Archive for the 'Rest stop' Category

Nov

Comments Off on Thankskilling: Rest Stop Review Edition

Tagline: Gobble, Gobble, Motherf****r!

Year: 2012 Runtime: 99 min

Director: Jordan Downey

Writer: Jordan Downey, Mike Will Downey, Kevin Stewart

Starring: Daniel Usaj, Joe Hartzler, Preston Altree

Thankskilling is a no-holds-barred commentary on current state of narrative in filmmaking. Nah, not really. In actuality it’s just a bunch of pre-teen pee-pee and poo-poo jokes, expressed with a master crudity no child could muster. It would not surprise me to learn it was based on the rantings of a drunken sailor who, after a black-out night, had been awoken with a fire hose only to find himself way up a tree in downtown Bangkok, naked. Oh, and suffering from a fresh, oozing STD.

I’m pretty sure there’s a story,  but it’s hidden under many levels of absurdist stuffing. Imagine [adult swim] high on kerosene fumes mixed with Meet the Feebles. Oh, and a throbbing STD.

The cast of characters: Turkie, space worms (one with a John Waters ‘stache), Muff the robot, Yomi the naked puppet girl thing, Yomi’s mind, Old Nasty Grandma Rapper, the turkey plucker 3000, undead turkeys and a couple of Pilgrim enthusiasts. Oh, and fart jokes which leave a greasy, burning discharge.

Who would want to see this? Troubled ten to fifteen year old boys, Tommy Wiseau restrained Clockwork Orange style and on LSD, or people on death row after exhausting all appeals (they would welcome death).

In it’s defense, I gave Thankskilling 3 two wedges of cheese because it was beautifully shot, and the special effects were impressive considering everything else on the screen. And on this holiday where one gives thanks for the many blessings he/she has, I am thankful for the DP, the equipment, and the special effects editor. Oh, and that I survived. Only just. I’ll be on dialysis for the rest of my life.

So, from all of us here on The Lost Highway, to all of you out there, we wish you a happy and disease-free Thanksgiving.

Roadside Attractions:

  • See Turkie’s chainsaw enhancement (think Alexander’s four-legged robot in Robot Jox)!
  • Be Amazed by the 1993 style video game fight between Wise Turkey and Turkie!
  • Hear lots of dub step music!
  • Loose I.Q. points and vocabulary thanks to the gratuitous potty language.
  • Cry Yourself to Sleep only to suffer horrific nightmares about the horny old nasty rapping Grandma.

Check out the trailer for “Thankskilling 3”

trailers

dripper
Aug

posted by Doktor | August 15, 2012 | 90's movies, Comedy, Cult Film, Rest stop, Review by Doktor

Comments Off on There’s Nothing Out There: Rest Stop Review Edition

Tagline: A horror film of comic proportions.

Year: 1992 Runtime: 91 min

Director: Rolfe Kanefsky

Writer: Rolfe Kanefsky

Starring: Craig Peck, Wendy Bednarz and Mark Collver

Damn you and your clever ways, Rolfe Kanefsky! How in the hell am I supposed to make snarky comments about the cliched tropes your film is doing the very same thing? I have been racking my brains trying to get something started that doesn’t create a recursive loop. Every time I think I find a chink, the center caves in and I end up staring at the blinking cursor on the otherwise blank white page.

Interestingly, this intellectual black hole is exactly what happened when Mike, Crow and Tom Servo attempted an episode where they broke the fourth wall, becoming self aware. The universe narrowly escaped existential destruction. Can you imagine? A dimension where Jean Paul Sartre was right. How horrible!

Here’s the thing, if you didn’t know any of the history of There’s Nothing Out There, you might think this was a Screamsploitation film. It’s not. Actually, this movie preceded Scream by 4 years. (Quick note: I’m not going to go into any conspiracy theories about stolen ideas, but I bring it up because there is a possibility of some cross-pollination.) When you know that, things get interesting. There’s Nothing Out There is the product of a 20 year old, first time director, which is damned impressive.

There’s Noting Out There is a great film. It is the transplantation of the audience’s knowledge into the film. When the dumb couple go out for a “stroll” through the dark woods, there’s Mike, the omniscient, with the warning, “You’re actually going? You’re actually going outside. We’ve had warnings, murder attempts and you’re going out for a walk in the woods?” which is exactly the same thing the audience is thinking. This is the ultimate of existential horrors, the Angst and the Nausea. It was misery to be a teenager, but imagine being a teen-ager stuck in a horror movie and you KNOW you’re in a horror movie. At every turn your friends are disappearing and dying and there’s nothing you can do about it, despite the fact you are warning them every step of the way. This is brilliant, and to be written by a 20 year old, it borderlines sublime. If you have no interest in all this film theory deconstruction there is something very practical you can get from this film. B-MOVIE SURVIVAL TIP: Make sure you have well stocked reserves of saving cream. “Nobody likes a mouthful of shaving cream.”

Roadside Attractions:

  • Proper use of “boom in the shot”
  • Gratuitous breasts 80s style
  • Boglin on steroids
  • Decapitation, face melting and green slime gore

For more on Rolfe Kanefsky, check out our interview with him.



Check out the trailer for “There’s Nothing Out Therre”

trailers

dripper
Jun

Comments Off on Father’s Day: Rest Stop Review Edition

Tagline: Sons, lock up your fathers… vengeance arrives on… Father’s Day!

Year: 2011 Runtime: 99 min

Director: Astron-6

Writer: Astron-6

Starring: Matthew Kennedy, Adam Brooks, Conor Sweeney, Amy Groening, Jeremy Gillespie and Steven Kostanski

Father’s day is officially over but that doesn’t mean it’s time to forget your old pop. Thanks to Astron-6’s touching memorial to fathers everywhere, you can appreciate the old man everyday for the rest of forever.

The best description of the absolute coolness that is Father’s Day is: Disturbing horror comedy with more bloody ding dongs than the Hostess factory.

Speaking of bloody ding dongs, this is a Troma film. We all know that Troma movies engage in a certain amount of fart jokes, naked women and morally disturbing images. Astron-6 manages to not only deliver on all of the above, but also manage to make a, I’m almost afraid to say it, throughly entertaining cross-over hit. All the rape and penis mutilation muddies the water a bit, but I really think this can be a solid movie.

Father’s Day is presented as a cheesy Late, Late Movie being aired on The Aston-6—a local access channel. Visually, though, it is a bad-ass Quentin Rodriguez style film: car chases, strippers, hand-held camera work, shotgun blasts to the face, gritty film, the works.

Whereas most of the time the film goes over the top, it also can be very subtle. There’s a scene at Chelsea’s (Amy Groening) kitchen table after Twink’s (Conor Sweeney) friend Walnut (Garrett Hnatiuk) was murdered. Chelsea, Twink and Ahab (Adam Brooks) are making plans to take down the Fuchman (Mackenzie Murdock). There’s blood all over the table, and as they talk you can just hear their arms scraping as they pull away from the sticky mess. Pure class!

I refuse to ruin the movie by giving away too much, but I have to point one small detail out that I only got after multiple viewings. Ahab’s jacket is a character in the film, and at one point is given a voice, Goliath, from the Sunday morning show Davey and Goliath. The real treat is where it is that the jacket gets that particular voice.

This film as been making the rounds and if it comes to your town, it is a must-see at your local cineplex. If you missed it, the four disc, limited edition DVD is scheduled for release June 26, 2012. Do yourself a favor and get on it!

Roadside attractions:

  • extreme overkill: shot with pistol, shotgun up the butt, beaten with brick, head stomped flat, thrown off dam
  • extreme nudity: male and female
  • commercial interruption for Star Raiders, the Late, Late, Late movie
  • maple syrup
  • tasty berries
  • toxic berries
  • fathers

For more on Astron-6, check out our interview with them.

trailers

dripper
Feb

posted by Barry Goodall | February 26, 2012 | 80's b-movies, 80's movies, B-movies, Horror movies, Rest stop, Review by Barry Goodall

Comments Off on The Serpent and the Rainbow – Rest Stop Review Edition

“The Serpent and the Rainbow” finally gets down to the root of this whole darn zombie craze as Bill Pullman gets buried alive in Haiti and does his best impression of a walking dead guy. Think of it as “Dawn of the Dead” with a reggae band. Bill plays Dennis Alan, a Harvard anthropologist who gets sent down to Haiti to try to find a secret voodoo powder that makes your  body go all limp and you appear completely dead to everyone else only to wake up hours later. Like daytime soaps without the weight gain. He just got done wrestlin’ with a jagaur in the congo and a big pharmaceutical company wants him to find the powder  so they can make the ultimate anesthesia… or possibly start the zombie apocalypse, which ever is more profitable.

Dennis meets local Hatian hottie Dr. Marielle (Cathy Tyons) who introduces him to an island witch doctor that supposedly makes the zombie drug and runs all the government sanctioned cock fights. After making the sign of the two-headed voodoo doll out in the woods with Dr. Marielle. Dennis returns to find out he got sold fake powder that can’t even raise a dead goat. The corrupt police chief wants to keep the secret of the powder for himself and  invites Dennis over so he can nail his testicles to a dinner chair just as warning to stop snooping around (you should see what they do to jay walkers.) Dennis really can’t take a hint and apparently has a very high pain threshold so he keeps on the hunt. Pretty soon he starts having nightmares of the police chief, flaming boats, and snakes shooting out of midget zombie brides, not the sorta stuff you’ll see on the tourism brochures.

He awakes the next morning with a severed  head next to him in bed when the police bust in and force him on a plane back to the states, but not before he received a secret stash of the zombie powder from the witch doctor, Mozart. Back in Boston, Dennis drops off the dust at the lab to be studied then has some dinner guests over who start chomping on fine glassware and convulsing on the floor warning him that his Haitain girlfriend is going to die. Dennis books himself a ticket right on back to the island to try to find her and Mozart who unfortunately just got his head chopped off. Dennis gets drugged with the zombie powder, buried alive and quickly dug up because nobody wants to see someone throw away a perfectly good white boy. A bit wobbly on his knees, Dennis must do battle with the police chief and his voodoo power, canned souls, and a mighty aggressive dinner chair to save his girlfriend and help lead a Haitian revolution. But hey it’s Bill Pullman, this guy was the president and fought alien squids in a F-14.

Barry Goodall says to do that voodoo that you do so well and give “The Serpent and the Rainbow” a try…or I’ll steal your soul and keep in a fruit jar right next to the canned peaches.  That’s how I keep my souls fresh.

Roadside Attractions:

– Zombified Bill Pullman
– Glass munching
– Head slicing
– Jaguar frolicing
– Extreme scrotum accupuncture
– Coffin blood drowin’
– Aggressive furniture movers
– Haitian uprising
– Surprise snake-in-mouth joke/pun
– Midget zombie brides on flaming boats
– Possessed Haitian party raves

trailers

dripper
Dec

posted by Barry Goodall | December 4, 2011 | 80's b-movies, 80's movies, Action, B-movie Reviews, B-movies, Rest stop, Review by Barry Goodall

Comments Off on Total Recall: Rest Stop Review Edition

Before Arnold was flexing his muscle with his maid service and blowing up state budgets as governor, he was blowing up bad guys on the big screen. In Total Recall Arnie plays Doug Quaid, a guy who seems to have a great life jack hammering concrete during the day and hammerin’ Sharon Stone at night. Despite the daily grind, Doug is looking for more out of life and has been having reoccurring dreams about trips to Mars and getting his eyes sucked out of their sockets from decompression. Sounds like fun, so instead of taking a vacation he decides to have the memories of a fake trip to Mars implanted into his giant noggin’ by Rekall, Inc. Things go wrong when the implant doesn’t take and the company has to dump Doug in a robot taxi. Unfortunately his co-workers show up and try to kill him with some post-modern uzis but Arnie snaps their necks like they’re democrat fund raisers. Back at his house, he has a knife fight with his wife for not bringing home eggs and milk and narrowly escapes from a group of thugs led by Michael Ironside. After a brief nasal probing, Doug takes a ship to Mars to find out the secrets of his identity. In the planet’s red light district he teams up with a hooker turned martian revolutionary who likes slapping him around like Ike Turner and she leads him to Kuato, a munchkin martian attached to some slouches stomach. Kuato reads Doug’s memories learning he can free Mars and it’s colonists by activating a mysterious reactor inside a martian temple. It’s theorized it will melt a giant glacier inside a mountain resulting in the planet’s biggest slushy. Doug uses holograms and semi automatics against the evil corporate baron and his goon squad who have cut off oxygen to the mutants. If only he tried the same thing with California. Barry Goodall reminds you to check it out and always wrap a wet towel around your head before getting your butt to Mars.

Roadside Attractions:

– exploding heads
– extreme nasal probes
– triple-breasted martians
– eye bulging
– dwarf with machine guns
– robot cab drivers
– rat shooting
– multiple head shots
– tummy baby mutants
– drill to the gut
– hologram shooting

trailers

dripper

About the Highway

Lost Highway is your satirical detour down the twisted back roads of b-movies and cult films reviews. learn more >>


Fatal error: Exception thrown without a stack frame in Unknown on line 0