Archive for the 'Sci-Fi' Category

May

posted by admin | May 6, 2012 | 60's b-movies, 60's movies, Review by Tiger Sixon, Sci-Fi

Comments Off on Evil Brain From Outer Space

Evil Brian From Outer Space - Starman

Take three episodes of The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, one episode of Dragnet, the first twenty minutes of a Star Trek episode, toss them in a blender, add a dash of LSD, and hit MIX. The end result would give you some kinda idea about what the hell Evil Brain From Outer Space is like. Maybe.

Similar to Devil’s Dynamite, Evil Brain From Outer Space is edited from several different films, in this case the Japanese series, Super Giant. As a result, the WTF Factor is off the chart. According to Professor Wikipedia, Evil Brian From Outer Space was allegedly edited from nearly three hours of footage, down to a sparse 78 minutes. The final product is a Spirograph of tights, masks, aliens, mutants, robots, evil plans, secret lairs, and child sidekicks.

Evil Brain From Outer Space - Mutant

And the cherry on top? It is also dubbed, giving us such classic lines like “The news is excellent!” and “You must always use them!”

Our hero, Starman, is sent to Earth, in a ballet costume, by some kinda ‘robo-council’ to find the titular brain. I think. There is some kinda brain in a jar, who is pulling the strings of crime, giving orders to different groups of baddies. The brain, as the title suggests, is indeed from outer space. And apparently evil. So, Starman, with his antenna headgear and stuffed undies, comes to save the day. I think. Speaking of undies, Starman and his leotard-clad foes feature, uh, ‘well defined’ areas south of the equator. In some cases, there is very little left to the imagination, and makes me glad this weren’t in 3D.

Evil Brain From Outer Space features just about every cliché villain you can name: One-legged man? Check. Evil scientist? Check. Guy with a hook? Check. Doctor with a scar? Check. Crazy-wheelchair-bound-doctor-who-is-faking-it-and-has-an-eagle-on-his-shoulder? CHECK. Let’s not forget the sub-plot of a pair of kids trying to locate the bad guys, so they can…um. Locate them, I guess, as Starman does all of the actual work, what with the punching, the kicking, and the prancing.

Evil Brain From Outer Space - Starman

If you have the time, and an open jar of moonshine, give Evil Brain From Outer Space a gander. This concoction of random scenes, wacky characters, and ballet costumes makes for quite the interesting spectacle. Just keep yer eyes above the belt.


Tiger Sixon is forced to watch B-movies from the comfort of a secret government base in Death Valley. He looks nothing at all like Daniel J. Hogan (@danieljhogan) who draws the comic Clattertron.

roadside attractions

  • Ballet Costumes
  • Leotards
  • Tights
  • Prancing
  • Brain theft
  • A brain in a jar
  • Model boats
  • An eyeball belt
  • Negative flash frames
  • Visible junk
  • A one-legged man
  • A man with a hook
  • A man with an eagle on his shoulder
  • Secret passages
  • Secret lairs
  • Mutants
  • Aliens
totals

4

blood

BLOOD

While there is plenty of fighting, it is pretty PG.

0

blood

BREASTS

This is a fairly kid-friendly film, so the ladies keep the tops on.

10

beast

BEASTS

Evil Brain From Outer Space features some of the most bizarre monsters I have seen, save for the time I went shopping on Black Friday.

5.0 OVERALL
dripper
Apr

posted by Barry Goodall | April 11, 2012 | 80's movies, Action, B-movie Reviews, Fantasy, Guest Review, Sci-Fi

Comments Off on Steel Dawn: A Guest Review by General Relativity

General Relativity is a visitor from the 31st Century.  As a Level III Chrononaut, the General is a mid-level civil servant in the Time Enforcement Commission, which basically means he has to fill out a million forms every time one of you tries to go back to hunt a dinosaur or give AK-47s to the Confederates or whatever.   And no, he can not explain to you why John Connor looks completely different in every single Terminator movie, so don’t ask.

Aristotle.  Plato.  Confucius.  Descartes.  Swayze.  These philosophers laid the foundation for all modern thought.  At least that is what we learned in the Preston-Logan Spacetime Academy.  From Red Dawn to Road House to the indomitable Point Break (which in 3020 was named the greatest movie ever made by the Lundgren Council for the Arts), Swayze’s streak of profundity was unmatched by any 80s star.  In these mystical masterworks, Patrick Swayze was committed to the principles of an undefined and vague Tao of manly badassedness.  Unlike the others on the list of Great Minds, Swayze could nail a bodacious roundhouse kick.

Steel Dawn” is unfortunately not a sequel to Swayze’s 1984 classic “Red Dawn.”  Rather, Steel Dawn is one of those post-apocalyptic westerns released in the wake of the success of “Road Warrior.”  It has most of the touchstones for that genre: mutants, primitive weaponry, lots and lots of desert, and hairstyles out of an 80’s hair metal music video.  The hair in this movie is a special effect.

We begin with the nameless Nomad (Swayze) performing a headstand at the top of a dune in the middle of a desert.  He is communing, because that’s what Swayze does.  Cthulhu-faced mutants emerge from the sand wielding car maintenance equipment and attack him.  Swayze kills them all using a fighting style I can only describe as “Dirty Dance Fighting.”  The principal technique associated with this obscure martial art is to execute a number of unnecessary somersaults and pirouettes before you spin your aluminum foil sword a few times.

From this promising beginning, I hoped that mutants would be the main villain of the film, just as they are in real life.  Unfortunately, the rest of the movie is pitifully lacking in mutants.  The real bad guys are humans rejected from a Mötley Crüe casting call and banished to a Pat Benatar music video.  After the members of Faster Pussycat kill Swayze’s master, Swayze wanders the desert looking generally irritated.  Or maybe he’s just tortured.  Or constipated.  Or tortured by constipation.


Not that he lacks a reason to be irritated, especially after he meets a woman named Ke$ha ( played in amazing crimped hair by Swayze’s real life wife Lisa Niemi).  Swayze befriends her son who is played by Jake Lloyd from “The Phantom Menace” and who gains an alarming amount of weight as the movie goes on.  Water is premium in the desert, and Ke$ha wants to build an aquaduct.  This is basically “Chinatown” but with characters named “Tark” and swords made of silver plastic.  The bad guys are after the water.  But Swayze, using somersaults and head-kicking, will teach them, and us, important lessons about man’s search for faith….

No Swayze film would be complete without his signature esoteric analects.  In this regard, “Steel Dawn” is an undiscovered treasure.  Now, presented without context, the lessons from “Steel Dawn”:

“Promise never to misuse this knowledge.  Before you fight you must first learn to meditate.”
“What’s the matter, never seen a grown man naked?”
“You shouldnt play with sharp objects.”
“A man needs his exercise.”
“I attract violence!”  (That is not the only thing you attract, dude.)
“You talk too much.”

roadside attractions

  • Patrick Freakin’ Swayze
  • Cthulhu Sapiens Mutants
  • Somersaults
  • Pirouettes
  • Tinfoil Swords
  • Sand
  • More Sand
  • Obscene Aquanet Abuse
  • Proto-Jake Lloyd
  • Wind-Powered Go-Carts
  • Fighting with Staves
  • Water Politics
totals

3

blood

BLOOD

Although Swayze wields a menacing tinfoil sword, he mostly prefers to kick people in the face.

4

blood

BREASTS

There is a little tease of Swayze pecs while he’s bathing, but I was underwhelmed. Swayze and Brion James (of Blade Runner) stumble into some groupies while they are raiding the hair metal bad guys’ hideout, which is an abandoned Guns ‘n Roses concert stage, but no one seals the deal.

2

beast

BEASTS

Needz moar mutants!

3.0 OVERALL
dripper
Jan

posted by admin | January 30, 2012 | 80's movies, Action, Horror movies, Kung-fu, Review by Tiger Sixon, Sci-Fi

Comments Off on Devil’s Dynamite

If you’re going to watch one dubbed Asian film about vampires, gamblers, ninja, and tinfoil clad warriors, it may as well be Devil’s Dynamite. Why? Because I doubt another film does as much justice to these subjects. Or even puts them together.

Devil’s Dynamite is a “You got peanut butter in my chocolate/You got chocolate in my peanut butter” situation: it feels like two different films were edited together to form one wacky cinematic cocktail. Film A is about a baddie using vampires to do his evil deeds. Said vampires even do some of these wicked deeds in the day time. And they hop. Yes, hop. In unison. They also have blue skin, and can be kept in check by sticky-notes on their foreheads.

And where is our street walking Hercules to fight these vampires? We find him in, as the film so excellently puts it, “That damn Futuristic Warrior!” Yes, the Futuristic Warrior appears at first to be just an Average Joe. But, in the blink of an eye (or to be more specific, a jump cut) Average Joe can change into the tinfoil covered, motorcycle helmet wearing Futuristic Warrior (who also has the ability to burn children with his touch. Yep). Besides his goofy helmet, the Futuristic Warrior sports a kickin’ neckerchief, too. 90% of fighting vampires is style. The other half is just showin’ up.

Devil’s Dynamite also teaches us, if you punch a vampire hard enough, they disappear in a cloud of smoke. Now you tell me! All that money wasted on hand-carved, artisan stakes.

Film Two in Devil’s Dynamite is some kinda gangster revenge flick. A fallen from grace “gambling king,” just got out of the slammer and is looking for his secret cache of gold. I think. There is something about a kidnapping, and his ex-wife marrying a new boyfriend, but my brain had melted after the Futuristic Warrior/blue vampire sitch. An hour into the 80+ minute film, and I had no idea what was going on.

Was this a bad thing? Nah. The confusion and “What the French toast?” moments made Devil’s Dynamite quite a hoot. In the waning minutes of the film, there is an attempt to marrying Film A and Film Two with a bit of short dialogue, but it really didn’t matter. In a film with a guy in tinfoil suit punching blue vampires (during the day), who cares about plot?

While Devil’s Dynamite is more confusing than trying to read War and Peace upside down, it is highly entertaining and will stick to your ribs: “Why do the vampires hop?” “What’s the Futuristic Warrior’s story?” “Is that little girl actually a ghost?” Tiger says, call the gang over and give this one a watch, you are in for a treat.


Tiger Sixon is forced to watch B-movies from the comfort of a secret government base in Death Valley. He looks nothing at all like Daniel J. Hogan (@danieljhogan) who draws the comic Clattertron.

roadside attractions

  • plastic vampire teeth
  • gang fights
  • knife eye-poking
  • body painting
  • ninja
  • UNDEAD ninja
  • bloody swords
  • blue vampires
  • hopping vampires
  • evaporating vampires
  • tinfoil suits
  • crazy martial arts
  • creepy kids
  • anti-sorcery mirrors
  • bad ass priests
totals

10

blood

BLOOD

As expected in any vampire flick, there is plenty of neck biting. Throw in a few ninja and some gangster brutality, and you have a blood bath on yer hands.

2

blood

BREASTS

We see one lady in a bathing suit, but that is it.

10

beast

BEASTS

Hopping, blue faced vampires and undead ninja (I think). What more could you want? Besides a plot, that is.

7.3 OVERALL
dripper
Dec

Comments Off on Night of the Comet

Night of the Comet

As Pa Sixon used to say, “Does this look infected?” Wait. I mean, “Christmas ain’t about bein’ with people ya like. It’s about bein’ with family.” And bein’ with family is a main theme of the 1984 post-apocalyptic-zombie-horror-romance-comedy, Night of the Comet.

Christmas is around the corner for sunny California and Santa, or perhaps maybe the Krampus, is bringin’ one heck o’ a gift: a comet. We learn it is, more or less, the same comet what knocked out the dinosaurs 65 million years ago. Shoot, ya don’t a comet for that—just feed ‘em some of Ma Sixon’s tuna surprise served at room temperature. While everyone is partying about the comet (because I guess that is what you do in California when home owners and mortgage insurance liabilities don’t matter because the Apocalypse is coming), Regina (Catherine Mary Stewart) is stuck workin’ at the local movie theater—which involves beating a mysterious high score on Tempest and scoring with the projectionist in the booth (to use the film’s vernacular, “making it”). Ah, to be an 18 year old girl in the 80’s again.

Night of the Comet

Back home, Regina’s mouthy little sis, Sam (Kelli Maroney), gets slapped around by her step mom—who is throwin’ a comet party of her own. One problem: once the comet arrives, everyone outside is turned to dust. And those what ain’t turned to dust, are turned into zombies. Regina wakes up after a night o’ lovin’ to find the streets filled with piles of dust, and a dash of occasional zombie. A tender moment ensues when Regina finds Sam, now (thankfully) clad in a cheerleader outfit. In an effort to find survivors, the pair goes to the local radio station (which has more neon lights than a Blade Runner convention in Las Vegas). At the station, they meet future Star Trek Voyager regular, Hector (Robert Beltran). That’s right, Commander Chakotay comes to the rescue.

Uh, sort of. As we learn, the girls’ dad is in the military–he trained the pair how to fight and use guns, so they can handle themselves (although Sam wishes Hector would handle her).

Night of the Comet

Because the film was made in the ‘80s, we are treated to a shopping montage set to a non-Lauper version of Girls Just Want to Have Fun, while Regina and Sam have the run of the mall. This was a requirement for most ‘80s films, along with Steve Gutenberg. Meanwhile, there is a secret underground group, with a maze for a logo, keeping tabs on survivors. They decide to bring a few back to the base, and hilarity ensues. By which I mean, stuff gets blown up.

Deep down, Night of the Comet is about family: two sisters are on their own and realize, despite pissin’ each other off from time to time, they are all they have. The girls also realize they need to stick together with Hector if they want to survive (and Regina hopes her and Hector really stick together), and form a new family o’ sorts.

While fairly tame by today’s standards, there is enough blood and violence to go around, and Night of the Comet leans heavily toward the goofy side of the post-apocalyptic meter. Night of the Comet, like any quality b-movie, is a campy, blood-soaked hoot. Give this one a watch–just don’t forget yer hairspray and leotard.


Tiger Sixon is forced to watch B-movies from the comfort of a secret government base in Death Valley. He looks nothing at all like Daniel J. Hogan (@danieljhogan) who draws the comic Clattertron.

roadside attractions

  • neon lights
  • leotards
  • cheerleading outfit
  • sunglasses at night
  • shopping montage
  • zombies
  • future star trek actors
  • retro video games
  • exploding cars
  • blood stealing
  • keyboard whacking
  • big hair
  • bloody wrenches
  • secret bases
  • MAC-10s
totals

6

blood

BLOOD

Not too bloody, but plenty it when it counts.

5

blood

BREASTS

While we never see Sam totally topless, she gets down to a bra in one scene, and jumps up and down in a nighty in another.

10

beast

BEASTS

Lots of zombie action, including kid zombies.

7.00 OVERALL
dripper

Check out the trailer for “Night of the Comet”

trailers

dripper
Nov

Comments Off on A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell

I’ll say one thing about A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell: it delivers on its promise. There is a titular nymphoid. Dinosaurs abound. There are barbarians. And there is no shortage of Hell. It is worth notin’ that the title says Nymphoid, not Nymphomaniac, which is what I thought it said. Big difference between the two, and as a result, my Tuesday morning.

Accordin’ to Prof. Wikipedias, nymphoid refers to a nymph, meanin’: A young girl, especially one who inspires lustful feelings.

Makes sense. Lea, said nymphoid, is young and just about every guy in the flick wants to give her saddle a rattle.

Now, compare to nymphomaniac: A woman with excessive sexual desire.

If the flick were A Nymphomaniac Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell, the plot probably wouldn’t move too far. Lea would be lovin’ everythin’ in sight, just like Ma Sixon after her Thanksgivin’ gallon of Wild Turkey.

Nymphoid Barbarian In dinosaur HellBut sadly, there is very little lovin’ in this flick. In fact, more uglies were bumped in Forrest Gump.

This here post-apocalyptic flick opens with Lea explainin’ how the world came to an end over a montage (a “capitalist conspiracy” is mentioned–some thing never change, eh?). Most of the footage in the montage looks like it came from a bunch of other flicks, and that ain’t surprisin’, as Nymphoid was a Troma release. They reuse more old footage than a rerun of America’s Funniest Home Videos.

To sum up: bad stuff happened in the past (see: Nukes), and now the ravaged world is filled with mutants and dinosaur-like beasties. Items of note: Lea claims to be from Tromaville, and she starts her narration with “Dear Diary,” even though, as we learn later, she can barely read.

Tryin’ to survive in this Dinosaur Hell are our nymphoid and her boyfriend, Marn. Yes, when you get right down to it, this flick is a love story. A love story with some road bumps, mind you. Seems like everyone is after Lea. In the first few minutes of the flick, a gang, who looks like a Manowar cosplay, tries to capture and have their way with Lea.

Marn saves Lea, but later on, she gets captured by a pack of reptoids and their master, a poor man’s Kurgan. The group of baddies beat the tar out of Marn, but he is nursed back to health by an old man, who is learned in the ways of public domain literature (he recites the Jabberwocky poem from Through the Looking Glass). After he’s healed up, Marn goes searchin’ for Lea. What we have here is a ‘boy meets girl, boy loses girl, girl meets mutants, boy fights mutants’ kinda love story.

And dinosaurs. Lots of dinosaurs. The effects are classic stop-motion animation, and pretty dang good for a low-budget flick. While there is a fair amount of action, the combat is about as fierce as a third grade stage version of Braveheart: punches and kicks barely connect, and weapons are swung with hesitation. Given that most of the cast played multiple parts, I guess the director didn’t want anyone gettin’ hurt.

Now, this don’t mean the flick is lacking in blood. Nope. Limbs are severed. Baddies are chomped to bits by dinos. Heck, there’s even a bit of cannibalism—just in time for Thanksgivin’!

The acting in A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell is its weakest link, but it only adds to the charm and if you are worried ‘bout the actin’ in a film called A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell, then you are probably watchin’ the wrong movie, friend.

Tiger says, give this one a watch for the stop-motion animation alone, but bring a few beers–or a gallon of Wild Turkey.


Tiger Sixon is forced to watch B-movies from the comfort of a secret government base in Death Valley. He looks nothing at all like Daniel J. Hogan (@danieljhogan) who draws the comic Clattertron.

roadside attractions

  • Nukes
  • Ear biting
  • Tromaville Sign
  • Axe swinging
  • Sword whirling
  • Hesitant combat
  • Cameraman Shadows
  • Reptoid abuse
  • Swamp Men
  • Laundry stealing
  • Leather bikinis
  • Severed limbs
  • Sandworms
  • Stop motion dinosaurs
  • Dinosaur fights
  • Reptoids
  • Public Domain Literature
  • Groping
totals

6

blood

BLOOD

severed limbs and hungry dinos supply plenty of blood. Plus: cannibalism!

2

blood

BREASTS

we see Lea’s mosquito bites for about 39 frames in the final five minutes.

10

beast

BEASTS

A variety of dinos, reptoids, mutants and more.

6.00 OVERALL
dripper

Check out the trailer for “A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell”

trailers

dripper

About the Highway

Lost Highway is your satirical detour down the twisted back roads of b-movies and cult films reviews. learn more >>