Archive for the '80’s movies' Category

Jun

posted by admin | June 21, 2010 | 80's movies, B-movies, Horror movies

Comments Off on Happy Father’s Day from Lost Highway

Sure a dad would like a tie, maybe a golf club or two…but most of all they want cake. So here’s a special happy father’s day gift to all you b-movie daddy’s.

trailers

dripper
Jun

Comments Off on Get Crazy

Get Crazy
When did concert promoters go certifiably insane? $75 to see AC/DC? $150 for a crappy seat at a Celine Dion concert? Shouldn’t they be paying the audience to see her screech out 80’s cover songs? Does that include a free ride on a Canadian Zamboni? Shoot I remember when you could see REO Speedwagon for $10 and the best seats were for whoever got there blankets closes to the speakers first, and if you left for the bathroom well that’s your tough lost. Now it’s $5 for a watered down beer surrounded by middle aged guys with iPhones, and comb overs. The only thing they’re hopped up on is Lipitor, and Viagra. So save your cash stay at home, and pirate the songs off the Interwebs like your kids do instead. The only ringing in your ear will be your hearing aid, and you won’t have to bring a bottle to pee in. Well, that still might be a good idea.

Get Crazy
Speaking of the big concert events. The Saturn theater is about to put on one of the biggest rock shows for a new Year’s eve blowout to end all blowouts, and trust me there’s plenty of blow to go around. The movie “Get Crazy” has more drugs in it than a hooker in Charlie Sheen’s apartment. The only thing that puts a damper on the festivities is an evil corporate raider in a shiny jumpsuit named Colin Beverly, a greedy nerd that shows up with his color matching yes men trying to buy the theater. After a humiliating rejection by Wolf , the theater’s owner, Colin decides to plant a high-tech stink bomb to go off at midnight thereby bankrupting the theater…. and if that doesn’t work they’re going to give them all swirlies or stuff them in a locker. The owner thinking he has suffered a minor heart attack decides to put his puffy haired nephew Sammy in charge…a greasy little Donald Trump wanna-be whose looking for a quick buck. Sammy makes a deal with Colin to help plant the bomb so he can get a cut of the theater sales or become a drugged out dirty hippy, whichever comes first.

Daniel Stearn the robber from “Home Alone 1 & 2” is here to save the day as the level headed stage director Neil Allen… that is unless an annoying little blonde hair kid drops a  steam iron on his head.  He often fantasizes about chain smoking frizzy haired women getting burned at the stake and playing Tarzan with a Jane in garter belts. He also let’s in creepy alien drug dealers dressed as masochists to dope up his staff with magic mystery pills. Neil has got upper management written all over him.

With all the prep work done the concert kicks off to a hodgepodge of punk, new wave, pop, and blues music. Think Hoochie Coochie man but imagine the punk band Fear doing a cover version with strung out cheerleaders. There’s also a Jewish blues band rocking out with King Blues, and a brief stint of Lee Ving screaming in a mic encouraging suicidal teens to jump from balconies. They really need a tranquilizer gun for this guy before he bites off someone’s ear. The headliner though is Reggie Wanker ( Malcolm MacDowell) who after doing loopty loops in his jet, gallivants around the stage with a stuffed crotch, and a bad case of Mick Jaggerism. Even Lou Reed stumbles in for the show after he sobers up being typically late, and typically folksy. It’s the Lou Reed way.
Get Crazy

Neil’s fanboy sister ditches her mom, and dad to sneak off to the concert for a chance to shake her money makers with Reggie on stage but she nearly gets knocked over by his enormous stuffed jock strap. Neil pulls her off the stage just in time before someone gets their eye poked out. Later backstage Reggie makes the sign of the 3 humping hyenas with some low self esteemed groupies only to find out his long time girlfriend just did it with a nerdy stage hand. He drowns his sorrows in bad blues singing with drug laced Gatorade, and talks to his penis about career advice….stranger yet is when the little wanker starts talking back. Did I mention there were a lot of drugs in this movie? Neil discovers the bomb plot, and attempts to get it’s location from Sammy, now a newly converted hippie, that is if a giant anamorphic joint doesn’t stop him first.

Hijinks aside The majority of the film is focused on the concert with a bit of slapstick comedy thrown in between the pot smoking, and pill popping. It’s “Reefer Madess” meets “Meatballs” blended with “Spinal Tap” served in a dirty ashtray and a perfect follow-up to the director’s earlier film “Rock n’ Roll Highschool.” Retroman says check it out so you too can be “one with the universe man in a dazzling moonbean of peace love and colors maaaaannn.”

Nancy Regan likely showed clips of this film to scare elementary kids, and would threaten that Mr. Electric is hiding under their bed.

A Special thanks goes out to “Super Strange Videos” who sent us a copy of “Get Crazy” for review…the movie is incredibly difficult to find. Stop by their site and tell em’ Lost Highway sent ya.

roadside attractions

  • Rocket surfing
  • Darth Vader Drug Dealer
  • Extreme Hippies
  • Stackable naked chicks
  • Free style stage diving
  • Watercooler acid trips
  • Exploding Limos
  • Rowdy Dowley extreme jock strap
  • Talking willy wankers
  • Creepy Joint mascots
totals

0

blood
BLOOD

None unless someone got a nose bleed from the coke

8

beast
BEASTS

The man they call Piggy

9

blood
BREASTS

Plenty. seems like every Mcdowell film has knockers

  8.5 OVERALL
dripper

Check out the trailer for “Get Crazy”

trailers

dripper
May

Comments Off on Video Store Memories: Video Unlimited

Almost every B-movie and horror movie fan out there has a story of how they were introduced to movies–like a cool uncle who let them watch “Porky’s” where they saw their very first set of boobies. For me, I became hooked on B-movies and horror movies after my first visit to Video Unlimited, a video store near where I lived. As a young boy many a weekend and summer were spent watching videos that I rented from both stores; they had two locations. I was very fortunate to have a really cool Mom who would let me watch any kind of movie, regardless of the genre (except porn). Hey, even the coolest Moms have to draw the line somewhere. My Mom became even cooler when I found out she was a big horror movie buff. On her days off from managing the drive-in (Rosen’s), she would usually be watching horror movies with me. Now how many kids can honestly say their Mom likes horror movies?

So, let me get back to my Video Unlimited memories. The one thing that always amazed me about both stores was that even though they weren’t very big, the staff magically found a way to somehow store and showcase thousands of titles. I always wondered if they had access to some kind of interdimensional portal with a limitless supply of videos. Video Unlimited’s selection was a lot like Video Vault in that whatever movie you were looking for, they usually had it or something similar to it.

Videos

And while I’m on the subject of selection, I have to mention the size of the movie rental catalog that was sitting on the front counter of the Laplata location. This thing was HUGE. Think a of a triple-decker club sandwich that is made of phone books, without the ham, lettuce, tomato, bacon, and mayonnaise. To me this catalog was my B-movie bible. I’m pretty sure that whenever I went near it the book was enshrined in a golden light and I heard celestial music coming from up above. Seriously, this catalog contained so many movies from every possible genre and sub-genre that if I live several lifetimes like the Highlander, Duncan MacLeod, I still wouldn’t see all of the movies listed in it. And when I had watched all of the current releases, or I just wanted to focus on a particular genre, this became my go-to book. The selection of the so-called “big boys” of movie rental back then and today–Blockbuster and Hollywood Video–could never compare to the impressive selection of the small Mom-and-Pop video stores. Try calling Blockbuster to find out if they carry “Wood Chipper Massacre”, and the people working there won’t have a clue as to what you’re talking about.

When I moved out of the area I began going exclusively to Video Unlimited’s Waldorf location, their second store. After about a year of renting several movies on a weekly basis and talking about movies with the staff, I was asked for my imput on what B-movies and horror movies the should carry at the store. So I began making movie recommendations based on previews I had seen, articles that I read in ‘Fangoria’ (when ‘Fangoria’ was still a horror magazine), and movie screeners that I had viewed. Yes, I was given movie screeners to watch, which was one of the coolest things to me. In case you don’t know, a movie screener is an advance copy of a movie that is shown to critics and distributors. I saw a lot of screeners, but the one that comes to mind was for the movie “Seed People.” It’s basically Full Moon Entertainment’s version of “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.” I remember it being an enjoyable little movie, when Full Moon actually made movies worth watching, unlike the Z-grade trash that Charles Band pimps today for a quick buck. Now if helping to select movies and viewing advance copies wasn’t awesome enough, another perk of being a loyal customer was that I had my pick of all the cool posters they had from movies, like “Silent Night, Deadly Night”, “The Fly” (Cronenberg’s version), and “Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood.” In addition, I also got nifty movie promos like trading cards from another Full Moon release, “Subspecies”, which I still have packed in a box somewhere today. This was way before eBay. Back then nobody really thought of this stuff as being collectible or having any real value. To the owners all it was doing at the time was taking up valuable space that could be used to store copies of movies. Now I’m sure that they probably wished they had kept a lot of these posters after seeing how popular and valuable they’ve become over the years.

Soon I got a job at Rosen’s Drive-in, and I didn’t just didn’t have as much time as I used to to watch movies, but I would still visit Video Unlimited at least once a week to say “hi” and to see if there were any new releases that caught my eye. Sure, I saw plenty of movies while working the projection booth at Rosen’s, but I could never get my fill of movies. Similar to Kirstie Alley’s relationship with food. Have you seen her lately? Yikes! She looks like she swallowed a water buffalo.

Movies

Anyway, when I started a professional haunted house attraction a short time later, I found myself with even less time. Things were so crazy that everything quickly became a blur. And before I knew it, one week, two weeks had passed by in a flash, so I decided to stop by my favorite video store to see how things were going. Well, as soon as I walked across the parking lot towards the front door I had a sinking feeling–something wasn’t right. And my feeling was confirmed when I stepped inside and saw the shelves with only a few movies scattered on each of them. All around me there was a feeding frenzy similar to Piranhas attacking a helpless swimmer at a lake resort. People were quickly grabbing and buying VHS cassettes and everything else in the store, except for the floor tiles. I didn’t ask many questions even though I was shocked and upset, because whatever I was feeling was probably nothing compared to what everybody who worked there was going through. This was their business, their livelihood. From what I was told later on the video store had been struggling for a few months. And things only got worse when their rent was raised and Blockbuster (the Walmart of video stores, which isn’t a compliment) moved into town about 300 or so feet away. The competition was simply too strong and they just couldn’t survive any longer.

To this day I don’t understand why someone didn’t tell me what was happening sooner. Maybe I could have done something to help. Though in all honesty, it probably wouldn’t have made much of a difference anyway, because the profit-driven, soulless, corporate video rental chains like Blockbuster and Hollywood Video were gaining momentum in the video rental market, and it was only a matter of time before the small Mom-and-Pop video stores like Video Unlimited would soon disappear. However, the Laplata store was able to say in business for several more years until sadly, in 2002, it was destroyed by a devastating tornado that hit the strip mall where it was located. Last I had heard the owner decided not to rebuild the business.

I hadn’t been to the Laplata location in many years, but hearing the bad news was still a real bummer. It was like loosing contact with a close friend, and then years later finding out that they had passed away. For most of my childhood these two stores had been a very important part of my life. I know it’s just a couple of video stores to most people, but the movies that I was exposed to made me, Drive-in Dan, the B-movie fan that I am today. The movies that I rented from these stores led to other interests that have carried over into adulthood, like my passion for special effects makeup after seeing Tom Savini’s masterful work in films such as “Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter”, “Dawn of the Dead”, and “The Burning.” Watching films such as “Halloween” and Dario Argento’s “Phenomena”exposed me to the unique musical styles of John Carpenter and the Italian Prog Rock band, Goblin, which I still enjoy to this day. After seeing “The Road Warrior” I was inspired to make vehicles and various contraptions using parts from miscellaneous model kits, and today I continue to create things from found objects.

I will always have fond memories of the two Video Unlimited stores. I’m glad that I grew up in the 80’s and was able to be a part of something truly awesome. Hopefully, other B-movie fans out there had their own Video Unlimited while growing up.

May

Comments Off on Dead End Drive-in: Rest Stop Review Edition

rest stop reviews

We’d like to introduce you to a new format for this and some future movie reviews. We call them Rest Stop reviews. They still have that same great snarky taste but with 50% less filling. That’s right it’s environmentally friendly blogging, and you’ll still feel like you’ve gotten a chance to stretch your legs, and empty your bladder. We’ll have more in the upcoming months but in the meantime enjoy our first Rest Stop Review of the 80’s Australian cult-film “Dead End Drive-in.” Let us know what you think, and be sure to grab yourself a snack in the vending machine on your way out.

Is that the lead singer from the Cure?

In “Dead End Drive-in” Australia shows us their continuing obsession with the  apocalypse even without Mel Gibson to save the day. The world is in economic ruin, the only lucrative business is fender bender scavenging, and everyone eats Hormel chili out of cans. A weasely little man named Crabs “cause’ that’s what his momma caught” and his dimwitted girlfriend Carmen, steal his brother’s 56 Chevy for a night out at the drive-in. Turns out the drive-in is just a disguised concentration camp for vagrants, the unemployed and new wave punks… sorta like Denny’s but with electric fencing.

Carmen shows off her fruit baskets to Crabs and pretty soon they’re doing the backseat rumba like horny koalas while the cops are stealing their tires. The next day they find themselves trapped in the drive-in with 100’s of renaissance festival rejects and all the snackshop food you could ever eat. Crab doesn’t see much of a future in professional loitering so he makes an escape plan even though Carmen would rather sit around eating banana fritters and look like a homeless Pat Benatar. She’s got a few Kangaroos loose in the top paddock if ya know what I mean. Crab steals a truck during a Klan rally and  goes postal shooting up the place and driving over homeless shanties right before he does an evil Knievel off the top of a truck ramp. Multiple car crashes with explosion, red underwear of terror, drive-in hit and runs, snackshop shoot out, tow truck stunt spectacular, Cricket bat head bashing, and extreme red Speedos. The only thing missing was Olivia Newton in leg warmers and maybe a Crocodile Hunter or two. Now there’s an 80’s Australian film I’d like to see. Retroman says take this movie for a walkabout but be sure to bring a spare tire.

trailers

dripper
May

posted by admin | May 8, 2010 | 80's movies, B-movies, Holiday films, Trailer park

Comments Off on Happy Mother’s Day From Lost Highway

Sure she gave birth to you, changed your diapers, kept you from running in the streets with scissors, but how much can you really trust that strange lady in your home often referred to as “mom” or “mother?”
She made you sit up straight, eat your vegetables, always asked if you wanted a second helping of gravey dipped cheese sticks, but could it be a plot to fatten us up and eat us while we sleep? The proof is in the pudding…delicious chocolatey pudding.

trailers

dripper

About the Highway

Lost Highway is your satirical detour down the twisted back roads of b-movies and cult films reviews. learn more >>