Archive for the 'Action' Category


Comments Off on A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell

I’ll say one thing about A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell: it delivers on its promise. There is a titular nymphoid. Dinosaurs abound. There are barbarians. And there is no shortage of Hell. It is worth notin’ that the title says Nymphoid, not Nymphomaniac, which is what I thought it said. Big difference between the two, and as a result, my Tuesday morning.

Accordin’ to Prof. Wikipedias, nymphoid refers to a nymph, meanin’: A young girl, especially one who inspires lustful feelings.

Makes sense. Lea, said nymphoid, is young and just about every guy in the flick wants to give her saddle a rattle.

Now, compare to nymphomaniac: A woman with excessive sexual desire.

If the flick were A Nymphomaniac Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell, the plot probably wouldn’t move too far. Lea would be lovin’ everythin’ in sight, just like Ma Sixon after her Thanksgivin’ gallon of Wild Turkey.

Nymphoid Barbarian In dinosaur HellBut sadly, there is very little lovin’ in this flick. In fact, more uglies were bumped in Forrest Gump.

This here post-apocalyptic flick opens with Lea explainin’ how the world came to an end over a montage (a “capitalist conspiracy” is mentioned–some thing never change, eh?). Most of the footage in the montage looks like it came from a bunch of other flicks, and that ain’t surprisin’, as Nymphoid was a Troma release. They reuse more old footage than a rerun of America’s Funniest Home Videos.

To sum up: bad stuff happened in the past (see: Nukes), and now the ravaged world is filled with mutants and dinosaur-like beasties. Items of note: Lea claims to be from Tromaville, and she starts her narration with “Dear Diary,” even though, as we learn later, she can barely read.

Tryin’ to survive in this Dinosaur Hell are our nymphoid and her boyfriend, Marn. Yes, when you get right down to it, this flick is a love story. A love story with some road bumps, mind you. Seems like everyone is after Lea. In the first few minutes of the flick, a gang, who looks like a Manowar cosplay, tries to capture and have their way with Lea.

Marn saves Lea, but later on, she gets captured by a pack of reptoids and their master, a poor man’s Kurgan. The group of baddies beat the tar out of Marn, but he is nursed back to health by an old man, who is learned in the ways of public domain literature (he recites the Jabberwocky poem from Through the Looking Glass). After he’s healed up, Marn goes searchin’ for Lea. What we have here is a ‘boy meets girl, boy loses girl, girl meets mutants, boy fights mutants’ kinda love story.

And dinosaurs. Lots of dinosaurs. The effects are classic stop-motion animation, and pretty dang good for a low-budget flick. While there is a fair amount of action, the combat is about as fierce as a third grade stage version of Braveheart: punches and kicks barely connect, and weapons are swung with hesitation. Given that most of the cast played multiple parts, I guess the director didn’t want anyone gettin’ hurt.

Now, this don’t mean the flick is lacking in blood. Nope. Limbs are severed. Baddies are chomped to bits by dinos. Heck, there’s even a bit of cannibalism—just in time for Thanksgivin’!

The acting in A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell is its weakest link, but it only adds to the charm and if you are worried ‘bout the actin’ in a film called A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell, then you are probably watchin’ the wrong movie, friend.

Tiger says, give this one a watch for the stop-motion animation alone, but bring a few beers–or a gallon of Wild Turkey.

Tiger Sixon is forced to watch B-movies from the comfort of a secret government base in Death Valley. He looks nothing at all like Daniel J. Hogan (@danieljhogan) who draws the comic Clattertron.

roadside attractions

  • Nukes
  • Ear biting
  • Tromaville Sign
  • Axe swinging
  • Sword whirling
  • Hesitant combat
  • Cameraman Shadows
  • Reptoid abuse
  • Swamp Men
  • Laundry stealing
  • Leather bikinis
  • Severed limbs
  • Sandworms
  • Stop motion dinosaurs
  • Dinosaur fights
  • Reptoids
  • Public Domain Literature
  • Groping




severed limbs and hungry dinos supply plenty of blood. Plus: cannibalism!




we see Lea’s mosquito bites for about 39 frames in the final five minutes.




A variety of dinos, reptoids, mutants and more.


Check out the trailer for “A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell”



Comments Off on Audio B-movie Review – Dollman

Hey y’all, Tiger here.

I was able to do another one o’ those Audio Reviews for the Ginger and the Geek Podcast. If yer ears be hungry for more o’ my golden voice, then give my audio review of Dollman a listen. It is under five minutes long, which is about how long my third marriage lasted.

If you wanna listen to the whole dang podcast episode, feel free. It is an hour and three minutes long, making it a touch longer than my fourth marriage.

I also have a wrote up version of the review too. Enjoy.


Comments Off on Arena


Do you like movies about sweaty, shirtless guys punching space aliens? Then Arena (1989, dir. Peter Manoogian) is the flick for you. If not, well, then yer on the wrong website, friend. I’m sure Martha Stewart has somethin’ about puttin’ glitter on pinecones over on her site.

arenaTake Rocky and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (or Babylon 5 if you prefer), toss ‘em in a blender and you pretty much have Arena. On a space station populated with humans and aliens, a human short order cook, Steve Armstrong, dreams of fighting in the station’s popular slugfest.

Now, let’s back up a bit. Our hero, a fighter, is named Steve Armstrong. Get it? That would be like naming Tom Cruise’s character in Days of Thunder, Cole Driveswell, or Roy Scheider in Jaws, Chief Martin Kantswim.

But, given that Steve Armstrong, played by Christopher Reeve clone Paul Satterfield, looks and acts more or less like a poor man’s Flash Gordon, the name works. This is not a serious epic about the tests and trails of a fighter, like in say The Fighter (starring the Batman and Marky Mark). Nah, this is an excuse for a guy to punch a bunch of alien puppets. Need another example? Steve’s best buddy is a short alien guy with four arms, named, of course, Shorty. This film does not take itself seriously, and I mean that in a good way.

It is worth noting that this here flick features plenty of folks from both Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and Babylon 5—science fiction TV shows about life on a space station. Both o’ these shows came a few years after Arena, so maybe we have this flick to thank for a pair of classic science-fiction shows. Or it just helped them all get another job. Typecasting, y’know? Kind of like how Don S. Davis played a fair share of military guys, or how Clint Eastwood never plays anyone who smiles.arena

Arena starts out with Steve picking a fight with some kinda fish man. Reminds me of the time I tried fishing for catfish barehanded. Steve’s throws and ‘bo’s grabs the eye of a fighter trainer, played by B5’s Claudia Christian, and he gets his wish: to be the first human in 50 years to fight in the titular arena.

But, all ain’t cheery in the arena. A shady fight promoter fixes fights and rules the roost. His henchman, DS9’s Armin Shimerman (once again in full makeup), ain’t too nice neither. Steve fights his way through alien after alien as he works his way to the top of the rankings—and yes, we are treated to a mandatory montage.

Hijinks and shady business plague Steve as he works his way up to the championship fight, but you pretty much know how this one is gonna end. Arena does have a neat plot device in the form of the Handicapper—a machine that averages out the strength between the two fighters. This comes in handy when one fighter is a scrappy human, and the other is some sort of horned cyborg-lizard with a welded on codpiece. Yeah.


The real charm of Arena lies in its alien makeup effects. And, thankfully, some of the aliens ain’t yer basic humanoid shape neither. One of Steve’s first fights is against some kind of large-space grasshopper thing. It is a sight to behold, and makes the flick worth a watch on its own. They don’t make ‘em like this no more. A bit of trivia, Hollywood voice over legend, Frank Welker, provides voices for some, if not all, of the aliens Steve fights.

Tiger says, while Arena is predictable with its underdog fighter plot, it is fun and the makeup effects are great reminder of what movies were like before the overuse of CGI and motion-capture. Give it a peep, and play the Count the Star Trek/B5 Actors Drinking Game.

Tiger Sixon is forced to watch B-movies from the comfort of a secret government base in Death Valley. He looks nothing at all like Daniel J. Hogan (@danieljhogan) who draws the comic Clattertron.

roadside attractions

  • Puppet Punching
  • Alien Punching
  • Poor Customer Service
  • Food Throwing
  • Fourhanded Cooking
  • Fourhanded Massages
  • Gold Shorts
  • Cyborg Codpieces
  • Exploding Skulls
  • Hologram Dancing Girls
  • Future Star Trek Actors
  • Future Babylon 5 Actors




While there is plenty of fighting, mostly punching and the like, there is little blood on screen. Sure, Steve bleeds a bit here and there, but it is nothing major.




We don’t see any full on naked boobies, but we get close a couple times, and Steve’s dream girl has some low cut dresses.




Yes, Arena is lacking a bit in the first two categories, but it piles on the aliens with puppets, body suits and some great makeup effects—especially for a straight to video movie.


Check out the trailer for “Arena”



posted by Barry Goodall | July 17, 2011 | 80's movies, Action, B-movie Reviews, B-movies, Review by Doktor

Comments Off on Warriors of the Lost World: Rest Stop Review Edition

Tagline: “The Rider” must destroy the evil Omega Force.
Year: 1983 Runtime: 92 min
Director: David Worrth
Writer: David Worth

Starring: Robert “The Exterminator” Ginty, Persis “Star Trek” Khambatta and Donald “Halloween” Pleasence

Italian. Post apocalypse. Motorcycle with more plastic additions than Joan Rivers’ face.

Normally I wouldn’t need to say anything else ‘cos surely you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you’ve seen Mad Max, you’ve seen all the post apocalypse movies. This movie is interesting because somehow, despite it’s Ultra-Low budget of $13.68, David Worth got some “name” actors.

Robert “The Exterminator” Ginty

I know that Italians liked a tough, slow-talkin’ hero, but Ginty is slow like that “special” cousin you were forced to include in whatever games you’re playing when his family came over for the holidays. At best he’s a Rent-a-Center Barry Bostwick, though, truth be told, I’m just being nice. His delivery is the auditory equivalent of maple syrup passing through a coffee filter. I had to tweeze my lengthier nostril hairs to keep awake whenever he said anything.

Persis “Star Trek” Khambatta

She’s the exotic love interest, which I suppose works. She’s no Bea Arthur, but I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating samosas. She is out of place though. See, her father, whom she’s on a mission to save, is as white as a mayonnaise sandwich. Plus, she comes from a group of toga wearing Greek wanna-bes.

Donald “Halloween” Pleasence

Original Doctor Evil. Seriously. The only difference in Pleasence’s character and Mike Myers’ is Pleasence doesn’t have the monocle scar. Also, he wears a glove on his left hand to accent his “Bob Dole” arm.

Finally, I would be remiss if I left out Speedcycle

This is the high-tech ride that The Rider rides. It’s graphical user interface is a 3” TRS-80 screen that displays everything it says. I suppose it was necessary to do so, for the viewers to understand what it was squeeking, because the voice unit sounded like Orko on helium.

Roadside Attractions:

  • Within the first 10 minutes of the film, The Rider, the super bad-ass, is shot three times, once in the head.
  • To add insult to The Rider’s injuries, promptly after escaping the headshot, Speedcycle, in auto-pilot, drives head on into a cliff.
  • Healing flashlights. They can remove even the toughest of Louisiana Hot Sauce Blood applications.
  • Gratuitous cars driving off cliffs and exploding.
  • WORST. SHOTS. EVER. Watch the trailer clip below to see exactly how people can miss even while driving point blank close to one another.
  • Cave C.H.U.D.
  • Cave C.H.U.D. are the bouncers for Club Utopia, a spandex and stud club.
  • Mega Weapon: a huge dump truck, painted black, with a useless anti-personnel flame thrower set about 12’ up.
  • Warriors style gangs: Kung Fu Dudes, Nazis, Femmes, Hill-Billies and 80’s Punks.



Comments Off on The Dungeonmaster


There are very few great films about a man from the real world being “zapped” in to a video game. The Dungeonmaster (aka Ragewar: The Challenges of Excalibrate) ain’t on that list. Heck, it ain’t even in the same time zone.

dungeonmasterWhen a film with a overall run time of about 76 minutes (including credits) starts out with more slow-motion than a season finale of Baywatch, you know yer in trouble. And did I mention Dungeonmaster has seven directors? Well, it has seven directors.

Our hero is computer nerd Paul—the flick starts with his slow-motion dream of waking up in a lab, covered in all kinds of medical scanners and probes. Some may call that a nightmare, but me, I jus’ call that a Tuesday after lunch.

Paul chases a film cliché–I mean a lady in a red dress—through some kind of complex, and ‘bout a minute later, we see her naked. So, I’ll give Dungeonmaster this: they make quick with the boobies. Paul gets ready to do the horizontal mambo with the lady in red, when a bunch of ogres crash the party. Sounds like prom night in Middle-Earth to me. Maybe the ogres were summoned by the lady in red’s One Promise Ring?

With the dream over, Paul, with giant 80s glasses, awakes at his desk. We’re treated to some background about Paul being a super-smart computer programmer as well as his pair of short shorts. No lie. He runs home from work. Or he’s just a show off. Even bet, I guess. If I had his legs, I’d sure as hell show ‘em off—they’d look great over my fireplace. And by fireplace, I mean the crack in the wall of my cell the glowing cockroaches crawl through.

Speaking of computers, Paul has his brain hooked up to his computer—Cal. “She” talks to him, and Paul’s movie screen sized glasses act as computer screens. Computers in you brain? I had a bad enough time with the radio transmitters in my teeth. Never underestimate the value of a good pair of pliers—or spandex. What? Ah, well we’re treated to a scene of Paul’s lady, Gwen, doing aerobics with a gaggle of gals at the gym.

Gwen is jealous of Cal—despite Paul’s wanting to be married. To Gwen. Not the computer. I know, it gets complicated.

And from there, the couple gets zapped into…uh…somewhere, because it don’t look like no computer I’ve ever been in. The evil wizard, Mestema, has taken Paul and Gwen to his realm for, what else, a challenge! Let’s back up though—Mestema is played by TV’s Richard Moll. Y’know, Bull on Night Court? He nails the creepy villain part.

dungeonmasterPaul is forced to survive seven challenges—or “levels” if you prefer. Mestema is really into cosplay, because he’s given Gwen a damsel in distress outfit, and Paul some fancy leather armor, with a wrist version of Cal–which pretty much solves all the riddles and blasts all the baddies.

And there are baddies: angry dwarves, zombies, demons, a stone giant—the list goes on. One high point in a later challenge which features Mestema’s frozen rogues gallery, which includes the likes of Jack the Ripper, the Wolf-Man, the Mummy and Einstein. Yep.

And an even higher point is a level in which Paul faces off against the band W.A.S.P. This follows a scene in which Mestema treats Paul to some Phillip Glass-like torture (which is a Thursday for me). Yes, Blackie Lawless and the boys are playing a gig, and Paul has to save Gwen from the wicked ways.

Double horns, baby.

While it ain’t Tron, The Last Starfighter, or even Tron: Legacy, Dungeonmaster does have its moments. It features some fun old school special effects by Dave Allen (Equinox, The Howling), which makes it worth a watch on its own. Plus, there’s boobs within the first two minutes (and a few more scattered throughout the film). Tiger says, give this one a watch.

Tiger Sixon is forced to watch B-movies from the comfort of a secret government base in Death Valley. He looks nothing at all like Daniel J. Hogan (@danieljhogan) who draws the comic Clattertron.

roadside attractions

  • Angry dwarves
  • Tiny demons
  • Stone giants
  • Blackie Lawless
  • 80s glasses
  • Spandex–lots of spandex
  • Zombies
  • Frozen Einstein
  • Wrist lasers
  • Ladies in Red
  • Bathing beauties
  • Dwarves with guns
  • Car crashes




Save for a few zombie decapitations, this flick is pretty light on the blood.




We got boobies in the first two minutes. That’s a plus. There are a few more later, but they are under semi-see through clothing.




All kinds of beasts here—zombies, demons, giants, Richard Moll. You name it.


Check out the trailer for “The Dungeonmaster”




About the Highway

Lost Highway is your satirical detour down the twisted back roads of b-movies and cult films reviews. learn more >>