’ll return for revenge on his great granddaughter but only if she’s a Sheena Easton wanna-be in leg warmers. As luck would have it, a 100 years later it’s the 80’s and a self proclaimed anthropologist Tania (Barabara Ann Constalbe) is researching ocean queenology. Sadly it’s her college major and she has a paper due. She finds a books from a creepy old Mr. Miyagee that tells her the location of the dagger is just off the coast so they set out for scuba diving and some boatside swimsuit modeling. The boat is wiped out by a surprised tidal wave and she is held captive in a secret underwater cave by a frisky Craftmatic mattress until she posseseed by a snake eel. The worse first date ever.

She emerges nude from the ocean as the newly crowned queen demon but now with built in eye lazers and a hunger for blood. She bags a few beach bums and tasers them just before trading her thigh master in for some leather pants and a machine gun. Tani-terminator goes on a murderous killing spree wiping out just about everybody. Erica (Claudia Angelique Rademaker) is the bad pop singer she’s been trying to kill that’s been wearing her magic amulet. Fortunately for Erica the ocean queen has bad aim and walks pretty slow due to restrictive hot pants. A dimwitted cop tries to protect her from her  spandex driv-e bys but ends up getting most of the police force and some mall walkers wiped out instead.

Plenty of 3B’s and yup even nudity  in this one, which is surprising for a movie out of indonesia. Guys there are more likely to get excited seeing exposed ankles. Roadside Attractions:  Multiple shagging deaths, electric eyeball tasers, car crash and burns, helicopter explosion, road rage, eye popping, cop tossing, death by shopping, burnt bimbo netting. Retroman says hunt down a copy and don’t forget to wear your hot pants.

“Jack and I have seen more dead bodies then you have hot dogs so shut up and eat!”

trailers

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Looking for hard to find cult movies and unreleased DVD’s of some vintage b-movies then check out www.superstrangevideo.com. They provide many of the movies we review here at the site and will give you a great price on whatever film you’re trying to track down.

Nov

humanoids from the deep

“Humanoids from the Deep” or when “good fish go bad” is your typical story of goldfish meets girl, goldfish falls in love , girl harpoons fish ending a short torrid affair. Get Rob Reiner to direct and throw in Matthew McConaughey as the misunderstood gill man and you’ve got yourself a blockbuster.

The town of  Noyo is just about to open a cannery despite the rash of recent dog homicides and the protests of a lone Indian, Johnny Eagle. After a long speech about littering, a very drunk Slattery (Vic Morrow) shows up to give Johnny and his dimwitted friend Tommy a smack down at the town dance. humanoids from the deepHe also follows them to a secret tribal meeting about stopping the cannery and putting up casinos as far as the eye can see. This infuriates Slattery, so he and his goons do a boat-by Molotov cocktail bombing just as someone inexplicably yells out “cornbread!” Yes cornbread, the source of all tribal hostilities since 1872.

A slimy sea creature crashes the party killing anybody not wearing a plaid shirt in a sailor vest. Then it hitches a ride on a pickup truck that goes Kamikaze off the side of a bridge exploding into a ball of flames. Free fish fillets for everyone.

Soon even more fish men are roaming the neighborhoods peeking in windows and stalking potential shower victims. Kids on the beach start showing up dead or getting assaulted by slimy mutants with Gordon fish sticks despite spring break still being months away. A stunned ventriloquist dummy is the only survivor, but he ain’t talking.

Dr. Susan Drake arrives in town after discovering her genetic salmon experiment maybe causing all the ruckus. She’s not only a renowned fish scientist, avid photographer but also holds the state record for eating the most clam chowder.  Susan takes provocative  pictures of skeletons in funny poses and gives a power point presentation on how the slime ball mutants are just genetically altered tadpoles that ate bad seafood. Johnny, Susan and Jim (Doug McClure) take out a fishing charter to try to hook some of the deep sea mutants to study back at the lab. They find a whole school of them sunbathing on the beach doing their best Joe Cocker impersonations. With fish rifles in tow they wipe them out pretty quickly,(it’s just like shooting fish in a barrel) and discover one of the surviving girls resting in a nice seaweed spa wrap. She’s also just been impregnated with one of the mutant fish spawns giving whole new meaning to the phrase “the seafood lover in you.”

humanoids from the deepEveryone heads to the salmon fish festival that night which of course turns into a bloody massacre. Hordes of horny fish men show up killing town folks, knocking over corn dog stands and basically ruining a perfectly good night of polka music. Still, despite all the maiming and mutant assaults it’s still a pretty tame party as far as New England fish festivals go. Nobody even got shanked for a halibut.

Susan figures the best way of getting rid of the fish men is to deep broil them with some zesty lemon seasoning so she douses everything with gasoline and torches it up with a flame thrower. It kills all the fish men and in the process destroys most of the docks and the towns fishing industry…. but the smell is delicious.

Roger Corman continues his winning streak of making b-movies that give us plenty of beasts, breasts, and blood. He even throws in a subplot about industrial espionage just for a distraction between all the bouncing beach melons and mutant shagging. Retroman says “go fish” but be sure to leave your ventriloquist dummy at home. They’re well known to attract mutants.

roadside attractions

  • Flammable fish fillets
  • Seaweed breasts
  • Amish boat drivers
  • Face-chowing, extreme plaid
  • Monster-beach bingo
  • Shisk-a-dogs
  • Hawaiian shirt-fu
  • Exploding boats
  • Horny fishmen
  • Emergency mutant c-sections
totals

9

blood
BLOOD

Fountains of it, gushing like an oil well in the 1850’s.

9

blood
BREASTS

Shoot I lost count. It was hard to keep up. I guess I’ll have to watch it again.

9

beast
BEASTS

More horny mutants than a frat house during rush week.

9.2 OVERALL
dripper

“Visit Noyo, a nice place to visit but don’t bring your poodle!”

Check out the trailer for “Humanoids from the Deep”

trailers

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Oct

posted by Drive-in_Dan | October 25, 2010 | 60's movies, 70's movies, 80's movies, Halloween films, Slasher, Slasher films, Uncategorized


There was a time not that long ago when soundtracks in horror movies actually played an important role and were treated like major characters. Each score had its own distinct personality and complemented all of the onscreen action. In slasher films usually, a series of well-placed sound cues from an orchestra or a pulsating synth rhythm would signal the killer is close by, or that the victim is about to triumph over his or her attacker. What you saw on screen and heard both worked together to create the desired thrills and chills. But sadly, not the same can be said about the majority of soulless “film scores” being churned out today. The current crop of horror composers aim for cheap scares by using loud, random noises to get a reaction out of the audience. There isn’t any kind of build-up to create tension or a feeling of dread in horror films of the new millennium, just musical punch lines that arrive way too soon and don’t end up paying off for the audience. Instead of having memorable themes like “The Shape Stalks” from “Halloween” or the “Main Title” from “Jaws” that made your heart race the first time you heard them, “music” in recent horror movies has been replaced by generic, headache-inducing distractions that totally take you out of the movie experience.

But don’t worry, Ghouls and Ghoulettes. We have put together a list of classic horror soundtracks from different eras (when movie music still mattered) that are guaranteed to make your Halloween party festive and extra creepy this year.


1. Trick ‘r Treat

Douglas Pipes (“Monster House“) delivers a surprisingly creepy film score that, along with the film, perfectly captures the spirit of Halloween. At times his composing style will remind you of the late composers, Jerry Goldsmith and Bernard Herrmann. The whole soundtrack is overflowing with eerie goodness, but standout tracks are “Main Titles”, “To The Quarry”, and “Pumpkin Shooter/Meet Sam.”





2. Damien: Omen II

This soundtrack can easily be considered one of composer Jerry Goldsmith’s masterpieces. With each track you can hear the forthcoming sense of doom that is simmering just beneath the surface. His mixture of dark mass chants and startling electronic sound effects would make even Jason Voorhees cry for his mommy.





3. Creepshow

As far as horror movie anthologies are concerned, “Creepshow” is one on the best. And John Harrison’s spooky film score has one of the best opening tracks that I’ve ever heard on a horror soundtrack. Listening to each track will make you feel like you are watching the movie all over again. The CD features previously unreleased music from “Mansions of the Moon“, “Shoobie Doobie Moon“, as well as some music from the “Tales from the Darkside” TV show.





4. Psycho (1960)

Another personal favorite soundtrack of mine. Bernard Herrmann composed this iconic score which has sent a collective shiver down the spines of fans spanning many generations. The stabbing string section on the track “Prelude” still cuts just as deep today, even though the music is almost 50 years old. Now let me go, because I think I hear “Mother” calling me.





5. Hellraiser

Christopher Young’s spine-tingling masterwork is the perfect compliment to Clive Barker’s nightmarish directorial debut. Young has created a score that features some of the most hauntingly beautiful music that I’ve ever heard in a horror movie. I couldn’t imagine watching “Hellraiser” without hearing his music.





6. Tenebre

You can’t have a top ten horror soundtrack list without including Italian Prog Rock band, Goblin, which has consistently composed some of the most unique sounding and memorable music for horror movies. At the request of director Dario Argento, three of the four original members from Goblin reunited to create a hypnotic and energetic score filled with enough up-tempo tracks that will surely have any wallflowers at your party cutting a rug.





7. Phantasm

This is another movie that just wouldn’t have the same impact if it had different music. Composing duo Fred Myrow and Malcom Seagrave collaborated to create my all-time favorite movie soundtrack that perfectly frames Reggie’s and Mike’s life-or-death struggle against the evil Tall Man.





8. Dawn of the Dead (1978)

Goblin creates another wildly inventive score using a variety of instruments and sound effects for Romero’s fan favorite zombie film. When you hear the tortured moans of the undead on track 2, “Zombi”, you’ll want to quickly lock all of your doors and board up every window to protect yourself from the coming zombie invasion.





9. The Amityville Horror (1979)

Nominated for an Academy Award, master composer Lao Shiffrin’s soundtrack is the scariest part of the movie. Without his pulse-pounding music, “Amityville Horror” would’ve been even more of a snoozer.




10. The Thing

If after listening to this score you mistakenly thought John Carpenter did the music, don’t beat yourself up too much. Because just like how the parasitic alien in the movie was able to imitate other life forms, composer Enio Morricone masterfully emulated Carpenter’s distinct style when he created this bleak, minimalist soundtrack that will chill you to the bone.


Oct

maximum overdrive“Maximum Overdrive” is arguably the best machines taking over the world movie ever made that doesn’t involved a Californian Governor and Edward Furlong. This was Stephen King’s directorial debut in what amounts to a 90 minute AC/DC video of vehicular homocide and killer Sony walkmans. Fortunately it does have Pat Hingle blowing crap up with a rocket launcher and plenty of grease stained shirts.

When the Earth passes through a radioactive comet, it’s space mojo crop dusts the planet causing all the machines to turn homocidal. ATM’S swear at bank patrons, lawn mowers starting mulching gardeners and Walkman fry out teen listening to Petshop Boys. (Which would have happened eventually anyways.) After a draw bridge nearly wipes out the nation’s watermelon crop, a little league game is interrupted by a runaway steam roller and a pop machine that snipes players with jet propelled soda cans. Luckily, one of the kids Deke (Holter Graham) can dodge them like a caffeinated spider monkey and escapes on his dirt bike.

Maximum OverdriveAcross town at a Dixie truckstop where most of the patrons still don’t realize the south lost, waitresses are getting attacked by kitchen utensils and arcade games are electocuting customers. But their homemade strudel pie there is still delicious. Emilio Estevez plays Billy, a parole fry cook who when he isn’t shacking up with hitchhiker hotties, he’s spouting alien conspiracy theories about intergallactic brooms. They’re all being held hostage by a pack of psycho semi trucks circling the building liked indians around a covered train. The convoy is  led by a creepy green goblin semi whose got a thirst for unleaded blood and forces the survivors to pump gas all day for all his 18 wheeled buddies. Later that day, the most annoying newlywed couple ever to drive a 4-door crash through the semi line by doing an evil kinvel stunt flip crashing their car. The driver, Curtis, escapes but Connie is caught by her seat belt, her shrill whining voice is her only defense.  Sadly she’s cut free  just before it gets side swiped by a evil tow truck. Later that night, Emilio and Curtis attempt to rescue a injured bible salesman whose been screaming out in the ditch all night keeping everyone  from a good night’s sleep. They make their way through the sewer ducts to get to him but then Deke shows up on his dirt bike and they pretty much forget about the poor sap stuck in the mud. They all head back to the diner where Mr. Hendershot, the redneck business owner, is discovered hiding a huge militia stockpile of weapons in the basement. This gives everyone a chance to shoot machine guns and use rocket launchers near flammable gas pumps, a pyromaniac’s dream come true. maximum overdrive

After blowing up a few semis and roving artillery carts, the survivors duck back through the tunnels just as all the trucks decide to finally demolish the place and put up a Walmart. Everyone heads toward the boat docks for a final showdown with a drive thru speaker who Deke uses for some quick target practice. “No, I wouldn’t like fries with that!” KAAABLAM! Billy blows up the green semi with a rocket launcher just for kicks. Despite most of their friends and family dying horrifiying deaths, they’re all in pretty good moods as they set off on a boat trip to some uncharted island. Maybe they’ll build huts out of bambo while singing kumbya and then make a radio out of coconuts. Don’t want to miss a second of that all AC/DC channel.

A mega-cheese award goes to Ellen McElduff who plays a boozin’ waitress that scretches out  “You can’t do this! We made you!” just before she gets gunned down in a blaze of glory. Also  to Yeardley Smith who plays the high pitched Connie and does voice of Maggie Simpson. She does more for preventive eloping than Lorena Bobbitt. Retroman Steve says take “Maximum Overdrive” for a test drive and be sure to stock up on beef jerky and puffy hats with filthy sayings.

roadside attractions

  • Watermelon crushing
  • Pop machine head smashing
  • Electric knife wrist attacks
  • Gas pump-fu
  • Video game electrocution
  • Soda pop batting cages
  • Little league steamrolling
  • Continuous AC/DC
  • Wall-o-porn
  • Grill scraping
  • Estevez-estravanganza
  • bathroom flatulance
totals

8

blood BLOOD

Who knew recalled vehicles could do this much bodily damage

1

blood BREASTS

There’s rumors of breasts somewhere in this film, but heck if I could see them. Usually that would be hard to miss.

8

beast BEASTS

Lots of metallic beasts running on unleaded evil. Oh and 1 Stephen King.

9.15 OVERALL
dripper


We have a limited amount of extra prints from the Rosen’s Drive-in showing of Maximum Overdrive. These are glossy 11 by 17 high quality prints and will go great next to your AC/DC poster. Only $5.00 plus $2.00 shipping and handling. Continental U.S. orders only.

Also check out the Maximum Overdrive T-shirt from our friends at Fright-Rags. Click on the design below to order a t-shirt.

maxshirt

Check out the trailer for “Maximum Overdrive”

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Oct

posted by retroman | October 10, 2010 | 80's movies, B-movie Reviews, B-movies, Horror movies, Review by Doktor

There isn’t a word to describe how totally AWE-some this movie is. That’s mostly ‘cos this movie isn’t all that awesome. The instant I saw Jeremy “One Life to Live” Slate was crossing over into horror I decided to use my time more wisely, I began to search my dog for that louse that had been evading me for months. He was an onery cuss, the louse, and when I found him he put up a good fight. In the end, I got him.

That is a far more entertaining story, so I will now return to my disgustion of The Dead Pit.

This is your typical 1980’s horror set in a mental asylum flick. The plot goes something like this, there’s a crazy psychologist who is killing his patients ‘cos… it’s fun? A colleague catches him in the act and is forced to kill him. Rather than go to the police, the good doctor boards up (i.e. drives a couple nails and fills the gap with spackle) the secret basement pit and all  the dead patients therein and promptly forgets about the whole mess. Twenty years pass and there’s an earthquake which opens the “sealed” basement, releasing the zombie psychologist. There’s not much more by way of explanation, and that’s a good thing, ‘cos as the Jolly Green Mongoloid would have called it, “Ho, Ho, Ho, UMH-tarded!”

The Mad Psychologist is so mad, that when he returns from the dead, he wears rubber gloves. I’m not sure what that’s supposed to do. He’s dead, or undead, so he doesn’t have to worry about any germs. The people he’s treating are soon going to be dead, so no need to protect them…

It makes my head hurt, so I’m going to move on.

Our hero, Jane Doe, has had her memory taken, surgically. She was found wandering around, unawares of who she was. The court sentenced her to a stay at the mental hospital for “therapy” until such time as her memory returned. After much convoluted plot twists, we discover that her memoryectomy was performed when she was a small child. Not only that, but it was performed by the Mad Psychologist, who, remember, was killed twenty years earlier.

Half Naked

Which means she’s been wandering around for 20 something years as an amnesiac…

I think I can actually feel a tumor forming.

There is one attribute, one saving grace, which our heroine possesses, breasts. More importantly, she has the exhibitionistic dignity required to present them for our viewing pleasure. It’s not cheaply thrown in there. Rather, I find how Brett Leonard, the writer/director, slipped them into the story to be dignified. Jane is tied up in a basement. She is wearing a half wife-beater and panties, both cotton, both white.  A cackling nurse isn’t so much spraying Jane’s face and chest as she’s BLASTING them. So much so, in fact, Jane’s half shirt rips right off.

Ah, subtly, thy name is Brett Leonard.

So, in the end, the Mad Psychologist’s pit of dead patients comes back to life to, uhm, do something. It’s not to kill Jane, ‘cos Mad Psychologist has her captured and tied down next to the pit when they rise, and they pass right by her. I ‘spose it’s ‘cos he’s her [spoiler] father. What they do is  get out and wander around a bit, disabling all the vehicles in the parking lot. They then take after the staff. They kill the two police guards, who, in all honesty, deserve worse. If you fail to see the group of about twenty shuffling zombie patients coming at you across a wide open area, moaning and carrying on, you need to be removed from the gene pool. They go on to kill a couple orderlies, a nurse or two and all the patients.

The Dead Pit

Not wanting to get arrested for loitering, they set their sites on Jane and her convenient friend the Demolitions Man. Demo Man whips up a bomb to weaken the truss on the water tower, which has been “blessed” by the other convenient character, Nun Nutter. Nuns can’t bless things, much less would they do so by just repeating “in nomine patris et fillii et Spiritus Sancti” (in the name of the father, the son and the holy spirit), but I digress. The game plan is such: when the tower topples the  blessed water will pour down into the cellar and consecrate the unholy ground of the pit, thus turning the zombies into pudding.

When it comes down to it, Demo Man was caught without his Hero’s Death Exemption card and therefore has to go down the with water tower. While he’s blowing himself up, Jane faces off with her daddy, Mad Psychologist, one last time.

Naturally, when Mad Psychologist melts we get a shot of Jane kneeling down, eyes closed. The camera slowly pans into her face and… all together now… her eyes are glowing red, just like his did. Thankfully, it’s over, and to the best of my knowledge there was no sequel.

roadside attractions

  • Zombies (whose make-up looked like mime paint)
  • Zombie pudding (what zombies become when sprinkle with holy water)
  • Miniature of hospital and water tower (for flooding scene)
  • Rent-a-center version of Sean Connery (Demolitions Man)
  • Hypnosis
  • Pseudo-psychology
totals

6

blood
BLOOD

couple gallons

7

blood
BREASTS

Two. Displayed in a show fit for any teenage boy’s wet dream.

7

beast
BEASTS

Mad Psychologist, zombies, lunatics.

6.5 OVERALL
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Check out the trailer for “The Dead Pit”

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