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Sep

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Lucky Bastard
“This will not end well.”

2014 – NC 17 – 94 Minutes – Revolver Entertainment
Starring Betsy Rue, Don McManus, Jay Paulson – Directed by Robert Nathan

Porn. That’s really all you need to say and you have anyone’s attention. I always found it strange that it’s the one thing we all watch, yet are ashamed to admit that we do… not that I watch it. People always seem to talk about how great it would be to work in porn and have sex all day, but let me tell you… you ever eat nothing but ice cream all day, then about halfway through the day, you think to yourself, “Man, I’ve eaten nothing but ice cream today. I’m kinda sick of it.” I imagine that’s what that line of work is like. At some point, getting it from behind must be tiring and you just want to go home and play some Super Nintendo. I guess that’s true with any job though.

But what if things get really out of hand? You know that point where things become too much to handle and the perks and pay don’t seem worth it anymore? And that’s putting it lightly. That’s kinda what Lucky Bastard is about. Things start off normal, get weird, you try to laugh it off, but then it comes back to bite you in the butt. Lucky Bastard explores the worst case scenario possible for adult film stars seeking out to do a service for one lucky fan. It does so through the ever increasing tiresome found footage genre, but to its credit its unique in the sense that nobody has done a found footage porn-esque horror film before, which is surprising, because most pornos play out like really really bad found footage movies.

lb_2Meet Ashley Saint played by Betsy Rue, who you may remember got fully nude for the remake of My Bloody Valentine. I remember it so much so, I have an autographed picture of that on my wall. Through the eyes of a camera (like the whole film, so I don’t know why I wrote that), two men who have lured a young woman, Casey, and are raping her, but stop their assault to welcome Ashley into their home to sign some papers (hey, even porn has to be legit) when she hears the cries of Casey in the back. Ashley snaps into action and stomps menacingly through the house, fending the captors off with verbal suggestion. Upon finding Casey and untying her, one of the men springs up and holds Ashley down and begins to rape her when she jokingly says… and I quote, “That’s my butthole!” Laughter erupts and the director, Mike, of this faux-rape movie steps out and introduces our star as everyone gets all chummy.

So, rape porn is a thing people enjoy?

To the movie’s credibility, you also get to see what it is like behind the scenes of a porno. Like driving a family sized SUV with Cheetos on the floor. Yeah, people tend to forget that even adult film stars have families… or feelings.

Anyway, Mike is actually quite understanding and seems to care about his actors, opposite of how you usually see porn producers portrayed in film. Mike also runs a website of the same name, Lucky Bastard. The title is makes sense, as fans submit videos of why they should get to be the lucky bastard to have sex with one of the adult film industry’s hottest ladies on film. The winner happens to be awkward and dweeby Dave, but something doesn’t seem quite right with him. He seems like a can short of a six pack, like he’s not playing with a full deck, like he’s lost his marbles.

lb_3What I’m trying to say is that Dave is crazy.

Right away, he begins giving Ashley the heebie jeebies as she tries to have a conversation with him, until he reveals too much detail about her personal life and she threatens to leave the production. Dave apologizes and the gig is back on, relocating to a home that has been fit with a dozen security cameras since it was once used in a reality TV show. Quite a convenient plot device; a house with multiple angles. Anyhow, it doesn’t take long for Dave to humiliate himself again and everyone in the cast and crew has a good laugh at him and his temper tantrum that follows. Well even if they didn’t get to shoot the horizontal mambo, they have some good bloopers to show. After all, part of intent of the site is to humiliate these “lucky” bastards. Demanding the tapes, Mike kicks him out and has one of his assistants drive him back into town… only they don’t make it. Dave smashes his head in with a rock and heads back to house with a bat, then gaining a firearm, and now everyone is going not going to be so lucky.

lb_4This one is a bit of a slow burn, taking it’s time to set up in the first act, getting down to business in the second and Dave finally kicks it into full sociopath mode in the last act. At times, the film feels like it’s dragging its feet, but quickly recovers from fumbling by some well done character development. Betsy Rue is quite good in this role, showing that she can be a fantastic lead. You really get the feeling that her character is burnt out from the adult film industry, but it pays well and she has a family to take care of. She mentions an abusive spouse in her past and she had to take control and you see as she relives those emotions through the movie. Don McManus who plays Mike also shows all the different layers he has, as at first you think he’s a good guy, then you see what a manipulative s.o.b. he is, so when he gets his comeuppance… and does he get it (I don’t want to ruin it for you, but it does involve something being inserted into his anus)… you still feel sorry for the torture the guy goes through. Even though I have to say, at times it’s hard to tell if he’s being manipulative or genuinely concerned for Ashley’s feelings. Well played, sir. Dave, on the other hand, I didn’t feel for. He was just weird and creepy throughout the film and not very menacing, even when he is going crazy. I don’t fault the actor, I just felt he was a weak character. I feel like a gust of wind could have knocked this guy the hell over and took his lunch money.

Being somewhat of a horror film, it manages to pull off some tension, but what it inevitably builds up to is a moment you know is going to happen, given away by the opening segment, which I’m beginning to notice is popular with these found footage movies. There isn’t much in the way of blood either, aside from some arterial spray, so if you’re looking look for a blood and guts spectacle, you are looking in the wrong place. However, if you are here for the T and A, then you have come to the right place. And that’s not just restricted to the ladies! In case you didn’t notice, this is an NC-17 film, so why it may not be real sex, it certainly pulls more thrusts (pun intended) and will fill your speaking with that familiar wet packing sound you’ve come to love.

Lucky Bastard
It’s understandably earned its rating and overall, Lucky Bastard is an enjoyable littler thriller. Although doing nothing new with the found footage genre, it doesn’t repeat all those tired jump scares and plot devices they love so much, not that you would be watching this to see if it reinvents the genre or something. So while the film may do a good job keeping your interest “peaked” when it’s being sexy, you may find that underperforms when it comes to the horror aspect. You see what I did there? Little sexual innuendos? I bet I’m the first person to make those kind of references when reviewing this film.

Check out this review and plenty others at Goon Reviews.

roadside attractions

  • Betsy Rue. Naked. That’s all you need.
  • Sex, Cheetos & Videotape.
  • Softball champ.
  • Sticking it where the sun don’t shine.
  • Premature humiliation.
totals

4

blood

BLOOD

Everything happens off screen or too quick, but the film doesn’t focus on gore.

9

blood

BREASTS

All actors and actresses are required to be naked when in the presence of this movie.

4

beast

BEASTS

Dave is the kind of guy who gets picked on by kids when he walks by schools.

5.6 OVERALL
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Sep

posted by admin | September 7, 2014 | B-movie Reviews, B-movies, New Releases, Review by Barry Goodall

Comments Off on Meat.Puppets

It’s not often we don’t do a deep dive into a movie review here on Lost Highway. We pride ourselves on giving you a full rundown on the blood, breasts, and beasts count and it’s highway attraction totals. However in the case of Meat.Puppets we’re not going to spoil any of the surprise as that just wouldn’t be fair to you our mutant reading public. Three girls are being held captive and taunted by some deranged psycho and that’s all you need to know! if we told you anymore we’d have to kill you. Meat.Puppets is directed by illustrator Roger Scholz and stars Ashley Short, Marjorie Pierson Yost, Jessica Rose Van Netten and Larry Lutzeit. This gritty feature was filmed on a budget of $70 despite $50 of that just being used to feed the cast and crew. It is truly one of the best times we had with a short film feature in a long time. You just have to see it for yourself. Get yourself a copy or check it out at your local horror film fest and let the director know what you think. https://www.facebook.com/meat.puppets.movie

Aug

Comments Off on The Quiet Ones

The Queit Ones
2014 – PG 13 – 98 Minutes – Lionsgate
Starring Jared Harris, Sam Claflin, Olivia Cook – Directed by John Pogue

Much like the monsters they made films about, Hammer never truly died, although it did lay dormant for a long time. In 2008, they returned with Beyond on the Rave and hit it big with Let Me In in 2010 and The Woman in Black in 2012. This year, they released The Quiet Ones, a film inspired by true events. In a nutshell, the events in this film are based on The Philip Experiment in the 1970’s where a group of Canadian parapsychologists wanted to attempt an experiment to create a ghost, proving their theory that the human mind can produce spirits through expectation, imagination and visualization. Sounds interesting enough for a movie, but given that this is a Hammer production, loads of gothic atmosphere and sleaziness are thrown into the mix, making for a more fictional story than true. Lots of films do this, I’m not saying it’s bad thing, but does it mix well?

tqo_2When he isn’t chain smoking like it’s about to be outlawed, Dr. Coupland (Jared Harris channeling his character from Mr. Deeds) wants to prove that the supernatural doesn’t exist through tortuous and almost medieval experiments, so he recruits the shy, inspiring young filmmaker Brian to document this rather fascinating experiment. Brian is interested right away and along with two of Dr. Coupland’s other students, Krissi (Erin Richards) and Harry, they waste no time to begin their experiment on Jane Harper (Olivia Cook). Jane seems possessed at times and as with any other possession movie that has come out in the last few years, we know she is possessed because she is a pale white woman with stringy hair and wears a white gown. Seriously, why does every possession movie feature a stringy haired white girl in a white gown? Do demons have an obsession toward those or does Hollywood just seem to think that is scary?

Jane is kept in a room with loud music blasting to keep her awake, which Dr, Coupland hopes will piss her off for better results. Sure it seems mean, but it does get good results. And just like any movie about college kids and a teacher conducting a “most unorthodox” experiment, funding is pulled and they have to relocate to a remote run down country house where all the really weird things begin to happen. Janes takes this possession, or negative energy rather, and focuses it on who she calls Evey, which she is given a doll to transfer it to so that it may be destroyed. Sounds easy on paper, but as Jane is driven more insane by these tests, the results become more violent.

tqo_3Brian, increasingly developing feelings for Evey, becomes more upset and less likely to participate (not something you want under your name in the yearbook) as he even begins to develop somewhat of a relationship with Jane. However, this seemingly makes Evey more violent and vomit terrible looking CG tube monster things out of her mouth. When this happens, Dr. Coupland and gang look terrified, but if it were me I would have started laughing. Even after witnessing that silly manifestation, Dr. Coupland is still stubborn about the supernatural, not believing it to be a possession… even after a mysterious cult marking shows up on Jane’s body. So Brian heads off into town uncovering the truth behind the cult symbol and who Evey really is.

We also begin to see who Dr. Coupland really is. Well, he is still Dr. Coupland, but I am referring to his past and who the boy is in the video that he shows throughout the movie. We also learn of his motives and this is when the film starts to turn into a Hammer film… kind of. Jane, most likely because she is being driven mad, attempts to have sex with Brian and even flashes him while she is in the bathtub. The camera quickly cuts away from this, as if it is ashamed of its own content. Jane even begins to cut herself, but once the blood starts to ooze out, the cameras once again cut away. This all begs the question, then why have this at all? Is there a demand for safe, watered down horror films that I’m not aware of? Who watches these scenes and says, “Oh cool, there were almost boobs there!”

As the film begins to whimper out and we now know Jane’s history, Dr. Coupland begins to become more of a villain archetype, almost downright cartoonish. Tragic things begin to befall our cast and it’s up to Brian to stop it!

Surprisingly, The Quiet Ones is swimming with mood, nicely blending the free spirit look of the 70’s with the traditional rustic, gothic scenery that Hammer is notorious for. Unfortunately, that’s pretty much where their influence ends. The film does mix a nice blend of found footage and typical movie, as we watch the film as usual, then through the eyes of Brian or through the lens of his camera I should say. Although since this is the 70’s and he’s shooting on film, the snob in me can’t help but wonder how on Earth he is recording sound, since we never see any sound equipment recording it seperately and I’m pretty sure cameras, and film, back then couldn’t record sound.

tqo_4But enough nitpicking, let’s get down to brass tax.

Just when something suspenseful and scary is picking up speed and the tension is building, the film cuts abruptly to the next scene. Substituting loud noises for genuine scares, the film never reaches true levels of terror, though it continuously makes you think it will. Think of walking quietly down a hallway with a friend and then they bang as loud as they can on a wall. That’s the kind of scares you’re in for here.

Sure the movie has blood and violence, sure the movie has sex, but The Quiet Ones is afraid to show any of it. Instead it merely wants to hint at it, forgetting that it’s a horror film. This is one of those cases where the final product really could have benefited from an ‘R’ rating. At the end of the day, it was nothing more than watered down imagery and loud jump scares and although I didn’t hate it, it’s nothing I’m going to remember, which is such a shame since all of the actors bring in real solid performances. Jared Harris has made a profession of playing the scumbag type of character and really makes Dr. Coupland detestable, yet likable. Olivia Cook is sinister and sympathetic, Sam Claflin is the likable moral centered one and Erin Richards is gorgeous as a 70’s tramp.

You really can’t help but to think of where all this talent and this idea could have gone if it weren’t so by the books and watered down. I can’t tell you how tired I am of the PG-13 horror movie craze that producers seem to be wanting to shove down our throats. Instead of getting a truly shocking, frightening film, we get something safe for the kids just to sell tickets. And how do these films generally do? Terrible. So what’s the point of making it PG-13 if your ticket sales aren’t really improving? If you’re going to imply all this sex and violence, grows some gonads and make it shocking. Your audience will respect and appreciate you for it. Instead what we get is the most shining example of a film playing it safe in recent memory.

The Queit Ones
I have an idea for an experiment. Try to sit through a PG-13 horror film like The Quiet Ones and try to get scared by it.

Check out this review and plenty others at Goon Reviews.

roadside attractions

  • Hammer is too legit too quit.
  • Olivia Cook naked… almost!
  • Jared Harris, professional a-hole.
  • There is one scare with a car door.
  • Burning down the house.
  • CG poop snake monster thing. (?)
totals

5

blood

BLOOD

Nothing oozing or squirting, but we see the walls painted with it.

3

blood

BREASTS

Olivia Cook in a bathtub should be the most amazing thing, but…

7

beast

BEASTS

Olivia Cook plays one terrifying girl, you’d have to be crazy to date her!

5 OVERALL
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Jul

Comments Off on The Addicted

The Addicted
2014 – Not Rated – 90 Minutes – Revolver
Starring Jenny Gayner, Sean J Vincent, Thea Knight – Directed by Sean J Vincent

Ghosts, abandoned spooky place, masked killer, revenge plot… mix that all together and you have a vile, wretched cocktail so bitter that it’s hard to swallow and you get The Addicted. It’s a low budget film from England, that will bore you to tears and drive you to the verge of madness, you’ll wish customs seized it. Perhaps I’m being a little harsh, but you weren’t there, man!

The setup is simple and in retrospect, pointless, as a group of four adults posing as youngsters, two guys and their girlfriends, sneak into an abandoned rehab clinic with an Ouija board to summon the spirits that haunt the place. Rather than set up any type of mood or draw out suspense as they don’t even ask the departed questions with their mystical Parker Bros. game, an unseen entity, or an entity that looks like two stagehands dressed in black, immediately drag one of the girls into the dark. She returns with a pipe in her stomach and falls to the ground dead, setting the others into ‘scatter and panic’ mode and are dispatched in a pretty mild fashion.

Pacing, tone and suspense are all set up within the first few minutes… nonexistent.

add_2Four “kids” go missing? That sounds like just the scoop for our reporter (I guess?) Nicole who is looking for that hot lead and that story might be the ticket. Especially since her father use to run the place. Wow, what a coincidence! You think that may have anything pivotal to do with the plot? It’s starting at this point where you are easily able to connect the dots and figure out what happens in the movie before anything happens.

Anyway if you’re still watching, a new security guard is brought in to watch over the clinic and mere moments into his first night, he is dragged off and killed, along with any possible tension or suspense. By now, you are probably realizing this is a movie that is clearly mistaking a pointless body count for actual horror.

But in an actual attempt to provide exposition, we flashback to 1987 when the clinic was open. David, a heroine junkie, is informed by his doctor that he hasn’t made any progress and will not be released… and then hands him some horse. Huh?! As David injects himself with the stuff, his doctor leans in and tells him in a sinister fashion that he is going to take his wife and money and makes sure that David rots there forever! Woah, evil ulterior motives? As the doctor makes moves on David’s wife, he spots David’s son looking down at him from the stairs, looking none too pleased.

Nicole, along with her boyfriend Adam, decide to go and investigate this place for unknown magazine or newspaper. But, you can’t have a movie with just two victims running around an abandoned place, that would require too much mood and tension. So they introduce another couple, Mike and Liz, whose personalities are so thin, they are transparent. After a pointless amateur music video that consist of stock footage of this group partying, they finally arrive at the clinic and the first thing they do? Sit around and talk about how they shouldn’t be there. Way to establish that your protagonist is a real go getter. They do manage to provide some plot, explaining why the place closed down, but the reason for it… is pure genius. Are you ready for it?

add_3Because a patient, David, committed suicide.

I’m not making a joke about suicide here, but if clinics closed because a patient killed himself, every clinic in the world would be shut down. What, do they expect to have a 100% success rate with their patients? Moving on, after Adam vanishes to go set up cameras and is apparently good at creeping up on people too, as evident upon his return. Finally realizing some plot needs to happen, they explore the place to shortly come to a door that Mike is volunteered to open. It pulls from his hand and they all scream and panic, while Mike is dragged off by two grips, I mean that ghost, which has the ability to set itself ablaze like the Human Torch composed of the world’s worst After Effects composite. Luckily Mike is rescued by Adam as smoke from… something (?) begins filling the room and the screen so intensely, that the effect actually goes over the aspect ratio bars.

Ok, if your editor can’t figure out which effect goes on what layer, it’s time to find someone else.

With the place locked down, they all vaguely recall a fire escape! Brilliant. Ok, so best course of action would be to stick together and go look… or Adam can venture off by himself once again. Gee, you think he is up to something? As the others wait for him to come back, Mike is in need of a fag (calm down, that’s what they call them in England) and goes off alone to find them and is dragged off into the dark again.

You know, it’s like Latent learning where you see if they change their behavior based on the result of what previously happened, but it never does. Lab rats are smarter than these people.

Mike awakens bound to a gurney to be greeted by a man in an orange jumpsuit and black skull/clown mask, who looks like the rejected member of Slipknot, shoots him in the leg with a nail gun for no reason, then injects him with heroine. I wonder where Adam could be… oh, there he is! He regroups with the others to search for Mike and almost immediately find him. Hopefully he isn’t dragged off again anytime soon. That would redundant and stupid… oh, sonuva…

add_4Remembering that they once had a point of finding a fire escape, Adam disappears, AGAIN, to go find it. Seriously, how hard is it to find a fire escape? It’s a fire escape! They are supposed to be easy to find in case of a, you know, fire! While Adam is looking for this obscure relic known as the fire escape, the girls are attacked by the ghost! Things sure are getting tense, as we see Mike waking up bound to a gurney once again (are we really doing this scene again?) and seeing as we seem to be stuck in an endless loop, you can guess what happens to Mike.

But it’s now that this masked psychopath reveals their true identity and it’s exactly who you’ve known it’s been the whole movie. The obvious continues to unfold, I mean drag out, as the killer’s plot is revealed and the connection with David’s ghost is explained and how Nicole fits into all of this as it boils down to her toughening up, by stripping down to a wife beater and tying her hair back like every heroine in most horror films ever and the movie ends on the most tired, predictable mirror jump scare in cinema history. But, you already guessed all of this. You’re smarter than this. Long ago, you probably shut this movie off and started doing something better with your time, like not watching The Addicted.

Within the first twenty minutes, the entire plot is set up, the reveal and all, so there is no wonder, there is no suspense… it’s all filler from here and it’s the worst kind. Boring, drawn out filler. It was at about this twenty minute mark I fell asleep, woke up toward the end just as the killer was about to reveal their identity and I guessed who it was with total confidence. That’s how cliched, tired and run of the mill this movie is. You can watch it in your sleep. This movie has the feel of ‘we have a dark, large empty space, let’s make a movie!’ And within this space they have to make a movie, they take one idea and repeat it continuously, you’ll think that the movie is broken as you think, “wait, didn’t I see this already?” Why yes, yes you have, but now it’s happening again… only the same. But that’s what happens when you don’t have things happen in your movie. The Addicted is like a one hit wonder CD a friend buys because of one song; He puts it in and puts that track on repeat over and over, until you finally snap.

This is a boring movie that relies on a huge coincidence too, doesn’t it? Part of your antagonist’s evil plan happens to be that you need to be somehow connected to the girl your revenge plot is against. Hey, didn’t Scream do that? Yeah, it was stupid then and it’s stupid now. Of course, maybe the film would have been a little more tolerable if they did some ADR or used better mics, as the movie sounds incredibly disembodied and muffled. Do you know how hard it is to hear an actor’s dialogue through a rubber mask in a hollow, echo-y room through an incredibly thick British accent? It’s not easy! Same can be said about the visuals. I understand this is a low budget film, but my god if you can’t pull off the bare minimum of decent looking effects, don’t have them. Not to mention that it’s a poorly lit movie, with lighting changing drastically between shots, that the scenes often look very muddy. On a fair note, some of the practicals are pulled off rather decent and if I have anything positive to say about the film, it’s that the actors do a bang up job. Everyone pulls of a convincing role and emotes well, but unfortunately it’s wasted in this film.

The Addicted
It’s a one note movie that feels like it drags on with very little thought put in, relying heavily on the same scare and idea to work repeatedly and then repeats the same ideas, the same scares, hell, even the same shots of those scares to a point where you feel like you are going insane or living in some sort of time loop. You have to wonder how a film like this got made. For a low budget indie film, this is one that isn’t worth your time. In fact, it should be locked away in solitary confinement forever and ever… and ever and ever.

Check out this review and plenty others at Goon Reviews.

roadside attractions

  • Everytime someone is dragged off, take a shot.
  • Take a shot every time Adam vanishes.
  • Eye candy.
  • Nail gun massacre.
  • Oh and take a shot every time Mike is dragged off into the dark.
totals

4

blood

BLOOD

The pole through the stomach is done nice, but the blood seems to be used sparingly.

1

blood

BREASTS

We are… for having seen this, but a point for Nicole’s awesome cleavage.

1

beast

BEASTS

These beasts are easily outwitted, but the victims own worst enemy is their very own stupidity.

2 OVERALL
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May

Comments Off on Angry Nazi Zombies

Angry Nazi Zombies
2014 – Not Rated – Revolver
Starring Tina Barnes, Paul Kelleher, Cy Henty – Directed by Jim Eaves, Pat Higgins and Alan Ronald

Angry Nazi Zombies. There’s a title that puts a movie in your head, much like something such as Texas Chainsaw Massacre. However, you’d be lead slightly astray and if you’re like me, you thought maybe it was along the lines of Dead Snow or Shock Waves, but you’d be way off. It’s actually an anthology featuring three thirty minute segments all set in England during World War II. So, do each of the segments contain zombies? Ehh, kinda. The first segment does, the second is more of a ghost story and the last is a creature feature. Ok, so the title is slightly misleading that way, but marketable since zombies are what the kids consider to be hip and when you say Angry Nazi Zombies out loud, it’s sure to grab attention.

Nazis and zombies have always been like chocolate and peanut butter; they go well together and offers one a variety of horror themed elements to exploit. How well does Angry Nazi Zombies pull it off? Well, clearly that’s what we are going to talk about. Sheesh.

nza_2Unlike some of the previously mentioned anthologies, there is no narrative tale that binds these stories stories together. Instead, we dive head first into the segment “Medal of Horror,” which I have to admit is a clever name and sports a stylish title card ala brand label on a bottle of whiskey. A soldier named George who writes those, “sorry about your loss” letters watches a sexy burlesque dancer, played by real life burlesque dancer Jeanie Wishes (check her out on the Facebook). She falls in love with George and the two have a night of fiery, passionate love, but no love for us, since her bosom is always covered up by his hands. Lucky hands! But you know how it is; she starts getting all clingy and you have to fake your death and write a grief letter using your honed skills. As fate would have it, her pappy happens to be a General and knows about his dirty little lie and sends George on a suicide mission to rescue his daughter who has been kidnapped by Jezebel of the SS! Wow, what a string of coincidences. As a character, George is pretty unlikable, seeing as he’s a sniveling coward, bailing on those who need his help and whimpering along the way. In fact, I believe all of his battles, complete with the most unnecessary slo-mo, and his encounters with the undead (I think a whole two or three zombies), he manages to escape through dumb luck. He even defeats his villains through sheer, blind luck, but as fate as been following him and his coward ways, it ends on a “what goes around comes around” note and justifiably so. The short does jump in between serious and comedic tones, which can be jarring since it’s not well transitioned, but when it does either, it does them well.

Moving along, we’re thrown into the supernatural in “Harriet’s War.” A young, attractive paranormal investigator named Harriet (I hope you picked that up from the title) travels to the podunk village Chapelton to investigate a bizarre murder, where the victims are covered in carved swastikas. And you thought getting a rash was bad! Harriet is likable and has that dry, British charm we come to think of. Plus, she is mighty cute, have I mentioned that? The victim was a young man of a grieving housewife who also lost her husband in the war and his girlfriend disappeared during the murder. However during a town meeting, to which the priest of the village openly despises Harriet, she turns up covered in swastikas. Harriet teams up with the local constable in order to solve this crime, which will bring them back to where they started… Using all her gadgets that look like proto-Ghostbusters designs, she tracks down the supernatural element responsible for the killings. It’s quirky, it’s silly and I want to see it in syndication, dammit!

nza_3They certainly didn’t save the best for last. For the curtains, we have “Devils of the Blitz.” As Ruth and her mother take shelter from a bombing in their wicked step father’s home, we see cuts to Ruth’s brother Graham at war, who just lost his best friend in combat, hiding from a Nazi soldier. But you can’t hide forever, as Graham is found by the soldier and the two duke it out. But suddenly to his rescue, a weird demon puppet thing! What? I’m not kidding. This thing looks like it was bought last minute at a Halloween store. I know these are extremely low budget films, but… I had to pause the movie and busted out laughing. It makes the imp from Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl-O-Rama look well made. Believe it or not, this little toy chews off Graham’s face and he wakes in a hospital dressed like Darkman, his whole face wrapped in bandages. He begins seeing visions of his dead friend who tells him to take the chainsaw that is for whatever reason there in that hospital (and time period) and go nuts! Meanwhile, Ruth now not only has to deal with that douche of a step dad, but a hand puppet imp as well!

Which leads us to following complaint. While the first two segments are very well acted and shot and have decent effects, this is where the third seems to suffer, although I will say it is acted very well. The story is quite boring and I found myself drifting in and out of attention, but maybe it was due to the fact that it looked like it was shot on Mini-DV, which I don’t have a problem with, but it was boring to look at and the conversations between the family was the same stuff you’ve heard before in a drama and the sound quality seems flat. All dialogue and sound effects sound at the same level and nothing sticks out about this segment. Until you see the rubber demon puppet. That guy is bananas.

nza_4You know, even if they stress the word “zombie” in the title, I’m glad there are barely any zombies in it. You can count the number of zombies in this film on one hand. Given that the film market is oversaturated with zombie films, Angry Nazi Zombies could have suffered heavily from the “zombie-itus” and became obscured in the diarreha sea of crappy direct to video zombie movies, so it was a good move to make it an anthology with different ideas of what zombies are, even if the quality of stories were a mixed bag. Anthologies have made a bit of a resurgence in the past few years after successes with films like The ABC’s of Death and V/H/S or even Trick ‘R’ Treat if we want to go a little earlier than that and it’s nice to see that they can still be done with strong stories.

The quality of the segments seems to deteriorate as the film goes on. While I felt the first film was the strongest and certainly the most beautifully shot, what with great angles and the bar scene is lit wonderfully. I felt the characters were well developed, as unlikable as George was and at first it chugs along (but not unbearably so), but when it picks up, it throws you into all kinds of well directed action. The second segment sort of plays out like a CW supernatural show and given how this segment ends, I wanted to tune in to the next episode. I feel it is the best acted of the three and has some humor in it and I caught myself chuckling more than a few times and it’s, for lack of a better word, fun. The third segment, however, feels like a missed opportunity. They set up this character with a tragic origin that leaves him disfigured and seeing the ghost of his dead best friend warning him of end times, so he grabs a chainsaw and goes on a demon killing rampage, but instead we get the story of his family bickering at thome. Why did we not get that other movie? It would have been so entertaining and probably the fan favorite of the three, but no.

Angry Nazi Zombies
Overall, you may want to goosestep over to your video store (or Amazon) and pick up a copy. especially if you are fan of low budget, indie cinema, like myself. Although the DVD is bare (no extras, no commentaries, nada), it helps support and it’s not a bad film. The theme of the anthology, Britain during WWII, was a brilliant touch and the fact that it isn’t flooded with your typical zombies, makes this a fresh film, both in the zombie genre and anthologies. Now if you’ll excuse me, I hear a puppet demon in my basement.

Check out this review and plenty others at Goon Reviews.

roadside attractions

  • Angry? Sure. Nazis? Most definitely. Nazis? Eh, sorta.
  • Jeanie out of the bottle!
  • Zombie vs. zombie martial arts.
  • Harriet the Ghostbuster, this Fall on CW.
  • Rubber puppet demon monster!
totals

6

blood

BLOOD

Very sparingly, mostly showing injuries, but if the final segment did something write, it was give us chewed up faces.

5

blood

BREASTS

George’s hand cover’s up Jeanies pair, but we do get some elegant side boob.

5

beast

BEASTS

Nazis are always terrifying… until a rubber puppet gets thrown into the mix. No, I won’t let that go.

5.3 OVERALL
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Watch the trailer!

trailers

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About the Highway

Lost Highway is your satirical detour down the twisted back roads of b-movies and cult films reviews. learn more >>