Archive for the '90’s movies' Category

Mar

posted by Barry Goodall | March 31, 2014 | 90's movies, B-movie Reviews, B-movies, Bad movie, Review by Barry Goodall

Comments Off on Leprechaun 4: In Space

Warwick Davis never dreamed after being trapped in a tin can by George Lucas that he’d be playing the most famous homocidal Irish midget ( that is if you don’t count a raging preschool Peter o’ toole.) Sure we’ve had Jason in Space, Pinhead in space, heck we’ve even had Pigs in space. But what happens if you stick a Leprechaun in zero gravity?


Leprechaun 4 attempts to answer this  as Warwick once again puts on the  buckled shoes to brings chaos to the galaxy. It  also likes to pretend the first 3 movies were never even made as we find our green midget friend not only in one piece but  living the rich life on a desolate planet along with his alien princess hostage. How he got there, nobody knows. His plan is to marry her, kill her off and become king to steal her planet’s gold. overall its a pretty effective pre-nup. Meanwhile a ship of testerone filled marines are hankering to fill him with McBullet holes instead.


Led by a loud mouth sergeant with a disco ball for a skull, they find his hideout and blow him into a thousand bits. One of the marines relieves himself on the remains which gives the soldier an electric jolt that causes him to give birth to the leprechaun through his crotch. (Those with heart conditions or that may or may not be pregnant should not watch this scene.)


The Leprechaun now  loose on the ship, is being hunted down by the Marines who are getting picked off one by one through a series of bad one liners and dumb space pranks. Even the chrome-dome sergeant gets remote controlled and turned into a transvestite lounge singer much to the horror of the rest of the crew. Meanwhile back in the ship’s lab, a German Cyborg named Dr. Mittenhand, is taking blood samples from the unconscious princess  so that he can regenerate some of his lost limbs. Yes, her blood is magic and she curses people by flashing them her breasts. Her planet must be somewhere near the Mardi Gras nebula. She’s revived by the doc’s assistant who gets his face pancaked smashed and decides to partner with the Leprecuan for the promise of fortune and likely more body glitter spray.The leprechaun gets a hold of the healing formula and blender mixes it with some ground up spider DNA changing the doc into an eight legged german spiderborg named Mittenspider! Hitler would be proud.


Mittenspider redecorates the spaceship in a sticky web while trying to uncode the DNA mixup at his computer.  Before he can trap any renegade space flies, the other soldiers blow him to bits with a can of  liquid nitrogen and a quick shot to the thorax. Back down in the cargo hold, the leprechaun uses a shrinking/enlarg-o ray to grow himself into a 20 ft. soldier stomping monster. Nothing a leaky airlock won’t fix though, as he gets sucked into space and explodes into little green space chunks including a floating hand that flips everyone the bird. That pretty much sums up how most of the audiences felt about this movie.


Not the best in Leprechaun series but that’s a low bar set even for a midget. Barry Goodall says grab a bowl full of lucky charms and hunker down for some gravity free leprechaun action. It’s a pretty fun time depending on how much whisky you had before.

roadside attractions

  • Leprechaun Light sabre attack
  • Disco head marines
  • Giant blue cave rats
  • Flesh eating bacteria walk-in garbage disposals
  • Princess glitter spray
  • Pizza face
  • Giant leprechaun with optional giant german cyborg spider. Now with kung-fu grip.
totals

5

blood

BLOOD

Some red stuff but there’s plenty of goo!

7

blood

BREASTS

one of the best gratuitous breast flashings used as an alien curse of death since Lady Gaga.

9

beast

BEASTS

Plenty of creature features in this with a giant leprechaun, a german floor cleaner, and a cyborg spider hybrid. It’s like Cirque du Soleil.

6 OVERALL
dripper

Watch the trailer to “Leprechaun 4: In Space”

trailers

dripper
Feb

posted by Barry Goodall | February 25, 2014 | 90's movies, B-movie Reviews, B-movies, Cult films, Cult movies, Review by Barry Goodall

Comments Off on ExistenZ

existenz

David Cronenberg never fails to disappoint. Just when you’re needing a movie to make you feel icky again, he hits you upside the head with a ten day old trout left out the in sun too long. Yes it’s his 1999 film ExistenZ (remember to emphasis the Z with your neck extended like a baby eagle waiting for food). It’s a bit Matrix meets alien only with more gooeyness and is destined to do for chinese food what “the Fly” did for eating doughnuts. ExistenZ takes place in the near future where some Sony executives shoot up acid and decide their next game console should be made of human flesh and have nipples. Enter the marketing team saying “Hey the nipple thing is perfect, but can it plug into a bioport on your lower back with an umbilical cord too?” Wow, sign me up for two for some sweet multiplayer action or potential lower spinal paralysis!

existenzAllegra Geller (Jennifer Jason Leigh) is a leading designer of virtual reality games for these console-pods but is shot in the shoulder while attending a focus group, a known hotbed for gun violence. The Security Guard, Ted Pikul played by Jude Law, rescues her but he’s a bioport virgin and has to have one ram shackled into his spine by William Dafoe with an air wrench instead. Dafoe plays a gas station attendant who changes oil filters by day and staples firewire ports into your tramp stamp region by night. Typical Dafoe typecasting again. Once hooked into the game, Allegra and Ted take on their game characters role and become factory workers in a mutant fish slaughter house where game pods are manufactured from the fish guts. oh, and don’t forget all the free botulism.

Ted and Allegra take a lunch break at the local chinese restaurant where Ted orders the house special. It’s a simmering  side-sampler buffet of dead mutants animals encrusted in goo which Ted devours like he has a tape worm. He finshes off the meal and slurps out the entrails to constructs a gun made of bone and gristle just so that he can shoot his waiter. This means the rebels are trying to take control of the game and worst of all there will be no fortune cookies after dinner. Meanwhile, Allegra’s game pod has become infected by a computer virus which she’s hooked up to but a rebel toasts it with his portable flamethrower. The pod pops open releasing millions of infectious spores destroying the other factory game pods thus upping the level of un-believability not seen since OJ testimony. Alegra and Ted awaken finding themselves still attached to their supposed real-life game pod while snoozing in a ski-lodge which we all know this is still a virtual world because ski-lodges don’t actually exist outside of trashy romance novels. existenzMeanwhile a revolution starts up outside lead by realist rebels who are tossing around grenades and shouting things like “death to the virtual world” and other typical revolutionist banter. Ted and Alegra escape to the hills but have a gun-showdown with a competing virtual game developer who just wants them to work for his company instead. It’s a pretty effective recruiting method. I don’t want to give away the twist ending on this one except to say…it’s more of the same. There now you’re expectations aren’t too high,  Barry Goodall says put down the virtual gameboy and go a few rounds with Existenz. Just don’t do it on an full stomach.

roadside attractions

  • Bioport licking.
  • Jiffy lube organic implants
  • Umbilical cord cutting
  • Double headed salamanders (not a euphemism)
  • Tooth bullets
  • Chinese buffet of horror
totals

8

blood

BLOOD

People getting shot with teeth bullets, gory gooey entrails to help keep that gore meter up.

7

blood

BREASTS

Cronenberg goes light on the nudity for this one which is odd for a cronnenberg film.

7

beast

BEASTS

A bunch of mutant fish and lizards and weird pod creatures that hook up to your spinal column.

8 OVERALL
dripper

Watch the trailer to “ExistenZ”

trailers

dripper
Feb

Comments Off on Carnosaur 2

Carnosaur 2
1995 – R – New Horizon
83 minutes – Starring John Savage, Cliff De Young – Directed by Louis Morneau

Remember the movie Aliens, that awesome movie about a crew of misfit Colonial Marines that go to a far off planet after communications were lost with them and they battle waves of xenomorphs that bleed acid? Wouldn’t it be great if they remade that, but with dinosaurs? Really cheap ones too! Like, so cheap you’ll laugh until you’re on the floor rolling, holding your ribs in pain, wishing for it to stop. Throw in some one dimensional knock offs of each character and set designs so cheap, it looks like the movie was shot at a children’s carnival spooky house attraction and you have Carnosaur 2! It’s described as a “low budget sequel,” but I think it should have been described as a “much, much lower budget sequel.”

You could argue that the movie doesn’t exactly begin like Aliens, but that it begins like some of the deleted scenes from Aliens, but this is as about as far as the movie stretches its originality. It’s like those scenes with the colonists and Newt with her family. Actually to be fair, the beginning of this film doesn’t rip off Aliens. No, it flat out rips off that other successful James Cameron sequel, Terminator 2. In particular, the scene where John Conner is hacking an ATM machine for money, only here, the Eddie Furlong clone and friend are hacking into some storage unit in an underground super secret mine/lab to steal some dynamite or as this young Keanu Reeves inspired actor puts it, “Industrial strength blammo, dude.” Now I have to ask… why is he stealing it? What the hell is he planning (maybe it would have been better than this movie)? Anyway, the kid’s name is Jesse and his uncle who works for this facility catches them. Rather than being completely shocked as to how they broke in and why they are stealing dynamite, he just sends Jesse’s friend home and scoffs. Leaving work, Uncle Whatever-his-name-is tells Jesse not to wonder off and of course, the little creep does just that (and he has the whole 90’s grunge look to prove he doesn’t care!) only to be offered to drive a forklift for a moment and is told never to press a certain lever because IT OPENS A METAL DOOR WITH 150 FOOT DROP STRAIGHT DOWN. I’m sure this will in no way come back later in the film. Especially not the climax.

c2_2Jesse and his uncle stop at the mess hall for some grub, because it’s cheap to shoot there. We’re introduced to some cook who works there whose purpose is to hear a noise, which he thinks is coyotes. Once outside, he likes to taunt these coyotes we can’t see to provide suspense, when suddenly he hears… that clicking sound the Predator makes? Yeah, it sounds just like it, making for something else this movie rips off. As the poor guy is having his face eaten off, all I can do is sit here and ponder how the filmmakers couldn’t even have enough originality to make a dinosaur sound (hell, the trailer even rips off Jurassic Park sounds). Back inside, the dinosaurs are throwing garbage (why?) in a fit of rage and tossing people around like pro wrestlers.

After a cross dissolve, we see John Savage roll up in a jeep to another unknown location, hungover, no doubt trying to drink away the thoughts of falling not so gracefully since The Deer Hunter. Another character named Monk is introduced with the elegant line of dialogue, “So, I’m hammering this girl…” then proceeds to talk about cheating on his wife like it’s the most casual conversation. I know the intention of the writers was to provide him as comic relief, but if my first reaction is to smash this man’s esophagus, it’s not a good thing. Moving along, we are introduced to our rag tag bunch of Colonial Marines, I mean… Mercs? What are these guys supposed to be anyway? They look like janitors in their one piece, patchless uniforms. Each one of them represents a one dimensional character trait of a Colonial Marine, so when you think of these characters, you’ll be thinking of others characters from another movie. It’s a collection of D-List actors, although the only one I recognize is Miguel A Nunez Jr from Return of the Living Dead And Friday the 13th Part V, making him the only actor I can tolerate on screen. Being the film’s only ethnic person though, he doesn’t seem to have a high survival rate.

c2_3After they are woken up… ’cause they can’t call it hypersleep. This is a more realistic movie, you know… with genetically engineered killer dinosaurs. Anyway, they are debriefed on the situation by this movie’s Paul Reiser, McQuade, a pudgy, frizzled hair guy who’s even dressed like Carter Burke, bubble vest over flannel and all. Well gee, wouldn’t you know it, turns out the company lost communications with the workers inside the secret mine… just kinda like how that other movie lost communications with a planet. With no time to waste, the crew hop in their chopper, but instead of going the homo-bashing helicopter scene from Predator route (which I actually thought they were going to do), they instead play ‘Flight of The Valkyries’ on a boombox, ripping off Apocalypse Now, only here it’s not very good and makes no sense.

Once inside the facility, we get the usual “searching the perimeter” scene, until the stumble upon Newt, I mean Jesse, who is traumatized. After claiming to have searched the facility (although this is literally the only room we see them search), the team thinks they should bail, but McQuade tells them otherwise. They bicker and argue and are about to leave, but for some reason change their minds and stay, which makes the whole ten or so minutes you just sat through with them arguing completely pointless.

c2_4By now, you’re probably catching on to the beat of the movie, especially if you’ve seen Aliens: Setting up a coms room, looking at destroyed architecture, the Newt and Ripley bond… just to stretch out that moment until you finally see the dinosaurs, except when you do eventually get to see them here, it’s like looking at rubber puppets. The dinosaurs start to kill the Mercs, forcing the remaining others to flee like the cowards they are, calling for an immediate evac and this is where the film leaves me in shock. They do a shot for shot remake of the evac crashing scene, but to be honest, they got me. I didn’t see that coming. I thought, “Surely the filmmakers aren’t this lazy and stupid to copy EXACTLY every little scene that happened in Aliens,” but they got me! I was expecting Monk to cite the famous, “Game over, man!” line. So yeah, their obviously toy helicopter being blown up with firecrackers crashes, so they head back inside for the film’s exposition scene where we learn all about the dinosaurs and what McQuade is actually up to. This would have been a shocking reveal if they weren’t obviously ripping off a character from the movie they are ripping off who was revealed to have a secret agenda for the company he worked for. Bottom line, IT’S NOT A SECRET IF IT’S OBVIOUS BECAUSE YOUR AUDIENCE IS AWARE OF WHAT FILM YOU ARE KNOCKING OFF.

No more screwing around, it’s time to escape! Jesse hacks the mainframe (it’s what all kids knew how to do in the 90’s), the team goes off to collect the dynamite, McQuade tries to stop them… I really shouldn’t have to be explaining this. We’ve all seen Aliens. Speaking of, isn’t there a real crucial scene where they discover that the planets reactor is melting down? So how do they do it here? Turns out, this facility was used as a place to store nuclear warheads after the Cold War and the dinosaurs damaged it… you know, because it happened in Aliens, okay!? By now, the curtains are coming to a close and there are only a few scenes left to reenact, so I’m going to finish this up by saying once more, LITERALLY the exact same things that happened in Aliens, happen here. You do get to see the movies only moment of gore, as one of the Mercs gets their arm ripped off and then guts ripped out, so that’s worth at least a couple of rewinds. I should also mention that in place of a Queen Alien, you get a T-Rex, which to be fair, I guess would be the equivalent of that. Oh and take a guess if that forklift and the 150 foot drop make a return…

Carnosaur 2
Wow, there are rip offs, then there are blatant rip off photocopies and Carnosaur 2 goes above and beyond that. It’s so cheap, it even rips off the first movie! This movie makes films by Bruno Mattei look subtle and that guy made a career out of ripping off films. Even for a Roger Corman produced movie this is shameful. I mean, my god… it’s literally Aliens with velocioraptors… and bad acting… and crappy effects, bad music… It’s just bad, but not too unwatchably bad, since it’s worth watching for the unintentional laughs alone. It fun to see what feels like a film student’s reenactment of Aliens as a dinosaur puppet show. Since there isn’t much in the way of boobs or gore, a lot of horror fans will find it hard to sit through, even with the cheese factor going through the roof. This is a film I’m really in the middle of the road about. On one hand, it’s a piss poor excuse of a knockoff, but it’s so incredibly bad, it’s as if it makes you stupid while you watch it, so you can sit through the entire movie. But you know what the worst part is? There are three more entries in the series. We’re all doomed… DOOMED!

Check out this review and plenty others at Goon Reviews.

roadside attractions

  • Do not play a drinking game to this where you take a shot every time it rips off Aliens… you will die!
  • Jesse is if Eddie Furlong and Keanu Reeves had a baby.
  • Janitor Mercs!
  • Attack of the killer toy dinosaurs!
  • Give ’em a hand… or they spilled their guts. I don’t know which joke to go with.
  • Forklift VS. T-Rex is the poor man’s Power loader VS. Queen Alien.
totals

5

blood

BLOOD

The film usually cuts away to splash blood on the wall, but seeing a Merc get their arm torn off was pretty awesome.

0

blood

BREASTS

None boobs or cleavage. Everyone is covered up like it’s a sacred thing.

3

beast

BEASTS

These dinos are about as threatening as the plastic toys they look like. Probably only dangerous to kids 3 and under for swallowing reasons.

2.6 OVERALL
dripper

“Watch the full movie!”

trailers

dripper
Jan

posted by Barry Goodall | January 25, 2014 | 90's movies, B-movie Reviews, B-movies, Horror movies, Review by Barry Goodall

Comments Off on Leprechaun 2

leprechaun2


Just when you thought it was safe to eat Lucky Charms again, along comes Leprechaun 2. This time the leprechaun is in love and will stop at nothing to get his bride. It’s the equivalent of a midget psychopath with an E-harmony account. In medieval Ireland when people weren’t dying of the black death, they’re usually dealing with leprechaun infestations. Warwick Davis plays one such magical irishman whose been hankering for a little dwarf love on his 1000th birthday. He’s got his eyes set a local peasant girl. She’s a fair maiden who enjoys nighttime laundry cleaning. Fortunately her dad whose been a forced slave of the Leprechaun puts the kibosh on the wedding plans when he breaks up it’s spell of sneezes. Yes, many Irish spells revolve around chronic outdoor allergies. This ticks of the little green guy who ends up sulking in a magic tree trunk for a few more centuries and work on growing out his mullet.


Flash forward to the 1990’s and a con artist, Cody and his drunk uncle Morty have been touring around in a hearse taking tourists money and creeping out the old folks at the senior center. Cody’s girlfriend Bridget, a descendent of the peasant girl comes along for the ride hoping to play a bit of putt-putt later with Cody (not a euphemism.) Meanwhile, A hobo’s gold filling lures the old Leprechaun out of hiding and starts stalking Bridget hoping to make her his new bride and baby mama. He puts her in a choke collar and teleports her back to his tree cave prison for a shotgun wedding but before he can perform the ceremony he discover one of his precious gold coins was snatched away by Cody. He must “have his gold” so he leaves Bridget chained to a rock and heads back to town to track him down.


leprechaun2Cody has been trying to convince Morty of the Leprechaun, but he doesn’t believe him until they both go to the local bar and the Leprechaun shows up for a St. Patty’s day drinking showdown. Even a leprechaun can’t out drink an alcoholic. Before he can claim victory, the leprechaun smashes Morty on the head with a whiskey bottle and hides out in a hipster coffee shop to sober up and face melt a snarky barista. Cody and Morty trick the leprechaun into a iron safe but Morty can’t resist the lure of 3 free wishes and locks Cody in the closet while he ends up with a stomach full of gold coins instead. That’s a heck of lot harder to pass than a kidney stone. With his last wishes, Morty accidentally frees the leprechaun who then slices him open like a sunday ham. and somewhere a bartender decides to close early.

Cody tracks down the leprechauns secret love lair and has to do fight with the little guy through a battle of wits which can hopefully can save Bridget from a life of leprehacuan diaper changing once and for all. L2 is not really on par with the first Leprechaun film which had Jennifer Aniston, but this one did have a brief cameo by Clint Howard which is about as good as it gts. Barry Goodall says check out Leprechaun 2, it’s magically malicious.

roadside attractions

  • Levitating and neck snapping
  • Homeless dental surgery
  • Glowing trees
  • Tree-fu
  • Finger rippin’ good
  • Propeller to the face
  • Remote choke collar
  • Snuggie blackets
  • Leprechaun drool
  • Irish go-carting
  • Espresso of death
  • Hit and run leprechaun
  • Skeleton wrestling
  • Exploding midgets
totals

2

blood

BLOOD

A finger gets chopped, a stomach sliced, but it’s surprisingly light on the red stuff. There’s a lot of high blood alcohol levels though if that counts for anything.

7

blood

BREASTS

Stunt Double breasts? sure, we don’t discriminate but wish they’d jump through a flaming hoop over some buses.

7

beast

BEASTS

One little leprechaun who can’t stop rhyming like a midget vanilla ice with more talent.

7.9 OVERALL
dripper

Watch the trailer to “Leprechaun 2”

trailers

dripper
Jan

posted by admin | January 13, 2014 | 90's movies, Action, B-movie Reviews, B-movies, Bad movie, Reviews by the Goon

Comments Off on Martial Law

Martial Law
1990 – R – CBS/FOX

There isn’t a problem in this world that can’t be solved with a roundhouse kick, that’s what I always say. Oily faced waiter that screwed up your order? Roundhouse kick him so that he crashes onto the table next to you, sending the plate of spaghetti that snooty rich man was eating flying into the air and plopping right on his head. Jerk on his cellphone while driving cut you off? Follow him home, roundhouse kick him through his front door and then mutter a cool one liner like, “Long distance fees… applied!” as his family stares at you wide eyed in shock. If any film has taught me that, it’s Martial Law. No, not the TV series starring overweight action star Sammo Hung, I’m talking the balls to wall, star studded cast early 90’s movie!

Chad McQueen (Yes, the douche bag from The Karate Kid) “stars” as Sean Thompson, a cop who doesn’t play by the rules! As if there is another kind of cop in a 90’s action movie. Actually, he plays fairly close to the rules, but with a spin of his own. So I guess you could say he’s a cop who respects the boundaries he’s been giving, but will occasionally slightly walk abroad to the fine line of right and wrong without making it too questionable, but there was probably a more tasteful approach to resolving the situation.

ml_2Right when the movie starts, a hostage situation or a robbery… some sort of crime, has already taken place. I have to be honest, I kinda zoned out within the first few seconds. Two minutes without a martial arts fighting and you expect me to pay attention? Blasphemy! The bad guys start getting hungry and crave cheap, mediocre take out pizza from the local product placement, Domino’s. The delivery boy expects a tip, which the bad guys decide to pay… in bullets! But before they can fire any rounds off, the delivery boy proves he is a delivery man by round-housing all their weapons out of their hands and dropping these scumbags to the floor. Turns out this delivery man was none other than before mentioned Sean Thompson, enforcing justice through the L.A.P.D.’s new unit, simply called Martial Law (Hey, that’s the title of the movie!). This unit is so badarse, they are authorized to use their martial arts skills on all perps who so much as even blink at them.

Joining him on the team is Billie, played by none other than 80’s/90’s karate babe, Cynthia Rothrock and also, um… I think that’s it and quite frankly, I don’t think you need anyone else on this team. These two take on the seedy underbelly of dirty… probably Los Angeles after Sean’s lil’ bro-bro gets in cahoots with the crime kingpin of the city, Dalton Rhodes, played by David Carradine who is apparently trying to make amends for starring in Future Force. Dalton runs a “Cartel for Hire” business (and I have to wonder what his business cards look like) and when he’s not loving crime and doing crime stuff, he’s boosting cars more sophisticated than Nic Cage in Gone in 60 Seconds. And to round off how diabolically evil he is, Dalton is the last known practitioner of dim-mak, better known as the touch of death technique! Come to think of it, wasn’t there another David Carradine movie and something about the touch of death? Hmm, must be escaping my mind. Anyway, the most genius part about this whole thing is that Dalton is running his operation out of a dojo that he also uses to recruit thugs! That is almost a Bond level evil crime lord stint. This way, either all of your hired goons are going to be enthusiastic punks who can twirl some nunchucks or forth grades, so nobody would punch them.

And from here you can fill every scene with 90’s thugs (mesh tees, sleeveless jean jackets, high top sneakers… you know the kind) as they try to stop our crime fighting duo and fail miserably. But not before spewing out lines that they are going to “rough them up.” I’m sure you’re aware of this formula; Bad guy spews tough line, hero spin kicks bad guy and finally hero regurgitates a cringing one-liner so cheesy, it’s fermented. But really, would you have it any other way? Sean tries to help out his brother Michael, but the two have a meltdown in one of my favorite movie cliches of that time, the “Stay out of my life!” cliche. Sure, every movie in the 90’s did it, but when it happens, you’re always glad it did. Once Dalton is informed that Michael’s brother is a cop, he’s put to a test of loyalty and it ends pretty much how you think it would…

ml_2It’s a 90’s Martial Arts/cop movie, so of course boils down to a battle between “that guy from Kung-Fu” and Steve McQueen’s son. We all know good always triumphs over evil in these flicks, but let’s face it; we’re not watching these movies for their plots. We want to see some damn fine quality martial arts! And if there so happens to be a babe in the film, then that makes it even better and nobody delivered both of those features better than Cynthia Rothrock. And let’s be honest. That’s why we are watching this movie. The martial arts and stunt work is actually very well done and quite impressive and the plot was like someone pushed the cop movie cliche button, only falling short of the always favorite “guy-who-dies-with-only-two-days-left-to-retire” cliche. It’s a great little action flick that’ll get you up out of your seat and screaming at your television when baddies are kicked around by our two stars. I was generally rooting for them throughout the duration and wanted them to continue branding their justice!

It’s always great to revisit an era where everyone knew some sweet Ninja moves and it was the way to solve every problem. If you feel like being nostalgic for the early 90’s, in a land where violence and one-liners were the answer to every problem, then order some take out and rent Martial Law from Blockbuster (I don’t foresee those closing anytime soon…). It’ll make you think twice before stiffing the pizza delivery guy on his tip.

Check out this review and plenty others at Goon Reviews.

roadside attractions

  • Large pizza with sausage and drop kicks.
  • Cynthia Rothrock rocking.
  • David Carradine touching fools to death.
  • You mad, bro?
  • I think we can all agree that everyone does indeed want Kung-Fu fighting.
totals

7

blood

BLOOD

It’s no gore fest, but if you say that to this movie’s face, it will drop kick you in the jaw.

3

blood

BREASTS

No boobies, but Cynthia Rothrock is hot as ever.

7

beast

BEASTS

You couldn’t pack more martial arts into this film if you had the jaws of life.

5 OVERALL
dripper

Watch the trailer for “Martial Law”!

trailers

dripper

About the Highway

Lost Highway is your satirical detour down the twisted back roads of b-movies and cult films reviews. learn more >>