Archive for the 'Review by Barry Goodall' Category

Dec

posted by admin | December 17, 2008 | 80's movies, Horror movies, Review by Barry Goodall

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here\'s a dollar...buy yourself a bucket of shirt.

“Here’s a dollar…go buy yourself a bucket of shirts.”

I never haver really understood the appeal of fine jewelry. Women swoon over a pretty diamond perched on a gold ring or a silver necklace covered in precious stones but couldn’t the same look be accomplished with colored glass and metallic spray paint? The obsession kicks into an estrogen overdrive when a gal shows her friends her new engagement ring. You’d think she just won the Super-Bowl. “Ooooh..look how big the diamond is!” They drool over it’s shininess like Golum in Lord of the Rings. It’s a totally different experience for us guys. When we get our wedding band we fiddle with it,  place it on the soap holder in the shower precariously over the drain or spin it on the table just to see how long it will spin…right before it accidentally goes down the heating vent. We grudgingly buy you jewelry because we know you love it and hopefully it’s fair compensation for the dumb things we have done in the past and will continue to do over the course of the marriage. If given the choice though, we’d probably pawn it and buy something more practical that makes clicky electronic noises or has blinky lights. Give me a nice lazyboy chair with a built in fridge and remote…now see that’s something useful, or how about a 6 foot tall stuffed monkey wearing a beanie hat hold a serving tray. That would go great in the living room next to that fine china cabinet and really isn’t it just as practical? Friends would come over to admire it and they would put their drinks on the serving tray and ask me “So where did you get this cool monkey?” I’d proudly respond “Well I almost bought something impractical like jewelry but ordered this instead, and check out these new usb-powered nose haired trimmers I got yesterday!” Oh Sharper Image catalogs, how I will miss thee.

Where's me Lucky Charms?Speaking of people obsessed with precious metals, The movie Leprechaun proves that you shouldn’t take gold from a midget with buckles on his shoes and that they also make the worse house guests. Leprechauns are regularly sited exiting bars on St. Patty’s day but only the mean ones likes to hang out in the backwoods of Arkansas. So when a drunk Irish redneck tricks one into giving him his bag of gold coins, Irish tempers flare and it unleashes an unholy revenge on him and his wife. With the gold prices going through the roof you can understand him being a bit peeved over the loss of his dublins. His pint-sized gold rush is cut short though when Mr. O’Grady shoots the little bugger with his handgun and then seals him in a storage crate protecting it with a 4-leaf clover. Sure, vampires melt in sunlight, werewolves die from silver bullets, but leprehauns have only to fear lawn weeds. Spring forward 10 years and a young Jennifer Aniston, pre-Friends, and her Billy Ray Cyrus looking dad show up to do some renovations on the dingy old O’Grady house accidentally breaking the clover-seal of freshness. Also working on the rennovation is a foul-mouthed kid named Nathan (nevermind those pesky child labor laws), his slow-witted friend Ozzie and a Kevin Bacon look alike who must have lost his shirt sleeves in a freak fan accident.

the ketchup bottle got away from me!

Nathan and Ozzie discover a hidden bag of gold after following a magic rainbow to an old rusty truck in the woods…also a likely place for my 401k savings. Upon taking the gold they find themselves having to defend the house against the blood thirsty leprechaun. He hides out in cereal cupboards, goes go-karting, rides pogo sticks, and antagonzing policeman. Are we sure this isn’t just a punk kid jacked up on Red Bull? Seemingly now indestructible after get slammed with 10 shot gun blasts to the chest he easily gets distracted by having dirty leather shoes tossed at his head. Leprecahuns are known to be obsessive shoe shiners so this distracts him long enough for Jennifer to escape for help in her Jeep. She attempts to track down Mr. O’Grady at retirement home to find out how to kill the leprechaun but gets ambushed by the evil dwarf incognito who tries to run her over in a pimped out wheelchair. Little known fact that Leprechaun’s upper body strength is like that of Arnold Swarzenneger. There’s a big showdown at the farmhouse where they  make a final stand against the malevolent Irishman while searching the lawn for 4 leaf clovers. It all comes down to a gorey conclusion by the hands of a mighty sling shot and a stick of bubble yum. A sort of anti-David and Goliath ending.

I had always been meaning to see this film and remember the VHS tape cover at my local video store along with it’s countless sequels but was never in the mood even on St. Patty’s day. I like my psychotic  killers above 3 feet tall (sorry Chucky.) It just didn’t seem like something that could be very scary and I was correct…Not scary but still entertaining. You gotta admire a Leprechaun that’s just so darn happy on his killing spree. The little guy takes pride in his job. Retroman Steve says check it out, you’ll never look at your Lucky Charms cereal the same way ever again. 

Roadside Attractions

– Extreme house shack makeover
– Pogo vault to the chest
– Obsessive shoe cleaning
– 1 Bear trap
– 3 Leprechaun tossings
– Leprechaun skate boarding
– Irish dwarf Skeet shooting
– Irish go-cartin’
– Eyeball gouging
– Clover pickin’
– Lucky charms of death
– Exploding wishing wells

rated 7.1 out of 10 for the movie

In case you have a unwanted leprechaun house guest  may I suggest offering him some Clover Leaf Flaked Light Spicy Thai Chili Tuna. It’s delicious. He’ll burst into flames and you won’t have the messy clean-up.

Check out the trailer for Leprechaun

Dec

posted by admin | December 7, 2008 | 50's b-movies, Horror movies, Review by Barry Goodall

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who cut the cheese?

“Who would stab this helpless wedge of cheese? A shameless cheese cutter?!!”

When I was a student designer in college, one of my required classes was sculpting. As a young illustrator I went in a bit cocky thinking that I could create the next masterpiece simply by closing my eyes and molding the clay into a work of perfection. Or maybe I could be like Patrick Swayze in the movie “Ghost” and show my lady my sensual fruit bowl making skills except without the whole getting shot and being stuck with Whoopi Golburg as my post-death translator. My sculptures actually looked a bit more like a deranged Gumby or a Mr. Bill on a good day (after he got ran over by the steamroller.) But I persevered in a sort of horrifying dedication to congealed mud expressionism. The only perk you’d get was the  occassional female nude models that would pose for the class. You’d think that would be a great opportunity for us horny college guys to gawk at some of the finest female figures higher education has to offer. Well, these ladies were getting paid student rates so at best you got a large burly women who believes in the “all natural” look. Something a economy tub of Nare will barely make a dent into. I learned quickly that I was no Michelangelo and my sculptures would take a turn for the worst in not studying the delicate features of Lumber Jack Janice. My sad attempt at fine art turned out to be more of unintentional abstract expressionism. “You see the one leg is longer that the other to represent woman’s plight in societal oppression…errr.” “Uhhh…note how the face is lopsided…an obvious portrayal of humanities self reflection of it’s own inner turmoil…”  I never did end up wearing a beret or swilling wine at the latest art gallery opening but I did learn that clay is hard to clean out from under your fingernails and that if you’re going to get paid to be nude it better be at a bar with a 2 drink minimum.

Walter Paisley (Dick Miller) knows what it means to be a struggling artist. He works days as a bus boy at a beatnik bar/art gallery then at night likes to work a bit on his art career. He’s not the sharpest tool in tool shed though when he inadvertently stabs his land lady’s dimwitted cat who got stuck in his wall again. Consumed with a lack of talent and a deep hatred of PETA, he slaps some clay on the carcus and calls it art hoping to impress his beatnik peers. The owner of the gallery and fellow beatniks love his new masterpiece hailing him a genius and throwing him a party where they dress him up like a king and write him poems. It’s like his own personal Renaissance fair. Everyone is excited to see his next piece completely unaware of it’s ghoulish creamy nugget center, so Walter starts offing people left and right to put together a quick exhibition. Also a benefit of becoming a murderous psychotic artist is you can finally wear that beret and gay neck scarf you’ve had your eye on. Walter’s sculpture range from “Undercover Police Guy I hit with frying pan” to “Naked bimbo I invited over and then choked the life out of her.” But probably his best piece is “Some dude working on a table saw in the alley that I decapitated.” It was not only his best piece but the easiest to transport and makes an excellent table center piece.

 

heads up

The gallery’s owner soon discovers Walter’s little secret but wimps out in not calling the police and instead just acts akward around Walter and sweats a lot. The big art exhibition starts off well until the guests start fiddling with the sculptures discovering the grisly secret under their surface. Did somebody forgot to put out the do not touch signs the night before? Meanwhile Walter has confessed his love for one of the beatnick chicks, Carla, and nothing says love more than involuntary taxidermy, but she “ain’t into that scene can you dig?” so Walter ends up chasing Carla and a angry mob ends up chasing Walter. Carla must have been training for a triathlon because Walter gives up the chase and tries to hide in his apartment…nobody will EVER think of looking for him there. The tragic and ironic ending only emphasis the evils of play-dough but is also a testament to incompetent gallery owners everywhere. 

Roger Corman wrote and directed this 50’s flick. The man is a machine whose been turning out films since the dawn of celluloid and truly is the king of b-movies. One of his tammer and shorter films but surprisingly entertaining with a bit of a hitchcock flavor to it. Retroman Steve says check it out and be sure to bring your pottery wheel.

Roadside Attractions

-1 frying pan to the head
-1 chick chokin’
– Cat-atonic
– Extreme neck scarves
– Orson Wells beatnik poets
– Corpse drop ceilings
– Beatnik civil war actors
– Play-dough of death
– Table saw decapitation

rated 7.3 out of 10 for the movie

“No clay was harmed in the filming of this movie. Well maybe except for Clay Aikens.”

Check out the trailer for A Bucket of Blood.

Nov

posted by admin | November 23, 2008 | Horror movies, Review by Barry Goodall

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“Johnny’s new satanic twister floor game never did catch on at parties. Players kept ending up in purgatory.”

I’m dissapointed that the media never covered a particular subject this past election season that I felt was important. The problem of overcrowded prisons. If you don’t mind me getting up on my soapbox for a second, I don’t think they rehabilitate and we certainly can’t find enough room to build more of them. I think there’s a couple easy solutions for this though. First, build them on golf courses. Yeah golf courses with all their well manicured grass and rich people in plaid pants chasing around little white balls. They could really use a correctional facility next to the local country club. The lifers in solitary confinement or the trouble makers in cell block 5 could be the new caddy’s. It’s not only punishment for the inmates but it would keep those old rich guys on their toes thinking they might get a 9 iron to the back of the head or end up buried headfirst in a sand trap. As for rehabilitation, I think they should ship in some old Catholic school nuns to shape things up. They could parachute them in storming the golf course hills like para-nuns.  A old cranky nun with a long range wooden ruler and rosemary side arm is much more intimidating than a warden anyday and nuns can get the job done. Sure, in Catholics school You may have hated that old sister of the cloth running your math class but I bet you knew your Algebra. They are able to quite literary strike the fear of God into people and make an excellent prison guard to boot. Even a 250 pound harden criminal serving time for tearing the tag off a mattress pad would cry like a little girl when facing wrong end of one of those wood rulers. So be sure to write you local congress and ask for your new Catholic penitentiary golf resort. It’s time for a change.

nun on the runSister Gloria is one nun you don’t want to mess with in Night of the Demons 2. She’s like the Chuck Norris of Catholicism including the facial hair and roundhouse kicks. She’s also the head holy lady at a private school for troubled teens where the motto is “If you’re not screwed up now we’re not working hard enough.”  Much like Chuck Norris, Sister Gloria’s job consist of mostly trying to educate girls on woman’s health issues and keep teens from having sex. She’d have less to worry about if they just not build their co-ed dorms facing each other’s bedroom windows where the guys stock up on binoculars  and the girls are oblivious to the fact they have no window shades. The school also just happens to be a convenient drive to the old Hull house around the corner where a  demonized Angela made mince meat of some local teens a few years back. Angela’s body was never found and the urban legend peeks the curiosity of some of the students, one of whom happens to be Angela’s sister “Mouse.” She’s A uber-emo girl with a bowl cut hair-do and keen Amish fashion sense. Mouse believes that Angela still haunts it’s halls waiting for her guests to someday return, so some of the girls and school jocks think it would be happy fun times to kidnap Mouse and take her to Hull house for yet another Halloween party and fake virgin sacrifice. Apparently the rule of a successful halloween bash is if everyone dies at the first party, try try again. This time Angela isn’t content to staying on the property with her new guests so she crams her demon soul into a lipstick canister that one of the girls discovers in a bathroom. Yes, the exact same lipstick case from the first film that was ingested by a demon’s boob.  “Ewwww!”  

isn't this everyone's worse fearAfter a sinus vaporizing mist releases Angela from her lipstick prison, she shows us yet again she can still shake her money maker and puts on a  exhibition at the Halloween school dance.  It distracts people long enough for one of her newly converted she-demons to melt a dude’s hand with her mutant breast grip of death, a horrifying second base move for that horny guy. Meanwhile a  local dweeb with a cult book collection that he picked up on Ebay tries to warn the school’s priest that Angela is real and is out for blood. He even performs his own demon raising ceremony to prove it and nearly gets himself killed in the process. What made him think that the best way to prove the existence of a dangerous demon is by throwing them an open house party? That’s like proving the existence of sharks by wearing a wetsuit made of chum.

Angela starts converting over students to  her demon army via dry humping, french kissing, or decapitations, and not necessarily in that order. The result is more of a demon garage band than an actual army ..I only counted about 4 demons totals so they’re still short a keyboard player. Angela tells Mouse that she’s not as evil as everyone says and has a nice heart to heart talk convincing her to head back to Hull house in her demom-mobile. Angela apparently wants to get promoted to management in Hell’s HR office so she hopes that by sacrificing Mouse she’ll score some Beelzebub brownie points. As she gets prepped for the big ceremony, Mouse’s few surviving friends along with the school’s priest,  the assassin nun, and a dweeb armed with holy water squirt guns and water balloons attempt to rescue her. They end up fighting a decapitated point guard and a giant mutant anaconda instead. Not something they were trained for in Catholicism.

Much like the original Night of the Demons…the movie has a lot of tongue in cheek humor…literally, there’s a lot of ripped out tongues and cheeks continuing the fine tradition of gorey horrey fun. So always remember if you’re hosting a Halloween party in a creepy house and some satanic goth girl starts a dance show, don’t wait around for the encore. You should have learned your lesson from your first demon infested halloween party where everyone died.

Roadside Attractions

-1 Demon Snake creature
-2 failed virgin sacrifices
-2 lady liplocks
-Chin chomping
-Talking toilet bowl heads
-Multiple demon french kissing
-Lipstick possessions
-Reverse breast fondling
-Holy super soakers
-Basketball decapitations
-Holy water balloon fights

rated 8.4 out of 10 for the movie

I ordered the three bean burrito platter from Las Tres Amigos and my stomach had it’s own night of the demons. 

 

HAHA! hilarious the YouTube preview image is some dude in his underwear but really this is the actual movie Night of the Demons 2 and not gay porn.

Nov

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Night of the Demons

“Always remember, Don’t Drink and Die. Coffins and beer don’t mix.”

I’m having Halloween let down. No more Halloween horror movie marathons, no more pumpkin carving, no more creepy decorations unless you count those weird inflatable Walmart santas already appearing on people’s lawns, and of course no more candy binges.  arents refer to it as ” safety testing” the  candy, but we all know it’s really just a excuse to raid those ankle biters for all the Kit-Kats they can find. As a kid halloween is amazing. You could dress as a mutant Hell clown and go bang on your neighbor’s door and they’d give you free candy. If I did that as an adult I’d get arrested. I can’t believe how expensive costumes have gotten either. I think next year I should make my son wear a garbage bag and then he can just tell everyone he’s a raisin. It’ll probably earn him a couple used batteries and ketchup packets for treats but hey a little humiliation helps build character. Just look what it did for Charlie Brown. You just can’t put a price on that life lesson. So After all the spooky festivities have concluded it’s a tough 2 months wait until the consumer-tastic fun times of Christmas even though the malls started decorating back in September. Yeah I know Thanksgiving falls in there somewhere,  but isn’t that basically just a celebration of over-eating. Shoot, we do that most days anyways. Thanksgiving is just gluttony with the added bonus of football and hanging out with your flatulent uncle from Topeka. I Say phooey to you Turkey day and a fond farewell to Halloween. Looking forward to seeing you again next year, but this time bring more Kit-Kats.

In Night of the Demons a group of teenagers have a pretty lousy Halloween, but highschoolers should really learn to not throw parties at haunted mortuaries especially on a school night. Judy and her beef headed boyfriend, Jay decide to ditch the school-planned festivities and check out another bash hosted by the school’s resident goth queen, Angela. Angela, besides having a creepy joker like smile and a bleak fashion sense is also a chronic kleptomaniac. She shoplifts some party supplies at the local Burp n’ Go along with her tush shakin’ friend Suzanne played by none other than scream queen Linnea Quigly. The party’s final head count is about 8 people total, there’s some finger food and a Spencer gift disco light, so understandably the party fizzles out early. After standing around insulting each other for a few minutes they decide to throw a impromptu séance. Conjuring up ye old Bezzelobub on the haunted mirror hotline is always a good way to liven up any party. However the séance unwittingly unleashes some odorouse spirits into the house who search for the trampiest girls to possess and like moths to a flame end up in Linnea Quigly. It must be getting crowded in there, I suspect she had a couple demons in her already.

Suzzane passes some of that demon spirit onto Angela via an awkward lip lock, then Angela does a  spastic fireside flashdance for Sal, the Italian greaser. His everlasting Budwieser still can’t make her seem any more attractive  so he heads off to explore the rest of the house on his own. Some of the other teens have already split out early to various rooms to do the horizontal mombo. One couple even shags in a coffin thus making the killing that much more convenient for any nearby demons. It’s like getting free gift wrapping when you go shopping at the mall.  Two of Judy’s friends, Helen and Rodger who smartly ditched everyone earlier are still trapped in the house’s front yard surrounded by a never ending wall of doom. Like a couple of 80’s Eastern Germans they hunt the wall for an exit until Helen suddenly disappears  leaving a hyperventilating Rodger to go hide in his car. Meanwhile back in the house, a demonized Suzanne is trying out some creative ways to sample her Mary Kay cosmetic line and Angela who just snacked on a mullet fanboy’s tongue is gliding through the hallways on rollerskates hunting for survivors. Rodger decides his car isn’t the safest place to hide when a mangled Helen gets shot put onto his roof so he hightails it back into the house. He and Judy  take refuge in the basement which is always the safest place to hide and Judy goes all McGyver-like with a make shift blow torch to fry her demonized friends. The extra crispy demonites chase them back outside as they try to scale the barbed wire wall like a poorly planned prison break. There’s been eye gouging, coffin dismemberment, tongue chewing, and  flame throwing so I’d already call this party a rousing success. Will anyone survive the night? Will Rodger ever live down being dressed like a gay pirate, and what will happen to all those delicious party hors d’oeuvres they left on the snack table? More creepiness  than outright horror with some great atmosphere and campy dialog, I’d consider this a perfect 80’s horror film, Retroman Steve says grab yourself a bag of Kit-Kats and get ready to party.

Roadside Attractions

-Bovines with mullets
-Demonic inhalant mist
-Goth girls gone wild
-The amazing dissappearing lipstick trick
-Giant demonic easy bake oven
-1 homemade pipe torch
-2 demonic ankle grabs
-Illegal use of a sours balls joke
-Fireside go-go dancing
-Eye gouging
-Tongue chewing
-Coffin smashing
-Hors d’oeuvres of horror
-Barb-wire climbing
-Fresh homemade apple die

rated 10 out of 10 for the movie

Lessoned learned from this film, Mary Kay cosmetic should have a warning label “not to be taken internally”

Check out the trailer for Night of the Demons

Oct

posted by admin | October 27, 2008 | Halloween films, Horror movies, Review by Barry Goodall

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Well it’s that time of year again and the Lost Highway is out to get it’s fright on. Retroman Steve and Drive-in Dan compiled a list of 10 horror films you should check out for your Halloween season. You already know the typical top 10’s that includes Exorcist, The Shining, Carrie, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, etc. These are some lesser known films that often don’t get the spotlight but are just as deserving to be in the Fright Club. So turn out the lights and spin up your DVD player for some great scares. Just remember the first rule to Fright Club…there is no Fright Club.

Retroman Steve’s Top 5

1. Event Horizon

This ghost story in space is so disturbing it still gives me the shivers if someone even mentions the word NASA. Sam Neil is an astrophysicist who is part of a rescue mission to salvage a spacecraft he designed that can travel the speed of light. Sorry Sam no dinosaurs to chase on this one. The unfortunate thing when you travel at speed of light you have to make a pit stop in hell so the rescue crew has to deal with space demons stowaways that like to mess with their heads. Space camp never prepared them for that scenario. Dark gritty and atmospheric this film will stick with you long after viewing.

 

 

 

 

2. [REC]

Who knew reading spanish subtitles could be this scary. A Television reporter and her camera man are filming a documentary at a fire station when a routine 911 takes them to an apartment complex. The apartment comes under quarantine trapping the tenants and film crew inside. Things go from really bad to even worse when they discover what’s lurking in one of the upstairs apartments.. It just goes to show that sometimes it worth breaking your lease early. Quarantine is in theaters now which is the Americanized remake but I prefer the original recipe to extra crispy any day.

 

 

 

3. The Entity

Barbara Hershey plays a woman that is repeatedly assaulted by an unseen spirit in her ranch style home as ghost hate stair climbing. After getting a doctor’s note that’s she’s not insane, she invites some ghostbuster’s wanna be’s over that nearly pee themselves when they see hovering lights over her bed. The only solution is to have her play barbie dream house in a high school gymnasium trying to freeze the ghost with a giant freeze gun. Based on a true story it’s got some genuine frightful moments but the final scene in this movie will chill you to the bone. Watch out for freezer burn.

 

 

 

 

4. The Others

Nothing creepier than being trapped in an old mansion with your overprotective mom. Nichole Kidman plays the obsessive mother in a family that is seeing strange things and hearing creepy noises in their home and no it’s not Tom Cruise and a gang of scientologists lurking in the hallways. The children live mostly in darkness as they have a rare skin condition in which they can’t be exposed to sunlight. A trip to Michigan in the winter would be ideal. Some great scenes that will make you jump and a twist ending you’ll never see coming. Well unless you watch another popular horror movie that has the exact same ending but what are the chances of that?

 

 

5. The Mist

When it’s the end of the world who would have thought the best place to hide is your local Piggly Wiggly? Just watch out for the religious cults forming in aisle 8. A struggling artist and his son take refuge in a grocery store as a strange mist descends upon their town. It’s filled with some nasties that are craving some folksy people snack food. Some great monster effects but the real monsters are some of people barricaded in the store who show you the dark side of humanity. A great b-movie with the most shocking ending I’ve ever witnessed in a film. It was pretty fun ride up to that point. After that you just want to crawl up in a ball and rock back and forth and try to think happy thoughts. Based on the short story from Stephen King it’s easily one of the best adaptations of his work in a long time. Foggy mornings will never be the same for me now.

Drive-in Dan’s Top 5

halloween 31. Halloween 3

Ditching the predictable slash by numbers routine of earlier installments director Tommy Lee Walace gives us an unexpected treat with this stand alone and unfortunately often ridiculed Halloween entry. The story starts when a mysterious factory complete with eerie green fog sets up shop in the small town of Santa Mira. The good news is you won’t have to worry about these novelty products containing lead paint as they’re made in the USA, not China, but something very sinister is going on behind the factory’s closed doors. It seems the CEO of Silver Shamrock Novelty corporation and renegade sorcerer Conal Cochran is upset that children don’t understand and appreciate the true meaning of the Druid holiday Samhain. So, he devises a deadly trick to punish the little offenders by giving away free Halloween masks inserted with microchips that are powered by an ancient Stonehenge artifact. The little kiddies are then instructed to wear their masks during a special commerical broadcast that turns these seemly cute and innocent masks into instruments of vermin oozing death. In fact there are enough creepy crawlies that the Orkin man would be cowering in a corner sucking and his thumb in a fetal position. Another added plus was having John Carpenter and Alan Holdworth back on board again to contribute a spine tingling electronic score for a film that already maxes out the creepy meter. Beware of the catchy Silver Shamrock commerical jingle that will stay in your head days after you have seen the movie.

 

 

2. PumpkinHead

Well, this one doesn’t involve the Peanuts gang or the Great Pumpkin, but it does have a vengeful guord from hell who lives in a creepy ole pumpkin patch that doubles as a graveyard. Late special effects genius Stan Winston in his first directorial effort gave horror aficionado’s a bag full of visual goodies with this masterful tale of backwoods revenge. Staring Lance Henriksen who Before joining the Millennium Group actually played a good guy for a change named Ed Harley who lives a humble life running a small roadside store with his young son, Billy. However, happiness quickly turns into sadness, then anger as he seeks revenge on some reckless city dwellers who killed Billy while they were performing EXPN motorcross style stunts. Overwhelmed by grief and desperation Mr. Harley with the help of a youngin’ from the Wallace clan tracks down an old family friend named Hagis who happens to be a witch. After some small talk about Harley’s soul being damned forever, the old hag follows a closely guarded secret family black magic recipe that starts with a mixture of the victim’s and conjure’s blood that when poured on the mummified remains reconstitutes the dried up demonic raisin like an evil Cup Of Noodles Soup. Once the transformation is complete this unholy killer is set loose to hunt down and destroy all wrong doers using it’s own wickedly delightful brand of dark justice. This movie is overflowing with so much creepy atmosphere that it will be seeping out of your pores. Renowned makeup artist Tom Woodruff Jr. (Aliens, Tremors) supplies some solid special effects work and created a truly cinematic monster for the ages that could rightfully stand next to any classic screen monster from the era of black and white movies. A great film to watch especially on Halloween either by yourself or with a group of friends.

 

 

3. Sleepy Hollow

Taking Disney’s animated short “The Adventures of Icabod Crane” into darker territory, Tim Burton puts his unquie visual stamp on Washington Irving’s beloved classic story. Tired of being the butt of so many headless jokes around the village campfire, The Headless Horseman ends his all expenses paid Hades vacation a little early to reclaim his missing noggin and to exact revenge on those who caused him to loose his head. Johnny Depp heads an ensemble cast of veteran actors and does a wonderful job at playing an 1800’s version of Inspector Clouseau who arrives at Sleepy Hollow a non-beliver but becomes a true believer after he uncovers the ghastly secrets behind the events that are terrifying this small isolated town. Contains a couple of genuine scares, several strong performances and some quirky visuals. This is Tim Burton’s first serious attempt at a horror movie and hit a home run with this film.

 

 

4. Hellraiser

From the typewriter to the director’s chair Clive Barker brings us a twisted story that will even make your nightmares want to keep the lights on. Based on Barker’s Books of Blood. If you thought being chained to a chair with your eye lids taped open while being forced to watch a Desperate Housewives marathon was torture, then you’ll feel a lot better when you see the horrors that the character Frank endures when he solves the Rubik’s Cube from hell that brings uninvited guests who are sporting fetish and bondage gear lead by demonic baddie Pinhead who has pain and pleasure on his mind. Give this one a view after you’ve sent all the little ghosts and goblins on their way with sacks stuffed with holiday treats or take it to a late night get together on Halloween to liven up a lame party.

 

 

5. Childs Play

Long before Chucky got hitched in Bride of Chucky and became a family man in Seed of Chucky, he was a single, wild man on the loose who became a dedicated student of the black arts and even mastered soul-transfering in record time. Known as the Lakeshore Strangler to his closest of friends, he earned this nickname because of the video game like high body count he would rack up during his brutal killing sprees. Filled with suspenseful scenes that are sure to make your heart race at times. Just make sure you haven’t chugged too many Red Bulls. As Chucky, Brad Dourif isn’t just an actor doing a character voice, he makes you belive he is actually a killer spirit living inside in a toy doll. Also, having a real actor portray Chucky inside a costume really made the character come to terrifying life along with some amazing puppetry effects (courtesy of effects wiz Kevin Yagher and Co.) that are so realistic they’ll make your skin will crawl. Hard to believe that it’s twenty years later, but all of the effects still hold up and would put the hokey visuals that most big budget releases proudly parade around to shame. This is easily one of the best killer doll movies in the toys gone wild without out batteries sub genre.

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