Archive for the 'Comedy' Category

Aug

Comments Off on The Fartiste (a.k.a. A Blast From the Past)

The Fartiste

Of all the bio pics and mockumentaries, you may think Spinal Tap or Walk Hard is the crudest, most far out of those genres, but I guarantee that you are wrong. You have not seen anything of that magnitude until you have witnessed the bizzaro comedy, The Fartiste. And do you want to know what shockingly sets these films apart from each other? The Fartiste is based loosely on real life comedian Joseph Pujol who was known on stage as Le Petomane, a man who could seemingly fart at will by control his lower abdominal muscles! How is this not more widely known?

We start the film by joining Le Petomane in Purgatory, where he is replaying all of the events in his life. By the by, Le Petomane is played by Michael Pataki, who you may remember as Nicolo Koloff from Rocky IV and Dr. Hoffman in Halloween 4! The guy actually has a modest resume, so it’s awkward, but at the same time intriguing to see such a versatile actor play a lead in such an absurd comedy. For some reason, the thought of someone narrating their life events from Purgatory reminds me of a Mel Brooks film. Which is an odd coincidence since Le Petomane is referenced in Blazing Saddles.

We start the journey of his life as he talks to his psychiatrist, uncovering the birth of his “talent” at a young age, where he would perform for all of the other school children. His act consisted of imitating instruments (the best being a tuba), mimicking animal noises and blowing out candles with precise accuracy. Of course this led to be taken advantage of as a young adult, getting underpaid. His arse to was later be arrested for arson, as he literally blew away an audience and the building with one of his farts.

Building his skill and stowing away in a Romanian boat, he was eventually hired by a man named Duvall to perform at the Moulin Rouge and yes, the real Le Petomane performed there! I think Moulin Rouge would have been better if Nicole Kidman was farting all those songs. Kings and queens would travel to come and see this act! However, he unintentionally inspires a man to go on a killing spree after the man hears the voice of God in Le Petomane’s farts, commanding him to kill. Once he is captured, they put Le Petomane’s flatulence to good use by creating the ‘gas’ chamber, executing the man. If that’s not poetic justice, I don’t know what is.

And finally, what would any good bio pic be if there wasn’t a career downfall due to arrogance. Even Le Petomane gives into womanizing, gambling and making questionable changes to his act (yes, even his act). The rest of the film, of course, is about redemption and regaining control of what he once lost. His legacy, even in real life, would inspire many artist to make plays and movies about his life.

fart_2Believe it or not, there is actually quite a touching story linked to The Fartiste a.k.a. A Blast From the Past. Produced by Frankie Ray (from Invasion of the Star Creatures) in 1987, the film was meant to be shown on comedy cable networks, but after disapproval from an investor’s wife, which ceased funding, which rushed the production and for it to be wrapped up quickly. Frank never showed the film to anyone, except for a few cast members. The film almost fell past obscurity and into oblivion… until a man, Chuck Harter, met Frankie Ray in 2000 and watched a dub made back in 1991. Chuck wanted to share the same humor he found in the film with everyone else. After some negotiations about half a year ago, Alpha Video agreed to release it. It’s that kind of fan dedication to a genre that makes me proud to be a part of the community.

You would think an hour long film about farting wouldn’t be charming, but you would be wrong. I have to admit, it grew on me, especially after reading the history of this film, one man’s passion to distribute it and recognizing the talent behind it (no pun intended… or is there?), realizing the incredible sense of humor they have and making a film, regardless of what folks may say. The Fartiste is worth a good laugh. It’ll bring back memories of farting on your little brother’s head. Or in my case, bad memories of my big brother farting on my head.

Pick up your copy of The Fartiste at Oldies.com

roadside attractions

  • Name the different fart variations.
  • Count how long you are in shock after learning Le Petomane was a real person.
  • Michael Pataki’s role of a lifetime.
  • Farting showdown.
totals

3

blood

BLOOD

No blood, but there is some havoc.

4

blood

BREASTS

Some old timies in dresses.

8

beast

BEASTS

Furious Flatulence!

5 OVERALL
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Check out this footage of the real Le Petomane… silent, but deadly!”

trailers

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Jul

Comments Off on The ABCs of Death

ABCs of Death

Not too long ago, I won a copy of The ABC’s of Death on Bluray from Magnet as part of a V/H/S/2 fan art contest and I finally got around to watching it. It had quite a bit of buzz surrounding it and the concept is quite interesting. Basically, each letter is a short film from a different director. Despite mixed reviews, I was still excited nonetheless (after all, isn’t the idea to see what I think about the film?). Rather than do a typical review, I thought I would try something a little different. Maybe something of a pun, if you will. So much like the film, I’m going to go through the alphabet, A-Z (in case you couldn’t figure that out) and give a word or two review on that particular letter, using the same letter. Afterwards, I’ll go back though and give more of an insight on the film experience. Alright, let’s start this mother!

A is for Alright, pretty rad!
B is for Boring.
C is for Condensed crap.
D is for Damn, downright dirty!
E is for Ehh…
F is for Frickin’ stupid.
G is for God, what a waste.
H is for Hella cool hound dog.
I is for Insomnia cure.
J is for Japan.
K is for Klassic Krap.
L is for Ludacris!
M is for Moronic.
N is for No thank you.
O is for Oh… kay…
P is for Pretty Lame.
Q is for Quack-tastic!
R is for Righteous and rowdy!
S is for Sadistically supercharged!
T is for Terrifying toilet trouble!
U is for Unseen killer.
V is for Visually mediocre.
W is for Whacky!
X is for X-tremely stupid.
Y is for Yeah, don’t lick little boy’s arse sweat.
Z is for Zoinks! Giant Nazi dong!

The ABC’s of Death goes beyond an anthology. The filmmakers are given even a shorter amount of time to tell their story and for the most part, lots of them are done pretty well. For some of them, like L and S, you can’t help but think how those segments would be if they were full length features, combining stylistic shots with unique stories. The ideas they had, even for a short, are incredible. At times, some of them felt a little too ambitious and it only felt like they were using blood and gore to grab your attention. Like C, it was if they didn’t trust their own storytelling ability and it shows. Other times, give O for example, was a very beautiful story to look at, but it didn’t feel like there was much of a story being told. Instead it’s just slow motion shots of very artistic images. It would be like if you gave a photographer a video camera. Of course, there were some really hilarious ones, H, T and Z especially. I don’t know if those segments would have worked as full length features, but they were entertaining and made me laugh.

ABCs of DeathFor all of its flaws (hey, it’s not going to be perfect), The ABC’s of Death feels like an interesting experimental piece and I’d have to say the experiment was a success! You get a mixture of action, horror, drama, science fiction, claymation, animation and comedy all rolled in to one. Unlike most anthologies, there is no underlining narrative to link all the stories together, so there is no connection between stories. Each one has its own beginning and end.

Although it has a handful of uninteresting (and some even downright lazy with their ideas or execution), overall it was very entertaining, sickening and even shocking at moments. You could say it’s a mixed bag, which it is, but the good outweighs the bad. Giving the restrictions each film maker had, most of them did a bang up job and with the recent announcement of a sequel; I say B is for Bring it on!

roadside attractions

  • Educational and gory!
  • Dog gone!
  • Japan.
  • Masterba-tory-overdose.
  • Toilet troubles.
  • Heroine fueled race with the Devil!
  • Vampire-cam.
  • Robots blowing up babies.
  • Nazis!
totals

9

blood

BLOOD

The root of every segment.

7

blood

BREASTS

The more poor segments tend to throw this more to keep your attention.

8

beast

BEASTS

Monsters, Devils, Furries, claymation toilets that eat people, spiders, serial killers, boogeymen, hookers and Nazis… there is something here for everyone!

8 OVERALL
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Watch the trailer for The ABCs of Death.

trailers

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Jul

Comments Off on The Ghastly Love of Johnny X

suspiria

Ready for a far out science fiction adventure? Well, here’s something groovy you may want to check out, dig it? Ok, I promise I’ll lighten up on the all the hepcat slang. In the spirit of the 1950’s, The Ghastly Love of Johnny X is homage to the black and white beatnik flicks, absurdly silly sci-fi films like Plan 9 from Outer Space and even musicals, like Rocky Horror Picture Show. Normally mixing this many genres can make a film incoherent or confusing, but here it seems to all blends together… like nice, old fashioned milkshake.

Beginning in the science fiction element, our title character Johnny X, full name Jonathan Xavier, is banished from his home world for being too wild and reckless, like his role model, the reckless rock star (possibly in the vein of Elvis) Mickey O’Flynn, played by, in the oddest casting choice, Creed Bratton from The Office. So as a punishment from the head councilman (played by Kevin McCarthy in his final role), Johnny is sent to Earth, until he can do a selfless act. But with an attitude like Johnny’s, what do think is going to happen next?

One year later, a drop dead gorgeous woman named Bliss abruptly enters a diner in literally the middle of nowhere and seduces the young man behind the counter, Chip and the two are about to take off… that is, until Johnny and his gang, The Ghastly Ones, crash the party. This is where the film jumps genres from beatnik to musical, but does it casually. You go along with the musical number, snapping along, as the singing provides exposition, as Johnny uses what he calls the ‘Resurrection Suit’. This suit gives him the ability to control others, but Chip manages to pull off some heroics and saves Bliss as they flee into the desert.

HBTMOverhearing what is going on, a patron at the diner by the name of King Clayton (played by the always favorable Reggie Bannister) who just so happens to be the manager of Mickey O’Flynn, offers a deal with Johnny: Help him with his ‘situation’ with Mickey and in return, he will bring back the soda jerk Chip and Bliss. And what situation would that be? Well, it’s not that he didn’t show up for rehearsal as the news previously had reported… turns out, King Clayton is in deep with loan sharks to keep his theater open and Mickey was gonna pack the house and pay the debt, except that he croaked the night before the rehearsal. So the idea is to get the Resurrection Suit back to reanimate the recently departed Mickey to put on the show. Could this be that selfless act that gives Johnny the ticket to go home?

Well as luck would have it, King Clayton is Chip’s uncle and along with Bliss, they walk right into the lion’s den, so to speak. Putting all grudges aside, leaving Bliss for his new girl (and gang member) Bobbi Socks, Johnny gets ready for the show. However, the sluggishly oaf and appropriately named Sluggo, in an act of independence, sabotages the suit and flees with the now reanimated Mickey and kidnapping Bliss along the way. Recruiting Chip into the gang, baptizing him as ‘Soda’, the two put their differences aside and head off to save Bliss, who Sluggo is demanding in exchange for the Resurrection Suit. And so begins the final battle. Will Johnny defeat Sluggo and save the girl? Will he get home? Don’t worry. All of these questions are answered in the final act.

Overall, the movie is an entertaining romp that those with love of retro cinema and serials will love. It also has some silliness that brings the Lost Skeleton of Cadavra to mind. It not only has a sense of humor, but you a splash of love for everything that is the 50’s. Director Paul Bunnell brings all together fantastically to bring you something that shouldn’t be overlooked.

The Ghastly Love of Johnny X is a throwback to those beatnik romps with greasers, gangs, dames, slime balls, dweebs, thugs, Martians and weirdoes… all in the name of love. It’s an adventure, it’s a musical, and it’s groovy. Check this one out. Dig, Daddy-O (Oh come on, I had to end on some cool slang)?

You can purchase The Ghastly Love of Johnny X here!

roadside attractions

  • Devo hat.
  • Soda shake romp.
  • Hepcats and dames.
  • Rock-a-billy zombie Creed.
  • World domination… with science!
totals

4

blood

BLOOD

Nothing to really see hear, but that’s not what it’s about.

7

blood

BREASTS

Plenty of busty dames to oogle at.

8

beast

BEASTS

Sluggo and a zombie Mickey O’Flynn. Even the girls are deadly.

6.3 OVERALL
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Watch the trailer here!

trailers

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May

Comments Off on East Stackton

Welcome to the small town of East Stackton, a town loonier than the inhabitants of Summerisle. Of course that isn’t something that they openly promote. Sure they aren’t the friendliest folks to welcome city folk with open arms, but dammit, they know how to throw a surprise party, although you may not want to be the guest of honor…

And this is where our main man Carol comes in (hey, Carol can be a guy’s name too). You see, Carol is nosing around in these parts for his company, House and Home. They send him to all the locations to see if their stores are profitable. Not wanting to stick out like a sore thumb, Carol slaps on novelty state-shaped belt buckle and does his best to blend in. It’s that mentality that most city folk have; thinking that by slapping on a cowboy hat, people will believe you are actually from Texas. Inside the store, he meets with the manager Ned and all seems well. Carol steps outside to chain smoke and briefly eyes a pickup truck carrying a large ornament of some kind on the bed. He thinks nothing of it and continues to smoke his non-name brand cigarette, his favorite kind.

Bored of staying in his hotel room, Carol sets out to grab a beer with the good ol’ rednecks of… whatever state East Stackton is in. Everyone stares at him as he enters, no doubt blending in with that authentic belt buckle of his (man that keeps coming up. I wonder if it will play a part later?). He’s quick to make friends with the bartender, Kelly. She shares an awful lot of information with him about her dad’s hardwood store being run out of town and him dying. I’m sure this will in no way come back in the movie, so let’s move on. Carol is rushed out of the bar by the brute, chest thumping Cody and back to his hotel where he finds the bloody corpse of a possum nailed to the door, surely a welcoming basket from the community.

Well, the next morning isn’t any better for Carol. He finds that his car is missing and this is also what starts my favorite Carol characteristic in the movie: Cursing to himself under his breath. It seriously is funny every time he does this. Only thing he can do is call the Sheriff, who is on his way once he is done washing his squad car. You gotta have priorities. And as you can guess, the Sheriff and Carol don’t seem to agree with one another and we have ourselves a classic case of small town Sheriff vs. the city slicker. It’s an old fashioned duel, but always seems fresh when you see it.

On his second visit to the store, again stepping outside to chain smoke, Carol has a more eventful day. Following a trail of blood like a one man Scooby gang, he follows it to a dumpster to find the corpse of Cody with a hammer lodged in his forehead. I guess they won’t be able to make up over some drinks any time soon. He tells Sheriff Charlie all about it and in typical fashion, the Sheriff takes him downtown, leaving the clean up to Ned. Yep, Ned also happens to be a deputy. Hey, everyone is holding down at least two jobs now-a-days. Times are tough.

blackbagSheriff Charlie isn’t pulling the wool over Carol’s eyes, no sir. Carol is starting to seem suspicious of the town, as he spots the mean mugging mayor. This guy looks like he’s in a nasty mood and talks to the Sheriff about a ceremony that everyone is expecting Carol to be at. They tell him how excited they are to see him there later, which naturally, creeps Carol the hell out. Feeling like he’s losing his mind, Carol wanders out into traffic to almost get hit by a truck, but Kelly pulls him out of harm’s way. The two go back to her place for coffee and a chat about House and Home being the worst thing to happen to the town, but it’s cut short by the Sheriff taking Carol back down for more questioning… even though Sheriff Charlie never asked him any questions before (Carol does point this out).

This is where the film gets darker real quick. The Sheriff pushes him out of the squad car in front of all the town folk, where they welcome him and chloroform him. Jeez, they went from friendly to hostile in about a second flat. He wakes up to a stage, seeing two large wooden X’s (ah, so that’s what was on the truck) with a man hanging upside down on one. The mayor, dressed like Lord Sadler from Resident Evil 4, cuts the man’s throat during some chanting. His blood spills on the ground opening a gateway to Hell, and I kid you not, Satan appears! Yes, Satan makes an appearance in this film! Carol manages to cut himself free with his belt buckle (so I guess it did come in handy after all) and escapes to be rescued by Kelly. Turns out she was on to the town’s plan of raising the Devil, which I hope she would after living there for several years! Not like it’s a huge secret around there. The film doesn’t end there though. Kelly stops the truck and reveals her ulterior motive…

For running under thirty minutes, I had a good time watching East Stackton. For starters, it’s beautiful to look at. The cinematography is excellent, using good depth between the characters and the background, allowing them to stick out. Speaking of the characters, these actors are top notch. Short films usually make the mistake of either trying to cram too much character background in a short amount of time or not enough. Think of it like The Three Bears story. East Stackton is Baby Bear; it’s just right. Carol, of course, sticks out as the best since the camera is constantly on him. He’s written with humor, so instead of watching him mindlessly putter around, he makes snide comments or exclaims profanity. It’s hysterical. You feel bad for all these things that are happening to him, since he’s innocent, but he never comes off as pathetic. There is some gore, since I know you’ve been wondering, and it’s done very well. There isn’t a lot of it, but when there is, it’s pretty to look at. Speaking of pretty, the Satan effect is done well. I think it was a mix of puppet and CG, but it’s not on the screen for very long. And although this seems like a plot you’re familiar (Wickerman, anyone?), it’s one that is still enjoyable and even if you’ve seen this kind of film before, you want to see where they are going with it.

East Stackton is available for digital download at their website for only $5. It’s worth every penny. So, mosey on down to them parts and give it a watch, ya hear?

roadside attractions

  • -Playing possum.
  • -Belt Buckle Bonanza.
  • -Slippery Sheriff!
  • -Mayor Mayhem!
totals

7

blood

BLOOD

Splatters, a throat cut and a ‘hammered’ body.

5

blood

BREASTS

You get come nice cleavage, plus Carol has his shirt buttoned down just enough, ladies.

9

beast

BEASTS

East Stackton itself is a beast, plus they raise the Devil.

7 OVERALL
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Check out the trailer for “East Stackton”

trailers

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Mar

Comments Off on Sexsquatch

There are some films you shouldn’t take so seriously. I shouldn’t have to tell you which films these are, but Sexsquatch… not one of them, believe it or not. When you first hear the title, you may think it’s a low budget porn spoof of some kind and you would be halfway right. It is low budget, but the other half is a comedic blend of horror and toilet humor and let me tell you something: This kind of blend goes down smooth right to the last drop.

Sexsquatch, brought to you by SRS Cinema, starts off with a Sasquatch pun-filled narration from the Warlock (for those of you familiar with Warlock Home Video) who promises us, “We haven’t seen nothing yeti!” which is a perfect description to set the tone. For those of you who have seen writer/director Chris Seaver’s previous work, which includes Terror at Blood Fart Lake, you know what you’re in for. For those of you who haven’t… strap in.

The movie begins with a meteor crashing into Earth, interrupting a couple (one of which is rocking a Fright Rags’ Silent Night, Deadly Night tee!) planning to fornicate. Always seems to be the case, doesn’t it? Just as about he’s going to show her why they call him ‘Johnny Longbone’ (a possible MST3K reference), Sexsquatch appears, mumbling “butthole” and kills them. We are only about two minutes into this movie and I already love it.

Cut to the squinty eyed Skippy, a donut obsessed young man who talks kind of like Robert DeNiro and sort of looks like Butthead, who is bringing his pal, and presumably life partners Leo and Crystal some of said donuts. After interrupting some baby making, the three talk about throwing a party for their pal Joey, who unfortunately has never been laid. You see, Joey is the ‘edu-ma-cated’ one of the bunch and has hopes and dreams of one day becoming the president of showbiz! Because, why can’t B-movies have class? Because of all of this dreaming, he forgot all about girls and getting laid.

Soon all the guests start arriving. Mudhoney, a sassy redhead, Lucas and Lance, who dress like if Miami Vice and Magnum P.I. (and possibly gay… with each other) mated with the typical ‘dude-bro’, Joey and his mother who wears so much make up, you probably needs a belt sander to remove it and finally Jennifer, the girl Joey has a secret crush on. This is when one of the more strange (and believe me, that’s saying a lot) characters is introduced. A dirty, possibly retarded woman named Marmalade wonders onto the property. Wanting to join party, she freshens up by smearing some blue goop out of a frog’s bunghole and onto her lips. Naturally, a person like this would upset any sane rational people, even if it is a movie by Chris Seaver and Ron Bonk, as they threaten and remove her from the party. So in a very ominous, Crazy Ralph kind of way she puts a curse on them and flees. Oh well, back to the drinking and sex!

sexsquatchAnd this is when we get our full glimpse of the Sexsquatch, named Stinkfist, who happens to be pooping next to Marmalade. If you’re expecting to see a man dressed in what looks like a Halloween costume with rubber gloves and shoes, well then you’re in luck! I don’t consider this a bad thing. It certainly adds to the humor and you get a sense everyone is having fun, especially with this character. This ridiculousness is further emphasized when the creature speaks with Shakespearian style English accent. Marmalade befriends the beast and she promises him a buffet of victims to rape and kill (it’s in his blood after all).

Our loveable group of misfits continue on with their party. The girls discuss which one of them is going to deflower young Joey, with the obvious choice being Jennifer since they seem to like each other. Ah, romance is such a beautiful thing, especially when a Sexsquatch and a bizarre homeless woman are trying to molest you. Later that evening, Leo, being the sage that he is, tells the horror story of the Terror at Blood Fart Lake, an obvious nod to Chris Seaver’s previous work. Lucas leaves to go grab some more ‘brewskies’. But what would a solo trip for beer in the woods be if you didn’t stop to take a pee? After unknowingly giving Marmalade a golden shower, Stinkfist disembowels Lucas and sodomizes him. Why do I get the feeling I’m going to be talking about that a lot?

While sharing a tender moment the next day, Jennifer and Joey literally stumble upon his body and tell the group. This is when we are treated to what is probably the greatest musical number in history about the KKK adopting a highway and cleaning up litter. Lance, rocking a sweet pair of Bret Hart shades, vows vengeance and rather than contact the authorities, the group agrees Lucas would want them all to continue with the party. And that’s what they do. There is cake, which Joey’s mom blows the candles out by farting on them, an emotional speech and then finally Joey’s big moment: Knocking boots with the lucky girl Jennifer. But outside, Stinkfist is turning another victim into a finger puppet (again, literally).

This is the traditional part in a horror film when the group goes their own ways to do whatever it is they do and die in horrific ways. Believe me, in Sexsquatch, the deaths are horrific… and hilarious! The best of being while two are being sodomized at once (see, told you that would come back) while Stinkfist is singing Down in New Orleans by Dr. John. This is a scene you have to see to believe.

But now it’s time for the final showdown. The remaining survivors are confronted by Stinkfist and his evil cohort Marmalade and have kidnapped Jennifer when she ran off after Joey’s awkward finish when he called out ‘Mother’ (in his defense, he said it like ‘Muv-uhh’ like Danzig). Finally giving some exposition, Stinkfist tells them he is from the planet Buttsexon Prime and has a bet with his overlord to see who can rape and kill the most. Stinkfist is nearly at that goal, but not if Skippy can help it! He jumps into action! No retreat, no surrender! The final battle ensues, but will it be enough to stop the evil Stinkfist and his creepy sidekick (so creepy she even creeps him out! Do you know how hard it is to creep out a Sexsquatch?)

sexsquatchSexsquatch is the perfect get together movie, throw back some brewskies of your own and have a good laugh. As I said earlier, this isn’t a film to be taken seriously and the film makers and actors make this obvious. They are having a good time and they want you to be a part of that. This is inviting from the first line of dialogue, which sounds like if Quentin Tarantino was writing fart and wiener jokes for porno. It’s dirty, disgusting and hysterically poetic. I’ve never heard vulgar dialogue sound so beautiful and make so much sense. I need to incorporate that way of speech into my everyday life.

I honestly have nothing but praise for this movie. I had an absolute blast watching it and what makes it better is I know I’ll have an even better time when I share it with my friends, who I know will like it as much as I did. If I had to make one complaint about the film, it’s that the run time is just shy of under an hour. Luckily there are some hilarious bloopers on the DVD extras to give you a little some more as well as some other trailers, like Ron Bonk’s Clay and Ms. Cannibal Holocaust.

You can grab your copy of Sexsquatch from SRS Cinema’s website on March 23rd!

roadside attractions

  • Skippy’s donuts
  • Mustache and mullets
  • Bret Hart shades
  • Shakespeare poop jokes
  • Hooties!
totals

7

blood

BLOOD

Gut strangulation, head squishing and finger puppets!

7

blood

BREASTS

Nothing bare, but good lord there are some large-uns!

9

beast

BEASTS

I don’t know which one creeps me out more: Sexsquatch or Marmalade.

8.1 OVERALL
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Check out this trailer from “Sexsquatch”

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About the Highway

Lost Highway is your satirical detour down the twisted back roads of b-movies and cult films reviews. learn more >>