Mar

posted by Doktor | March 4, 2012 | Interviews, Review by Doktor

Lloyd Kaufman is the epitome of the American Dream.

Most people, Mr. Kaufman included, would scoff at such an assertion, but I have sound reason to say this is so. Here is a man who has spend 40 years doing what he loves, exactly the way he wants, and against all odds. He’s not rich, nor a super-star, but he has provided for his family and is known the world over. That is why Lloyd Kaufman is one of my heroes.

I can only hope to be as successful one day.

Recently I was lucky enough to run into him at a Troma double feature at the Alamo Drafthouse Mason Park in Houston, TX. He was on tour promoting Father’s Day and Mr. Bricks: A Heavy Metal Murder Musical, two new Troma releases.

LH: Can you talk a little bit about these two films, Father’s Day & Mr. Bricks? What roles do you play?

LK: Well, I don’t think I played a roll. I played more of a bagel.

Father’s Day was directed by Astron-6. Astron-6 has the syllable “ass” at the beginning of their name, and therefore I am very attracted to them. Michael Herz and I produced it. I was involved in writing the script, but all the suggestions I made were ignored by the filmmakers. They are very smart. They are the Troma of the future.

Mr. Bricks, Michael Herz and I executive produced it. It is directed by Travis Campbell, who works for Troma. He’s edited a lot of Troma content. Mr. Bricks is a very dark musical. I’m very partial to musicals. Being a gay married man, I’ve wept through many a Judy Garland and Barbara Streisand musical. Mr Bricks is a bit aberrant in that it is romantic, very dark, very serious, and rather arty. Whereas Father’s Day is more in the true Troma tradition mixing the genres with humor, gore, political statement, [bleep]-disturbing social commentary and more of what the Troma fans will expect. Mr. Bricks, in my opinion, is a beautiful, beautiful film, a bit different from the usual Troma aroma. It is not funny. It is a serious work of art.

[Troma Trivia. Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead, has singing and dancing in it along with the chicken Indian zombies.]

LH: What got you interested in making films?

LK: I made the mistake of going to a little college called Yale. In the 60’s I was going to be a social worker or a teacher. I was going to change the world, make the world a better place; I was going to teach people with hooks for hands how to finger paint, teach bums how to paint happy faces on beads and string the beads together.

My freshman year at Yale, God totally [bleep]ed my life by putting me in a room with a movie nut. It was a very small bedroom. Our beds were head to toe. At night I would inhale his stinkin’ feet and the aroma du Troma was born.

My roommate was the head of the Yale film society. I started drifting into movies he would present. Slowly but surely I caught the virus. The movie virus. I decided to make movies. Boy was that stupid. Why couldn’t I have been George Bush? He was in my class. I could have been president. George Bush could have been making crappy movies.

LH: About making movies, on IMDb you have many different job titles. Which job, or jobs, do you enjoy the most?

LK: Well, filmmaking is what I like doing. I like the whole process of filmmaking. The fact that it involves music and pictures and writing and teamwork and promoting and [bleep]-disturbing. I like all of that stuff. I think the whole process of filmmaking. If I had the opportunity to work for a great film director today I’d carry coffee for her. I’m a film nut. I love everything about films. It doesn’t have to be film anymore, it can be digital.

Even though I don’t know how to do anything digitally. Digital has become very beautiful. The technique of making film digitally has come up so much that I’m going to direct a movie this summer I will use a digital camera for the first time.

Father’s Day and Mr. Bricks are shot on digital. I was only involved in the producing side.

LH: As a distributor, how do you acquire films? Do you actively solicit films? Do filmmakers come to you?

LK: Father’s Day came to us. I was on the set of the remake of Mother’s Day, my brother and I have a small cameo in the movie, and we met these crazy young guys, Astron-6. They had made some short films; We fell in love with them. They are brilliant. And they love Troma. They convinced us they had an idea for a movie called Father’s Day. I thought, “What the hell. Let’s go for it.” They wrote a first draft. I gave them notes. They wrote a second draft… In total they wrote about eight different drafts. We pretty much turned them loose. It’s totally their movie. All Michael Herz and I did was serve as their producers. Now we’re distributing.

Mr. Bricks, the guy works for us. Travis Campbell is an editor at Troma. This was all his movie. We played a small part in it. We gave him a little money and that’s it. This is really the Troma of the future.

[Troma Trivia. Mother’s Day has been remade by Bret Ratner, who brought you Tower Heights. He’s a big, big, big Hollywood guy. His company remade Mother’s Day which is a Troma movie directed by Lloyd’s brother Charles Kaufman. Also, it’s Eli Roth’s favorite horror film.]

LH: If you do accept films that are not finished, how much of a role do you play in getting them to completion?

LK: When we produce a movie I am a proponent of the auteur theory of film, which is the director’s event. The director should have total freedom. The director should have total control. Astron-6 had total control over their movie. I did not interfere. Even though I tried, when push came to shove, I agreed with them. There were a couple of serious disputes but I always deferred to the artist.

Mr. Bricks was totally Travis Campbell’s baby. All we did was give him some money. That’s it.

LH: Speaking of unfinished films, how is The Toxic Avenger 5: The Toxic Twins coming along?

LK: I’m getting there. This summer I will direct something. It will either be The Toxic Avenger Part 5: The Toxic Twins or it will be a remake, and this is hot news, you have this ahead of Variety or Hollywood Reporter or whatever that piece-of-[bleep] deadline.com site is,  we’re very close to signing a deal where I will direct a remake of Class of Nuke ‘Em High. A very low budget remake.

There’s a company called Starz that seems to be very interested. We seem to be very close to signing a contract. They will give me complete freedom. It will be one of those two this summer.

[That’s right! Lost Highway’s first exclusive, straight from Mr. Kaufman’s mouth. An interview with my hero and and exclusive! I almost fainted.]

LH: Did you write the script for Toxic Avenger 5?

LK: I’ve worked with about eight different writers. I haven’t been able to find the magic yet. I haven’t been able to find the James Gunn who saved my ass on Tromeo and Juliet. But we’re getting there. I still haven’t quite figured out the trajectory of the Toxic Twins yet.

Since nobody goes to our movies and we’re economically blacklisted what’s the purpose of making a movie if I’m not in love with it? It’s not worth it. Until I have something I really, really, really love I prefer to produce other people’s movies. I prefer to wait until we’ve developed a script that I can really get behind. Make something I really believe in. Like Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead. That took three years to write. It’s my best film, yet it’s a total economic failure. Not because it’s a bad movie, it’s a great film. We’re economically blacklisted.

LH: Blacklisted?

LK: Cannibal the Musical, by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, sold hundreds of thousands of video cassettes and DVD’s but has never been on American TV. These are the South Park guys. These are the The Book of Mormon guys. Because it’s a Troma movie, it’s blacklisted. Citizen Toxie has sold more DVD’s than Cannibal the Musical and yet has never been on any form of American television.

That’s the problem. We can’t make any kind of money. So, going back to your question about the script, there’s no reason for me to direct a movie, going through the pain of sleeping on the floors and eating cheese sandwiches three times a day and learning how to defecate in a paper bag. It’s not worth going through all of that if I’m not going to love what I’m doing.

LH: I saw that there is a Toxic Avenger musical opening soon at the Alley Theatre in Houston, TX. Is this a simply a musical version of the first movie, or do we learn something new about Toxie? How did that come about? Did you write any of the music for it?

LK: It opened last night. I was there. Standing ovation. Eight hundred people in the Alley Theatre. Packed house. Standing ovation. People loved it. It had nothing to do with me, of course. I just created the Toxic Avenger.

David Brian, one of the founders of Bon Jovi, the keyboard player, wrote all the music. Joe DiPietro wrote the play. Very much based on my Toxic Avenger.

The audience was half Troma fans, with tattoos and piercings, and half little old ladies. They all loved it. It was great. It played off Broadway for a year. It won every award.

It’s very political. It’s got an environmental message. It’s about the underdog. It’s the spirit of Troma, but mainstream. Wonderful voices; Wonderful talent. Constantine Maroulis, who is an American Idol contestant, is the star. Mara Davi, who plays Sarah, has a set of pipes you wouldn’t believe. It’s a very ingenious show. It ran two years off Broadway. Now they’re putting a lot of money into it. Originally it didn’t have an intermission. Now they’ve added some songs, it’s got two acts, and they’re gonna bring it to Broadway.

You know, Trey and Matt, who made Cannibal the Musical for Troma, they have the biggest hit on Broadway, The Book of Mormon. I think Toxie is going to be the next one.

It’s pretty amazing; Troma, an underground movie company, that’s totally underground and totally blacklisted, is responsible for remakes, Broadway shows, everything but giving me any money. God damn it!

LH: Remakes are all the rage in Hollywood these days. You mentioned Mother’s Day was remade and a possible Class of Nuke ‘Em High. Are there other Troma films being remade?

LK: We’ve already had two offers to remake Poultrygeist. It’s a movie that made no money, yet two big companies in LA that want to remake it. They haven’t offered us any decent money.

They’re remaking Toxie for 100 million bucks. We signed a deal with Akiva Goldsman, Academy award winning writer and producer of A Beautiful Mind. He is writing some big checks to us. Stephen Pink, who directed Hot Tub Time Machine, is writing and directing the remake of Toxie. It’s gonna be a big major, major, major movie.

Twenty-five years from now they’ll remake Father’s Day. I’ll be dead. Yay! I can’t wait.

LH: As a filmmaker and a proponent of truly independent cinema, what is the most important maxim that you follow? Has this changed over the years? How so?

LK: I think the most important maxim is “To thine own self be true.” A phrase coined by William Shakespeare, who wrote the best selling book, 101 Money Making Screen Play Ideas, otherwise known as Hamlet. I think that that is the best advice for anybody pursuing an art form.

LH: What’s has been your proudest accomplishment in your film career? Your biggest disappointment?

LK: My only regret is when I compromised. I compromised on Toxie 2 and Toxie 3 and Sgt. Kabuki Man. It didn’t make the movies any better, nor did it make them any more commercial.

My proudest accomplishment is that I’ve had the same business partner, Michael Herz, for forty years. Almost forty years. I’ve had the same wife for almost forty years. Not the same wife as Michael Herz, but I’ve had the same wife. He’s had—his own—same wife for over forty years. That’s what I’m proud of. We have kept our noses clean, we’ve made movies that have very good word-of-mouth that people 25, 35, 40 years later still enjoy and we have been honest, decent people. That’s what life is all about.

LH: What is Lloyd Kaufman’s pie-in-the-sky dream?

LK: To throw off these mortal coils and end it all; to get the [bleep] out of this world. I’ve had enough. That would be one of the dreams.

I guess, in terms of a project, I would love to make the musical, Pal Joey, very dark, based on a John O’Hara short story, it’s got wonderful music by Rodgers and Hart. There’s never any way I would get to direct it. It would be very expensive. You would have to have stars.

Well, I don’t know. You might not need stars, but I’m sure the estate of Rodgers and Hart are not going to give Lloyd Kaufman rights to remake that movie. There was a movie of Pal Joey with Frank Sinatra, directed by George Marshall, maybe, one of them crappy musical directors back in the 50’s. It was not very good. That would be my pie-in-the-sky dream.

Feb

posted by Barry Goodall | February 26, 2012 | 80's b-movies, 80's movies, B-movies, Horror movies, Rest stop, Review by Barry Goodall

“The Serpent and the Rainbow” finally gets down to the root of this whole darn zombie craze as Bill Pullman gets buried alive in Haiti and does his best impression of a walking dead guy. Think of it as “Dawn of the Dead” with a reggae band. Bill plays Dennis Alan, a Harvard anthropologist who gets sent down to Haiti to try to find a secret voodoo powder that makes your  body go all limp and you appear completely dead to everyone else only to wake up hours later. Like daytime soaps without the weight gain. He just got done wrestlin’ with a jagaur in the congo and a big pharmaceutical company wants him to find the powder  so they can make the ultimate anesthesia… or possibly start the zombie apocalypse, which ever is more profitable.

Dennis meets local Hatian hottie Dr. Marielle (Cathy Tyons) who introduces him to an island witch doctor that supposedly makes the zombie drug and runs all the government sanctioned cock fights. After making the sign of the two-headed voodoo doll out in the woods with Dr. Marielle. Dennis returns to find out he got sold fake powder that can’t even raise a dead goat. The corrupt police chief wants to keep the secret of the powder for himself and  invites Dennis over so he can nail his testicles to a dinner chair just as warning to stop snooping around (you should see what they do to jay walkers.) Dennis really can’t take a hint and apparently has a very high pain threshold so he keeps on the hunt. Pretty soon he starts having nightmares of the police chief, flaming boats, and snakes shooting out of midget zombie brides, not the sorta stuff you’ll see on the tourism brochures.

He awakes the next morning with a severed  head next to him in bed when the police bust in and force him on a plane back to the states, but not before he received a secret stash of the zombie powder from the witch doctor, Mozart. Back in Boston, Dennis drops off the dust at the lab to be studied then has some dinner guests over who start chomping on fine glassware and convulsing on the floor warning him that his Haitain girlfriend is going to die. Dennis books himself a ticket right on back to the island to try to find her and Mozart who unfortunately just got his head chopped off. Dennis gets drugged with the zombie powder, buried alive and quickly dug up because nobody wants to see someone throw away a perfectly good white boy. A bit wobbly on his knees, Dennis must do battle with the police chief and his voodoo power, canned souls, and a mighty aggressive dinner chair to save his girlfriend and help lead a Haitian revolution. But hey it’s Bill Pullman, this guy was the president and fought alien squids in a F-14.

Barry Goodall says to do that voodoo that you do so well and give “The Serpent and the Rainbow” a try…or I’ll steal your soul and keep in a fruit jar right next to the canned peaches.  That’s how I keep my souls fresh.

Roadside Attractions:

- Zombified Bill Pullman
- Glass munching
- Head slicing
- Jaguar frolicing
- Extreme scrotum accupuncture
- Coffin blood drowin’
- Aggressive furniture movers
- Haitian uprising
- Surprise snake-in-mouth joke/pun
- Midget zombie brides on flaming boats
- Possessed Haitian party raves

trailers

dripper
Feb

posted by Barry Goodall | February 13, 2012 | 80's b-movies, 80's movies, B-movies, Horror movies, Review by Barry Goodall

waxwork

Waxed demons are trying to take over the world and steering clear of any open flames in the 80’s classic “Waxwork.” Zach Galian, after blowing up Gremlins in his microwave, plays Mark, a spoiled rich kid with a caffeine addiction. He and his dimwitted high school friends are invited to a waxwork museum run by b-movie veteran, David Warner who can pretty much play creepy in his sleep. They arrive for a midnight preview and a 7ft tall butler and his dwarf life-partner send them on a tour of “eighteen of the most evil people who ever lived”, but sadly no Larry King. On of the friends Tony, loses his lighter in one of the exhibits so he gets zapped into alternate reality where Teenwolf could be a reality hit TV show. Finding himself inside a creepy cabin he meets a Pavarotti look-alike who starts turning into a werewolf and bites him on the arm. Lycanthropes are everywhere. Luckily, a vigilante mob bust into just in time to shoot everyone with silver bullets putting an end to Tony’s nicotine addiction and Pavorotti’s singing career.

waxworkMeanwhile, Mark’s bitchy girlfriend walks into a vampire exhibit where she’s forced to slowly eat steak tar-tar while some Twilight emmos gawk at her bad dye job. She discovers a one legged guy in their basement who just had his ankle gnawed on like a doggie chew toy. She stakes some vamp fatales and then gets her neck sucked on by the guy from the “I can’t believe it’s not butter” commercials. No big deal, no one liked her anyways. Team Edward for the win.

Back in the real world, Mark and his new replacement girlfriend, Sarah leave the show thinking their friends ditched them and decide to head back to Mark’s mansion to look at old pictures of his grandfather in the attic. Probably the worse first date ever until they they discover the waxwork owner is in the photo which would make him about 170 years old (170 is the new 140). They consult with an old wheelchair bound Brit named Sir Wilfred, a friend of Mark’s grandfather, who explains how he and Mark’s grandpa collected trinkets from some of the most evil people in the world and sell them for big bucks on Ebay. Sir Wilfred believes the waxwork owner had sold his soul to the devil in return he’d get immortality but also has to find victims for his waxworks displays to help bring about the end of the world.This means raising the dead, filing the skies with blood, and consuming all things good in the world like pop tarts and Leann Rimes.

Mark and Sarah try to tell the cops but the detective doesn’t believe them and ends up pharaoh bait in an Egyptian tomb getting body slammed by a mummy. Mark and Sarah return to the waxworks in an attempt to burn it down but Sarah’s ADD kicks in as she’s mesmerized by the French Marquies de Sade exhibit. Sadly not Circus De Soleil…fewer clowns more whipping.

waxworkShe gets sucked in while Mark gets pushed into the Night of the Living Dead to fight off hordes of flesh hungry zombies. After getting a hand, Mark escapes and rescues Sarah whose been getting her jollies from 50 lashings by the hand of a ren-fest pirate. Mark convinces her that she’s been brainwashed by the waxwork and if she believes that it’s not real then she can’t be harmed. Seems like she’s disappointed by that fact.

They step through a dimensional portal just in time to see the rest of the waxworks come to life and do battle with Sir Wilfred’s armored wheelchair brigade and his small army of senior citizens. High on Metamucil, they battle with swords and pitchforks against the legion of demonic wax figures trying to keep any of them from escaping and polluting the rest of the world.

Barry Goodall says go check out “waxwork” and bring some candles but leave your butler dwarf at home if you don’t have the room. Unless you have a motorcycle sidecar…those work perfect for dwarf butlers.

roadside attractions

  • Severed hand
  • Bat shooting
  • French whippin’
  • Cheek gougin’
  • Ankle chewin’
  • Head smash with twist and pull
  • Neck chompin’
  • Extra raw steak tar tar
  • Werewolf, vampires, zombies, and mummies
  • Torso rippin’
  • Wheelchair drive-by
  • 50 gallons of hot wax
totals

8

blood

BLOOD

Bodies get ripped in two and a guy gets his leg chewed down to the bone, bloody stabbings, and rare steak tar tar.

0

blood

BREASTS

You’d think a french S&M exhibit would get more melons but you’d be wrong. Not even waxed fruit. I thought the French preferred not to wear clothes. Maybe that was bathing.

10

beast

BEASTS

*deep breath* mummies, werewolves, vampires, zombies, severed hands and butler dwarfs. the Phantom of the Opera, Frankenstein’s monster, Jack the Ripper, the Invisible Man, a voodoo priest, a witch, a snakeman, pods from Invansion of the Body Snatchers, a mutant baby, an axe murderer, a multi-eyed alien, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. New Highway record for most beasts in one film!

8.9 OVERALL
dripper

Check out the trailer for “Waxwork”

trailers

dripper
Jan

posted by Tiger Sixon | January 30, 2012 | 80's movies, Action, Horror movies, Kung-fu, Review by Tiger Sixon, Sci-Fi

Comments Off

If you’re going to watch one dubbed Asian film about vampires, gamblers, ninja, and tinfoil clad warriors, it may as well be Devil’s Dynamite. Why? Because I doubt another film does as much justice to these subjects. Or even puts them together.

Devil’s Dynamite is a “You got peanut butter in my chocolate/You got chocolate in my peanut butter” situation: it feels like two different films were edited together to form one wacky cinematic cocktail. Film A is about a baddie using vampires to do his evil deeds. Said vampires even do some of these wicked deeds in the day time. And they hop. Yes, hop. In unison. They also have blue skin, and can be kept in check by sticky-notes on their foreheads.

And where is our street walking Hercules to fight these vampires? We find him in, as the film so excellently puts it, “That damn Futuristic Warrior!” Yes, the Futuristic Warrior appears at first to be just an Average Joe. But, in the blink of an eye (or to be more specific, a jump cut) Average Joe can change into the tinfoil covered, motorcycle helmet wearing Futuristic Warrior (who also has the ability to burn children with his touch. Yep). Besides his goofy helmet, the Futuristic Warrior sports a kickin’ neckerchief, too. 90% of fighting vampires is style. The other half is just showin’ up.

Devil’s Dynamite also teaches us, if you punch a vampire hard enough, they disappear in a cloud of smoke. Now you tell me! All that money wasted on hand-carved, artisan stakes.

Film Two in Devil’s Dynamite is some kinda gangster revenge flick. A fallen from grace “gambling king,” just got out of the slammer and is looking for his secret cache of gold. I think. There is something about a kidnapping, and his ex-wife marrying a new boyfriend, but my brain had melted after the Futuristic Warrior/blue vampire sitch. An hour into the 80+ minute film, and I had no idea what was going on.

Was this a bad thing? Nah. The confusion and “What the French toast?” moments made Devil’s Dynamite quite a hoot. In the waning minutes of the film, there is an attempt to marrying Film A and Film Two with a bit of short dialogue, but it really didn’t matter. In a film with a guy in tinfoil suit punching blue vampires (during the day), who cares about plot?

While Devil’s Dynamite is more confusing than trying to read War and Peace upside down, it is highly entertaining and will stick to your ribs: “Why do the vampires hop?” “What’s the Futuristic Warrior’s story?” “Is that little girl actually a ghost?” Tiger says, call the gang over and give this one a watch, you are in for a treat.


Tiger Sixon is forced to watch B-movies from the comfort of a secret government base in Death Valley. He looks nothing at all like Daniel J. Hogan (@danieljhogan) who draws the comic Clattertron.

roadside attractions

  • plastic vampire teeth
  • gang fights
  • knife eye-poking
  • body painting
  • ninja
  • UNDEAD ninja
  • bloody swords
  • blue vampires
  • hopping vampires
  • evaporating vampires
  • tinfoil suits
  • crazy martial arts
  • creepy kids
  • anti-sorcery mirrors
  • bad ass priests
totals

10

blood

BLOOD

As expected in any vampire flick, there is plenty of neck biting. Throw in a few ninja and some gangster brutality, and you have a blood bath on yer hands.

2

blood

BREASTS

We see one lady in a bathing suit, but that is it.

10

beast

BEASTS

Hopping, blue faced vampires and undead ninja (I think). What more could you want? Besides a plot, that is.

7.3 OVERALL
dripper
Jan

posted by Barry Goodall | January 18, 2012 | Feature, News

dumpster

We received this letter today along with a delicious pecan pie wrapped in a used Wonderbread sandwich bag. We are currently working with local police to resolve this matter and find out how to get more pie.


To: Lost Highway



I’m not rightly sure who I need to direct this to, but I figure it only fair I let y’all know what happened.
It was an accident, really; I mean; this broad was crazy! She came in to the diner, muttering something about patty melts and proper place settings, and plopped herself down in a booth. I went over and gave her a cup of coffee, and ran down the specials. She ordered Bubba’s Barnyard Slaughter breakfast, which isn’t unusual at 3am; folks tend to crave chicken fried meats in the night, so it didn’t ruffle my petticoats. What did raise my eyebrow was the way she cut her eggs; all symmetrical and weird. I had other tables to tend to, so I didn’t pay her too much attention. I dropped her check, and the next thing I know, she was gone, her money on the table. Exact change, no tip! That pissed me off a little, but it happens.


Anyway, I’m taking the garbage out around 4:45, and I hear a ruckus at the dumpster. I turned the corner, and there she was, throwing bags and stuff into MY dumpster! I hollered at her, and she turned on me.


She looked wild, man! All sweaty and breathing heavy- Her eyes were crazy! She smiled all wide and toothy at me, and said something like she’d “be just a minute,” and kept on tossing stuff from this huge bag in to the garbage- and it was a nice bag, too; lots of nice pockets and things- I got closer to her, and hollered at her again to just go on, split, sister! and that crazy fool, she pulled a friggin butcher knife on me!


I told her to be cool, I wasn’t looking for a fight, she just needed to scram, I wouldn’t call the cops or nothing! She wasn’t listening, and she came at me, big as Christmas! I swung that bag of swill I was carrying right into her, and it busted all over her. Coffee grounds, cigarette butts, food… oh, it was nasty! She screamed and dropped her knife, she fell to her knees in all that yucky stuff, and looked at me. Before she could say or do anything, Bubba cracked her skull with his skillet. I guess the racket made him come outside to see what was going on, and he won’t abide by anyone pulling a stunt like that at his diner.


Well, nothing we could really do at that point, she was worm food. I looked through her bag, and some of what she was putting in the trash; it looked like she had been on the lam for a while. Lots of newspaper clippings and prescription bottles. There was also this huge binder full of movies and articles and stuff, where I found your email address.


So, long story short, Donna Bleed has shuffled off this mortal coil. I couldn’t help but notice she wrote about crazy movies, there’s a whole list here I guess she was planning to watch; and if there’s one thing I love, it’s a drive-in movie; so I figured since I’m indirectly responsible for smashing her brains in, and directly responsible for wrapping her body in visqueen and sticking it in the walk-in freezer, I could take up her slack for y’all.


Don’t worry; Aside from this letter here , we fry-o-lated all her other stuff, except for that swanky bag and her car. I’m more than happy to watch movies so other folks don’t have to!
If y’all are ever in the neighborhood, stop on by; we’re always open, and the pie is to DIE for!


Blood and Kisses,
Die-Anne Takillya

Scream Prints
join our mailing list
* indicates required

About the Highway

Lost Highway is your satirical detour down the twisted back roads of b-movies and cult films reviews. learn more >>