Archive for the 'Review by Doktor' Category


Comments Off on Father’s Day: Rest Stop Review Edition

Tagline: Sons, lock up your fathers… vengeance arrives on… Father’s Day!

Year: 2011 Runtime: 99 min

Director: Astron-6

Writer: Astron-6

Starring: Matthew Kennedy, Adam Brooks, Conor Sweeney, Amy Groening, Jeremy Gillespie and Steven Kostanski

Father’s day is officially over but that doesn’t mean it’s time to forget your old pop. Thanks to Astron-6’s touching memorial to fathers everywhere, you can appreciate the old man everyday for the rest of forever.

The best description of the absolute coolness that is Father’s Day is: Disturbing horror comedy with more bloody ding dongs than the Hostess factory.

Speaking of bloody ding dongs, this is a Troma film. We all know that Troma movies engage in a certain amount of fart jokes, naked women and morally disturbing images. Astron-6 manages to not only deliver on all of the above, but also manage to make a, I’m almost afraid to say it, throughly entertaining cross-over hit. All the rape and penis mutilation muddies the water a bit, but I really think this can be a solid movie.

Father’s Day is presented as a cheesy Late, Late Movie being aired on The Aston-6—a local access channel. Visually, though, it is a bad-ass Quentin Rodriguez style film: car chases, strippers, hand-held camera work, shotgun blasts to the face, gritty film, the works.

Whereas most of the time the film goes over the top, it also can be very subtle. There’s a scene at Chelsea’s (Amy Groening) kitchen table after Twink’s (Conor Sweeney) friend Walnut (Garrett Hnatiuk) was murdered. Chelsea, Twink and Ahab (Adam Brooks) are making plans to take down the Fuchman (Mackenzie Murdock). There’s blood all over the table, and as they talk you can just hear their arms scraping as they pull away from the sticky mess. Pure class!

I refuse to ruin the movie by giving away too much, but I have to point one small detail out that I only got after multiple viewings. Ahab’s jacket is a character in the film, and at one point is given a voice, Goliath, from the Sunday morning show Davey and Goliath. The real treat is where it is that the jacket gets that particular voice.

This film as been making the rounds and if it comes to your town, it is a must-see at your local cineplex. If you missed it, the four disc, limited edition DVD is scheduled for release June 26, 2012. Do yourself a favor and get on it!

Roadside attractions:

  • extreme overkill: shot with pistol, shotgun up the butt, beaten with brick, head stomped flat, thrown off dam
  • extreme nudity: male and female
  • commercial interruption for Star Raiders, the Late, Late, Late movie
  • maple syrup
  • tasty berries
  • toxic berries
  • fathers

For more on Astron-6, check out our interview with them.



posted by Doktor | May 18, 2012 | 70's b-movies, B-movie Reviews, Cult Film, Review by Doktor, Sci-Fi

Comments Off on The Alien Factor

Year: 1978     Runtime: 80 min
Director: Don Dohler
Writer: Don Dohler
Starring: Don Leifert, Tom Griffith and Richard Dyszel

Because The Avengers is the bestest movie in the history of forever and all future times, I am required by law to have at least one line about how it compares to the film I’m currently reviewing. Here it is:

The Alien Factor and The Avengers both share the exact same first four letters. After that they are pretty much the same, but different. Despite all the high-tech hoobajoobs, at their core both movies are about heroes and monsters. I’m certain Joseph Campbell would agree that these movies are just different sides of the same coin.

Let’s look at the monsters and hero in The Alien Factor to see how similarly different they are to those in The Avengers.


In The Alien Factor, there’s an alien zoologist, and because we never really get his name let’s call him—purely at random—Lowkey. He’s collected three space animal-monsters for the space zoo back on his home planet, which is in space. On the trip back he decides to celebrate with a few space brewskis. Next thing he knows, the Earth is right square in his flight path. He tries to correct, but his space reflexes are diminished by 23.45678%. If they were only down by 23.45677%… No use in crying over spilt space milk.

Also, the sun was in his eyes.

When the space ship crashes the containment shields stop working. The containment shields were keeping the three space animal-monsters from escaping. Oh, and the ship’s exit door was unlocked and opened. So, early one morning in 1972 an unsuspecting little town in Maryland was the new home for a Infersyce, a Zagatile and a Leemoid.

The Bad Guys aka Space Animal-Monsters

The Infersyce. A humanoid insect monster with an exoskeleton that looks suspiciously like a dress. It’s weakness is high frequency sound waves pumped out of sweet Alpine 20″ woofer. How one manages to get power and audio signal way out in the middle of the woods where the Infersyce is preying on the people is another story, one the movie never bothers to tell. We’ll have to chuck it up to space science.

The Zagatile. A considerate Wookie/Ant hybrid alien monster. I describe it as considerate because when it attacks the Sheriff and Mary Jane, it claws very lightly, though menacingly, at the widow rather than break into the house. Whereas regular bullets have no effect, a syringe bullet (and I mean that literally) penetrates its hide like greased goose diarrhea.

The Leemoid. Or perhaps it was a Nimoy. I get them two mixed up. Whatever. The Leemoid is the final “Boss” monster. It is a translucent claymation LizardSnakeMan, half lizard, half snake, half man. The only way to defeat him is by swinging a stick in its general direction. Once it realizes what you’ve done, it falls down dead.

The Good Guys aka The Townsfolk

Young Lovers #1. First, there is the couple making out in a secluded field, far out of town. The bottle of Strawberry Hill swirling through their hormone-driven bodies makes them blind to the Infersyce, ever so stealthily crunching through the dry hay towards them. The synthesized cat screeching music swells. The horny boyfriend gets got. The girl makes for the safety of the woods. Thanks to off screen teleportation, i.e. not writing the scene, she eventually ends up at the doctor’s office in a state of shock.

Young Lovers #2. In a completely different part of the woods, this time by the pond, the other couple is enjoying the romantic setting. Or at least the guy is, trying to set the mood. The girl isn’t having any of it. She decides to enjoy the seclusion of the woods, alone. All by herself. No one there to “protect” her. Naturally, a space peron startles her, despite his hot pecks—she stumbled on him while he was sunbathing. He chases after her, trying to apologize. She runs into the path of a speeding motorcycle. She’s tossed into the ditch, smearing Louisiana Hot Sauce on her face. The motorcycle got a nasty scratch that couldn’t be buffed out.

Haut Young Studs. The three Haut Young Studs sport the best of 70s hair fashion: first, Bock Sampson hockey hair; two, bushy white-boy fro; and third, greasy black mane with a Charlie Manson goat-tee. They’re not just lookers, but thinkers. Hockey Hair argues against the Sheriff’s orders that they not go out looking for the monsters with: “Come OH-win” (commonly pronounced come on). Brilliant!

The Law. Not to be out shined in the intelligence department, there’s Sheriff Simpleton and Deputy Dufus. Deputy Dufus moonlights as the city’s meteorologist, and is a damned fine one at that. Here’s a sample forecast, “They’re calling for 5 or 4 inches of snow tonight.” That’s also the exactly right ratio of people who are having not math very good making skills.

The Childrens. I don’t know what’s in the water in Maryland, but these kids are weird. They frolic the snowy fields in slow motion, about a foot apart, tossing a beach ball to one another. While that’s awkward, the really disturbing behavior is when they discover the Leemoid’s victim’s dead body. They stand and gawk, not once poking it with a stick. WTF?

The Drunk. Every small town has the happy-go-lucky drunk. Alcoholism, and to a lesser extend farts, will always be funny. The Drunk is a complex character, each one serves a different purpose. For The Alien Factor, The Drunk serves to kill runtime, i.e. make filler to pad out the movie to roughly 90 minutes. He mostly eats peanuts and sips his beer. All the while we get to listen to two rocking hits from the Fru-Fruity John Pertwees. The Drunk goes home to drink some more beer and read Monster Who’s Who—more filler. Then a noise draws him down into the basement. Though Drunk, he’s not stupid. He prepares by grabbing his gun. Carefully he makes his way down, eyes peeled, reflexes sharp and on point. Fumbling slowly out of a dark corner, the Zagatile sloths up on The Drunk and kills him.

No one builds tension (behind your eyes, commonly known as a headache), like Don Dohler.

B-MOVIE SURVIVAL TIP: When you’re confronted by a monster in your basement, and you have a gun, and it is pointed at the monster, which is SLOWLY advancing towards you, SHOOT! Even if it’s yourself.

The Reporter. Local reporter, Ms. Dufus, no explicit relation to the deputy, goes out for her big scoop on the aliens armed with a half gallon can of gasoline. Why gasoline? Because Deputy Dufus suggested that it MIGHT be possible to kill the aliens with fire. Even if we’re willing to forgive her momentary lapse of reason, she still has a major problem. When attacked, she drops the gas can and runs off. I don’t know if she doesn’t understand the idea behind a Molotov cocktail, or forgot you need to open the can, slosh the gas on the target and then ignite the gas, but the result is the same. The can of gas was a complete waste. It was a really nice can, too.

The Mayor. He’s your typical bureaucrat. Only interested in the money that will be generated by an impending entertainment center, Mayor Poopooheimer shafts the law, the citizens, and ultimately himself, by trying to keep this whole space animal-monster thing quiet. He dies a fitting death when the Zagatile sneaks up behind him and smears his face with Louisiana Hot Sauce. Good riddance.

And finally…

The Hero. Ben “Space Animal-Monster Hunter” Zachery. He is the ultimate combination of awesome. Forged from cold, hard steel that is Bob “Happy Little Cloud” Ross and titanic might of Zap “Canadian Hero Extraordinare” Rowsdower, he is truly a wonder of nature. He’s also a space foreigner, the very same one who was catching some sun earlier. Enigmatic and dangerously handsome, Zachery is a mans man, and every woman’s dream.

So, as you can see, The Alien Factor is pretty much The Avengers. The real difference is the moral, which is: Not everything that’s ugly on the outside is ugly on the inside, except for this movie, which is ugly through and through.

roadside attractions

  • Sparkly Space Powers
  • Synthesized Space Music
  • Space Aliens
  • Space Ships
  • Lurleen the Bartender
  • Snow Tires




Sadly, there was much wasting of Louisiana Hot Sauce. To Cajuns this film marks a dark, dark day in cinematic history.




None. Having seen the possible candidates, this is a very good thing.




The best that “no money” can buy.


posted by Doktor | March 11, 2012 | 70's movies, Action, B-movie Reviews, Kung-fu, Review by Doktor

Comments Off on Black Belt Jones 2: The Tattoo Connection

Tagline: Jim Kelly is back and tougher than ever!

Year: 1978      Runtime: 88 min

Director: Tso Nam Lee

Writer: Hsin Yi Chang (screenplay), Pai Sheng Lu (screenplay)

Starring: Jim Kelly, Sing Chen and Tao-liang Tan

How do you say “beat down” in Cantonese?

“Black Belt Jones!!”

Normally the extra exclamation point is superfluous, but this is Jim “Stomp a Mud Hole in You” Kelly. Not being gratuitous is criminal.

One might ask, “When would you need this phrase?” Because in Black Belt Jones 2: The Tattoo Connection some Hong Kong gangsters have stolen the North Pole Star diamond. Black Belt Jones’ twin fists, Punch & Punch, are on a mission to connect with some faces.

Now, Black Belt Jones would normally care less about such mess, but this time it’s personal. Oh, no, wait a minute. It’s not. He just happens to work for the insurance company that’s covering the diamond. Still, someone’s got to pay. His ire was raised by the chairman of the board’s impassioned plea:

CotB: “Mr. Lucas [i.e. Black Belt Jones], the board of directors have given their approval for you to take any action necessary for the recovery of the North Pole Star.”

BBJ: “I’ve been known to be called the black 6 million dollar man.”

What kind of response is that? One of a man so enraged that he can’t even make no sense. Without delay he’s on his way.

Side Note: Even though he speaks English, Black Belt Jones delivers his lines like the English dubbing. “I’ve been… known to be called… the black $6 million man.” The filmmakers didn’t want his dialogue to stand out  too much from the rest of the acting.

Because this film takes place in Hong Kong, one of the “not America” countries you hear about on the PBS,  you expect things to be  a little different, but these people are way out there. For instance, take Black Belt Jones’ first outing with his friend on the police force; they visit a local whore house. Good a place as any to start the search, as prostitution is run by gangsters and gangsters are who he’s looking for. Thing is, the Madam knows the cop by name, and the particular girl he fancies.

Whoa! Say what?!

Better still, Black Belt Jones orders up some women. He may be ready to kick ass, but there’s no need to rush.

A film can’t be blaxploitation without some racialistic hatred. It’s not just the white man that slings the Uncle Tom discrimination. Take this exchange, between Nana, the strip club’s hottest act and Black Belt Jones:

BBJ: “That’s one thing I really admire about you, Nana, your oriental nature. Shall we make friends?”

Nana: “Let me tell you, I don’t want to because I don’t know you, and because you are black.”

Damn, oriental cracker! We’re all pink and juicy on the inside.

But where Nana might not be racially sensitive, she is a brilliant logician. When she is trying to get her boyfriend, Tin-hao, the boss’s right-hand man, out of the gang, she argues, “What’s the difference between a beggar and a robber? One gets his money illegally, one does not.”

Valid. Sound. A perfect argument. Advantage, and point, Nana.

Speaking of the boss, Mr. Lu, he’s not a very nice man. The big boss usually isn’t. One evening his manly needs require attention, and he chooses Nana. Problem is, she’s Tin-hao’s girl. Even though she’s turned away his advances before, this time no means yes.

So, she starts crying and… there’s tender music playing. Huh?! I was completely confused. Then, as Mr. Lu connects, there are sounds of race cars racing and flashes of a still picture of the Marlboro F-1 car. Huh!? I know that cigarettes are bad for you, deadly even, and racing is dangerous, but I don’t think either ever raped anyone? Although, truth be told, when I sat on the Marlboro Man’s lap one Xmas, he did rest his hand on my thigh for an uncomfortable amount of time, but that’s something totally different.

Tin-hao hands out relentless beatings worse than those received by a 16 year old’s wee-wee. Yet, he’s got a soft heart. After his girlfriend is raped, his heart starts to harden, particularly towards Mr. Lu. This sets up the final boss fight scene, Mr. Lu vs Tin-hao and Black Belt Jones. I’ll not spoil the explosive ending, but I will say that Tin-hao promises that when he’s out of jail, in a year and a half (life is very cheap in Hong Kong), he’s going to the States to hang with his new best friend, Black Belt Jones.

In closing I’d be remiss if I failed to give you one bit of warning: there is so much polyester my nipples got sympathy chafing just watching it. Before you fire up this movie, slather on a dollop of Vaseline, runner’s nipples is no joke.

roadside attractions

  • Pastel Credits to Stroke Out To
  • Bolo Yeung Crooning
  • The World Standard for AWE-some Fro
  • Kung Fu
  • Groin Hit Combo Breaker




They went light on the Louisiana Hot Sauce Blurd™, but there was plenty of internal hemmoraging from the beat downs.




At least three different scenes with bare breasts to carry the film through the non-fighting parts.




Bolo Yeung, ’nuff said!


Check out the trailer for “Black Belt Jones 2: The Tattoo Connection”



posted by Doktor | March 4, 2012 | Interviews, Review by Doktor

Comments Off on Dialogue from the Dungeon: Lloyd Kaufman

Lloyd Kaufman is the epitome of the American Dream.

Most people, Mr. Kaufman included, would scoff at such an assertion, but I have sound reason to say this is so. Here is a man who has spend 40 years doing what he loves, exactly the way he wants, and against all odds. He’s not rich, nor a super-star, but he has provided for his family and is known the world over. That is why Lloyd Kaufman is one of my heroes.

I can only hope to be as successful one day.

Recently I was lucky enough to run into him at a Troma double feature at the Alamo Drafthouse Mason Park in Houston, TX. He was on tour promoting Father’s Day and Mr. Bricks: A Heavy Metal Murder Musical, two new Troma releases.

LH: Can you talk a little bit about these two films, Father’s Day & Mr. Bricks? What roles do you play?

LK: Well, I don’t think I played a roll. I played more of a bagel.

Father’s Day was directed by Astron-6. Astron-6 has the syllable “ass” at the beginning of their name, and therefore I am very attracted to them. Michael Herz and I produced it. I was involved in writing the script, but all the suggestions I made were ignored by the filmmakers. They are very smart. They are the Troma of the future.

Mr. Bricks, Michael Herz and I executive produced it. It is directed by Travis Campbell, who works for Troma. He’s edited a lot of Troma content. Mr. Bricks is a very dark musical. I’m very partial to musicals. Being a gay married man, I’ve wept through many a Judy Garland and Barbara Streisand musical. Mr Bricks is a bit aberrant in that it is romantic, very dark, very serious, and rather arty. Whereas Father’s Day is more in the true Troma tradition mixing the genres with humor, gore, political statement, [bleep]-disturbing social commentary and more of what the Troma fans will expect. Mr. Bricks, in my opinion, is a beautiful, beautiful film, a bit different from the usual Troma aroma. It is not funny. It is a serious work of art.

[Troma Trivia. Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead, has singing and dancing in it along with the chicken Indian zombies.]

LH: What got you interested in making films?

LK: I made the mistake of going to a little college called Yale. In the 60’s I was going to be a social worker or a teacher. I was going to change the world, make the world a better place; I was going to teach people with hooks for hands how to finger paint, teach bums how to paint happy faces on beads and string the beads together.

My freshman year at Yale, God totally [bleep]ed my life by putting me in a room with a movie nut. It was a very small bedroom. Our beds were head to toe. At night I would inhale his stinkin’ feet and the aroma du Troma was born.

My roommate was the head of the Yale film society. I started drifting into movies he would present. Slowly but surely I caught the virus. The movie virus. I decided to make movies. Boy was that stupid. Why couldn’t I have been George Bush? He was in my class. I could have been president. George Bush could have been making crappy movies.

LH: About making movies, on IMDb you have many different job titles. Which job, or jobs, do you enjoy the most?

LK: Well, filmmaking is what I like doing. I like the whole process of filmmaking. The fact that it involves music and pictures and writing and teamwork and promoting and [bleep]-disturbing. I like all of that stuff. I think the whole process of filmmaking. If I had the opportunity to work for a great film director today I’d carry coffee for her. I’m a film nut. I love everything about films. It doesn’t have to be film anymore, it can be digital.

Even though I don’t know how to do anything digitally. Digital has become very beautiful. The technique of making film digitally has come up so much that I’m going to direct a movie this summer I will use a digital camera for the first time.

Father’s Day and Mr. Bricks are shot on digital. I was only involved in the producing side.

LH: As a distributor, how do you acquire films? Do you actively solicit films? Do filmmakers come to you?

LK: Father’s Day came to us. I was on the set of the remake of Mother’s Day, my brother and I have a small cameo in the movie, and we met these crazy young guys, Astron-6. They had made some short films; We fell in love with them. They are brilliant. And they love Troma. They convinced us they had an idea for a movie called Father’s Day. I thought, “What the hell. Let’s go for it.” They wrote a first draft. I gave them notes. They wrote a second draft… In total they wrote about eight different drafts. We pretty much turned them loose. It’s totally their movie. All Michael Herz and I did was serve as their producers. Now we’re distributing.

Mr. Bricks, the guy works for us. Travis Campbell is an editor at Troma. This was all his movie. We played a small part in it. We gave him a little money and that’s it. This is really the Troma of the future.

[Troma Trivia. Mother’s Day has been remade by Bret Ratner, who brought you Tower Heights. He’s a big, big, big Hollywood guy. His company remade Mother’s Day which is a Troma movie directed by Lloyd’s brother Charles Kaufman. Also, it’s Eli Roth’s favorite horror film.]

LH: If you do accept films that are not finished, how much of a role do you play in getting them to completion?

LK: When we produce a movie I am a proponent of the auteur theory of film, which is the director’s event. The director should have total freedom. The director should have total control. Astron-6 had total control over their movie. I did not interfere. Even though I tried, when push came to shove, I agreed with them. There were a couple of serious disputes but I always deferred to the artist.

Mr. Bricks was totally Travis Campbell’s baby. All we did was give him some money. That’s it.

LH: Speaking of unfinished films, how is The Toxic Avenger 5: The Toxic Twins coming along?

LK: I’m getting there. This summer I will direct something. It will either be The Toxic Avenger Part 5: The Toxic Twins or it will be a remake, and this is hot news, you have this ahead of Variety or Hollywood Reporter or whatever that piece-of-[bleep] site is,  we’re very close to signing a deal where I will direct a remake of Class of Nuke ‘Em High. A very low budget remake.

There’s a company called Starz that seems to be very interested. We seem to be very close to signing a contract. They will give me complete freedom. It will be one of those two this summer.

[That’s right! Lost Highway’s first exclusive, straight from Mr. Kaufman’s mouth. An interview with my hero and and exclusive! I almost fainted.]

LH: Did you write the script for Toxic Avenger 5?

LK: I’ve worked with about eight different writers. I haven’t been able to find the magic yet. I haven’t been able to find the James Gunn who saved my ass on Tromeo and Juliet. But we’re getting there. I still haven’t quite figured out the trajectory of the Toxic Twins yet.

Since nobody goes to our movies and we’re economically blacklisted what’s the purpose of making a movie if I’m not in love with it? It’s not worth it. Until I have something I really, really, really love I prefer to produce other people’s movies. I prefer to wait until we’ve developed a script that I can really get behind. Make something I really believe in. Like Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead. That took three years to write. It’s my best film, yet it’s a total economic failure. Not because it’s a bad movie, it’s a great film. We’re economically blacklisted.

LH: Blacklisted?

LK: Cannibal the Musical, by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, sold hundreds of thousands of video cassettes and DVD’s but has never been on American TV. These are the South Park guys. These are the The Book of Mormon guys. Because it’s a Troma movie, it’s blacklisted. Citizen Toxie has sold more DVD’s than Cannibal the Musical and yet has never been on any form of American television.

That’s the problem. We can’t make any kind of money. So, going back to your question about the script, there’s no reason for me to direct a movie, going through the pain of sleeping on the floors and eating cheese sandwiches three times a day and learning how to defecate in a paper bag. It’s not worth going through all of that if I’m not going to love what I’m doing.

LH: I saw that there is a Toxic Avenger musical opening soon at the Alley Theatre in Houston, TX. Is this a simply a musical version of the first movie, or do we learn something new about Toxie? How did that come about? Did you write any of the music for it?

LK: It opened last night. I was there. Standing ovation. Eight hundred people in the Alley Theatre. Packed house. Standing ovation. People loved it. It had nothing to do with me, of course. I just created the Toxic Avenger.

David Brian, one of the founders of Bon Jovi, the keyboard player, wrote all the music. Joe DiPietro wrote the play. Very much based on my Toxic Avenger.

The audience was half Troma fans, with tattoos and piercings, and half little old ladies. They all loved it. It was great. It played off Broadway for a year. It won every award.

It’s very political. It’s got an environmental message. It’s about the underdog. It’s the spirit of Troma, but mainstream. Wonderful voices; Wonderful talent. Constantine Maroulis, who is an American Idol contestant, is the star. Mara Davi, who plays Sarah, has a set of pipes you wouldn’t believe. It’s a very ingenious show. It ran two years off Broadway. Now they’re putting a lot of money into it. Originally it didn’t have an intermission. Now they’ve added some songs, it’s got two acts, and they’re gonna bring it to Broadway.

You know, Trey and Matt, who made Cannibal the Musical for Troma, they have the biggest hit on Broadway, The Book of Mormon. I think Toxie is going to be the next one.

It’s pretty amazing; Troma, an underground movie company, that’s totally underground and totally blacklisted, is responsible for remakes, Broadway shows, everything but giving me any money. God damn it!

LH: Remakes are all the rage in Hollywood these days. You mentioned Mother’s Day was remade and a possible Class of Nuke ‘Em High. Are there other Troma films being remade?

LK: We’ve already had two offers to remake Poultrygeist. It’s a movie that made no money, yet two big companies in LA that want to remake it. They haven’t offered us any decent money.

They’re remaking Toxie for 100 million bucks. We signed a deal with Akiva Goldsman, Academy award winning writer and producer of A Beautiful Mind. He is writing some big checks to us. Stephen Pink, who directed Hot Tub Time Machine, is writing and directing the remake of Toxie. It’s gonna be a big major, major, major movie.

Twenty-five years from now they’ll remake Father’s Day. I’ll be dead. Yay! I can’t wait.

LH: As a filmmaker and a proponent of truly independent cinema, what is the most important maxim that you follow? Has this changed over the years? How so?

LK: I think the most important maxim is “To thine own self be true.” A phrase coined by William Shakespeare, who wrote the best selling book, 101 Money Making Screen Play Ideas, otherwise known as Hamlet. I think that that is the best advice for anybody pursuing an art form.

LH: What’s has been your proudest accomplishment in your film career? Your biggest disappointment?

LK: My only regret is when I compromised. I compromised on Toxie 2 and Toxie 3 and Sgt. Kabuki Man. It didn’t make the movies any better, nor did it make them any more commercial.

My proudest accomplishment is that I’ve had the same business partner, Michael Herz, for forty years. Almost forty years. I’ve had the same wife for almost forty years. Not the same wife as Michael Herz, but I’ve had the same wife. He’s had—his own—same wife for over forty years. That’s what I’m proud of. We have kept our noses clean, we’ve made movies that have very good word-of-mouth that people 25, 35, 40 years later still enjoy and we have been honest, decent people. That’s what life is all about.

LH: What is Lloyd Kaufman’s pie-in-the-sky dream?

LK: To throw off these mortal coils and end it all; to get the [bleep] out of this world. I’ve had enough. That would be one of the dreams.

I guess, in terms of a project, I would love to make the musical, Pal Joey, very dark, based on a John O’Hara short story, it’s got wonderful music by Rodgers and Hart. There’s never any way I would get to direct it. It would be very expensive. You would have to have stars.

Well, I don’t know. You might not need stars, but I’m sure the estate of Rodgers and Hart are not going to give Lloyd Kaufman rights to remake that movie. There was a movie of Pal Joey with Frank Sinatra, directed by George Marshall, maybe, one of them crappy musical directors back in the 50’s. It was not very good. That would be my pie-in-the-sky dream.


Comments Off on The 12 B’s of Christmas

The Highway Mutants after drinking a lot of expired egg nog came up with this list of b-movies to watch this holiday season. Here’s their 12 B’s of Christmas.

from Donna Bleed.
On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a cop in a wife beater shirt

Die Hard
“Explosions, gunfights, Bruce Willis screaming like a wookie, foul language that upsets grandma, and of course, Christmas in Hollis being blasted in a limousine. What more could you ask for?”

On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 2 creeper phone calls.

Black Christmas
“I know, cliche, but this is one of the best psycho-in-the-house movies ever made. Drink more wine, Margot, it’ll be alright!”

On the 3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 3 annoying rich kids.

Home Alone
“Shut up. It’s funny, alright? DON’T JUDGE ME!”

On the 4th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 4 groping Santas.

Christmas Evil
“It’s no Silent Night, Deadly Night; but it’s all about who’s naughty and nice, and knowing that it really doesn’t matter, everybody’s gonna get snuffed!”

from Andrew Peters

On the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 5 catholic school nuns.

Silent Night, Deadly Night
“I remember renting these movies in the big box as a kid, so these always strike me as my holiday movies as opposed to Charlie Brown’s Christmas Special or A Christmas Story. SNDN is about a boy whose parents are murdered and he’s raised in an orphanage, abused and confused. He grows up and plays Santa at a local toy store he works for. This sets him off on a killing rampage with eerie music and great gore effects (although most of these are only seen in the uncut version).”

On the 6th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 6 wrestling has-beens.

Santa With Muscles
“This is one of those movies where my parents took me to the video store around the holidays and told me to pick out a movie. Like the foolish child I was, I immediately spied one with Hulk Hogan wearing a Santa hat and thought, “Oh wow! This one has Hulk Hogan! This is sure to be a treat!” But I would find out that this treat is made from dog crap and pig vomit. This movie is the equivalent of my older brother tricking me into something I didn’t want to do. Lousy acting and a plot that involves Hogan playing an obnoxious fitness guru who gets amnesia and thinks he’s Santa. It’s sappy and horrible, but it’s worth a laugh.”

On the 7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 7 killer snowmen.

Jack Frost
“A murder becomes a vengeful snowman. Frosty goes Jeffery Dahmers.”

On the 8th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 8 impromptu c-sections.

“The French are crazy. First High Tension and now this. A woman waiting to give birth on Christmas Eve is trapped in her home, when a stranger arrives and wants to carve the baby out of her stomach. Now, there is a reason behind all of this and it’s quite a gory experience. As with and dubbed movie, the dubbing is atrocious, but everything else is entertaining and frightening. Easily one of my favourite holiday movies.”

from Tiger Sixon

On the 9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 9 fury Magwais

“A great cautionary tale ‘bout exercising good judgment when pickin’ out a gift for yer little one.”

On the 10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 6 80’s flashbacks.

“A very ‘80s retelling of the oft-remade A Christmas Carol, featuring the scroogiest Scrooge of them all, Bill Murray.”

On the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 11 Vern shout outs

Ernest Saves Christmas (1988)
” The lovable and goofy Ernest does his best to save the holiday. Ernest even sings”

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 12 shots for rabies

Batman Returns
Even the Batman celebrates Christmas. Instead of leaving lumps of coal, he just leaves lumps on someone’s head.

About the Highway

Lost Highway is your satirical detour down the twisted back roads of b-movies and cult films reviews. learn more >>