Archive for the 'Cult Film' Category

Sep

posted by admin | September 28, 2012 | 70's b-movies, 70's movies, Cult Film, Review by Tiger Sixon, Sci-Fi

Comments Off on Tentacles

Tentacles review.
When the opening credits proudly proclaim: “Special Appearance by,” you know you are in for a treat.

This is the case with the 1977 Italian-made Jaws homage, Tentacles. The special appearance is by Hollywood legend Henry Fonda (he musta needed a new water heater)—but the who’s who doesn’t stop there. John Huston plays some kind of aging reporter who had a bizarre relationship with his sister. If the name doesn’t ring a bell, well, bone up on yer film history. Huston directed The Maltese Falcon, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, and The African Queen, to name only a few. He can also be seen in Chinatown, but most importantly he played The Lawgiver in the Battle for the Planet of the Apes and provided the voice for Gandalf in the animated version of The Hobbit. Tentacles

Oh, and Huston’s sister is played by the one and only Shelley Winters.

Bo Hopkins, of The Wild Bunch and TV fame, rounds out the intrepid cast. Hopkins plays a scientist what trains orcas for…science, I guess. It is all very scientific. The training, not the orcas. They just swim and eat fish.

Huston is trying to solve the mystery behind the dead bodies piling up on the shores of Ocean Beach (yes, Ocean Beach). Or what is left of the bodies anyway—the skeletons have been picked cleaner than my checking account after my last divorce. No one is safe: not even babies or peg leg ship captains.

As the title suggests, the killer is, wait for it, an octopus (even though an octopus’ limbs are usually referred to as ‘arms’). This results in many blown-up, close up shots of a normal octopus, and a few rubber tentacles for good measure. Toy boats are laid to ruin in a few scenes, which is always a joy to watch, plus there are even a few bikinis which are thankfully nearly toy-sized.

Speaking of flesh, one of Winters’ kids has my favorite line of the film: “Mommy, you’re plump! There’s more to love!” Ah, kids. When they ain’t bein’ ate up by a giant octopus, they say the darnedest things. Winters also sports the craziest hat this side of Kurt Russel’s from The Thing, and seems more focused on her son’s urinary tract and having awkward conversations with her brother than the killer octopus.Tentacles

Later on, after a feeding frenzy, Hopkins decides to take the fight to the octopus, and boxes up his trained orcas. By which I mean, he sticks them in a giant metal tube, and hauls them with his boat. Not knowing if the whales will actually fight upon being set free, Hopkins delivers a heartfelt soliloquy via the tube’s food hole (followed by tossing in a couple of fish).

Like any good Jaws ripoff, Tentacles is hilarious. Being a foreign production, there are plenty of absurd moments, which only make the film more endearing. Huston and Fonda don’t seem to phone in their performances either—they give it their all, which is the cherry on top. Plus, this was made in the late 1970’s, so the wardrobe is outstanding. There are lapels you could land a jet fighter on.

Tiger says, give this one a watch.


Tiger Sixon is forced to watch B-movies from the comfort of a secret government base in Death Valley. He looks nothing at all like Daniel J. Hogan (@danieljhogan) who draws comics and writes humor for Clattertron.

roadside attractions

  • Peg legs
  • Neglected Babies
  • Grizzled Sea Captains
  • SCUBA Shenanigans
  • Rubber Tentacles
  • Toy Boats
  • Wide Lapels
  • Crazy Hats
  • Whales in a Tube
  • Hollywood Legends
totals

7

blood

BLOOD

We see more skeletons than blood, but folks done get ate all over the place.

4

blood

BREASTS

Plenty of bikinis, but they all stay tied on.

10

beast

BEASTS

A giant octopus fights two orca whales. Yes, please.

7.0 OVERALL
dripper
Aug

posted by Doktor | August 15, 2012 | 90's movies, Comedy, Cult Film, Rest stop, Review by Doktor

Comments Off on There’s Nothing Out There: Rest Stop Review Edition

Tagline: A horror film of comic proportions.

Year: 1992 Runtime: 91 min

Director: Rolfe Kanefsky

Writer: Rolfe Kanefsky

Starring: Craig Peck, Wendy Bednarz and Mark Collver

Damn you and your clever ways, Rolfe Kanefsky! How in the hell am I supposed to make snarky comments about the cliched tropes your film is doing the very same thing? I have been racking my brains trying to get something started that doesn’t create a recursive loop. Every time I think I find a chink, the center caves in and I end up staring at the blinking cursor on the otherwise blank white page.

Interestingly, this intellectual black hole is exactly what happened when Mike, Crow and Tom Servo attempted an episode where they broke the fourth wall, becoming self aware. The universe narrowly escaped existential destruction. Can you imagine? A dimension where Jean Paul Sartre was right. How horrible!

Here’s the thing, if you didn’t know any of the history of There’s Nothing Out There, you might think this was a Screamsploitation film. It’s not. Actually, this movie preceded Scream by 4 years. (Quick note: I’m not going to go into any conspiracy theories about stolen ideas, but I bring it up because there is a possibility of some cross-pollination.) When you know that, things get interesting. There’s Nothing Out There is the product of a 20 year old, first time director, which is damned impressive.

There’s Noting Out There is a great film. It is the transplantation of the audience’s knowledge into the film. When the dumb couple go out for a “stroll” through the dark woods, there’s Mike, the omniscient, with the warning, “You’re actually going? You’re actually going outside. We’ve had warnings, murder attempts and you’re going out for a walk in the woods?” which is exactly the same thing the audience is thinking. This is the ultimate of existential horrors, the Angst and the Nausea. It was misery to be a teenager, but imagine being a teen-ager stuck in a horror movie and you KNOW you’re in a horror movie. At every turn your friends are disappearing and dying and there’s nothing you can do about it, despite the fact you are warning them every step of the way. This is brilliant, and to be written by a 20 year old, it borderlines sublime. If you have no interest in all this film theory deconstruction there is something very practical you can get from this film. B-MOVIE SURVIVAL TIP: Make sure you have well stocked reserves of saving cream. “Nobody likes a mouthful of shaving cream.”

Roadside Attractions:

  • Proper use of “boom in the shot”
  • Gratuitous breasts 80s style
  • Boglin on steroids
  • Decapitation, face melting and green slime gore

For more on Rolfe Kanefsky, check out our interview with him.



Check out the trailer for “There’s Nothing Out Therre”

trailers

dripper
Jul

Comments Off on Making Contact

It may surprise many of you to learn that I, Barry Goodall have no cell phone. I kid you not. I own no Apple iphone, no blackberry, no kumquat 2.0, …there’s not one fruit based technology of any sort in this double-wide. In fact, I started writing this review back  in the late spring of 2011 when I stripped fresh bark for parchment from a nearby pine  and sent my review in a whale bone mailing tube on the back of a trained river otter. He delivered it to the city folks upriver who then air shipped it to a cheap outsourced data entry employee in Bangledesh. There my review was translated  to Arabic then to French and back again to english.You may notice some strange typos that could confuse me for this be sure to  humus I surrender this pudding suit?

Sure, there’s the looks of shock you get when you say you don’t have a cell phone “But Barry, how do you make phone calls?”  they’d ask. “Well, after we get done making our homemade asprin from  the  gall of a castrated boar and our homegrown opium, we take turns using the family fire pit for smoke signal messages. Would you like a piece of this homemade baklava?”

So thanks, but no thanks to your dark magic or you call it “mobile technology.” I think I’ll be sticking with my laser disc players and Nintendo powerglove for now. Sure I might not be able to Instagram myself  impersonating a duck, but you can never put a price on a well trained river otter.

Speaking of  big long distance bills. Little Joey has been comunicating with his recently deceased father over a toy phone in the Germantic sci-fi “Making Contact.” One of the few movies to feature a giant mutant hamburger and a darth vader cameo all in the same film. Joey doesn’t realize than communicating with his dead dad would unleash the demonic spirit of an evil ventriloquisto doll who wants to make him into toaster strudel. The dummy looks a bit like a young Erich Von Stroheim with all the charm of an old man that just learned they cancelled Matlock. Joey finds the dummy while hunting down his lost robot in a nearby mansion and sticks him in his room to complete his collection of safety recalled toys.

Joey’s mom thinks he’s going crazy but seems less concerned her son can levitate a glass of milk with his mind or that he may have stuck some kitchen knives in the wall in a fit of telekentic rage. Joey also been getting picked on by some school bullies so he’s only about one wedgie short of going Carrie on their behinds.

Joey’s teacher learns of his power when he visits his mom for a “parent teacher conference” and brings in an entire government evac team to seal up the house and study Joey’s brain with wired turkey basters. Meanwhile the bullies make a  plan to kidnap Joey while hanging out at the old Bates home but the evil dummy has trapped them there instead. Joey sneaks out  to help free the kids from the clutches of the devil doll and has turned the house into a maze full of mummies, giant hamburgers, and man eating dinosaurs (or as we call it, Euro-Disney.)  The gang tries to escape but discover the only exit is blocked by the puppet and the ghost of an inept ventriloquist not played by Jeff Dunham. The two must battle with their telekentic powers to see who will triumph and who gets their face melted off first.

Making Contact was obviously influenced by the success of ET and Poltergiest with a bit of Star Wars thrown in. I was hoping for more German nude cannibalism or at least some singing nuns but was sadly disappointed. Barry Goodall says check it out only if you’re looking for a good anesthesia before a major surgery or are in need of an epitac. You can also check out the original German extended cut  in the DVD box set with extra farvergnugen. Just be sure to play it loud and scare your neighbors.

roadside attractions

  • Giant hamburgers
  • Pigtail levitation
  • Krispy Kreme product placement
  • Electro shock garabage cans
  • Melt-o-dummies
  • Fisher price glow phones
  • Runaway Datsuns
totals

0

blood

BLOOD

I think a kid got a noise bleed and scraped his knee. Oh the carnage!

0

blood

BREASTS

Nadda ta-tas, I think this was supposed to be for kids. But it was originally German so you never can be certain.

8

beast

BEASTS

The grumpiest vantrliqust dummy ever, darth vader, giant hamburger, and some goofy looking dionsaurs.

4.0 OVERALL
dripper

Check out this trailer from “Making Contact”

trailers

dripper
Jun

Comments Off on Father’s Day: Rest Stop Review Edition

Tagline: Sons, lock up your fathers… vengeance arrives on… Father’s Day!

Year: 2011 Runtime: 99 min

Director: Astron-6

Writer: Astron-6

Starring: Matthew Kennedy, Adam Brooks, Conor Sweeney, Amy Groening, Jeremy Gillespie and Steven Kostanski

Father’s day is officially over but that doesn’t mean it’s time to forget your old pop. Thanks to Astron-6’s touching memorial to fathers everywhere, you can appreciate the old man everyday for the rest of forever.

The best description of the absolute coolness that is Father’s Day is: Disturbing horror comedy with more bloody ding dongs than the Hostess factory.

Speaking of bloody ding dongs, this is a Troma film. We all know that Troma movies engage in a certain amount of fart jokes, naked women and morally disturbing images. Astron-6 manages to not only deliver on all of the above, but also manage to make a, I’m almost afraid to say it, throughly entertaining cross-over hit. All the rape and penis mutilation muddies the water a bit, but I really think this can be a solid movie.

Father’s Day is presented as a cheesy Late, Late Movie being aired on The Aston-6—a local access channel. Visually, though, it is a bad-ass Quentin Rodriguez style film: car chases, strippers, hand-held camera work, shotgun blasts to the face, gritty film, the works.

Whereas most of the time the film goes over the top, it also can be very subtle. There’s a scene at Chelsea’s (Amy Groening) kitchen table after Twink’s (Conor Sweeney) friend Walnut (Garrett Hnatiuk) was murdered. Chelsea, Twink and Ahab (Adam Brooks) are making plans to take down the Fuchman (Mackenzie Murdock). There’s blood all over the table, and as they talk you can just hear their arms scraping as they pull away from the sticky mess. Pure class!

I refuse to ruin the movie by giving away too much, but I have to point one small detail out that I only got after multiple viewings. Ahab’s jacket is a character in the film, and at one point is given a voice, Goliath, from the Sunday morning show Davey and Goliath. The real treat is where it is that the jacket gets that particular voice.

This film as been making the rounds and if it comes to your town, it is a must-see at your local cineplex. If you missed it, the four disc, limited edition DVD is scheduled for release June 26, 2012. Do yourself a favor and get on it!

Roadside attractions:

  • extreme overkill: shot with pistol, shotgun up the butt, beaten with brick, head stomped flat, thrown off dam
  • extreme nudity: male and female
  • commercial interruption for Star Raiders, the Late, Late, Late movie
  • maple syrup
  • tasty berries
  • toxic berries
  • fathers

For more on Astron-6, check out our interview with them.

trailers

dripper
Jun

Comments Off on The Galaxy Invader

Galaxy Invader screen capture.

Aliens meeting rednecks is a subject close to my heart. Hell, that’s how we came to have Uncle Spacey locked up in the attic on the family farm. While The Galaxy Invader only features one alien, it has a metric ton of rednecks. This leads to many classic double negative filled quotes, including “I ain’t never seen nothin’ like this b’fore!”, “We don’t need no women!”, and “I don’t want you sayin’ nothin’ to nobody!” If you ever wanna piss off a grammar snob, give ‘em a copy of this flick.

Galaxy Invader

If Larry the Cable Guy decided to remake E.T., but spent 99% of the budget on Coors Light and Laffy Taffy, you might get something close to The Galaxy Invader. An alien crashes in the backwoods near a one brain cell town, and well, hilarity ensues. And how. Fans of Mystery Science Theater 3000 will recognize the film, as bits were used in the credits for Pod People (Rifftrax eventually lampooned Galaxy Invader). For the meme literate: “Yo dawg, I heard you like b-movies, so I put a b-movie in your b-movie, so you can watch a b-movie while you watch a b-movie.”

The film features dueling storylines (but no banjos) centered around the Invader. The first is a touching tale of a young student and his teacher who either lives six hours away or is slow to get out of bed. When the student phones about the crashed alien, the learned teacher tells the boy, from the comfort of his bed, “I will be there about six hours from now.” Six hours? You can watch all three of the Back to the Future films in less time.

Galaxy Invader

The second, and even more touching storyline is about a down-on-his-luck father trying to provide for his family in the face of adversity. Wait. No. It is about the town drunk chasing his daughter with a shotgun for mouthing off. Joe (blood type: PBR) is always wearing the same torn t-shirt throughout the film. When Joe ain’t chasing his family with a shotgun, he schemes with the film’s equivalent to Boss Hogg. Their plan? Conscript drunk hunters, have them capture the alien alive, and sell it. Hey, it worked in King Kong.

Oh, right.

Unlike E.T., ALF, or MAC, our Invader is acronym free and packing heat. After seeing the Invader’s weapons in action against drunk hunters, Joe comes up with a new plan–sell the weapons to the Russians. Ah, films in the ‘80s–when in doubt, reference the Russians.

Galaxy Invader is a much watch. It is brilliantly hilarious. If the hilarity is intended or not, I can’t say. But, the film just keeps throwing curve balls. Joe’s dime store Jimmy Stewart persona is a joy to watch, so are his parenting skills. Joe’s youngest daughter hating everything is a great running gag, and then there is the awkward fight scene between Joe and his son. They don’t so much as fight, as they aggressively lean into each other. The ending also features the best pre-Baywatch use of slow motion. And let’s not forget the Invader itself–the costume may look kinda silly, but I’ll take someone in a costume and mask over a CGI alien any day. Tiger says, give this one a watch.


Tiger Sixon is forced to watch B-movies from the comfort of a secret government base in Death Valley. He looks nothing at all like Daniel J. Hogan (@danieljhogan) who draws the comic Clattertron.

roadside attractions

  • Bumpy aliens
  • Crazy hair
  • Torn shirts
  • Plaid shirts
  • Alien stun guns
  • Floozies
  • Short shorts
  • Awkward family fighting
  • Falling dummies
  • Rednecks
  • Shotgun parenting
  • Hillbillies
totals

7

blood

BLOOD

Mr. Invader and some of the rednecks get kinda gun crazy.

0

blood

BREASTS

All of the ladies keep their tops on.

10

beast

BEASTS

Mr. Invader has plenty of screen time and is pretty neato looking.

6.0 OVERALL
dripper

Check out the trailer for “The Galaxy Invader”

trailers

dripper

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Lost Highway is your satirical detour down the twisted back roads of b-movies and cult films reviews. learn more >>