Archive for the 'Review by Barry Goodall' Category

Oct

posted by admin | October 31, 2010 | Feature, Halloween films, Review by Barry Goodall

Comments Off on 10 Favorite Horrifying Movie Scenes for Halloween

When you remember some of your favorite horror films certain scenes come to mind. Some are great jump moments, others combine all the best elements together into something that is truly timeless and classic. These are scenes that helped define the genre of horror and kept us awake at night while they replayed in our heads. Here’s a top 10 list of a few of our favorites to get you in the mood for a halloween movie night. Don’t worry, we’ll leave the light on in the hallway for ya.


Women in Black (her appearance on the bog.)
“I was also afraid my 4th grade English teacher would appear on a creepy bog.”




Prince of Darkness (The brodcast at the church)
“If you mess with your antenna, you can either get in the Lion’s game or open a portal to hell.”




Exorcist 3 (attack in the hospital)
“And you thought only staph infections were problems in hospitals.”




Halloween 3 (Mask death scene)
“Well it still beats watching American Idol.”




Blair Witch (ending scene in basement)
“He was just going down to the basement to get another beer.”




The Shining (evil twins in the hallway)
“There’s nothing much scarier that British children in a Motel 6.”




Poltergiest (the clown attack)
“Clowns are just the devil’s groupies.”




Salem’s Lot (Danny gets a visit from his vampire brother)
“Late night window washers of EVIL!”




Stephen King’s IT (Pennywise in the sewer)
“Tim Curry wether in drag or in a sewer is still horrifying.”




Nightmare on Elm St. (where’s your hall pass and tina in a body bag)
“Ziplock storage bags are incredibly versatile.”



Oct

Comments Off on Maximum Overdrive

maximum overdrive“Maximum Overdrive” is arguably the best machines taking over the world movie ever made that doesn’t involved a Californian Governor and Edward Furlong. This was Stephen King’s directorial debut in what amounts to a 90 minute AC/DC video of vehicular homocide and killer Sony walkmans. Fortunately it does have Pat Hingle blowing crap up with a rocket launcher and plenty of grease stained shirts.

When the Earth passes through a radioactive comet, it’s space mojo crop dusts the planet causing all the machines to turn homocidal. ATM’S swear at bank patrons, lawn mowers starting mulching gardeners and Walkman fry out teen listening to Petshop Boys. (Which would have happened eventually anyways.) After a draw bridge nearly wipes out the nation’s watermelon crop, a little league game is interrupted by a runaway steam roller and a pop machine that snipes players with jet propelled soda cans. Luckily, one of the kids Deke (Holter Graham) can dodge them like a caffeinated spider monkey and escapes on his dirt bike.

Maximum OverdriveAcross town at a Dixie truckstop where most of the patrons still don’t realize the south lost, waitresses are getting attacked by kitchen utensils and arcade games are electocuting customers. But their homemade strudel pie there is still delicious. Emilio Estevez plays Billy, a parole fry cook who when he isn’t shacking up with hitchhiker hotties, he’s spouting alien conspiracy theories about intergallactic brooms. They’re all being held hostage by a pack of psycho semi trucks circling the building liked indians around a covered train. The convoy is  led by a creepy green goblin semi whose got a thirst for unleaded blood and forces the survivors to pump gas all day for all his 18 wheeled buddies. Later that day, the most annoying newlywed couple ever to drive a 4-door crash through the semi line by doing an evil kinvel stunt flip crashing their car. The driver, Curtis, escapes but Connie is caught by her seat belt, her shrill whining voice is her only defense.  Sadly she’s cut free  just before it gets side swiped by a evil tow truck. Later that night, Emilio and Curtis attempt to rescue a injured bible salesman whose been screaming out in the ditch all night keeping everyone  from a good night’s sleep. They make their way through the sewer ducts to get to him but then Deke shows up on his dirt bike and they pretty much forget about the poor sap stuck in the mud. They all head back to the diner where Mr. Hendershot, the redneck business owner, is discovered hiding a huge militia stockpile of weapons in the basement. This gives everyone a chance to shoot machine guns and use rocket launchers near flammable gas pumps, a pyromaniac’s dream come true. maximum overdrive

After blowing up a few semis and roving artillery carts, the survivors duck back through the tunnels just as all the trucks decide to finally demolish the place and put up a Walmart. Everyone heads toward the boat docks for a final showdown with a drive thru speaker who Deke uses for some quick target practice. “No, I wouldn’t like fries with that!” KAAABLAM! Billy blows up the green semi with a rocket launcher just for kicks. Despite most of their friends and family dying horrifiying deaths, they’re all in pretty good moods as they set off on a boat trip to some uncharted island. Maybe they’ll build huts out of bambo while singing kumbya and then make a radio out of coconuts. Don’t want to miss a second of that all AC/DC channel.

A mega-cheese award goes to Ellen McElduff who plays a boozin’ waitress that scretches out  “You can’t do this! We made you!” just before she gets gunned down in a blaze of glory. Also  to Yeardley Smith who plays the high pitched Connie and does voice of Maggie Simpson. She does more for preventive eloping than Lorena Bobbitt. Retroman Steve says take “Maximum Overdrive” for a test drive and be sure to stock up on beef jerky and puffy hats with filthy sayings.

roadside attractions

  • Watermelon crushing
  • Pop machine head smashing
  • Electric knife wrist attacks
  • Gas pump-fu
  • Video game electrocution
  • Soda pop batting cages
  • Little league steamrolling
  • Continuous AC/DC
  • Wall-o-porn
  • Grill scraping
  • Estevez-estravanganza
  • bathroom flatulance
totals

8

blood BLOOD

Who knew recalled vehicles could do this much bodily damage

1

blood BREASTS

There’s rumors of breasts somewhere in this film, but heck if I could see them. Usually that would be hard to miss.

8

beast BEASTS

Lots of metallic beasts running on unleaded evil. Oh and 1 Stephen King.

9.15 OVERALL
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Check out the trailer for “Maximum Overdrive”

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Sep

Comments Off on “Killdozer” Rest Stop Review Edition

This t-shirt from fright rags is actually scarier than the whole movie.

Back in the 70’s and early 80’s there was a rash of machines gone wild movies. There was a demon Lincoln in “The Car”, a stalking semi-truck in “Duel” and some radioactive big rigs in “Maximum Overdrive.” One movie often over looked though was “Killdozer.” This 1974 made for TV movie revolved around the idea that construction equipment while incredibly loud and slow can also be an effective stalking killing machine.  In reality it’s about as effective as an overweight ninja…..if that Ninja is flatulent….and you’re an inanimate object like a potted plant.

A group of construction workers are clearing land on an island making room for what must be dozens of  strip malls when a meteorite suddenly strikes their work site. Thankfully, 70’s star Robert Urich is there to save the day and tries to bulldoze over the big hunk of pulsating space rock. The meteorite goes mini super nova and transfers it’s glow into the bulldozer leaving a fondue faced Robert Urich to die an agonizing made for TV death. Back at the workers camp, Clint Howard is our reluctant baritoned hero. He’s a construction foreman with a drinking problem (shocking I know). After the accident he begins to suspect the strange humming bulldozer might have some homicidal tendencies but feels better to just keep it a secret. He’s not too surprised when it trashes their camp the next day and turns one of his men into a human burrito stuffed in a drainage pipe. The rest of the men flee (walk briskly) to slightly higher ground since the bulldozer’s greatest weakness is slight inclines and can only travel about 8mph. These guys aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed though and devise increasingly dumb ways to combat the malevolent machine including starting a fire that it bulldozes right over or trying to drive a truck full of explosives into it. After a failed  game of chicken with their army jeep the two survivors decide to battle Killdozer with a digger crane in what can only amount to the lamest game of rock em’ sock em’ robots ever. Couldn’t they just wait for the thing to run out of gas? A riding lawnmower is scarier than this movie. Let’s check out the Roadside Attractions: Deep fried Urich, Jeep wrangling, Rock-slide Fu, Glow rocks, Drain tube crushing, Electroshock oil change, Bulldozer hit and run..er..I mean mozy along. Retroman says check it out…but if a homicidal bulldozer is ever barreling down on you at tops speeds, be sure to step aside…after a while…ya know when you feel like it. Take your time though, there’s no rush.

You can watch the entire movie on YouTube. Shockingly, nobody has threatened to take it down. They probably figured nobody’s watching it except for the Urich family. Part 1 is below and the rest are available on that Youtube site all the cool kids are talking about.

trailers

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Looking for hard to find cult movies and unreleased DVD’s of some vintage b-movies then check out www.superstrangevideo.com. They provide many of the movies we review here at the site and will give you a great price on whatever film you’re trying to track down.

Jul

posted by admin | July 30, 2010 | B-movie Reviews, B-movies, Comedy, Review by Barry Goodall, Sci-Fi

Comments Off on The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra

Skeleton of Cadavra
What is up with all these pointless scientific studies lately. Scientists are getting millions of dollars to study the mating habits of woodchucks or the effects of injecting adrenaline into a pack of spider monkeys? I’d like to know how much wood a woodchuck could chuck too, but shouldn’t they be spending their time on more beneficial things like…oh…I don’t know..curing cancer or working on that whole global warming thing? Maybe I just don’t get it. I don’t truly understand the importance of measuring the distance and pressure involved in a penguin dropping or why woodpeckers don’t get headaches. Why the sky is blue? Why do fools fall in love? These studies make our world a safer and better place. So the government keeps racking up bigger credit debt but I say let’s take some of that money first and give it too somebody that really can do beneficial things with it. Someone that understands planning and fiscal responsibility. Yes namely me! Send me my million dollar grant in the mail soon Mr. Big Government spenders so I can finally buy my hovercraft, raise my army of DNA mind controlled dinosaurs, and  rule the world! bwahahah….or my parent’s basement… whichever comes first.

Speaking of poorly planned science projects, Dr. Paul Armstrong (Larry Blamire) has taken his very housewively wife, Betty (Fay Masterson) to the woods in search of a meteorite so that he can conduct some  “science” on it. Apparently, this was during a time when science didn’t really need to have any reason or specific purpose. Paul suspects it contains Atmospherium and much like the hair gel on John Stamos hair could reveal many dark secrets of the known universe. At around this same time a big burly fellow, Dr. Roger Flemming is out exploring the wilderness and cohorting with free range forest rangers at least when he’s not caught inner dialoging. Not sure what he’s a doctor of… flannel shirts perhaps, but he desperately needs Atmospherium so that he can resurrect a bleach white lab skeleton in a hidden cave. It’s like Kate Moss got lost on a camping trip. Roger believes the skeleton once resurrected will  help him rule the world… or maybe win the lotto and finally meet some girls.

Meanwhile, an alien spaceship from the planet Marva crash lands nearby and it’s silver jump suited space pilots, Crowbar and Lattice (named after a Home Depot sales ad) accidentally lose their pet mutant. Of course their cardboard ship also requires Atmospherium to fly so they also need to get the meteorite.

skeleton of cadavraPaul and Betty using a battery volt meter find the small meteorite glowing like a passed out Tinker Bell in the grass and  takes it back to his mail order science lab at the cabin. Learning of this, Crowbar and Lattice use a modified corking gun to turn themselves into awkward 50’s fashion models so they can fool Betty and Paul or as they refer to them as “the pleasant entertaining monkeys.” Lattice enjoys her new inverted cloth funnels the humans call “a dress” and with Crowbar solve the mysteries of door handles.  Dr. Flemming  finds the left behind space gun and transmogrifies some woodland creatures into his date to take to the cabin (not legal in most states except Alabama and Utah.) He hopes bringing a date will make him less suspicious  but his new creation, Animala has all the dinner table manners of a Jack Russell Terrier in a beatnik bodysuit. She sniffs people, eats from a a dinner plate like it’s a pig trough, and picks gnats off of the guests for some neighborly grooming. Sounds like the perfect date to me. A door to door forest ranger also shows up with warnings of killer mutants. With all the plate licking and mutilation stories how will Paul ever get to do science?

Soon the Skeleton, fresh from a nap uses his super Aquaman-like powers to control Animala and help deliver him the meteorite thus giving the skeleton the ability to sit up and boss people around like a skinny union rep. Behold the mighty power of the fleshless! He demands that Lattice become his skeletal bride so they can make little thigh bones and femurs of their very own. Just then thee escaped mutant looking a bit like a deranged Muppet shows up and battles Skeletor to the death. He-man would be proud.

Skeleton of CadavraThis could be the funniest spoof of vintage 50’s b-movies ever made with some obvious nods to “Plan 9 from Outerspace” and “Attack of the killer Shrews.” It  perfectly recreates the low budget feel and wooden acting from that golden era of schlocky cinema so check it out and be sure to keep a extra case of Atmoshperium in your cooler, just in case. I hear it’s worth a fortune.

roadside attractions

  • Skeleton rock climbing
  • Laser caulking guns
  • Farmer mutilation
  • Sciencing
  • White people dancing
  • Mutant wrestling
  • Skeleteon-fu
  • Dinner etiquette
totals

0

blood
BLOOD

None and it’s black and white so you couldn’t tell anyways.

8

beast
BEASTS

A skeleton, a mutant, and Animala.

1

blood
BREASTS

Nothing but a slinky outfit from Animala.

9.15 OVERALL
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Check out the trailer for “The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra”

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Jun

Comments Off on “The Boogens” Rest Stop Review Edition

Boogens

When I was 5, I had this same fear sitting on the toilet.

In “The Boogens” we learn exactly what happened to those pet turtles that were flushed down the toilet when you were a kid. Things go bad when an abandoned sliver mine is re-opened for business. It inadvertently releases the “Boogen”, an ancient creature that has an uncanny resemblance to Gamera the flying super turtle. This hero in a half shell also has deadly tentacles and a craving for fresh blood but still takes time to relax in it’s underground private spa. It also has an impressive steam cleaned bone collection and often raids basement pantries while spelunking or eats annoying pet dogs… thus helping rid the world of canned Lima beans and miniature poodles..huzzah!

A couple of the new workers, Mark and Rodger have moved out near the silver mine town along with Roger’s Girlfriend, Jessica, and her friend Trish. They all decide to rent a creepy old cabin nearby so it’s a short drive into town if there’s some sort of flannel emergency. The cabin just happens to sit on mutant grand central which practically rings the mutant diner chow bell. Instead of a massive battle against deadly tentacles we’re treated to overly long bar scenes of the couples talking and playing pool for most of the film. Will she make the 8 ball in the corner pocket?  Thrill to the sights of them ordering “another round!!!”

Eventually, they do actually stay in the cabin and the Boogen starts offing them with some good old tentacle slash and gash…. but it’s mostly just to get them to shut the heck up. It takes forever for anyone to actually figure out that people are even missing but when they do all hell breaks lose and it’s mutant turtles on a rampage. We have 4 explosions, 1 dead dog, extreme flannel, pool playing, pantry raids, creepy old guy with multiple Boogens…or would that be boogies? It’s a fun little 80’s monster movie that has “made for TV” written all over it.. except for the gratuitous nudity and swearing. Retroman says “rent it” and always remember to store you miniature poodles on a hard to reach shelf for safety.

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