Archive for the '80’s movies' Category

Jan

posted by admin | January 23, 2007 | 80's movies, B-movie Reviews, Horror movies

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Hell High

“he-he…he-he….I like pie

Bad things happen when you let creepy little girls go out and play in swamp duck blinds. Parental supervision in this movie is at all a time low when a young Brooke Storm accidentally impales some horny motorbike cross-swamping enthusiasts onto a strategically placed rusty gate. Duck blinds only lead to death and mayhem…remember that folks. Flash forward 18 years only because the movies tells us to and Brooke is now a stereotypical unbalanced high-school biology teacher. She’s having trouble dealing with a student named Dickens and his small brain-dead following of Queenie and Smiler. Apparently in the 80’s not a lot of thought was given to intimidating gang nicknames.

Jon-Jon an ex-football star played by Christopher “I can’t act” Cousins is the newest and least despicable character of this gang. That’s not saying a lot as all the characters are pretty low on the morality ladder. This rough gang of 4 decide to rebel against high school by doing things like tossing school report papers into the air, sitting in the bleachers complaining, being peeping toms, and tearing up the football field with their giant boat of an Oldsmobile. Man, if this was modern day high-school they would have been beaten, stuffed in a locker, and forced to ride the little bus to school.

These losers decides to play a prank on Brooke’s house by splattering it with mud and swamp slime further causing her to have some sort of Vietnam flashback. So Brook ends up going postal and goes on a murderous revenge spree on the gang. There’s a pencil to the head, rock to the face, knife to the throat, ouch! Who will survive? I don’t care.

Am I scared of duck blinds now? Yes I am.

Joe Bob Briggs has a great commentary track on this one. Watch the movie first then listen to the Joe Bob commentary track turned on. It’s hilarious.

 

Keep an eye out for.

– Slime-o-rama
– abandoned duck blinds used as kids playhouses
– lazy man football touchdowns
– peculiar placement of rusty gates in open fields
– body doubles
– the deadliest weapons of all– rocks, pencils, and swamp mud.

by the way is that a swamp or is it a field? you decide.

rated 7.3 out of 10 for the movie
learn more about this movie at imbd.com

Check out a TV promotion of Hell High

Jan

posted by admin | January 8, 2007 | 80's movies, B-movie Reviews, Horror movies

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House

” Don’t turn around honey. I don’t want you to see me in the morning without my makeup.”

What happens when you combine Platoon, Evil Dead, and the Greatest American Hero? You get a movie called “House.” No it’s not the story of a sarcastic limping doctor addicted to pain killers or how a group of contractor fix up an old Boston home. It’s the original comedy/horror hybrid by which countless others…well just a really bad sequel would follow.

 

William Katt now apparently rendered powerless of his TV super hero powers as the Greatest American hero plays Roger Cobb, a reclusive recently divorced horror writer. His son went missing years ago at his aunt’s giant creepy house and he hasn’t been able to write a good book since. His Aunt hangs herself in the very same house, so It only makes logical sense that he would want to stay there and write his next novel with all those heart warming memories. Roger starts seeing and hearing weird things around the house…things like floating garden tools, voices, and the supernatural appearance of Norm from the TV show cheers. He’s actually the neighbor but it took me by surprise, I wanted to someone to yell “Norm!” everytime I saw him. The house apparently attracts 80’s TV show actors like mosquitoes to campers. Roger soon learns that his son is trapped by the ghosts somewhere deep in the home and prepares to begins battle with a series of gruesome ghouls bent on his demise. His neighbor “Norm!” suspecting that Roger is one car short of a chase scene decides to check up on him. Roger incorrectly informs him that he has trapped a “Raccoon” in his closet and needs his help to get rid of it. The racoon turns out to be a vicious demon hellspawn instead though I’d have a tough time distinguishing the difference. Roger makes some goofy decisions in trying to get his son back safely. I think there wasn’t enough brain cells for his prozac to be effective that week. It all leads up to a battle with an old army buddy who is now much uglier and much deader. This horror movie is obviously intentionally funny and is downright creepy when it needs to be. Check it out.

 

Keep an eye out for.

-Roger’s scary v-neck 80’s sweaters

-Giant demon ex-wife creature with anger management issues

-Demon fishing without a license

-Bull from Night Court as an 7 ft tall un-stealthy Vietnam solider

-Garden tool kung-fu

-Backyard demon planting

-Medicine cabinet cross dimensional portals (hey can’t you buy those at Home Depot?)

rated 8.3 out of 10 for the movie
learn more about this movie at imbd.com

House Movie Trailer

Dec

posted by admin | December 18, 2006 | 80's movies, Action, B-movie Reviews

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Roadhouse review

” Oh, let’s have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year or we’ll tear your throat out and kick you in the ear!”

As far as b-movies go I would consider this the Godfather of all bad movies. It’s so pure in it’s awfulness that it’s truly a masterpiece. This is the legendary story of a bouncer named James Dalton played by Patrick Swayze who confronts his inner demons while defending a small bar outside Kansas City from the evil Ben Gazzara. Dalton cool demener hides a raging anger that I believe resulted from a post dramatic Dirty Dancing disorder. He deals with rage through spouting wisdoms like “pain don’t hurt” or “it’s my way or the highway” and of course doing his Swayziest Tai-Chi. You know it’s going to be something special when a monster truck and plate glass windows are involved in a major plot point. Road House should be a standard by which all other bad movies should be judged. I consider it required viewing.

rated 9.9 out of 10 for the movie
learn more about this movie at imbd.com

About the Highway

Lost Highway is your satirical detour down the twisted back roads of b-movies and cult films reviews. learn more >>