Archive for the 'Drama' Category

Oct

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NEKRomantik
“Death is just the Beginning.”

1988 – NR – 71 Minutes – Cult Epics
Starring Bernd Daktari Lorenz, Beatrice Manowski, Harald Lundt – Directed by Jorg Buttgeriet

Everyone has a fetish or a fear. Some are, to say the least, weird and that’s putting it lightly. Having sex with dead bodies? Yeah, that’s… that’s definitely weird. To center your movie around it? Yup, totally weird. So you can see why a movie called NEKRomantik, a title that implies romance with necrophilia, would be controversial. Now that I mention it, this is quite a controversial movie and rightfully so. It’s one of the few films that has earned it’s reputation and status alongside something like Salo. It’s a movie that starts with a crudely hand written warning and then on to something even more memorable…

And what better way to start off your film with an old woman pissing (talking about leaving an everlasting first impression, movie). To be fair, that’s lightly setting the tone for this film and things get a whole hell of a lot harder to watch. Shortly thereafter, she and her husband drive their car off the side of the road and die in a horrific accident. The next morning, Joe’s Cleaning Agency is called to the scene to clean up the grisly mangled bodies. Seems like something the police coroners would do, but then again this is Germany. Among these fellows is Rob, who really seems to love his job due to his ghastly obsession; necrophilia! This job allows Rob to take things from the scenes, like an organ here or there (you know, nothing that would clearly be missing…). He brings these home to add to his collection he and his girlfriend Betty have. Yes, even these two managed to find each. I wonder if there is a dating website for necrophiliacs?

nek_2While Betty baths in blood, Rob sits on the bed and plays with human organs while watching a program about overcoming phobias, which coincidentally enough does poetically tie into the film some way. While watching the program, Rob has a flashback of an older man who we assume is his father butchering his pet rabbit when he was a child. I have to admit I had trouble sitting through this scene since the rabbit was actually killed. I’m all for filmmaking, but I don’t believe an animal should have to die for your movie. This is intertwined with cuts of a man performing an autopsy on a human and I don’t know who either of them are or how or if it’s related to what’s going on or with Rob… let’s just move on. We could be here all day psychoanalyzing this film.

Luckily due to some drunk redneck taking popshots at birds with a rifle and accidentally killing a nearby gardener (and after ditching the body in a pond), Rob pulls off the ultimate score and brings home Betty their very own corpse! The two love birds rub the goopy cadaver all over, kiss it, then each other and then… oh no… why is Rob cutting a metal pipe that for some reason looks phallic like to size?! No, why are they attaching it to the dead body’s groin?! Well, at least they are safe about it. Betty slips a condom over the “instrument” and the two (or should I say three) go at it. The scene is shot with a blur effect making it dream like or almost like an outer body experience.

Ah, things seem to be going fine for the love birds and their new “toy” that they’ve hung on the wall with plates underneath to catch the dripping fluids (ew). Nothing could spoil this positive upswing. Or could it? Due to his constant tardiness and stinky overalls being left in his locker, Rob is fired from his job, but luckily he has kind, loving Betty there to emotionally support him. Once she stops straddling the corpse and reading love novels to it, she yells at Rob, calling him weak and that she doesn’t want to spend her better years with a loser. Shortly after, Rob returns home to find a note from Betty saying that she took the corpse and split. I know how you feel, man. My ex took the cat when she left. Harsh.

nek_3Rob spirals into depression and goes through all the things one goes through when they are down; heads to the theater to catch a slasher movie, kills the cat, tries to commit suicide with whiskey and pills, strangles a hooker and then defiles the corpse in a cemetery. You know, the classics. Upon being woken by a strange old man after killing the hooker, Rob decapitates the old man with a shovel, which results in a greatly grotesque effect (think Bad Taste) and after fleeing the scene, Rob realizes there is nothing left and there is only one way out as the film reaches its, dare I say, “climax”.

With the quotes around that word and given the nature of this film, I’m sure you realize what I’m talking about. But brother once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

There is an unclean feeling you’re left with after viewing NEKRomantik, which goes without saying. Rob has a pretty sick fetish that you would normally dislike a person for, but the way he is portrayed by Daktari Lorenz is more sympathetic, even when he is defiling a corpse or murdering a lady of the evening. He and Betty seem like that totally normal couple, except for, ya know, that one thing… Though the narrative and the uniquely striking way it’s shot, everything about it is like looking into something that on the surface appears normal, but there is something sad and tragic about it, even though we never truly learn what that may be.

There is quite a bit of shocking, and at time fortuitous, imagery. Perhaps even more strange about it is that it simultaneously takes you out of the moment, yet keeps you connected. As much as you want to look away, you can’t avert your gaze. You get where I’m going with this. For every negative about the film, there seems to be a positive that contradicts it. Writer/director Jorg Buttgereit found that balance between horrible and beautiful. Just about every little thing is this film is saying something about who we are as people. The scene where Rob goes to watch the slasher movie, for example. Everyone in the theater is groping their girlfriends, talking or drinking a beer while people are being tortured, sexually abused and slaughtered. Along with the entire tone of the film and what it’s about, is it saying we have become completely desensitized to sex and violence in media? Ow, my brain! Stop making me think, movie!

nek_4Of course it’s not all pretty. There are periods when the film does seem to drag during some of these scenes, but just as your about to get sick of watching it (if you haven’t already), the shot changes. Without a whole lot of dialogue in the film, your left to the imagery and what they are trying to connect to fully tell the story and some people may not be able to completely pay attention to this. It does require your full attention and once Betty leaves Rob during the second half of the film, it starts to feel like it’s beginning to drag as the story continues. This is most likely because we watch Rob literally putter around and slowly mentally deteriorate even further than he already is. The movie is only a short 71 minutes long, but it’s during this final part of the film where it feels like it’s breaking the two hour mark.

Given all the film’s content and how disgusting and morally corrupt you could claim it is, I have to say, the film is somehow beautifully artistic about it. Cult Epics has recently released NEKRomantik on Blu-ray and you certainly get a bang for your buck. Not only do you get an HD approved transfer from the original 8mm prints, but you also get a “Grindhouse” HD version taken from the 35mm theatrical print for a more gritty look, which adds that extra layer of filth to it. Make note, although it has been restored, this was an extremely low budget film, so there is still quite a bit of grain and dullness, but what do you expect? It’s not exactly IMAX here. You also get a few featurettes, including a ‘making of,’ Q & A with Jorg Buttgereit as well as an introduction to the film from him. He also provides an audio commentary to the film along with co-author Franz Rodenkirchen. Perhaps the “hottest” of all the bonus features is the never before released short Hot Love, which also includes a commentary and its very own featurette. Top it all off with the original motion picture soundtrack and you have yourself one hell of a Special Edition and since it’s limited to 10,000, you may wanna grab a copy real quick.

NEKRomantik
I know I’ve said this before, but it is more true here than it has ever been; NEKRomantik is NOT for everyone. Not even die hard horror fans. You have to be looking for a film that is beyond disgusting and sleazy, yet somehow mesmerizing. It embraces the moments of silence, only playing a fairly haunting soundtrack, depicting scenes of vile acts of weird perversion involving organs and gore, but tying it together with loneliness, the want for love and becoming completely lost in your life. Jorg Buttgereit tells an freakish and bemused story, while it may not be for everyone, those who do find an interest in it will adore it.

Check out this review and plenty others at Goon Reviews.

roadside attractions

  • Road-killed.
  • Organ donors vs. organ collector.
  • Blood bathing Betty!
  • Necrophilia at it’s most artistic.
  • My baby left me for a man with no pulse.
  • Cat’s in the bag.
  • Cemetery “cream”ation.
  • Killer climax.
totals

7

blood

BLOOD

Blood baths, car crashes, organs, gunshots, a ghastly decapitation and a stabbing.

6

blood

BREASTS

Betty bears ’em but under such odd circumstances.

5

beast

BEASTS

Rob is Frank Zito crossed with Peter Parker.

6 OVERALL
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Sep

Comments Off on Lucky Bastard

Lucky Bastard
“This will not end well.”

2014 – NC 17 – 94 Minutes – Revolver Entertainment
Starring Betsy Rue, Don McManus, Jay Paulson – Directed by Robert Nathan

Porn. That’s really all you need to say and you have anyone’s attention. I always found it strange that it’s the one thing we all watch, yet are ashamed to admit that we do… not that I watch it. People always seem to talk about how great it would be to work in porn and have sex all day, but let me tell you… you ever eat nothing but ice cream all day, then about halfway through the day, you think to yourself, “Man, I’ve eaten nothing but ice cream today. I’m kinda sick of it.” I imagine that’s what that line of work is like. At some point, getting it from behind must be tiring and you just want to go home and play some Super Nintendo. I guess that’s true with any job though.

But what if things get really out of hand? You know that point where things become too much to handle and the perks and pay don’t seem worth it anymore? And that’s putting it lightly. That’s kinda what Lucky Bastard is about. Things start off normal, get weird, you try to laugh it off, but then it comes back to bite you in the butt. Lucky Bastard explores the worst case scenario possible for adult film stars seeking out to do a service for one lucky fan. It does so through the ever increasing tiresome found footage genre, but to its credit its unique in the sense that nobody has done a found footage porn-esque horror film before, which is surprising, because most pornos play out like really really bad found footage movies.

lb_2Meet Ashley Saint played by Betsy Rue, who you may remember got fully nude for the remake of My Bloody Valentine. I remember it so much so, I have an autographed picture of that on my wall. Through the eyes of a camera (like the whole film, so I don’t know why I wrote that), two men who have lured a young woman, Casey, and are raping her, but stop their assault to welcome Ashley into their home to sign some papers (hey, even porn has to be legit) when she hears the cries of Casey in the back. Ashley snaps into action and stomps menacingly through the house, fending the captors off with verbal suggestion. Upon finding Casey and untying her, one of the men springs up and holds Ashley down and begins to rape her when she jokingly says… and I quote, “That’s my butthole!” Laughter erupts and the director, Mike, of this faux-rape movie steps out and introduces our star as everyone gets all chummy.

So, rape porn is a thing people enjoy?

To the movie’s credibility, you also get to see what it is like behind the scenes of a porno. Like driving a family sized SUV with Cheetos on the floor. Yeah, people tend to forget that even adult film stars have families… or feelings.

Anyway, Mike is actually quite understanding and seems to care about his actors, opposite of how you usually see porn producers portrayed in film. Mike also runs a website of the same name, Lucky Bastard. The title is makes sense, as fans submit videos of why they should get to be the lucky bastard to have sex with one of the adult film industry’s hottest ladies on film. The winner happens to be awkward and dweeby Dave, but something doesn’t seem quite right with him. He seems like a can short of a six pack, like he’s not playing with a full deck, like he’s lost his marbles.

lb_3What I’m trying to say is that Dave is crazy.

Right away, he begins giving Ashley the heebie jeebies as she tries to have a conversation with him, until he reveals too much detail about her personal life and she threatens to leave the production. Dave apologizes and the gig is back on, relocating to a home that has been fit with a dozen security cameras since it was once used in a reality TV show. Quite a convenient plot device; a house with multiple angles. Anyhow, it doesn’t take long for Dave to humiliate himself again and everyone in the cast and crew has a good laugh at him and his temper tantrum that follows. Well even if they didn’t get to shoot the horizontal mambo, they have some good bloopers to show. After all, part of intent of the site is to humiliate these “lucky” bastards. Demanding the tapes, Mike kicks him out and has one of his assistants drive him back into town… only they don’t make it. Dave smashes his head in with a rock and heads back to house with a bat, then gaining a firearm, and now everyone is going not going to be so lucky.

lb_4This one is a bit of a slow burn, taking it’s time to set up in the first act, getting down to business in the second and Dave finally kicks it into full sociopath mode in the last act. At times, the film feels like it’s dragging its feet, but quickly recovers from fumbling by some well done character development. Betsy Rue is quite good in this role, showing that she can be a fantastic lead. You really get the feeling that her character is burnt out from the adult film industry, but it pays well and she has a family to take care of. She mentions an abusive spouse in her past and she had to take control and you see as she relives those emotions through the movie. Don McManus who plays Mike also shows all the different layers he has, as at first you think he’s a good guy, then you see what a manipulative s.o.b. he is, so when he gets his comeuppance… and does he get it (I don’t want to ruin it for you, but it does involve something being inserted into his anus)… you still feel sorry for the torture the guy goes through. Even though I have to say, at times it’s hard to tell if he’s being manipulative or genuinely concerned for Ashley’s feelings. Well played, sir. Dave, on the other hand, I didn’t feel for. He was just weird and creepy throughout the film and not very menacing, even when he is going crazy. I don’t fault the actor, I just felt he was a weak character. I feel like a gust of wind could have knocked this guy the hell over and took his lunch money.

Being somewhat of a horror film, it manages to pull off some tension, but what it inevitably builds up to is a moment you know is going to happen, given away by the opening segment, which I’m beginning to notice is popular with these found footage movies. There isn’t much in the way of blood either, aside from some arterial spray, so if you’re looking look for a blood and guts spectacle, you are looking in the wrong place. However, if you are here for the T and A, then you have come to the right place. And that’s not just restricted to the ladies! In case you didn’t notice, this is an NC-17 film, so why it may not be real sex, it certainly pulls more thrusts (pun intended) and will fill your speaking with that familiar wet packing sound you’ve come to love.

Lucky Bastard
It’s understandably earned its rating and overall, Lucky Bastard is an enjoyable littler thriller. Although doing nothing new with the found footage genre, it doesn’t repeat all those tired jump scares and plot devices they love so much, not that you would be watching this to see if it reinvents the genre or something. So while the film may do a good job keeping your interest “peaked” when it’s being sexy, you may find that underperforms when it comes to the horror aspect. You see what I did there? Little sexual innuendos? I bet I’m the first person to make those kind of references when reviewing this film.

Check out this review and plenty others at Goon Reviews.

roadside attractions

  • Betsy Rue. Naked. That’s all you need.
  • Sex, Cheetos & Videotape.
  • Softball champ.
  • Sticking it where the sun don’t shine.
  • Premature humiliation.
totals

4

blood

BLOOD

Everything happens off screen or too quick, but the film doesn’t focus on gore.

9

blood

BREASTS

All actors and actresses are required to be naked when in the presence of this movie.

4

beast

BEASTS

Dave is the kind of guy who gets picked on by kids when he walks by schools.

5.6 OVERALL
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Aug

Comments Off on The Quiet Ones

The Queit Ones
2014 – PG 13 – 98 Minutes – Lionsgate
Starring Jared Harris, Sam Claflin, Olivia Cook – Directed by John Pogue

Much like the monsters they made films about, Hammer never truly died, although it did lay dormant for a long time. In 2008, they returned with Beyond on the Rave and hit it big with Let Me In in 2010 and The Woman in Black in 2012. This year, they released The Quiet Ones, a film inspired by true events. In a nutshell, the events in this film are based on The Philip Experiment in the 1970’s where a group of Canadian parapsychologists wanted to attempt an experiment to create a ghost, proving their theory that the human mind can produce spirits through expectation, imagination and visualization. Sounds interesting enough for a movie, but given that this is a Hammer production, loads of gothic atmosphere and sleaziness are thrown into the mix, making for a more fictional story than true. Lots of films do this, I’m not saying it’s bad thing, but does it mix well?

tqo_2When he isn’t chain smoking like it’s about to be outlawed, Dr. Coupland (Jared Harris channeling his character from Mr. Deeds) wants to prove that the supernatural doesn’t exist through tortuous and almost medieval experiments, so he recruits the shy, inspiring young filmmaker Brian to document this rather fascinating experiment. Brian is interested right away and along with two of Dr. Coupland’s other students, Krissi (Erin Richards) and Harry, they waste no time to begin their experiment on Jane Harper (Olivia Cook). Jane seems possessed at times and as with any other possession movie that has come out in the last few years, we know she is possessed because she is a pale white woman with stringy hair and wears a white gown. Seriously, why does every possession movie feature a stringy haired white girl in a white gown? Do demons have an obsession toward those or does Hollywood just seem to think that is scary?

Jane is kept in a room with loud music blasting to keep her awake, which Dr, Coupland hopes will piss her off for better results. Sure it seems mean, but it does get good results. And just like any movie about college kids and a teacher conducting a “most unorthodox” experiment, funding is pulled and they have to relocate to a remote run down country house where all the really weird things begin to happen. Janes takes this possession, or negative energy rather, and focuses it on who she calls Evey, which she is given a doll to transfer it to so that it may be destroyed. Sounds easy on paper, but as Jane is driven more insane by these tests, the results become more violent.

tqo_3Brian, increasingly developing feelings for Evey, becomes more upset and less likely to participate (not something you want under your name in the yearbook) as he even begins to develop somewhat of a relationship with Jane. However, this seemingly makes Evey more violent and vomit terrible looking CG tube monster things out of her mouth. When this happens, Dr. Coupland and gang look terrified, but if it were me I would have started laughing. Even after witnessing that silly manifestation, Dr. Coupland is still stubborn about the supernatural, not believing it to be a possession… even after a mysterious cult marking shows up on Jane’s body. So Brian heads off into town uncovering the truth behind the cult symbol and who Evey really is.

We also begin to see who Dr. Coupland really is. Well, he is still Dr. Coupland, but I am referring to his past and who the boy is in the video that he shows throughout the movie. We also learn of his motives and this is when the film starts to turn into a Hammer film… kind of. Jane, most likely because she is being driven mad, attempts to have sex with Brian and even flashes him while she is in the bathtub. The camera quickly cuts away from this, as if it is ashamed of its own content. Jane even begins to cut herself, but once the blood starts to ooze out, the cameras once again cut away. This all begs the question, then why have this at all? Is there a demand for safe, watered down horror films that I’m not aware of? Who watches these scenes and says, “Oh cool, there were almost boobs there!”

As the film begins to whimper out and we now know Jane’s history, Dr. Coupland begins to become more of a villain archetype, almost downright cartoonish. Tragic things begin to befall our cast and it’s up to Brian to stop it!

Surprisingly, The Quiet Ones is swimming with mood, nicely blending the free spirit look of the 70’s with the traditional rustic, gothic scenery that Hammer is notorious for. Unfortunately, that’s pretty much where their influence ends. The film does mix a nice blend of found footage and typical movie, as we watch the film as usual, then through the eyes of Brian or through the lens of his camera I should say. Although since this is the 70’s and he’s shooting on film, the snob in me can’t help but wonder how on Earth he is recording sound, since we never see any sound equipment recording it seperately and I’m pretty sure cameras, and film, back then couldn’t record sound.

tqo_4But enough nitpicking, let’s get down to brass tax.

Just when something suspenseful and scary is picking up speed and the tension is building, the film cuts abruptly to the next scene. Substituting loud noises for genuine scares, the film never reaches true levels of terror, though it continuously makes you think it will. Think of walking quietly down a hallway with a friend and then they bang as loud as they can on a wall. That’s the kind of scares you’re in for here.

Sure the movie has blood and violence, sure the movie has sex, but The Quiet Ones is afraid to show any of it. Instead it merely wants to hint at it, forgetting that it’s a horror film. This is one of those cases where the final product really could have benefited from an ‘R’ rating. At the end of the day, it was nothing more than watered down imagery and loud jump scares and although I didn’t hate it, it’s nothing I’m going to remember, which is such a shame since all of the actors bring in real solid performances. Jared Harris has made a profession of playing the scumbag type of character and really makes Dr. Coupland detestable, yet likable. Olivia Cook is sinister and sympathetic, Sam Claflin is the likable moral centered one and Erin Richards is gorgeous as a 70’s tramp.

You really can’t help but to think of where all this talent and this idea could have gone if it weren’t so by the books and watered down. I can’t tell you how tired I am of the PG-13 horror movie craze that producers seem to be wanting to shove down our throats. Instead of getting a truly shocking, frightening film, we get something safe for the kids just to sell tickets. And how do these films generally do? Terrible. So what’s the point of making it PG-13 if your ticket sales aren’t really improving? If you’re going to imply all this sex and violence, grows some gonads and make it shocking. Your audience will respect and appreciate you for it. Instead what we get is the most shining example of a film playing it safe in recent memory.

The Queit Ones
I have an idea for an experiment. Try to sit through a PG-13 horror film like The Quiet Ones and try to get scared by it.

Check out this review and plenty others at Goon Reviews.

roadside attractions

  • Hammer is too legit too quit.
  • Olivia Cook naked… almost!
  • Jared Harris, professional a-hole.
  • There is one scare with a car door.
  • Burning down the house.
  • CG poop snake monster thing. (?)
totals

5

blood

BLOOD

Nothing oozing or squirting, but we see the walls painted with it.

3

blood

BREASTS

Olivia Cook in a bathtub should be the most amazing thing, but…

7

beast

BEASTS

Olivia Cook plays one terrifying girl, you’d have to be crazy to date her!

5 OVERALL
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Jun

Comments Off on Countess Dracula

Countess Dracula
1971 – PG – Synapse
Starring Ingrid Pitt, Nigel Green – Directed by Peter Sasdy

When hearing the title Countess Dracula or upon a viewing of the box art, thoughts of traditional vampire imagery may flood your mind; fangs and drinking of blood, capes, widow’s peaks, sparkling… but none of that is actually in the movie. The film is more about the supposedly true story of Hungarian Countess Erzsebet Bathory who would be responsible for 600 deaths of virgin girls, through torture and mutilation, in her time, 1560 to 1614. This is, of course, all speculation, but possibly inspired the tales of Dracula and his thirst for blood to remain immortal. Wow, the more you know.

It’s Hungary in the late 17th century, so if it’s not the plague killing someone, it’s war, which has taken the life of Count Nádasdy. He was a well respected man, so of course his will reading is filled with bottom feeding friends and family dividing up his fortune and estate. Countess Elizabeth (played by the gorgeous and late Ingrid Pitt) is none too pleased about having to share her late husband’s estate with her daughter Ilona. Guess someone should have taught her that sharing means caring, but caring isn’t exactly Countess Elizabeth’s strongest feature, as we see when she talks with Captain Dobi, who has been in love with her for a very long time, she often uses him to gain what she wants.

cd_2If she wanted to stiff her daughter on her inheritance, you can deduce how she treats her chambermaid, constantly scolding and belittling her. All this poor woman needs to do is lay down so that Elizabeth may wipe her soles on her, but something tells me that the Countess is the type of woman who likes to grind her soles. If she were a smoker, I can guarantee she would call in her chambermaid to put her cigarettes out on her. But worse things can and will happen, as the chambermaid accidentally cuts herself, splattering her blood on the Countess’ face. But as cruel fate would have it, the blood from this young woman smooths Elizabeth’s face and removes wrinkles. If a little bit of blood can make her look ten years longer, how do you think every drop of blood in the chambermaid’s body would make Elizabeth look? After a morbid brainstorm with her with maid Julie, they seal the young chambermaid’s fate and use her blood to restore Elizabeth’s youth and she is ready to par-tay!

But how would you explain her sudden youthful look to the public? Not even Maybelline could cover that all up, even if she was born with it. Well, remember when I said she wasn’t the most kind or caring parent? Using Captain Dobi (thinking with his “head”), they carry out a plot to kidnap her very own daughter, so that the Countess may pose as her. Geez, Elizabeth makes Alec Baldwin look thoughtful and compassionate in comparison. With Ilona out of the way, Elizabeth is free to make googly eyes with the young studs.

cd_3Hey, even older people have a libido and need to bump and grind from time to time. Before medication like Viagra, people would have to bathe in the blood of virgins. It’s common knowledge. Having inherited the stables from the recently departed Count, Imre, whose father was a close friend and soldier of the Count, Elizabeth falls for his Errol Flynn like mustache and she manages to seduce him just as her age is returning. She manages to flee, but realizes she needs more blood to restore her youth again. Time to put out a Craigslist ad looking for young blood!

Unfortunately, this doesn’t work with hooker blood as our hooligans discover when Captain Dobi tries to frame Imre for sleeping with a common streetwalker, which Elizabeth murders her and drains her blood, realizing that she hasn’t reverted in age.

cd_4It doesn’t take long for the nosey librarian to discover what’s going on and Captain Dobi is ready to snuff him out of the equation until the Countess realizes his knowledge of spells could be useful. Fortunate for him, his vast knowledge and newly inherited library that contains books on youth incantations will keep him alive, but for how long? As Countess Elizabeth transforms into her slamming young self again, who should finally arrive (unbeknownst to her), but her daughter Ilona, who has finally escaped from her captors after like the thousandth try. Seriously, you could make a montage of all her escape attempts, sync it to the Benny Hill music and it would be pure comedy gold. After all, Ilona isn’t the most nimble creature on Earth. She is quickly introduced to Imre who learns that she is the Countess’ daughter, but if Ilona is the real daughter, then who is… wha… woah. Someone isn’t who they are claiming to be, but we already know who.

Everything boils down to a dark ending that you see coming, but it’s still pretty gripping, being a Hammer Film and all. What, you were expecting a happy ending? Once a dead body is found inside the castle, the police, or whatever you would call them back then, evacuate all the help, but leave the residence, believing that no harm will come to them as they hunt for the killer in town. Our cast, however, know better and realize they are trapped inside this castle like a prison and must come up with a plan to reveal the Countess and escape.

This Hammer Horror release is sometimes forgotten or overlooked, as it’s a departure from the regular tales of Frankenstein and Dracula that the company is widely known for, but it still captures the same sleazy, gothic atmosphere (if not more so), which is captured phenomenally on Synapse’s Blu-ray release, which is a newly high definition transfer. If you’re a screen junkie or just happen to notice bad transfers, you may recall the previous DVD release from Carlton Visual Entertainment had a noticeable muddy colors and was obviously stretched to make it appear widescreen. Needless to say, it was an eyesore, but not here. Colors feel right, meaning that thing appear how they should and I should mention that Ingrid Pitt’s aged makeup looks pretty well done and this new transfer doesn’t show any weaknesses in it. I did find the audio to be loud at time, mostly with music stings, and quiet during others, but like with most cases, it will in no way ruin the experience for you. Dialogue isn’t muted or muffled, it’s nice and sharp, but seem to dip in levels from time to time. Overall, Countess Dracula has never looked more youthful.

Countess Dracula
There is plenty of deception, murder and betrayal to go around for every sinister feeling fanatic. The countess goes as far as to have her own daughter kidnapped for an indefinite amount of time and who knows, after some time, what her fate would be. It’s a dark plot is that will leave you satisfied, even if you were in it for the usual Hammer violence that isn’t as intense here as their previous films (did I mention there is plenty of sleaze?). And ladies, don’t try this at home (believe me, I tried)!

Check out this review and plenty others at Goon Reviews.

roadside attractions

  • Ingrid Pitt looks good, even under all that makeup.
  • Virgin Blood by Revlon.
  • Is there a Necronomicon in that library?
  • The Great Escape, starring Ilona.
totals

4

blood

BLOOD

These virgins may be drained of their blood, but there isn’t very much.

8

blood

BREASTS

Ingrid Pitt, some dead virgins and a hooker. Everyone wins.

7

beast

BEASTS

Looks can be deceiving. Ingrid Pitt is one nasty mother!

6.3 OVERALL
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Dec

posted by admin | December 4, 2013 | Drama, Horror movies, New Releases, Reviews by the Goon, screeners, Suspense

Comments Off on 7th Day

7th Day
2012 – Not Rated – Dire Wit Films

I will always believe that the most frightening films are the ones that could actually happen. Movies that know how to prey on you when you are most vulnerable. Films like The Strangers, Rear Window or anything with Taylor Lautner (or just the mere fact that he is getting work is truly terrifying). Among these things, real monsters, are serial killers. They are very real and they could be anywhere. It’s a dark, horrific truth we have to live with daily, but we brush it aside, like most FOX sitcoms and ignore it. But every now and then a film that depicts these real life monsters comes along and reminds us that we are not always safe when we think we are. Such a film is 7th Day, as it takes us into a week, day by day, of the life of a sociopathic killer.

And right away the film gets its hands dirty. A young woman oddly dressed like Mork from Ork gets stabbed in the neck by a bearded man in a baseball cap, without even so much as a final “Nanoo Nanoo.” This is when our humble serial killer, Allen, introduces himself and narrates who he is, what he does and why he does it throughout the film. Sure Allen is just a regular guy, with a regular job. He believes like everyone else that he is well liked and unappreciated… but he has a very strange hobby, to say the least. This narration is a clever little insight as to what goes through Allen’s mind (and possibly other serial killers), but we’ll get into that a little later on in the review.

7d_2The life of a serial killer sure can be lonely, as Allen describes, but the solitude is necessary. It all ties in with his theories about survival of the fittest, as you now see he has been describing all his thoughts and processes to a tall man, who looks like melted wax, dressed in a suit and long coat with a microphone fused into his hand with wires jutting out, reminding me of Max Renn’s gunhand from Videodrome. Most of the time when we see Allen narrating to this man (or creature), his mouth isn’t moving and it’s not some sort of dubbing flaw. It’s obvious and intentional. Perhaps a look into his broken psyche?

Speaking of a broken psyche, Allen truly believes that a waitress where he works, Denise, understands him and thinks just like him. He’ll go into detail about how he wish he could have a normal life with her, but it just isn’t what he was meant for. When Allen isn’t at work arguing with his co-worker Dave and being smitten over Denise, he spends his free time stalking his prey, or hunting as he calls it. On occasion, even loneliness gets to Allen, as he demonstrates by having sex with a recently murdered victim, although it doesn’t romanticize the idea of necrophilia. He’ll remind you that it’s not something he typically does (so you know, don’t worry about it) and if it were an issue, he’d get a girlfriend. Simple as that.

And this is where we see Allen going against his own words, but not in a hypocritical sense. It’s as if Allen views himself differently and he’s outside looking in. While stalking some more prey in the park, a pretty lady jogger stops to talk to Allen and it seems like maybe she is hitting on him. Hey, Allen is a single guy and he has something to offer. You kind of want him to win this and go on a date with the girl, but he’s too damn awkward and reacts the way most shy males do… he pees in his pants like a five year old. And do you think this attractive young lady is understanding about this? No. She flat out makes fun of him and ridicules him like a jock in high school. Just because a dude wets the bed in his 30’s or 40’s doesn’t mean that he’s a loser! It’s a medical condition! Oh, excuse me… a little bit of nerd rage was released.

7d_3All of the things Allen claims not to take part in or need in his life are the very things you see him falling victim to constantly throughout the film, like drug use and having sex with corpses. As Allen explains it, you do believe him, but ultimately it’s Allen trying to convince himself and not us. But why do we believe him? Why do we watch this monster act out these atrocities? Because Alan is a believable person just as much as he is a believable monster. He’s not some unstoppable killing machine like Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers or some sophisticated homicidal maniac like Patrick Bateman. Allen is that unassuming guy that would sit at the bar with his head down, hat covering his eyes that you pay no attention to. He blends in to the point where he is practically invisible and that’s what makes him more dangerous.

As the days go on, Allen narrates more to this creature, detailing his childhood and how his brother would have sexual relations with his mother, dress Allen up like a woman and beat him… and then have sex with him. If you’re anything like me, you had simultaneous feelings of disgust and sympathy. That’s a good thing. That means you’re still human, so hold on to that feeling. Fortunately, his brother choked to death in the kitchen, which happens to be the same room where his father killed himself. Allen’s mother hated the kitchen and given that and the history of deaths in this room, makes it Allen’s favorite. His other favorite room would be the basement, which he gleefully gives us the tour of with a female victim tied up on the floor. Displaying the gruesomely, jaw dropping practical effects in this movie, he uses a box cutter (a tool that always makes me wince in pain) and cuts a hole in her back, but he’s not done there. Poking his finger in it and rooting around like he’s trying to remove something stuck in a drain, he pulls out bloody strings of sinew and muscle. To be honest, this scene was making my muscles tense!

7d_4The week goes on and Allen goes more against his beliefs that he was verbalizing, focusing heavily on his drug use (to which he claimed he didn’t do), often smoking either heroin or crack (crystal meth maybe? I don’t know drugs). Usually, he partakes in this with his neighbor Bill, who clearly is an upstanding individual and in no way a creepy pervert. I’m sure you detected a high amount of sarcasm there and you would be right. It’s insinuated or hinted (or Bill flat out says it, but tries to play it off as a joke) that he is a pedophile. So if you think having one character that was despicable, here’s another. But that’s sort of the appealing part of 7th Day. Virtually every character in the film is in their own way very grotesque and we end up siding with one of them, particularly Allen. Of course we aren’t supposed to, but that what happens when you give a character some depth and go on a journey with them. Although I would recommend a shower and some church immediately afterwards.

Unlike Rob Zombie’s Halloween, writer Mark Leake and director Jason Koch show you in a visceral and darkly disturbing way, what goes into to making a serial killer with no remorse. It’s a path you don’t want to go down, but they make it interesting and entertaining in a very curious way, allowing us to live vicariously through Allen. The crew brings this morbid visual to life in a way that will make even the strongest of stomachs turn. Even though Jason Kock himself has done special effects on films like Troma’s Return to Nuke’m High and Science Team (which oddly enough, he made a mold of my friend’s head), the credit on this one goes to Kaleigh Brown, who does a marvelous job.

7th Day
Given the trend with filmmakers confusing blood and violence for actual horror and the director’s association with Troma, the film could have easily been a gross out movie, but instead it took a far more sophisticated route and illustrated for us the mind of a truly tormented and lost mind. Let Allen be your Willy Wonka of murder and check this movie out.

Check out this review and plenty others at Goon Reviews.

roadside attractions

  • Robin Williams’ suspenders cameo.
  • Mustache rides… of death!
  • Serial killer spooning.
  • Can’t drop the mic, ’cause it’s melted into my hand.
  • MC Pee Pants.
  • Not what I had in mind when he was fingering…
totals

9

blood

BLOOD

The effects are pretty nasty that will spoil your appetite and that weird reporter thing is cool!

6

blood

BREASTS

Blood covered boobs is like chocolate covered strawberries.

8

beast

BEASTS

Mark S. Sander brings the sociopathic Allen to life and it is frigthening!

7.6 OVERALL
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Watch the trailer for “7th Day”!

trailers

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