As Pa Sixon used to say, “Does this look infected?” Wait. I mean, “Christmas ain’t about bein’ with people ya like. It’s about bein’ with family.” And bein’ with family is a main theme of the 1984 post-apocalyptic-zombie-horror-romance-comedy, Night of the Comet.

Christmas is around the corner for sunny California and Santa, or perhaps maybe the Krampus, is bringin’ one heck o’ a gift: a comet. We learn it is, more or less, the same comet what knocked out the dinosaurs 65 million years ago. Shoot, ya don’t a comet for that—just feed ‘em some of Ma Sixon’s tuna surprise served at room temperature. While everyone is partying about the comet (because I guess that is what you do in California), Regina (Catherine Mary Stewart) is stuck workin’ at the local movie theater—which involves beating a mysterious high score on Tempest and scoring with the projectionist in the booth (to use the film’s vernacular, “making it”). Ah, to be an 18 year old girl in the 80’s again.

Back home, Regina’s mouthy little sis, Sam (Kelli Maroney), gets slapped around by her step mom—who is throwin’ a comet party of her own. One problem: once the comet arrives, everyone outside is turned to dust. And those what ain’t turned to dust, are turned into zombies. Regina wakes up after a night o’ lovin’ to find the streets filled with piles of dust, and a dash of occasional zombie. A tender moment ensues when Regina finds Sam, now (thankfully) clad in a cheerleader outfit. In an effort to find survivors, the pair goes to the local radio station (which has more neon lights than a Blade Runner convention in Las Vegas). At the station, they meet future Star Trek Voyager regular, Hector (Robert Beltran). That’s right, Commander Chakotay comes to the rescue.

Uh, sort of. As we learn, the girls’ dad is in the military–he trained the pair how to fight and use guns, so they can handle themselves (although Sam wishes Hector would handle her).

Because the film was made in the ‘80s, we are treated to a shopping montage set to a non-Lauper version of Girls Just Want to Have Fun, while Regina and Sam have the run of the mall. This was a requirement for most ‘80s films, along with Steve Gutenberg. Meanwhile, there is a secret underground group, with a maze for a logo, keeping tabs on survivors. They decide to bring a few back to the base, and hilarity ensues. By which I mean, stuff gets blown up.

Deep down, Night of the Comet is about family: two sisters are on their own and realize, despite pissin’ each other off from time to time, they are all they have. The girls also realize they need to stick together with Hector if they want to survive (and Regina hopes her and Hector really stick together), and form a new family o’ sorts.

While fairly tame by today’s standards, there is enough blood and violence to go around, and Night of the Comet leans heavily toward the goofy side of the post-apocalyptic meter. Night of the Comet, like any quality b-movie, is a campy, blood-soaked hoot. Give this one a watch–just don’t forget yer hairspray and leotard.

neon lights leotards cheerleading outfit sunglasses at night shopping montage zombies future star trek actors retro video games exploding cars blood stealing keyboard whacking big hair bloody wrenches secret bases MAC-10s	6 BLOOD Not too bloody, but plenty it when it counts. 5 BREASTS While we never see Sam totally topless, she gets down to a bra in one scene, and jumps up and down in a nighty in another. 10 BEASTS Lots of zombie action, including kid zombies. 7.00 OVERALL

Check out the trailer for “Night of the Comet”

Call me a nay sayer, say I was a doubter. I gotta admit that I didn’t think it was possible to top some of our country’s best combos. Mustard and vienna sausages , chicken and waffles, Starsky and Hutch, but  Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-o-rama maybe the perfect combo of gawkin’ at half naked woman and drunk bowling on a Friday night.

It all starts when 3 horny geeks want a sneak  peak at a sorority initiation lead by Robin Rochelle. She’s a 38 year old co-ed still trying to pass her freshman year but she has a hankering for paddlin’ some hinnies and covering pledges in whip cream. You just don’t see that sorta behavior  with soccer moms anymore. She catches the peeping toms who were all just watching them shower sans-luffas for what seems like a good hour. The I-felta-thi sorority has a very active bowling league so she sends the nerds and the pledges out to steal a bowling trophy and prove their worth. After breaking into the bowling alley they run into Linnea Quigly whose nearly unrecognizable fully clothed. She plays “Spider” a convict trying to rob the joint with a crow bar and a few well placed f-bombs. The gang grabs a trophy but accidentally lets out a demonic imp with the voice of Don Cornelius who’s been trapped inside for the last 30 years. The jive talking monster midget grants them each a wish and a chance to win a guest spot on Soul Train. Their wishes involve being queen of the prom, bars of gold and Michelle Bauer getting nekkid… but hey, who hasn’t had that same wish?

It all suddenly goes bad though when the imp turns some of the girls into demonic minions with bad skin and a hankerin’ for evil. They cram a fat guy’s head into a ball polishing machine and deep fries another guy’s face in the fry cooker taking time out to  pick up a few spares with a severed head. Spider and her new nerd boyfriend must fight their way out  with the help of a partially deaf janitor and put a stop to the evil muppet’s plans of world domination by stuffing him in a coffee can. If they can’t, it could be a fate far worse than death…a movie sequel. Sorority Babes is a fun 80’s throwback to when the jocks were dumb and the bimbos were big breasted. Barry Goodall says check it out and don’t forget to bring your bowling shoes and some 10 pound balls.

If you got 10 pound balls, how did you walk to the videostore so fast? That joke never gets old.

Roadside Attractions:

- Gratuitous spank-athon
- Whip cream-tastic
- Extensive use of a crowbar
- Magic demon trophy
- Head polishing
- Face frying
- Girl pulled in half like a pulled pork sandwich
- Flaming bimbos
- Severed head roll and bowl
- Evil imp impalement
- Car crash with roll

it’s the booooooooowwwwlll-train.

Are you ready to blow a gasket because you just lost a bidding war on eBay for a copy of the Kung Fu laugh-fest 18 Bronze Girls Of Shaolin? If so, take a deep breathe, dial down your stress level several notches, and pull yourself together because we know where you can find this B-movie classic. The place is Super Strange Video which has become our movie store of choice for those rare, and often impossible to find B-movie video treasures. Whatever your taste in cult films are, we’re pretty sure they will have something for you. So, as soon as you finish reading this post be sure to visit Super Strange Video, and check out their impressive selection of B-movies, and TV shows from the 50’s to the 90’s. Also, don’t forget to tell them the guys from Lost Highway sent ya’.

When did concert promoters go certifiably insane? $75 to see AC/DC? $150 for a crappy seat at a Celine Dion concert? Shouldn’t they be paying the audience to see her screech out 80’s cover songs? Does that include a free ride on a Canadian Zamboni? Shoot I remember when you could see REO Speedwagon for $10 and the best seats were for whoever got there blankets closes to the speakers first, and if you left for the bathroom well that’s your tough lost. Now it’s $5 for a watered down beer surrounded by middle aged guys with iPhones, and comb overs. The only thing they’re hopped up on is Lipitor, and Viagra. So save your cash stay at home, and pirate the songs off the Interwebs like your kids do instead. The only ringing in your ear will be your hearing aid, and you won’t have to bring a bottle to pee in. Well, that still might be a good idea.

Speaking of the big concert events. The Saturn theater is about to put on one of the biggest rock shows for a new Year’s eve blowout to end all blowouts, and trust me there’s plenty of blow to go around. The movie “Get Crazy” has more drugs in it than a hooker in Charlie Sheen’s apartment. The only thing that puts a damper on the festivities is an evil corporate raider in a shiny jumpsuit named Colin Beverly, a greedy nerd that shows up with his color matching yes men trying to buy the theater. After a humiliating rejection by Wolf , the theater’s owner, Colin decides to plant a high-tech stink bomb to go off at midnight thereby bankrupting the theater…. and if that doesn’t work they’re going to give them all swirlies or stuff them in a locker. The owner thinking he has suffered a minor heart attack decides to put his puffy haired nephew Sammy in charge…a greasy little Donald Trump wanna-be whose looking for a quick buck. Sammy makes a deal with Colin to help plant the bomb so he can get a cut of the theater sales or become a drugged out dirty hippy, whichever comes first.

Daniel Stearn the robber from “Home Alone 1 & 2″ is here to save the day as the level headed stage director Neil Allen… that is unless an annoying little blonde hair kid drops a  steam iron on his head.  He often fantasizes about chain smoking frizzy haired women getting burned at the stake and playing Tarzan with a Jane in garter belts. He also let’s in creepy alien drug dealers dressed as masochists to dope up his staff with magic mystery pills. Neil has got upper management written all over him.

With all the prep work done the concert kicks off to a hodgepodge of punk, new wave, pop, and blues music. Think Hoochie Coochie man but imagine the punk band Fear doing a cover version with strung out cheerleaders. There’s also a Jewish blues band rocking out with King Blues, and a brief stint of Lee Ving screaming in a mic encouraging suicidal teens to jump from balconies. They really need a tranquilizer gun for this guy before he bites off someone’s ear. The headliner though is Reggie Wanker ( Malcolm MacDowell) who after doing loopty loops in his jet, gallivants around the stage with a stuffed crotch, and a bad case of Mick Jaggerism. Even Lou Reed stumbles in for the show after he sobers up being typically late, and typically folksy. It’s the Lou Reed way.

Neil’s fanboy sister ditches her mom, and dad to sneak off to the concert for a chance to shake her money makers with Reggie on stage but she nearly gets knocked over by his enormous stuffed jock strap. Neil pulls her off the stage just in time before someone gets their eye poked out. Later backstage Reggie makes the sign of the 3 humping hyenas with some low self esteemed groupies only to find out his long time girlfriend just did it with a nerdy stage hand. He drowns his sorrows in bad blues singing with drug laced Gatorade, and talks to his penis about career advice….stranger yet is when the little wanker starts talking back. Did I mention there were a lot of drugs in this movie? Neil discovers the bomb plot, and attempts to get it’s location from Sammy, now a newly converted hippie, that is if a giant anamorphic joint doesn’t stop him first.

Hijinks aside The majority of the film is focused on the concert with a bit of slapstick comedy thrown in between the pot smoking, and pill popping. It’s “Reefer Madess” meets “Meatballs” blended with “Spinal Tap” served in a dirty ashtray and a perfect follow-up to the director’s earlier film “Rock n’ Roll Highschool.” Retroman says check it out so you too can be “one with the universe man in a dazzling moonbean of peace love and colors maaaaannn.”

Nancy Regan likely showed clips of this film to scare elementary kids, and would threaten that Mr. Electric is hiding under their bed.

A Special thanks goes out to “Super Strange Videos” who sent us a copy of “Get Crazy” for review…the movie is incredibly difficult to find. Stop by their site and tell em’ Lost Highway sent ya.

Rocket surfing Darth Vader Drug Dealer Extreme Hippies Stackable naked chicks Free style stage diving Watercooler acid trips Exploding Limos Rowdy Dowley extreme jock strap Talking willy wankers Creepy Joint mascots	0 BLOOD None unless someone got a nose bleed from the coke 8 BEASTS The man they call Piggy 9 BREASTS Plenty. seems like every Mcdowell film has knockers   8.5 OVERALL

Check out the trailer for “Get Crazy”

Our online movie partner Crackle.com has been quit busy building their library of B-movie goodness. You can’t swing a dead cat, and not hit a schlocky nugget of cinema, and if there’s one thing we know about …is dead cat swinging. So don’t go driving drunk to Blockbuster  again only to be disappointed that your only choices are between “All Dogs Go to Heaven”, and 150 copies of “She’s Just Not That Into You.”  Instead check out some of these great, and so bad they’re great online movies all for FREE!! Save gas, save money, adopt a pet cat. We’re Lost Highway, and we’re here to help.

	AstroZombies At first one would think this would be about zombie palm readers or undead astrologists. Actually, it’s just your typical rocket science nerd who wants to make a super-human so he uses dead people’s body parts resulting in a monstrous killer. Oh please, that’s so 18th Century Mary Shelly.
	The Blob How on earth could Jello be this scary? Well it is, and it kills…slowly….very slowly. So, get out your sliced bananas, and whip cream, and get ready for some cherry flavored terror. Now go ahead, and get yourself a snack it’ll take it a while to congeal.
	BloodShack “I got me a car, it’s as big as a whale and we’re headin’ on down to the Blood Shack.” Ahh yes the epic that is “BloodShack” when movies didn’t have to have plots, or acting, and your killer wears Ninja pajamas. Hope you like the rodeo because there’s plenty of it in this little barrel scraper of B-moviedom. Check it out but you’ve been warned. Check out our review of “BloodShack”
	The Beyond Real estate is all about location, and owning an old hotel built over one of the entrances to Hell won’t help resale values. Italian horror at it’s creepiest, and weirdest when the supernatural invade Louisiana. It’s a Mardi Gras of evil as zombies, and flesh eating spiders are thrown into the mix. Mama Mia!
	Brain Scan Edward Furlong before he went into rehab discovers a creepy computer game with a warped game show host from hell. This deranged Bob Barker turns him into a late night virtual killer. Not a big career stretch for Eddie…is this guy even still alive?
	Drunken Master Jackie Chan’s best film to date….yes even better than “the Spy Next Door.” Jackie Chan does some crazy stunts, and amazing Kung Fu fight scenes like rolling over hot coals, and spitting fire while battling an evil assassin. If anyone can… Jackie Chan can. Do you get the feeling this guy was a bit hyperactive when we he was a kid?
	Earth Vs. the Flying Saucers Seems like in the 1950’s every Alien that could pilot a ship tried to invade the earth and we’d kick their green butts back to Mars. When will they learn? This time it’s Jiffy pop popcorn tins on strings attacking from other worldly galaxies..so arm thy butter. Award winning special effects by 9 year old Timmy!
	Godzilla vs. Mothra Get the biggest bug zapper you can find because Mothra is on the loose and Godzilla the spicy breathed mutant Gecko lizard is out for a bug hunt. It ends in a three way with Battra, Mothra, and good ol’ Gojira. But will Godzilla still call them in the morning. Tokyo residents really need to get some mutant attack insurance.
	The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became a Mixed up Zombies while I eagerly await a TISCWSLABAMUZ PART 2 the original will just have to tide me over. From the same amazing team that brought you “BloodShack.” This time a dopey kid falls in love with a carnival stripper while he’s frolicking around with his weird Russian roommate, and big haired girlfriend. The stripper’s sister is a gypsy who turns him into a zombie so he can go on a killing spree, and hallucinate about chicken puppets. Meanwhile a man with a beard smokes a cigar. Confused? So were we. The movie is guaranteed to leave you breathless…from saying that gigantic title.
	The Night of the Living Dead (1990) Ya know I think this whole zombie thing might actually catch on some day. This is a recent remake of the B&W classic so don’t freak out when you see color. This time Tom Savini takes the directors chair, and does an admirable job giving us some unexpected twists to this classic tale of the rising dead. Yes, they’re still coming to get you Barbara only this time in brilliant technicolor.
	Screamers On a distant plan scientists cross a toaster with a Black and Decker table saw so that they can try to make slice bologna out of Peter Weller. The killing machines are evolving, and cutting down people faster than timber in a saw mill. Where’s Robocop when you need him?
	Starship Troopers The ultimate bug hunt. What amounts to a big slap in the face to fascism, and the military machine this satirical sci-fi action romp is just as fun as it is ridiculous. Why do we travel over half the galaxy to attack bugs on another planet? Must be some oil in them there caves. Check out our review of Starship Troopers here
	Taxi Driver Robert De Niro can play a creepy psycho like nobody else. What amounts to an urban vigilante movie, Martin Scorsese makes us even more afraid of New York cab drivers. Oh, and Jodi Foster was a pre-teen hooker. Well not in real life…she plays one is this movie. Great, now look at the rumor we started.