The Lost Highway's B-movie Reviews and Cult Films
Nov

Comments Off on “Humanoids from the Deep”

humanoids from the deep

“Humanoids from the Deep” or when “good fish go bad” is your typical story of goldfish meets girl, goldfish falls in love , girl harpoons fish ending a short torrid affair. Get Rob Reiner to direct and throw in Matthew McConaughey as the misunderstood gill man and you’ve got yourself a blockbuster.

The town of  Noyo is just about to open a cannery despite the rash of recent dog homicides and the protests of a lone Indian, Johnny Eagle. After a long speech about littering, a very drunk Slattery (Vic Morrow) shows up to give Johnny and his dimwitted friend Tommy a smack down at the town dance. humanoids from the deepHe also follows them to a secret tribal meeting about stopping the cannery and putting up casinos as far as the eye can see. This infuriates Slattery, so he and his goons do a boat-by Molotov cocktail bombing just as someone inexplicably yells out “cornbread!” Yes cornbread, the source of all tribal hostilities since 1872.

A slimy sea creature crashes the party killing anybody not wearing a plaid shirt in a sailor vest. Then it hitches a ride on a pickup truck that goes Kamikaze off the side of a bridge exploding into a ball of flames. Free fish fillets for everyone.

Soon even more fish men are roaming the neighborhoods peeking in windows and stalking potential shower victims. Kids on the beach start showing up dead or getting assaulted by slimy mutants with Gordon fish sticks despite spring break still being months away. A stunned ventriloquist dummy is the only survivor, but he ain’t talking.

Dr. Susan Drake arrives in town after discovering her genetic salmon experiment maybe causing all the ruckus. She’s not only a renowned fish scientist, avid photographer but also holds the state record for eating the most clam chowder.  Susan takes provocative  pictures of skeletons in funny poses and gives a power point presentation on how the slime ball mutants are just genetically altered tadpoles that ate bad seafood. Johnny, Susan and Jim (Doug McClure) take out a fishing charter to try to hook some of the deep sea mutants to study back at the lab. They find a whole school of them sunbathing on the beach doing their best Joe Cocker impersonations. With fish rifles in tow they wipe them out pretty quickly,(it’s just like shooting fish in a barrel) and discover one of the surviving girls resting in a nice seaweed spa wrap. She’s also just been impregnated with one of the mutant fish spawns giving whole new meaning to the phrase “the seafood lover in you.”

humanoids from the deepEveryone heads to the salmon fish festival that night which of course turns into a bloody massacre. Hordes of horny fish men show up killing town folks, knocking over corn dog stands and basically ruining a perfectly good night of polka music. Still, despite all the maiming and mutant assaults it’s still a pretty tame party as far as New England fish festivals go. Nobody even got shanked for a halibut.

Susan figures the best way of getting rid of the fish men is to deep broil them with some zesty lemon seasoning so she douses everything with gasoline and torches it up with a flame thrower. It kills all the fish men and in the process destroys most of the docks and the towns fishing industry…. but the smell is delicious.

Roger Corman continues his winning streak of making b-movies that give us plenty of beasts, breasts, and blood. He even throws in a subplot about industrial espionage just for a distraction between all the bouncing beach melons and mutant shagging. Retroman says “go fish” but be sure to leave your ventriloquist dummy at home. They’re well known to attract mutants.

roadside attractions

  • Flammable fish fillets
  • Seaweed breasts
  • Amish boat drivers
  • Face-chowing, extreme plaid
  • Monster-beach bingo
  • Shisk-a-dogs
  • Hawaiian shirt-fu
  • Exploding boats
  • Horny fishmen
  • Emergency mutant c-sections
totals

9

blood
BLOOD

Fountains of it, gushing like an oil well in the 1850’s.

9

blood
BREASTS

Shoot I lost count. It was hard to keep up. I guess I’ll have to watch it again.

9

beast
BEASTS

More horny mutants than a frat house during rush week.

9.2 OVERALL
dripper

“Visit Noyo, a nice place to visit but don’t bring your poodle!”

Check out the trailer for “Humanoids from the Deep”

trailers

dripper
Nov

posted by admin | November 3, 2010 | Interviews, Uncategorized

Comments Off on Interview with Highway Hottie: Denise Williamson

A big thank you goes to A. Doktor who conducted a great interview below with the very beautiful and talented actress, Denise Williamson. And another big thank you to Denise for doing this interview.

I first met Denise Williamson at Comicpalooza 2010 in Houston, TX. They were screening the film Spirit Camp, and she and the director/writer/producer/editor Kerry Beyer where at the show. Denise was clad in her cheerleader outfit from the movie. I was struck by her beauty, but was more so by the fact that it was freezing in the auditorium, and this poor woman was in next to nothing.

Denise is new to the game, but has hit the ground running. In 2009 she was in Spirit Camp. In 2010 she will be in Killer Schoolgirls from Outer Space, Boggy Creek, Renfield the Undead, Cherry Bomb and more (most have yet to be released).

When I learned she lived in Houston, I had to get an interview.


LH: Who is your favorite Scream Queen? Why?

DW: I don’t really have a favorite scream queen. Halloween is one of the first scary movies I remember seeing. Jamie Lee Curtis is where it all started for me.

LH: How long have you been a fan of horror/b-movies?

DW: When I was younger I was to afraid to watch them. It was about junior high when I started watching them with friends.

LH: What are your favorite movies in this genre?

DW: The Lost Boys is my all time favorite. I also like ones that are based on actual events or could actually happen.

LH: If you could star in a remake/reboot what would it be? What character?

DW: I don’t care to be in a remake. I’m an original 🙂 Remakes are never good anyway

LH: Have you had any special training and/or SUH-weet ninja skills to fight off all the perilous peril a heroine faces?

DW: Ha, ha. No, but I am a trained dancer and will hitch kick your face.

LH: How hard can you punch?

DW: I don’t know. Put your head in front of my fist and let’s find out.

LH: How long have you been in “the biz?”

DW: I got into making films a few years ago. Spirit Camp was my first film.

LH: Where did you get your start (acting)?

DW: In film, it was Spirit Camp. I walked in to get head shots for a theatre audition and Keyer Beyer (director of Spirit Camp) had some small roles he was still looking to cast and asked me if I wanted to audition.

LH: You didn’t get much screen time as a cheerleader in Spirit Camp. Do you get more time as the virginal teen girlfriend in Killer Schoolgirls from Outer Space?

DW: Yes in Killer School Girls I’m the female lead so I have much more screen time 🙂

LH: Did you get fraternize much with Ron Jeremy while working on Killer Schoolgirls? Was there any hootchi choochi lick ’em yum yums going on with cast members and Mr. Jeremy?

DW: Sorry to disappoint you but Ron Jeremy was never on set with us. All his scenes were shot separately.

LH: In Renfield the Undead you’re a hooker who trades up to Dracula’s wife. How was it to be one of the blood sucking undead?

DW: Who doesn’t want to play a vampire… That’s part of the fun of being an actress. You get to pretend to be something your not.

LH: What’s the film Cherry Bomb about?

DW: Lol! Cherry Bomb is a film about a stripper who gets revenge on the douche bags that attacked her.

LH: I noticed there are a couple actors who have worked with you on multiple movies (Julin, Cory Hart). Are you friends? Do you help one another get jobs?

DW: Julin is one of my best friends. We always hangout and get into trouble. I see Corey every once in awhile. We all go to auditions together and definitely recommend each other. I for sure recommend getting Julin and I on a set together. You wont be disappointed.

LH: What’s been the most fun working on these films?

DW: The friends I’ve made. Some of my closest friends are people I’ve meet on set. Some of the best moments happen behind the camera.

LH: What horror movie monster (zombie, vampire, werewolf, ghost, Paris Hilton) do you identify with? Why?

DW: A vampire. I don’t want to be a hairy, smelly wolf, eat people’s brains or walk around saying boo all the damn time. 🙂

LH: If you were a piñata, what would come out if you were whacked with a stick?

DW: Um candy. Hello! Because I’m so so sweet.

The remaining questions were conducted to test her situational survivability.

LH: Some disfigured/rotting person is shambling towards you, moaning incoherently, you…?

DW: Give them a makeover?

LH: There’s a bad storm out, the electricity in your cabin goes out and there’s a strange noise coming from the cellar. You…?

DW: Cellar… Honey, I live in TX. We don’t have cellars. 🙂

LH: You and your girlfriends are having a sleepover. You’re all lying around in your bras and g-strings. You…

DW: Oh well, I guess there is nothing left to do but make out!

She passed the most important one, hopefully insuring a long career in the motion pictures.


To find out more about Denise, you can visit:

www.imdb.me/denisewilliamson
http://www.myspace.com/dwill2010
http://www.facebook.com/ActressDenise


If you haven’t already, check out Denise’s Highway Hotties page.

Oct

posted by admin | October 31, 2010 | Feature, Halloween films, Review by Barry Goodall

Comments Off on 10 Favorite Horrifying Movie Scenes for Halloween

When you remember some of your favorite horror films certain scenes come to mind. Some are great jump moments, others combine all the best elements together into something that is truly timeless and classic. These are scenes that helped define the genre of horror and kept us awake at night while they replayed in our heads. Here’s a top 10 list of a few of our favorites to get you in the mood for a halloween movie night. Don’t worry, we’ll leave the light on in the hallway for ya.


Women in Black (her appearance on the bog.)
“I was also afraid my 4th grade English teacher would appear on a creepy bog.”




Prince of Darkness (The brodcast at the church)
“If you mess with your antenna, you can either get in the Lion’s game or open a portal to hell.”




Exorcist 3 (attack in the hospital)
“And you thought only staph infections were problems in hospitals.”




Halloween 3 (Mask death scene)
“Well it still beats watching American Idol.”




Blair Witch (ending scene in basement)
“He was just going down to the basement to get another beer.”




The Shining (evil twins in the hallway)
“There’s nothing much scarier that British children in a Motel 6.”




Poltergiest (the clown attack)
“Clowns are just the devil’s groupies.”




Salem’s Lot (Danny gets a visit from his vampire brother)
“Late night window washers of EVIL!”




Stephen King’s IT (Pennywise in the sewer)
“Tim Curry wether in drag or in a sewer is still horrifying.”




Nightmare on Elm St. (where’s your hall pass and tina in a body bag)
“Ziplock storage bags are incredibly versatile.”



Oct

posted by admin | October 30, 2010 | B-movie Reviews, B-movies, Bad movie, Halloween films, Review by Doktor

Comments Off on “The Room” Rest Stop Review Edition

oh the horror of the room!The Room is THE text book example of the phrase “the whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts.” To see just how this works, let’s break it down into its component parts.

Acting = suck. None of the acting is good. Some is less terrible than others, but that can also be said of cancer. The best of the bad acting falls squarely on Tommy Wiseau. From his odd “American” accent, to his stilted delivery, to his misshaped face, it’s a smorgasbord of stinky green cheese.

Music = suck. Watch the love scenes with the subtitles on. First, you’ll thank me for giving you something other than Wiseau’s deformed, naked buttocks to look at. Second, and more to the point, you’ll see lyrics that even horny teenagers instantly recognize as terrible.

Story = suck. There’s supposed to be some kind of moral, I think. Something about not being able to trust people. It’s touted as having “the passion of Tennesee [sic] Williams”. By that I’m assuming they are referring to the fact that it’s gay, but that’s not cool. What’s better are the many unceremoniously dropped plot points. It’s not just small ones that come and go in a line or two. My favorite would have to be the mother who causally mentions she’s dying from breast cancer. It’s dismissed rather flippantly and then it’s never brought up again. Ever.

Title & Poster = suck. As a title, The Room would have you think there is something significant about a particular room, that it takes place in one room. Nope. The film is set all over, different rooms, the roof, the park, the coffee shop, etc.. Also, with a name like The Room, why is the movie’s poster a close up shot of Tommy Wiseau?

So, if we add it all up, Suck + Suck + Suck + Suck = (and you don’t need a Ph.D. in preventative mathematics to work this out) Suck, right?

Wrong.

I know. I know. It’s seems impossible. I believe it has something to do with transubstantiated quadruple negative transference, that is, all the suck aspects of this film, mixed together, transconfoobalates into AWE-some! I have racked my brain trying to figure this out, and will continue to do so for years to come but, even with all of my Science, I have to admit that in the end it’s all magic in a box.

Part of me desperately wants to believe Wiseau is a genius. That same part of me believes with the right amount of discipline and practice I can be a Jedi.

One way or the other, for those of us who are fans of the cult/late, late, late movies, Tommy Wiseau is our new champion, and The Room is his magnum opus. It’s also his only movie, but that’s just a silly little technicality. So keep your eyes on Wiseau, ‘cos he is very much the Edward Wood, Jr. of our time.

Now you too can experience the terror of “The Room” in the classic style of a Rocky Horror picture show event for your Halloween movie night or any night for that matter. This handy “oh hi dandy” participation guide will make your next movie event that much more vaguely european. Hurry before you get cancer!

The Room Audience Participation Guide (PDF)

trailers

dripper
Oct

posted by admin | October 27, 2010 | News, Review by Die-Anne Takillya

Comments Off on Halloween Party Tips from Donna Bleed

It’s October, and you know what that means!  Lots of black and orange decorations, scary movies, pumpkin carving, going out for parties, and trick-or-treating!  I’ll be here to provide some tips to keep you safe and help you enjoy the season.

Today’s tip:  Movie Party Politeness

Halloween is a wonderful time for friends and family to enjoy each others company.  You know, my friends love coming over to the trailer-house, but some of them don’t like horror movies.  I find this a shame!  If I even take a step towards the television, then it’s all of a sudden, “Oh, Donna, sorry, but we need to go, we have to do laundry!” regardless of when they arrived.  After I’ve gone through all the trouble to make a meal that compliments the film and decorated the entire trailer…I mean, do you know how much effort it takes to create a Texas Chainsaw Massacre themed table-scape?  Do you?  I didn’t think so!  I had to go to seventeen different veterinary clinics and three graveyards to get enough bones to make a mock-up of the bone chair for the centerpiece!  Makes my blood positively boil, I tell you what.

How to turn a Party Pooper into a Party Pleaser:

Have some light music on in the background (The Carrie soundtrack is highly deceptive), and invite them to go ahead and fix a plate.

The last party I hosted, I was serving Mrs. Voorhees’ Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes.  They were a little put off by the baby portobello hockey masks I had carved for garnishes, and Nancy said she lost her appetite when she realized the meatloaf was person-shaped, but they dug in soon enough.

If they ask why you’re not eating, tell them you’re too excited to eat right now.  Give it about 15-20 minutes, and they’ll be sleeping like babies.  Make sure that when the drugs wear off, you have them firmly strapped to the couch or chairs with duck tape, and start playing the movie.  Try to keep the tape from having contact with too much skin, as you don’t want to cause any damage.  You may not get to pay much attention to the plot, though, having to deal with them struggling, and still being a good host/hostess and offering them movie snacks.

That night, Nancy just wouldn’t hush; I had to shush her over and over.  And it’s not like I didn’t let them blink or anything; they just weren’t going to leave until the movie was over.  It’s not my fault it was Triple Feature Thursday.  I still haven’t gotten a thank you card from either one of them, either, and I even made breakfast when the sun came up.

Tips for Guests:

If you don’t want to watch horror movies at a Halloween, you’re better off suggesting party games or seances than trying to ditch early.  Have your Ouija board ready, or start playing charades.  Above all, be considerate to your host/hostess.  Perhaps try suggesting another movie, or just humor your host. After all, they have put in a lot of work for you to have a good time.

My own husband can’t stand horror movies, but he does a lot of night fishing, so I get to watch whenever I want.  I’ll call my cousin, and we’ll watch together while on the phone.  I’m hoping she comes out soon, I’d love for her to see the neighborhood.  I’ve even invited the postman to come for lunch and a movie, but he’s always so busy what with delivering mail and all.

Tips for hosts:

If you know some of your guests don’t enjoy horror, guide them in easily with a few oldies but goodies that don’t present themselves as horror until it’s too late to turn it off, they’re already involved in the plot!  A few titles to get you started:  The Devil’s Hand, The Gorilla, The Last Man on Earth, The Omen, Bless the Child, The Ninth Gate, or Shock.

Of course, distract them when the title sequences are playing, or the jig is up.  Should they protest once the horror portion of the plot becomes apparent, a meat tenderizer to the back of the head should silence them long enough for the rest of the guests to finish enjoying the movie.

Once everyone else leaves, bring the party pooper back around with some strong coffee and smelling salts. Tell them they fainted when there was blood on the screen.  If they complain of a headache, give them an asprin, and send them on their way!  The wonderful thing about traumatic head injuries is that they sometimes cause extreme personality changes, and the pooper might turn into a pleaser who absolutely loves horror movies, almost as much as you do!

About the Highway

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