Archive for the 'Sci-Fi' Category

Feb

posted by admin | February 26, 2007 | 70's movies, Action, B-movie Reviews, Sci-Fi

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Flash Gordon

“sound the battle cry…Gooble-Gooble!


In the great tradition of Highlander and Waynes World, the movie Flash Gordon utilizes the 80’s classsic rock icons of queen for a memorable movie soundtrack. As for the rest of the movie’s quality well that’s a different story.

Flash Gordon, a quarterback from the New York Jets, is put in the unlikely situation of having to try to save the world from the evil clutches of an alien overlord name Ming. With only enough brain power to warm toast and a uncanny skill in bad one-liners, Flash goes to Ming’s home planet accidentally with the help of an equally dimwitted newsreporter. Also along for the trip is a scientist who happens to have a few screws loose. Their first meeting with Ming doesn’t go well since Flash calls him a “Psycho” right off the bat and then senselessly beats an innocent sensor droid (R2D2 your days are numbered.) Flash escapes his death sentence thanks to the help of the princess who wants to use Flash for some extra curricular activity of her own. She’s some sort of bored rich physcho/nympho who likes earthling football stars like a crazed Beverly Hills cheerleader.

Flash employees the help of some woodsmen led by Timothy “I was the worse James Bond ever” Dalton and some flying hawk-people who look more like turkey parade rejects to battle Ming and save his girlfriend from marrying him. Through all the battles and carnage and laser beams Flash never gets hit and his hair always stays perfect. Maybe that was his superpower “amazo hair of fortitude.” I’d tell you how it ends but I’m sure you can figure out that Flash saves the day and rides off into the sunset on his jet ski to the rocking tunes of Queen on his radio. Lots of shiny bad costumes, lots of horrible dialog but a heck of a lot of fun. I say check it out. Watch movies online


Keep an eye out for…

– midget alien cleaned funeral parlors. They leave the fresh scent of pine
– psychedelic space warps
– a killer game of bonk the gopher except in this one the gopher wins and you die
– the only super hero with his own self-promotional t-shirt
– jet ski recreational space vehicles (whether on a lake or in space they’re still annoying)
– overdressed mardi-gras parade rejects
– Robinhood and his merry men of thieves
– impronto football scrimmages in space
– inneffective mind control devices that can be overcome with thoughts of Beatles songs

Lesson I learned from this movie. don’t stick your arm in an old tree stump.

rated 9.1 out of 10 for the movie
learn more about this movie at imbd.com

Check out the trailer for Flash Gordon.

Feb

posted by admin | February 13, 2007 | Chick-flix, Drama, Sci-Fi

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The Science of Sleep

“The new AT&T…same high prices, same crappy service

Happy Valentine’s Day!

It’s my obligatory chick-flick romantic movie review for Valentine’s Day. Don’t get used to it. I’m not going to be sitting down and sharing “my feelings” and then end up crying on the Dr Phil Show. I was determined to find one of the weirdest romances out there, watch it, have it expose part of my soul…rip it out and stuff it with potpourri and huggy squeezy things. This movie only accomplished the ripping of my soul part.

Gael Garcia Bernal plays Stephane, a timid man whose comes to France to get a creative job as an illustrator but ends up just pasting letters on paper. He can speak English and French but is from Mexico and yet wants to live in France to draw calendars of catastrophic events. Now that’s a person with issues. His annoying co-workers only further drive him to want to be a permanent part of his weird dreamworld and to escape his dull job and reclusive social life. Falling in love with his quirk neighbor Stephanie gives him a couple more issues to deal with in that giant subconscious of his. Well at least I think that was the plot. I’m not really sure..it’s a little hazy….There was a giant typewriter with spider hands…that was pretty cool. I also recall a car made of cardboard that was kinda like a Yugo crashing into a wall, the films only action sequence. Everything else was a fog of weird imagery and bad french dialog and dull sub-titles. The movie bored me to sleep. In fact I think my dream was more interesting than this film. I was being chased by zombies while I was driving a Lamborghini but the car could only go 10 mph and I was dressed in a clown costume? What does that mean?

 

This movie ticked me off as I’m a huge fan of “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” It was done by the same director and was a great sci-fi romance movie, but this movie was just plain weird and dull. Avoid it and you’ll be happier and a little less French.


Keep your eyes open for…

– giant hand kung-fu
– band members dressed as your favorite rodent
– flying French speaking Mexican Americans
– typewriter spiders
– one second time machines (fix those very recent mistakes of your life)
– spinning turtle donuts signs
– cardboard car driving safety lessons

I’m really sleepy now…oh and I don’t dislike the French. It’s those darn Norwegians that keep me awake at night. They hide under my bed.

rated 4.8 out of 10 for the movie
learn more about this movie at imbd.com

Check out the trailer for The Science of Sleep if ye dare

Jan

posted by admin | January 29, 2007 | Horror movies, Sci-Fi

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The Thing

“Found another ancient Michigan Blogger.. apparently froze to death like the others.”

John Carpenter, the king of 70’s & 80’s horror, brings us this great film. Kurt “Don’t call me Pliskin” Russel plays R.J. Macready, the leader of a desolate arctic observation outpost. As 6 months of darkness are nearing, which is about the only thing they have to look forward to, a Norwegian outpost nearby is suddenly destroyed in some sort of mysterious Norwegian way. Luckily a dog escapes while being hunted by a Norwegian helicopter which unfortunately also explodes. Apparently Norwegians can’t handle explosives safely and have poor animal control policies. Well this dog is special..not in the the sort of way of it can play fetch or roll over but it does have the ability to absorb and takeover over other life forms in gruesomely horrific ways. Count yourself lucky your pet can’t do that. It would make dog shows much more entertaining though.

No one in the outpost trust each other and they soon realize that anyone of them could now be the alien as it’s discreetly takes over people one by one. Snake Pliskin… oops I mean RJ McReady devises a homemade test to out the creature by electrifying petry dishes of everyone’s blood samples. Apparently this is not just to see who get’s grossed out first. the outpost luckily has stocked up flame throwers for the winner. So the films ends up to be a drive-by alien BBQ frenzy ala Kurt Russell. If it moves or scurries then Kurt will cook it.

Great atmosphere and paranoia along with amazing special F/X makes this one of the all time classic horror movies. I say check it out and wear a warm coat while watching it.

Oh and keep an eye on your dog. He’s looking kinda funny.

 

Watch out for.

– petrie dish kung-fu
– arctic BBQ parties
– creepy Quaker Oats guy
– easy CPR based arm removal techniques
– the dog kennel of horrors
– gratuitous use of flares

What’s the difference between Arctic winters and Michigan winters? Michigan winters have pot holes.

Wasn’t the chef in the muppets Norwegian?

rated 9.3 out of 10 for the movie
learn more about this movie at imbd.com

Check out the trailer for the Thing

Jan

posted by admin | January 14, 2007 | Comedy, Sci-Fi

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Idiocracy

” The president pimped my ride

Amazing a new release DVD review here on Lost Highway! It’s the end of humanity, fire falls from the sky, dogs and cats living together, everyone screams in terror. Okay now that we’ve all calmed down and realize my reviews don’t affect the balance of the universe, this is just for the 5 or 6 people in the country that that haven’t seen the cult classic “Office Space.” Idiocracy is Mike Judge’s literally unknown follow-up to that mega DVD hit. This never received any TV advertising, no trailers, no promotions of any sort. It almost convinces you that either the movie was so utterly horrible than the studios didn’t want to have anything to do with it or they intended for this movie to be a cult classic release like it’s predecessor. I’m thinking it’s the second as this was a great comedy though not as hilarious as Office Space. It’s a very satirical commentary on our society and at times its hilarious laugh out loud funny. Luke Wilson plays Joe Bauers who defines the average Joe American. He is selected to be in a government hibernation program which goes horribly wrong finding him awaking 500 years in the future after being buried under a newly constructed Fuddruckers. Instead of a Utopia, society has so dumbed itself down so much that it’s barely functional. I don’t really see this as a far of future. case in point Jerry Springer,Tom Cruise, G-gurt (yogurt on the go), Tickle me Elmos, & Bill o’Rieley. Anyways, Joe travels into the future with a prostitute (Hooker to the Future) to find people have degenerated into watching TV all day in giant chairs with built in toilets. Hey that’s a good idea…oh wait I’m getting dumber already. Ugh I need read a novel or cure cancer, invent a water fueled car….well maybe later, American Idol is on. Joe finds that he’s the smartest man in the world which isn’t saying a lot as he can grasps such mind twisting concepts that water might help the crops grow or that TV shows about a guy getting hit in the croch just aren’t that funny. Well actually that is kinda funny…oh doh! there goes another 10 IQ points (having trouble concentrating…speling wordz korrectly). Joe meets the president of the United State a former Wrestling star who enjoys a good monster truck rally. Together working with their cabinet of other nitwits they try to save humanity. A great comedy so definitely check it out if you can still read the DVD label.

 

Keep an eye out for.

– Costco love greetings
– Starbucks Coffee sex shops
– Fast food medical care
– pimped out police cars
– gatoraid babies

rated 9.2 out of 10 for the movie
learn more about this movie at imbd.com

Check out this clip from Idiocracy

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