Archive for the 'B-movie Reviews' Category

Jun

Comments Off on Hellraiser: Deader

“Hellraiser: Deader” tasks me. I know I said that the last two movies were slush pile escapees with Cenobite architecture grafted on, but really nothing to do with Hellraiser or even the spirit of Hellraiser. At least “Inferno” had the core of a decent horror movie and “Hellseeker” had fodder for my Kirsty/Pinhead fanfic, but this? “Deader” offers us Kari Wuhrer in pigtails in Romania, a few ooky effects, but not much else. “Hellseeker” director Rick Bota is back, so look for pretty shots signifying nothing.

We meet Kari’s character, Amy Klein, belly baring and passed out in a fairly livable looking crack den. There are lots of passed out addicts all around her, but they aren’t violent and all still have their teeth, so it can’t be that bad. Amy wakes up, apparently not a crack fiend but an amazing simulation, and stealthily begins snapping pictures of the blasé druggies with her giant stealth camera. A short time later, she checks out, refusing drugs from a guy one must assume is a very generous young addict. “I got what I came for,” snarls Amy Klein – everyone always says her whole name whenever they address her, like John Wick or a Pimp Named Slickback — cigarette dangling dangerously from her dangerous lips.

We follow dangerous maverick Amy Klein to the magazine where she works, London Underground. Amy Klein goes to her boss, they exposit a little bit about how maverick she is, and then he tells her he has a video to show her. And he does, an actual VHS, and the shocks don’t stop there. It’s a snuff film, or seems to be, until the person who commits suicide in the video suddenly comes back to life.

Amy Klein’s boss wants her to go to Romania to do a story on this super underground cult called Deaders, who have a way of killing themselves and living to make home movies about it. Amy Klein obliges, following the trail of the mysterious videotape to some despoiled and creepy apartments run by a Romanian version of Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Bribing her way inside, she finds a Deader-eyed body clutching the Hellraiser box along with an enticing padded envelope. Amy Klein puts both into her inventory.

At her hotel, Amy Klein smokes and thinks and smokes and empties out the envelope and then smokes and opens the box. Her head is seized with some pretty fat chains before she sees Pinhead telling her, “Don’t think for a moment that you are not in danger.” Then she’s back in her hotel, apparently not in any danger.

Amy Klein follows the Deader trail to a party train full of so much nudity. Here we see “Deader” pioneer territory perfected by “Game of Thrones” in having naked people groping each other in the background of long dialogue scenes heavy with exposition. This dialogue scene is between Amy Klein and Joey, Joey himself dressed like someone’s idea of ultraviolence and well acquainted with the Deaders. He warns Amy Klein of her own self-destructive tendencies, although honestly, what’s he even talking about? He hasn’t even seen her so much as chainsmoke.

Up to this point, the movie has been plodding, but it hasn’t been terrible. Let me tell you where the movie really ups the suckage. Amy Klein learns that the guy behind the Deader cult is Winter Lemarchand, the great-great-great-etc relative of the box’s architect, Phillipe Lemarchand, who you may remember from such films as “Hellraiser: Bloodline.” Winter is killing and resurrecting his cultists in order to produce one chosen one that can open the box his ancestor made, so Winter can then go and be Boss of the Cenobites. Winter can’t open the box himself, and he believes it’s going to take killing and resurrecting a truly self-destructive, vulnerable individual to get it done. And this is why this movie kills brain cells. You both have to know about (maybe even care about) “Hellraiser: Bloodline” and simultaneously completely forget “Hellraiser: Bloodline” for that to make any sense. And what’s with the chosen one stuff? Hell, Dr. Channard had an entire ward opening boxes in Hellbound.

I’m not going to take you any further on Amy Klein’s journey. Suffice it to say, she’s dangerous and self-destructive, but also smart and the kind of girl Pinhead prefers to talk to rather than flay outright.

Like “Inferno,” soldering on Hellraiser bits – and in this case installing a major foundational element in Winter’s nonsensical motivation — muddies and weakens the underlying horror movie. And bless her heart, Kari Wuhrer really tries in this film. She screams until I feel hoarse, and her boobs are probably the sole reason to watch any of it. I don’t know if “Deader” on its own could have risen above forgettable, but I know for sure that “Hellraiser: Deader” would be doing well to be forgotten.

roadside attractions

  • None, keep driving
  • OK, fine
  • Kari Wuhrer’s pigtails?
  • Um, really, nothing
  • I guess half naked Amy Klein wrenching a knife out of her back by trapping it in a cabinet door was kind of cool.
  • OK, also half naked Amy Klein
  • Around minute 54, but she screams a lot and it’s annoying, so turn the sound down
  • Butchered idea based on an idea not at all to do with an idea by Clive Barker
totals

3

blood

BLOOD

An effort is made, but nothing you wouldn’t expect at your local haunted house attraction that’s trying to get on a Travel Channel special.

8

blood

BREASTS


Yes, full frontal everything, everything, including boobs. There is also tasteful Kari uncoverage.

2

beast

BEASTS Beasts, what beasts? We got some inert zombies and British guys. The same dull Cenobite retreads from Hellseeker are back for five minutes.

2 OVERALL Deader is deadest. Miss it.
dripper

Watch the trailer to “Hellraiser: Deader”

trailers

dripper
Jun

posted by sikkdays | June 1, 2015 | B-movie Reviews, B-movies, Comedy, Horror movies, Review by Sikkdays, Zombies

Comments Off on Zombeavers

mono a mono

Exiled in Canada, it seems mandatory that I watch and review Zombeavers. The beaver is “a symbol of the sovereignty of Canada.” Why? Canada was colonized because Europeans wanted those beaver pelts for their fashionable hats. “Sorry we almost hunted you to extinction, eh. To make it up to you, we’ll put you on stationary.” Plus, snow is boring and depressing to make your national symbol. Anyway, I don’t think my Canadian neighbors can pass judgement on this film, but I can. Zombeavers chewed their way into my heart because the film used practical effects and not awful CGI.

The trailer below adheres to the popular SyFy ridiculous concept/title formula but the movie is executed far better than those featured on that network. There’s few plot surprises, nuclear waste + beavers versus college guys + boobs staying at the token family cabin. We establish the beaver den on the lake, the girls show skin and we meet creepy neighbors. Oh, and we must not forget to mention it is a cabin in the woods, so shucks there’s no cellphone signal. As far as cast we have the smart one, the disarming one, the outgoing partier and the generic bros.
Boo CGI! At the moment, this film has just shown up on Netflix. For how long? Only Netflix knows, but if you’re looking for a ridiculous b-movie to give you a laugh I would recommend it. Well, I say watch it if you’ve exhausted all the other options on Netflix. This is not something you choose over X-Files binge watching or any movie in the Imaginative movies featuring spoiled fruit category. However, if you’ve streamed it all and your stuck with watching Terrance Malick films, White Chicks or Zombeavers, you know what to do.

In case you take my advice, I’ve decided not to drop any spoilers for once. There’s a couple reasons I think you’ll enjoy the film, though most of them would be spoily. Zombeavers starts with Jon Mayer and comedian Bill Burr as the irresponsible nuclear waste truck drivers. A simple scene that could have been 45 seconds of an accidental spill, is instead an absurd bit of dialogue filled with non sequiturs that was likely improved. Fans of Jon Mayer will be delighted to see his fake mustache, while haters can draw comfort from the fact that he’s playing himself, a musician and personality coating the world with his nuclear sludge. I was also somewhat surprised by the character(s) that make it to the finish line and the makeup was great.

b-movie male lead?Had this film been my magnum opus, I would have added more Theodore Cleaver. It’s a zombie film, so my vision is that anyone who is unfortunate not to die by the tail of the beavers would be turned into Jerry Mathers, “as the Beaver.” I’d also set the film in Canada. Not because I am biased, but because I think it would add more tension. In the past, beavers were nearly hunted to extinction. In the future, it is man who is dammed!

roadside attractions

  • all kinds of tail
  • no Jon Mayer songs
  • award winning growling
  • botched beaver circumcision
  • dick pics
  • doggie life jacket
  • death by beaver cut tree
  • beaver candygram
  • land line? really?
totals

5

blood

BLOOD

There wasn’t enough, so they substituted CGI blood. Boo.

5

blood

BREASTS
No cellphone signal? Zoe will walk around topless in protest.

6

beast

BEASTS

So hilariously bad they’re good.

5 OVERALL
dripper

Watch the trailer to Zombeavers

trailers

dripper
May

Comments Off on Hellraiser: Hellseeker

I was excited, dammit, when I saw Ashley Laurence had been hauled onboard for “Hellraiser: Hellseeker.” Maybe hauled onboard isn’t the right analogy. Maybe it’s more like she was lured into the back of the craft services van and chloroformed or she walked across a pit covered with copies of a totally different script.

Laurence matters because she played Kirsty Cotton, the heroine of the first two films and for my quatloos probably the best Final Girl of the 1980s. After the meandering noir fable of “Hellraiser: Inferno,” roots needed returning to, and Laurence’s Kirsty never failed to kick ass. Plus, Kirsty still had a story to tell. Unlike many a horror franchise heroine, she skipped the traditional perfunctory offing in the opening of the first sequel she wasn’t heroine-ing. So after literally wearing the skin of her wicked stepmother and witnessing the ultimate answer to man’s search for meaning is a grey maze filled with kinky zombies, how did her hellbound heart go on? I mean…did she take a year off and backpack Europe? I want to know.

More crucial, unfortunately, than Kirsty’s involvement is the helming of this film by Rick Bota, who also directs the next two entries in the franchise. If I ever get access to time travel technology, I’m going back to 2002 and hunting down every person in the phone book named Rick Bota. To be fair, Bota is a deft cinematographer, and I have the feeling these movies were requisitioned by the studio with about as much vision, passion, and resources as you put into ordering a Subway sandwich. “Hey, Rick, here’s a director credit and a script from the slush pile. Go make a Hellraiser so we don’t lose the copyright. On Hearty Italian.”

So all that said, “Hellseeker” sucks.

While I’m feeling food metaphors, let me start with the three-cheese soundtrack. Gone is the fantastic choral score of the first few films, replaced with some wailing-on-a-Stratocaster Winger audition that you could plunk at the start of a light Skinimax offering, maybe something on the USA Up All Night docket. Unacceptable. Save your bargain brand Dokken for Freddy. We need some majesty and dignity up in this joint. You’re not playing Pinhead on with that crap.
It is true that Clive Barker originally wanted metal for the score of the first “Hellraiser.” But Clive wanted metal for the score. This soundtrack is to metal as Screech is to Bill Nye.

Ah, but I’ve not touched the story. Let me get my asbestos gloves.

The movie opens with Kirsty and her husband Trevor riding in a car, laughing, playing, loving each other conspicuously, like people do in commercials for antidepressants and boner pills.

The dialogue neatly informs us they are reconciling from something and embarking on a new start. Then they start kissing and Trevor smooches them right across the center line. Honk, honk, Trevor swerves to avoid a face full of Honda and loses control of his car. The compact goes full Duke Boys rampant, plunging them into a lake, albeit absent Waylon Jennings narration.

Trevor manages to worm out of the car, but the door gets stuck and he can’t save Kirsty. Police divers find no sign of her body, and her seatbelt was undone. Trevor hasn’t even left the scene before he finds himself the target of oblique insinuations from a homicide detective, who by the way is clearly the love child of Lieutenant Columbo and Sergeant Murtaugh.

Besides the police detective who seems to have skipped ahead to the end of the script, Trevor has two other big problems. One: he came out of the accident with a head injury, and so he has trouble remembering anything. Also, his days weave in and out of fugue states and delusions, which are great when you want to mess with the audience without committing to anything happening. I will give Bota and company full credit for some nice Pinhead foreshadowing in a brain surgery scene though.

Trevor’s other big problem is that he sweats Sex Panther cologne. This guy’s BVDs are getting their elastic challenged by every woman in the movie. Who knew being a widower was such a turn-on? You could probably change the music and make this into a sex farce. Just splice in Rob Schneider as a wacky neighbor instead of Pinhead and boom, you’re good. In fact, just keep the music.

Eventually we find out that Trevor was unfaithful with lots of women during the marriage, and so the women aren’t exactly coming out of nowhere. We are also shown that Kirsty found out about the affairs, but more interestingly, that Trevor obtained a Hellraiser box and made Kirsty open it. We don’t get to find out the result of that delightful gag gift until the curtain falls, but you will have figured it out long before then. Suffice it to say, that long drive off a short pier we started with was less straightforward than we originally witnessed.

“Hellseeker” is not terrible, but I’d be straining to call it even okay. I’d rather watch an honestly terrible movie than this thing. Give me all the Zombeavers and Thankskillings you have.

They’ve taken one of the most explicit and daring titles in horror, and they’ve expurgated it until you get something that could play with minimal cuts on Lifetime, at least until the last 15 minutes. It is full of groping and murder, but it is still terribly boring, except when Pinhead is on the screen, but then you probably just feel sad. No Cenobite innovations, barely any Cenobite presence, and you don’t even have the disturbing murders that gave “Inferno” its genuine oog-out moments. And like “Inferno,” the story revolves around getting gutted for hidden sin, metaphorically and literally, which departs significantly from the original BDSM ethos of the Cenobites. They were never here to punish you or reward you; they’re here to play. Because you asked.

There’s nothing to play with here though. Just a dull as dishwater psychological horror title that tacks on some by-the-numbers Hellraiser motifs here and there and calls it a day. This should not have counted toward keeping the copyright.
I have serious issues with the ending, too, honestly, but I’m not going to think too hard about it because it’s a better deal for Kirsty, and she’s the only one I can muster much feeling for in this, what with her 10 minutes of screentime.

roadside attractions

  • The Short Happy Life of Kirsty Cotton
  • Will Someone Turn Off That Guy’s Amp?
  • Pinhead and Kirsty, still Angela’s OTP
  • Wardrobe by Victoria’s Secret
totals

2

blood

BLOOD

Most of it is in that screenshot I have above of the brain surgery.

0

blood

BREASTS


Not even a nip slip.

2

beast

BEASTS Generic retread Cenobites and superficial Pinhead. It won’t do.

2 OVERALL It gets one point for Kirsty, one point for Pinhead, and there are no other points worth spooling this up in your Netflix queue for. Give it a miss.
dripper

Watch the trailer to “Hellraiser: Hellseeker”

trailers

dripper
May

Comments Off on Hellraiser: Inferno

“Hellraiser: Inferno” is a helluva lot better if you don’t think of it as a Hellraiser movie. I’m not sure it was meant to be honestly. You could have swapped the Hellraiser stuff with Candyman or Leprechaun or probably Alf without using very much whiteout, and the story itself is a total departure from every Hellraiser we’ve seen so far.
Craig Sheffer would be playing his second Clive Barker hero here (after Boone from “Nightbreed”) if this were a real Hellraiser movie from Clive Barker, but he’s not, so — anyway, he plays Joseph Thorne, a shady detective with a flair for solving puzzles and playing games. When not being an arsebiscuit to his partner through the unlikely medium of crosswords, he may be found snorting coke, stealing from crime scenes, and cheating on his truly lovely wife with hookers. He’s a flawed protagonist. He’s also the narrator, in another departure from the Hellraiser template, and as faithful as he is to his wife and daughter, probably should pencil him in as an unreliable narrator, too.

Thorne and his partner Tony are called to the super opulent scene of a homicide, and it turns out Thorne knew the victim in school and even bullied him. (Flawed protagonist!) It did not get better for the dead guy, and somewhere along the way, he got himself a hold of the Hellraiser box, and the box got a hold of him, like it do. The true detectives also find a child’s finger encased in a candle at the scene, a particularly chilling little touch that viscerally troubles absentee father Thorne.

Starting with a murder scene and an imperative to hunt down the killer before he finishes murdering the child he sawed that finger off’n, things deescalate quickly when Thorne takes the box along for sexytimes with a hooker. (Flawed protagonist!) He opens it, of course, but strangely, chains do not jet out and get themselves hooked into his face. No! Pinhead, sweetie, did you forget to turn your out-of-office on?
Instead of being shown such sights, he has a dream (or dream-like?) sequence where hotsy-totsy Cenobites try groping him to death, and then a chase, a jump scare, awake, and it’s daylight. Back to work and hunting down that darn killer. Okaaaaaay.

Back at the office, Thorne gets a call from his special friend from the night before, who sounds like she’s about 5 seconds from getting Cenobitified. He rushes back to the no-tell motel, discovers the hooker’s body, along with a child’s finger party favor, and fetches his partner Tony. Thorne then manipulates Tony into helping him clean the crime scene to cover up his involvement, all the while also planting evidence to make Tony a patsy should he get too much conscience and turn on Thorne. (Flawed protagonist!)

Kind of pissed off with each other, but even more desperate to stop the killings than before, Thorne and Tony find themselves on the trail of a mysterious mastermind, known only in breathless criminal whispers as “The Engineer.” I will tell you right now that trail is going to basically involve following chunks of people who know Thorne, along with the occasional child’s finger.

Also, let me tell you about the Engineer. The Engineer is part of the Hellraiser mythos that is never explicitly discussed onscreen up to this point, although he’s familiar to fans, especially fans of the novella. You know that flying snapping thing that chased Kirsty in the first one? That was the Engineer. In lore, he was maybe human once, maybe the one who first opened the gate to hell, but is definitely the one who makes the Cenobites all their fun action features. I suppose taking license with the mythos by making the Engineer the Big Bad is arguable, but to me, it’s one more thing that screams that this movie happened when someone played Hellraiser Mad Libs in someone’s psychological horror spec script.

Craig Sheffer actually does a pretty darn good job with this role. Thorne is a bastard all right, but Sheffer still makes empathy happen and convincingly veers from smarmy self-control to unhinged brutality to utterly beaten and back as the plot demands it. I kind of like that the movie dares to make him such a barely-mitigated dick.

The new Cenobites seem to be purposefully symbolic in their blinded, hypersexualized designs, which is a nice first for the series and unexpectedly deep. There’s also a sort of return of the Chatterer Cenobite, although this one is legless, and somehow that might be creepier.

And then the murders are fairly unflinching and “Criminal Minds” grade disturbing at times, realism that is risky, but interesting, following four movies of nothing but fantastical gore.

I don’t have all good things to say. Honestly, I’m kind of shocked I had that much good to say. For one thing, it drags, often and not in a fun RuPaul way. Also, once the movie starts to invest heavily into the psychological part of its alleged psychological horror, it peels away into a tedious and gory “Groundhog Day.” It tries for profound, but it just gets stuck in a b.s. death spiral, although, I guess, at least the b.s. is internally consistent. Consistent with itself, of course, not Hellraiser or anything from the mind of Clive Barker. Pinhead, the box, and especially the Engineer just do not need to be here, and it makes more sense for everybody if they’re not. But at least Doug Bradley got a paycheck out of it.

roadside attractions

  • Boone! How ya been, Boone?
  • Flawed protagonist!
  • Genuinely creepy new Cenobites
  • Absolutely everybody dying except the guy that deserves to die
  • OK horror movie in there somewhere
  • With special guest star: Pinhead, the Hell Priest
  • What a twist!
totals

8

blood

BLOOD

Grim, realistic horror that’s effective, yet generally no worse than most police procedurals nowadays.

0

blood

BREASTS


Direct to video with minor sexytimes, yet you will have to content yourself with Craig Sheffer nips.

8

beast

BEASTS These are probably the best Cenobites since the original Cenobites. I would also accept them as fine Silent Hill creatures as well. Not enough of ’em though.

6 OVERALL Could have been worse, could have been better, was not a real Hellraiser either way.
dripper

Watch the trailer to “Hellraiser: Inferno”

trailers

dripper
May

Comments Off on I Drink Your Blood

I Drink Your Blood
1970 – X – 83 Minutes – Grindhouse Releasing
Starring Bhaskar, Lynn Lowry, Jadin Wong – Directed by David E. Durston

If there are two problems tearing this country apart, it’s definitely rabies and LSD. And satanic hippie cults. Okay, so three things. And hippies, can’t forget them. But, who is going to inform us about these evils and the destruction they cause, leaving people’s lives in shambles? Who? I’ll tell you who! Director David Durston with his film I Drink Your Blood, although there is no blood drinking, except for the chicken’s at the beginning, but nothing that would imply “yours”. The title was actually thought up by the film’s producer in order to sell it as a double feature, as it played alongside I Eat Your Skin. I guess something like “I Accidentally Drank Rabid Dog’s Blood and Now I Have Rabies” isn’t nearly as catchy.

It’s a film that seemingly takes those things seriously during an era when we weren’t quite informed on what they are nor really had any scientific idea what they were, so it comes off as rather… hysterical. This is only reinforced by how absolutely bonkers things get throughout the movie as hippies and construction workers run amok, all because of tainted meat pies. I always knew that those would somehow be responsible for an outbreak resulting in many deaths. Never trusted a meat pie as far as I could throw it and believe me, I can throw one pretty dang far.

idyb_2A satanic hippie cult, led by the almost Cesar Romero-Joker-esque quality Horace Bones, who call themselves “SADOS (short for Sons and Daughters of Satan),” have to hole up in a Podunk little town with a tiny population to avoid any detection from the fuzz, you dig? You see, one night during the group’s little get together for one of their little rituals, which they do totally butt nekkid, local girl Sylvia is spotted watching the festivity. However, locals aren’t allowed on the scene and she is beaten (to which her new-found friend of the group, Andy, seems a little too casual about this). While trying to leave this little town, their van breaks down and they do the next logical thing, which is buy meat pies from the local bakery run by Mildred, who tells them that most of the town is abandoned and awaiting demolition. Ah, good thing they decided to get some food from the Exposition Bakery! The group decides to whole up in a hotel indefinitely.

Let’s talk about the group for a minute. As I mentioned, the group is led by the Native American Horace Bones. Andy is the sensitive one, who isn’t happy with the group. Then you have Rollo, the angry black man. Shelley is the questionable member, never sure what his intentions are. There is also Sue-Lin, the group’s mystical Asian woman, there is also a promiscuous groovy chick (whose name I forget) and then you have Molly, the overweight woman who is pregnant with Horace’s spawn and the cute mute Carrie, played by an uncredited Lynn Lowry in her screen debut! It’s a diverse group and everyone is here to stereo-typically represent everyone!

Sylvia’s brother Pete, who steals the show with his “gee-golly-educational film” performance, is rather unsettled by them and knows they are up to something… probably because Horace is a cackling madman and the group isn’t exactly subtle, even though the townspeople never really catch on to this. Pete’s grandfather, the veterinarian (don’t worry, this will make sense in a moment), decides to take action against Sylvia’s abusers, but his plan is easily foiled by Horace who just simply takes his shotgun away from him. Good going, pops. The old man is beaten and drugged with LSD and trips serious balls in one of the most laughable scenes to follow.

idyb_3So what is LSD? Well, don’t worry. The film seemingly pauses for a moment and switches over to ‘Educational Film Mode’ and lets Pete be the voice of the audience to ask what is that L.S… whatever you call it stuff and Sylvia explains what it is and the dangers it holds. Trust me when I say it’s going to take you out of the movie for a moment, but it’s going to leave you chuckling. And the best part is, the film hasn’t even kicked into high gear!

That night, a rabid dog is strolling around and making noise, so Pete puts the thing down with his granddad’s double barrel and devises genius plan. It’s so genius, I’m sure there are some twisted, evil kid tendencies with Pete that the film unfortunately doesn’t go into, but his family may want to have him checked out: He sneaks out with his granddad’s veterinary kit and uses a syringe to siphon the dog’s infected blood, injecting them into the meat pies the Sons and Daughters of Satan of been buying. Seriously, out of all the evil revenge plans in every movie ever, is that not one of the best? It’s unclear if Pete’s intentions were to kill them, make them sick or maybe he didn’t know what would happen, but you can definitely say he got more than what he bargained for!

The members of SADOS fall ill that night, sweating and gripping their stomachs in pain, until they start foaming out the mouth and becoming violent, even toward each other. Rollo severs the foot off another member with an axe and runs off, chasing the groovy chick after being thwarted by Horace and his sword, Molly and Carrie bolt and Andy heads off to hide at Sylvia’s since he was the only one who didn’t eat the meat pies. He takes shelter there and along with her, and no worries, Pete is there too to get in the way and do whatever it is that Pete does. Whatever is though is sure to make you laugh.

idyb_4Having a group of rabid, Satan worshiping hippies is bad enough to unleash on an unsuspecting town, but the groovy chick offers herself to all of the construction workers (yes… ALL twenty or thirty of them) in order to feel protected, but unbeknownst to her, she infects all of them! Every rabies infected psychopath sets their eyes on Sylvia, Pete, Mildred, Andy and even grandpa and the most bat-sh#t crazy finale ensues, accompanied by some outstanding, hectic psycho music to play along to enhance the chaos. The survivors try to defend themselves and survive as the town runs rabid, quite literally, and all kinds of violence ensues including an epic sword fight, a decapitation and plenty of shotgun blasts… and of course a PSA about rabies in the guise of an exploitation film that’s gone completely bonkers.

Now the film does end with an open question, one that will be blindingly obvious, so I recommend checking out the deleted ending that not only ties that loose end up, but also ends the film on a very dark and grim, but fitting, note.

I Drink Your Blood
If you were to ask me what an exploitation film is, I would point you to I Drink Your Blood as the prime example. This is without a doubt my favorite movie of all time. Everything about it is honest, meaning that it comes from a place of love for what it is. The filmmakers clearly loved horror films and wanted to tell an amazing story, no matter how wild or seemingly unreal things got it. It has that certain type of genuine feel to it that all of these movies that homage films of the 70’s and 80’s claim to have. Everything about this film works, right down from the comic-book bright red blood, the idea of a new disease and how little they knew about it at the time, making it more frightening, the groovy score mixed with some good old fashioned 70’s Satanic hippie cult fun, it’s not only educational, but it’s a pure bloody good time.

Check out this review and plenty others at Goon Reviews.

roadside attractions

  • SADOS; Sons and Daughters of Dumb.
  • Hippies! Hippies everywhere!
  • Rat hunt.
  • L.S… whatever you call it stuff.
  • Rabies Pie.
  • Need a “hand” making that sandwich?
  • Andy’s only trying to get a-head.
totals

8

blood

BLOOD

Blood and rabies go together like peanut butter and ladies.

6

blood

BREASTS

Plenty of dirty hippie boobs. And Lynn Lowry’s.

10

beast

BEASTS

Satanic Hippies!? Rabid psychopaths?! Rabid Satanic hippie psychopaths!

8 OVERALL
dripper

Watch the trailer!

trailers

dripper

About the Highway

Lost Highway is your satirical detour down the twisted back roads of b-movies and cult films reviews. learn more >>